# I injured all 4 limbs simultaneously in about the most cartoonish way possible **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 3, 2010, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880 "2010-10-03T01:52:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880/21 "2010-10-04T13:17:43Z")
No wonder nobody ever wants to take the trash out. Come to think of it, when I was a teen I took the bag out to the curb for my mom. I felt it brush against my knee and then something pouring onto my calf. I looked down expecting some yucky mess and my leg was covered with blood. Turns out a tin can lid had sliced that big muscle just outside the knee wide open. Got a great scar outta that one. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880/22 "2010-10-04T13:52:55Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > and cannot be trusted with gravity. That’s just an awesome line. I’ll have to remember it. My wife seems to be the one with the best accidents. As a kid she sprained an ankle when her family got a trampoline; she stepped in a hole in the back yard while walking to it. Just a few weeks ago she had a fun time with the grill. It made one of those huge fireballs right after she lit it and got a bit singed. It was a good thing she hadn’t put more stuff in her hair or she would have pulled an MJ Pepsi commercial. I think the worst injury I’ve had recently was at the hands of my son. I got smacked in the face hard enough that my head went back into the wall and I was stunned for a few seconds and saw stars. Did I mention that he doesn’t turn 2 for another 6 months? I’ve hoping for a future NFL All Star, but he might have a career in boxing. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880/23 "2010-10-04T14:07:12Z")
I just wanted to add this comic blast from the past. Remember folks, gravity isn’t just a good idea, it’s a law. > [@What comically embarrassing moment can you share?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-comically-embarrassing-moment-can-you-share/426921/16): > > Travel back in time with me to the summer of 1993. > > I was just wrapping up a three year stint as the head of the Armed Forces Radio and Television station at Sigonella, Sicily. My wife, now ex, and myself had been packing for weeks, excited about my tour of duty in Philadelphia, Pa., as a recruiting district public affairs officer and bringing my newborn son home. We’d shipped most of our household goods already. The furniture was gone, car shipped, most of our clothes. > > Since we were leaving in two days, we were making the final sweep around the apartment at about 10 p.m. We had to vacate the premises by 8 a.m. and would spend our last night in a hotel. The ex passed by the bathroom and told me to take down the shower curtain and pack it. > > We had nothing to stand on, so I hiked myself up on the toilet seat and proceeded to unhook the curtain from the rings. > > A moment of digression, if you’ll indulge me. Italian toilets are not like American toilets. The bowls are narrower, their rims are higher off the floor. While many toilet seats in America are made of laminated wood or sturdy plastic, the seats and lids of Italian toilets are made of flimsy, semi-rigid plastic. > > As I stood on the seat, leaning over, I felt the seat cover buckle. It went from convex to concave but still supported my weight. The next part of the story comes from the ex’s observations, ‘cause I don’t remember this part. > > She was in the kitchen feeding Skirmie when she heard a crack, yell and thud. She set down my son, ran into the bathroom and began screaming. Alerting our downstairs neighbors, who happened to be Navy corpsmen. > > The lid had snapped in two lengthwise. I dropped straight down and my foot crunched through the bottom of the toilet all the way to the sub-floor. The bowl cracked and all the water had run out, now tinged red from my blood. I laid on my side, unconscious as blood spouted from a wound in my foot up out of the bowl onto the back wall (The next day I hobbled into the bathroom and the blood was easily 4 ft. up the wall!). My knee was twisted at an impossible angle as my foot was impaled on the jagged porcelain at the bottom of the bowl. > > My downstairs neighbor had run up. He helped my ex pull me out of the shitter, apply direct pressure and got me down the stairs to our car. His wife remained with my son. > > We had a Seat Cinque-cento, a very small car with a 500 cc engine. We’d sent our American car home already! They got me in the back seat, my wife drove and Jason attended to me. I remember a little of the 40 minute drive to the hospital. > > Once at the hospital they asked my wife what happened. > > “He fell in the toilet!” They about busted their ribs laughing. > > Anyway, to make a long story short (too late), they sewed up a nick in an artery, installed a drain, shot me up with all kinds of drugs to prevent sepsis, and sewed me up – laughing the entire time! My plight eventually was written up and used as an example for bathroom safety in a Navy-wide newsletter. > > They held on to me until about 1000. My wife had to leave, cause our land lord was to inspect our apartment at 0800. He about fainted when he saw the bathroom. He told my wife we’d have to clean the entire bathroom and replace the toilet before he would sign our paperwork! No paperwork, no flight home! > > So I get discharged. We try to check into a hotel. I’m confined to a wheel chair and the first thee hotels won’t accept me. They don’t want to deal with the liability. I finally make an imposition to another friend and we move in for the evening. > > I say, fuck the wheelchair, and start to hobble about. I still had to get up to the apartment to get the paperwork signed. By now my foot is numb from all the pain from trying to hobble around. I borrow a set of crutches. I get there, throw a shit load of money at the landlord and he reluctantly signs the paperwork. He seems really nervous. Finally he says, “Senore, you are leaking.” > > Apparently he didn’t have in his vocabulary the word for bleeding, ‘cause I had busted my stitches, and was leaving bright red footprints all over the apartment. Another trip to the hospital. > > “Why were you up and about?” > “I had to get my toilet fixed before I could leave this blasted island.” > “Are you the guy who took forty stitches after he fell into his toilet?” > “Yeah.” > “Wow. They already have the interview sheet the admitting nurse filled out with your wife posted in the lounge. It’s a riot!” > > Thank God they don’t issue sidearms in the Navy. > > Well, we spend the night. I get wheeled down to the airport. We present our paperwork preparing to board the 18 hour flight. > > “I’m sorry sir. You can’t board without note from your doctor saying it’s alright.” > > “Don’t move,” I tell the ex. I see another friend of mine in the terminal, tell him I need to borrow his car. He throws me the keys. I get out of the wheelchair, grimacing all the way, walk outside, get into the car and realize it’s a standard! I can’t fucking drive it. > > I grab my buddy. He drives me to the hospital like a madman – I’m gonna make this plane!! > > We get to the hospital. Get the doctor. Get him to call the gate. Hobble back out to the car. Dash back to the airport. I drop into a wheel chair and he rolls me to the gate. My ex and son are already aboard. > > I show my ticket to the stewardess (a civilian contracted plane). > > The doctor had apparently called to clear things up because I was greeted with an enthusiastic: “Are you the gentleman who fell into his toilet the day before yesterday? We thought that was a joke!” > > “Fuck you very much.” > > So get on the plane we take off. 18 hours of cabin compression. I had to sit in the aisle with my foot elevated ‘cause the entire flight was booked. > > We land at Philly. I get to be the first person of the plane. They radioed ahead for a skycap to meet us with a wheel chair. > > I hobble off. > > “Are you the guy who fell in the toilet? That cracked me up!” says the sky cap. Grumbling I look at his nametag for a name to curse: Steve Wentzel. > > I say, “My sister is marrying a guy named Bob Wentzel in three weeks!" > > “You’re Sandy’s brother? Wait till I tell Bob what happened to you!” > > Being wheeled through the airport. Cab ride to Moms. Hobble up to the front door. Ring the bell. Dad opens it. > > “Please don’t break my toilets.” > > Needless to say, my family has never, and will never, let me live down those two seconds of stupidity. > > p.s. The damn shower curtains were too stained with blood to save. We ended up throwing them away. > > _Note: I originally posted this around the turn of the century._ ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880/24 "2010-10-04T14:11:20Z")
When I was eleven or twelve, I was walking by myself through a meadow (tall grass) at summer camp when SURPRISE I stepped on a rake. I wasn’t badly injured, but there’s nothing dignified about having a cartoon come to life and hurt your nose. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880/25 "2010-10-04T14:33:52Z")
I was always an analytical child, interested in exactly how the world works. That is why, as a young child I was interested in whether the old “stand-on-a-rake-head” trick was actually possible. My five year old mind concluded, yes, it will flip up and hit you in the face and moreover your eyes really do go black a-la Wylie Coyotee. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880/26 "2010-10-04T14:35:54Z")
snap! Kyla, but at least you didn’t do it on purpose! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880/27 "2010-10-04T14:49:44Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > When I was eleven or twelve, I was walking by myself through a meadow (tall grass) at summer camp when SURPRISE I stepped on a rake. > > I wasn’t badly injured, but there’s nothing dignified about having a cartoon come to life and hurt your nose. It works with a hoe as well. Bonus points for walking backwards onto it, having it whack you upside the head and whirling around in an attempt to see who it was that just hit you. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880/28 "2010-10-04T19:18:11Z")
I’d just moved in to my friend’s house and was looking for my cookbook that I’d packed with my other books. My roommate, being somewhat… anal?.. had already taken all my boxes of books and thrown them up into the attic. The attic was accessible only from a little opening in her garage. Now, roommate is over 5’10". I am 5’3" and change on a good day. I have to pull out a ladder to try to even reach the little opening to climb up into the attic. Get to the top of the ladder and can only barely reach up into the opening. Perch myself precariously on the top of the ladder, hoist myself up into the attic. Start to look for my boxes amongst all the stuff up there. Now, keep in mind a few things. There were boxes sitting everywhere, some on the rafters, some on the “floor” (for lack of a better word). I was utterly unfamiliar with how attics were built in a modern house (ala the 80’s). The only attics I’d ever been in were in houses built in the early 20th century. Attics that people were expected to walk around in. So. I find the box where I’d put my cookbook. I’m standing on the floor, because why wouldn’t you? There’s boxes sitting on the floor, plus it’s the floor. Well. I’m sorting through this box trying to find my cookbook, and I feel and hear the creaking cracking of drywall snapping. Look down, and the floor is starting to split from a few feet away in front of me, rapidly advancing to a spot right between my feet. Well, fuck. I guess if I’m coming through the ceiling of the garage, it’s better to relax so I don’t really get hurt. Whoosh! Down I go through the floor. Do try to scramble to catch something, anything on my way down. Nope. Straight through the floor, manage to stick the landing. Throw up my arms in the air like Nadia Comenci. Whoot! Perfect ten! Took a look around and notice I manage to avoid everything that could’ve really hurt me, like landing on a rake, or the ladder, or the tool cabinet… Gapping whole in my roommate’s ceiling of her garage. Sigh. Guess I’ll go have a beer. (Ended up with the entire underside of my right arm turning into a big, black, angry bruise. From trying to catch something, anything, on my way down.) Oh, yeah. Cookbook was in the pantry in the kitchen. ---
**Author:** ![Scubaqueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@Scubaqueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scubaqueen)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880/29 "2010-10-05T17:54:01Z")
rotflmaowtimy!! seriously. at work. my cubemates think i’ve lost my mind (little do they know…) mine own contribution; not nearly so funny but about as knuckleheadedly-stupid as you can get. the queen broke The Cardinal Rule of Those Who Live Alone: never ever, ever, ever [did i mention ever?] leave something on the stairs that you could trip or fall over. you see where this is going, right? some years ago now i wrapped up a long (14-hour) day as a poll inspector during a local election. after years of doing this, i’ve perfected the prerequisite emergency-needs-at-a-polling-station-take-along bag, which is more like a small suitcase. it’s amazing what can crop up during a day of this quiet insanity that you find yourself needing and i’ve gotten very good at having just the right whatever to hand. one of my workers who has been with me for years had apparently decided to do something different this year and bake for a week in preparation for election day. the array of delectable goodies she brought in for us was truly worthy of a master baker. of course when she presented me with my very own box at the end of the day, no fool i, i accepted it. normally, my emergency case is a masterwork of organization. normally. but now i found myself having to contend with a box of cookies, which greatly upset the symmetry of my neatly-ordered case. hmmm. okay, i thought, the power strip can stay out so the extra-tasty cookies can go in and stay crumble-free. yeah. shoulda thrown the box on the front seat of the car and left it. i get home. i’m running late for theater rehearsal. i took the case upstairs with me to put it away like usual. however, for some reason that eludes me to this day, i opted to leave the power strip lying on the fourth or fifth stair riser from the bottom (the banister is an open design) as i made my way up the stairs. the very same power strip that is always kept in the bottom drawer of my filing cabinet. did i mention always? so, i grab a shower and prepare to head out. at my usual breakneck pace i thunder back down the stairs in the near-dark – and promptly put a foot down on the aforementioned power strip. my left foot, i think. i greatly suspect that my instinctive mid-air acrobatics were a sight to behold. rudolph nureyev would have probably wept tears of outright joy at my form and presentation as i desperately attempted to stay upright during the drop of five or six feet. Somehow, i managed to stay perpendicular without flipping over down the staircase and breaking my damn fool back or neck. it came to pass that i landed magnificently en pointe on my right foot, with the big toe taking all – did i mention all - of my weight and momentum. snap crunch snap crunch ow. yeah. that’s broken, i thought with a sigh. i shoved said foot into a sneaker and hightailed it to the nearest doc-in-the box. two hours, an x-ray and surgical shoe later, not only was it broken, it was a gold medal contender in the arena of nasty breaks the human body can be subjected to: a double-spiral fracture in two places. this isn’t the kind of break where you can tape one toe to the other and shuffle around in a bedroom slipper for a few weeks. oh no. this is a load-bearing appendage that if you don’t fix right the first time will be a load of misery for you for the remainder of your life. two weeks in a wheelchair and six weeks on crutches pass before i’m allowed to walk on it again. and i never did get to rehearsal that night. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880/30 "2010-10-05T18:56:40Z")
> [@Ruffian](#): > > When I said that to my students (who asked upon seeing my wrapped knee and arm), one asked, “Did an anvil fall on you? Or a piano?” No, not _that_ cartoonish. Almost. I fell into a trash can. I pictured something to do with a garage roof, a pile of leaves, and a makeshift Superman cape. 😃 After reading this thread my mascara is smeared, my lip is split from laughing so hard, and I have no parts left which are not cringing. I look like a mugging victim trying to do the “Elaine Dance.” ---
**Author:** ![goldmund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a4c791/32.png) [@goldmund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/goldmund)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880/31 "2010-10-06T00:42:44Z")
I ran myself over with my own car. Back in 2003-2004 or so, I had a 1989 Audi 200 with a multitude of problems. One of these was that it lacked a functioning reverse gear. Money was tight at the time, so I had dealt with it for months. The driveway at our house sloped upward from the street toward the house, and leveled off at the top. It wasn’t a steep slope, just enough to allow me to roll the car out into the street, turn, and drive off. Normally I’d just start the car, leave it in neutral, get out and give it a push past the flat part of the driveway, and then run and hop in the car just as gravity started to take control of the situation. I had been doing this for months. This particular day was a snowy, icy winter day. I cleared just enough snow and ice from the driveway to allow the car to build up enough momentum to roll. The engine had been running, and eager to get into the car where it was warm, I gave it a push. Just as it hit the sloped part of the driveway and began to roll down, I saw my roommate’s girlfriend pulling in. I frantically gestured “no!!” with my hands, but she thought I was greeting her enthusiastically and waved back to me. I made a mad dash to jump in the car and hit the brakes, and then came the moment where I regretted not clearing the driveway a bit better. In one fluid motion, I approached the side of the car, opened the door… and slipped on the icy driveway. She managed to avoid hitting my car, though I’m not sure how, as the next events were rather intense for me. Once I had fallen, the corner of the open door caught me along my left side. The car, fully in gravity’s unfortunately capable hands, proceeded to drag me down the length of our driveway, and clear across the street, where it ran into the curb opposite of our driveway. The rear wheels hopped the curb, and the car finally came to a rest, with my head about a foot from the curb. I sat there dazed and whimpering, and concluded that I was in pain, but I was otherwise fine, and got up. Everyone had come out of the house by this point, and came to help me into the house. They asked if I needed to go to the ER, I said I didn’t think so. As we went up the front steps, I fainted. I came to a few seconds later and we went in the house. I said I just needed to rest for a minute, then would go to work. I started to feel cold, shaky, and clammy, and started fainting again, so I said “OK, take me to the hospital.” And of course, every doctor, nurse, etc, that I spoke to asked if I was the guy who ran himself over with his own car. It got pretty irritating until they gave me the morphine. As they were checking me in, the admissions nurse asked where it hurt. I pointed to my side, she lifted up my shirt, and that’s when we discovered the gaping gash in my side. It was a good four inches long, an inch or so wide, and two inches deep. It didn’t hit any major blood vessels, though, so I hadn’t bled very much. I ended up getting several stitches for my wound which was treated as a “flank stab wound”. Also found out I had three broken ribs. Between the gash in my muscle, and the broken ribs, I was out of work for a month. Oops. I did laugh about it, but not for several weeks. ETA: I’ve got a scar any self-respecting street thug would be proud of. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880/32 "2010-10-07T01:32:18Z")
Worker’s Comp Accident report: “I am writing in response to your request for additional information, for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put ‘poor planning’ as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient. I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using the pulley attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 300 pounds of tools.” “You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 155 pounds. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.” “Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope…” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-injured-all-4-limbs-simultaneously-in-about-the-most-cartoonish-way-possible/555880.md?page=1)