# I impress my sister in law with my helium stockpile **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 30, 2003, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691 "2003-12-30T03:21:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/1 "2003-12-30T03:21:11Z")
For Christmas my Sister in law (married to my brother,) got my daughter a hoverdisc. “Maybe Daddy will take you to get if filled with helium on Friday,” she says. It’s moments like these that I live for. “Why should we wait till Friday?” “Well, I think the stores are closed on Christmas.” “Why would we need to go to the stores?” “Well, it’s not like everybody has helium on hand, is it?” I raise my eyebrows. “You have helium?” she asks, incredulously. This is just like my dreams. I lay awake at night fantasizing about people in dire need of some esoteric thing I keep stored in my garage. With practiced nonchalance, I respond. “I don’t know about anybody else, but frankly I think it’s irresponsible not to keep a reserve supply of noble gases on hand pending need. You never know when you’re going to despertely need an inert lighter than air compound, and then where will you be.” “You really have helium?” “I have a whole cylinder in the garage.” “Why?” This is a question I’m not prepared for. Usually when I’m able to produce something useful and needed I don’t get questioned about it. I just receive gratitude and admiration… which is why I keep things like this on hand. …But I can hardly tell her that the purpose of my helium supply is to impress people with the fact that I have a helium supply. “Helium is a massively useful element with all kinds of utility,” I reply. “I keep it by my welding MAPP gases.” “So you use helium in welding?” She asks. It figures my brother would marry a professor. “Well, not exactly” I hedge. “You don’t use helium for welding. I just happen to keep it by my MAPP gas.” “Why?” “Because that’s where I keep my gas cylinders.” “Do you keep other gas cylinders like Xenon on hand?” At this point SIL clearly doesn’t realize my helium storage is a flaky enterprise at best. She is assuming there is a good reason to store this gas, and perhaps others and is seriously seeking my expertise in understanding the reasoning. I don’t wish to disavow her of her newfound admiration, though. “Xenon?” I say in a deprecating fashion. “What would I want with Xenon?” As if everybody knows Xenon is useless. “Well, what do you use the helium for?” She asks reasonably. “Certain experiments, esoteric enterprises, and such.” “Like what?” “Filling balloons.” “Is that it?” “Pretty much.” I’m not sure she’s impressed anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/2 "2003-12-30T03:39:09Z")
You’re so odd. Yet strangely amusing. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/3 "2003-12-30T03:40:54Z")
> [@](#): > > Helium Stockpile Band name! ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/4 "2003-12-30T05:16:29Z")
It’s good to keep a helium stockpile on hand. At the very least, you hogging all the helium forces terrorist to fill their Zepplins with flammable hydrogen. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/5 "2003-12-30T10:59:11Z")
Jeez. If I had one, I’m sure my Helium Stockpile would be kept right next to my phone. “Hello? Hello? Follow the Yellow Brick Road, Dorothy!” \ ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/6 "2003-12-30T11:09:08Z")
What is a hoverdisc? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/7 "2003-12-30T12:49:40Z")
You need your very own Zepplin Of Death. That will impress the in-laws! You can get one [HERE](http://www.villainsupply.com/superweapons.html)! Have fun, & play nice kids! ---
**Author:** ![Black\_Train\_Song](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@Black\_Train\_Song](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Black_Train_Song)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/8 "2003-12-30T13:14:08Z")
[Hover disk](http://www.wackyplanet.com/ufohotoy.html) I had to fill mine with air. I’m a dismal failure. (by **mine** I mean **my kids** but you knew that.) ---
**Author:** ![Loneraven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c0e974/32.png) [@Loneraven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loneraven)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/9 "2003-12-30T13:17:29Z")
Well, there’s an obvious reason why **Scylla** doesn’t stockpile xenon. It’s neither inert nor a lighter than air compound, doncha know. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/10 "2003-12-30T13:43:17Z")
Very bizarre, but it made me smile. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/11 "2003-12-30T13:50:50Z")
Hey, Scylla, can I borrow some Argon? I’ll bring it right back! ---
**Author:** ![cards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecd19e/32.png) [@cards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cards)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/12 "2003-12-30T13:59:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > > “You really have helium?” > > “I have a whole cylinder in the garage.” > > “Why?” > > \*\* I don’t suppose filling her in on the blimp episode would have enhanced your reputation either. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/13 "2003-12-30T14:03:39Z")
Better hold on to that tank. _New Scientist_ says we’re headed for a helium shortage: > [@](#): > > The US National Research Council got a group of physicists together back in 2000 to work out the numbers. If demand goes up by, say, 5 per cent a year, they estimate all our stocks will be gone by 2012 and there will be a massive helium shortage. No more party balloons. If by some miracle demand stays the same as it was in 1998, we’ll still be out by about 2035. Any way you cut it, sooner or later we will be grasping at thin air. No link, you have to subscribe to get the article, but it’s the December 21 2002 issue. drewbert, official party-pooper ---
**Author:** ![N9IWP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/n9iwp/32/3154_2.png) [@N9IWP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N9IWP)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/14 "2003-12-30T14:06:04Z")
Well one CAN use helium for welding. Brian ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/15 "2003-12-30T14:20:50Z")
Ahhhh…I harken back to a New Years Eve sometime in the mid 80s. We were at a restaurant that was decorating with helium balloons. We thought we’d be much more fun if WE were decorated with helium, and slid the tank next to the table so we could toke directly off the nozzle. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/16 "2003-12-30T14:33:17Z")
> [@](#): > > Well, there’s an obvious reason why Scylla doesn’t stockpile xenon. It’s neither inert nor a lighter than air compound, doncha know. While it’s true that you can make some barely stable compounds with xenon, it’s pretty perverse to say that it’s “not inert”. For just about all practical purposes, it is. And it won’t leak out through those tiny pores as easily as helium. > [@](#): > > Better hold on to that tank. New Scientist says we’re headed for a helium shortage: > > ## quote: > > The US National Research Council got a group of physicists together back in 2000 to work out the numbers. If demand goes up by, say, 5 per cent a year, they estimate all our stocks will be gone by 2012 and there will be a massive helium shortage. No more party balloons. If by some miracle demand stays the same as it was in 1998, we’ll still be out by about 2035. Any way you cut it, sooner or later we will be grasping at thin air. > > * * * > > No link, you have to subscribe to get the article, but it’s the December 21 2002 issue. > > drewbert, official party-pooper > > * * * Back when I was in grad school, our physics department had a helium-reclamation system. To show you how popular it was, it wasn’t being used. Helium is still too cheap to bother reclaiming, and we continue to fill balloons and hovercraft with them. Not to mention Macy’s parade balloons. Unfortunately, once helium escapes, it goes right to the top of the atmosphere, and eventually picks up enough KE to zing off into space. (it doesn’t stay on the Earth, because it is, _for practical purposes, inert_) One day we’re gonna have to “mine” the gas giants for helium so we can approach absolute zero, cool our superdense microcircuitry, and make our voices squeaky high. ---
**Author:** ![magog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/fbc32d/32.png) [@magog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magog)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/17 "2003-12-30T14:46:39Z")
Actually, Xenon is quite fun as well. Just don’t breathe it like you do helium. That’s not as fun. ---
**Author:** ![Tamex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Tamex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamex)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/18 "2003-12-30T17:35:03Z")
I saw one of those hoverdisks at the mall last week, and I thought about you and the blimp story, **Scylla**. Then, on Friday, I saw a man holding a sign announcing that the local Zany Brainy is closing down and having a clearance sale. So, are the hoverdisks fun? Do they tend to lurk around the house at night? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/19 "2003-12-30T18:29:55Z")
Real men stockpile methane. Come to think of it, lots of real women do too. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691/20 "2003-12-30T18:41:19Z")
I’ve never methaned in front of a family member in my life. I don’t think I stockpile it. My husband, on the other hand, manufacturers it, stores mass quantities, and more often than I’d like to admit, hands out free, unsolicited samples. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-impress-my-sister-in-law-with-my-helium-stockpile/221691.md?page=2)