# I just don't knowwhat to do and I feel lost **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 12, 2017, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138 "2017-09-12T03:38:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2017, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/21 "2017-09-12T15:54:59Z")
> [@sweetemotion0726](#): > > i had to find out for myself, i didn’t want to but i did. > any thoughts? Your husband has a “friend” with a big mouth. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2017, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/22 "2017-09-12T16:22:40Z")
Well I’m a woman, and my thought is “Who cares?” But since you obviously do, it’s a problem in your head. Rather than seeking marriage counseling, I would seek some individual therapy. Figure out why exactly this is bothering you so much, and then decide your best course of action. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2017, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/23 "2017-09-12T16:29:13Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > Well I’m a woman, and my thought is “Who cares?” > > But since you obviously do, it’s a problem in your head. Rather than seeking marriage counseling, I would seek some individual therapy. Figure out why exactly this is bothering you so much, and then decide your best course of action. Yes, it does seem like a silly thing to get bent out of shape about. > [@](#): > > now all i can think about is him wanting and enjoying a naked girl all over him with her tits in his face and him touching her ass. Is this the first man you’ve ever met? It doesn’t seem that odd to me that a man might enjoy such things. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2017, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/24 "2017-09-12T16:39:09Z")
Ladies, men go to strip clubs. Men look at other women, watch porn, and masturbate. Not every single one of us does, and not necessarily all of those things, but it’s extremely likely, nay _guaranteed_ that any given man does at least one of these things regularly. I realize how difficult this can be to grasp, but I promise you, and I am certain every other man here will concur, **IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU**. It’s just something we do. It’s not absolutely necessary that we do it, and it’s not really even about sex. It’s difficult to explain exactly why we do it; it’s probably just habit more than anything. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2017, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/25 "2017-09-12T17:22:00Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > To the Pit, I hope. is that where the strippers hang out? ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2017, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/26 "2017-09-12T17:43:25Z")
> [@sweetemotion0726](#): > > i had to find out for myself, i didn’t want to but i did. So the stripper was really you in disguise?! > [@](#): > > now all i can think about is him wanting and enjoying a naked girl all over him with her tits in his face and him touching her ass. You have tits and an ass, no? Get to it! > [@](#): > > why would i be okay with a woman talking to my man about the gym before pleasing him and arousing him. Wait, so it was the discussion of fitness that bothered you?! What if they were talking about personal training sessions for **you**? Are you _trying_ to ruin a nice surprise? > [@](#): > > i mentioned no strippers, my mistake i should have said fuck the strippers and said no lap dances, which i didn’t even think about because i’ve never been to a strip club before. Judging from your post, if you had said “fuck the strippers” you might have been upset with the outcome. > [@](#): > > why would he want this? He’s a healthy virile heterosexual male. > [@](#): > > he said there was a little peer pressure, but they dont talk or walk or touch for him. Likely all true. Even after he begged. > [@](#): > > at first he didnt apologize or even admit that he did it until i asked about the fourth time. i had to mention him not apologizing which made him apologize obviously Oh, this marriage is going swimmingly. > [@](#): > > :smack: it’s because he wasn’t sorry, he enjoyed it. You did say newly married, right? I do hope you are spending some quality time sitting on his face. > [@](#): > > i trusted him 100%, we even had a long distance relationship. > now all i can think of is the worst and he lied about that so god only knows what really happened. he expects me to believe that it didn’t go any further than this? Given the way most strippers operate, it probably didn’t go any further. OK…maybe a handjob. > [@](#): > > well i do believe him but it still pops up in my head. i consider this cheating. I suggest counseling. > [@](#): > > i give him PLENTY of attention so there was no need for him to go off and do this even if it were his bachelor party in my eyes. Does the attention include the tits in the face and the touching of the ass. I hear he likes that. > [@](#): > > besides, when the strippers know that there is a bachelor they ruin him. Now I thought you had said that you hadn’t been to strip clubs. Don’t go throwing out prejudices and stereotypes here. Lots of strippers are just hard working students struggling to get through college. > [@](#): > > not one but TWO… why the second. Do you remember the double mint gum commercials? It’s like that. > [@](#): > > i just cant get passed it and i’m going to have to end up going to marriage counselling > > any thoughts? You won’t get any sage advice here, because you misspelled “past”. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2017, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/27 "2017-09-12T17:49:16Z")
It’s really not that uncommon. It’s unfortunate that he had his bachelor party before seeing you after a long absence, and it’s unfortunate that he caved to his friends/libido after you had asked him to stay away from strippers, and it’s unfortunate that he didn’t volunteer the info or confess right away after being asked, so I get that you feel “wronged”. But big picture- -His friends probably determined the timing of the bachelor party. -If his friends hired a stripper, they (probably) didn’t ask him first, especially if they thought he might say “no”. -Whether he wanted to “succumb” or not, there was probably some peer-pressure involved. I know you won’t see it this way from where you’re standing, but he might have felt it was churlish to reject his friends “gift”. -He may be a bit embarrassed at the whole thing (would that make you feel better). I can understand that he was not eager to confess this act to you, especially after you asked him not to go to a strip club. I know it’s hard to trust him just now, but try to look at the reasons you wanted to marry, and try to see past this escapade, if you can. It would help if he apologized. Counseling would help you move past this or otherwise deal with it, too. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2017, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/28 "2017-09-12T18:20:06Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > Don’t go throwing out prejudices and stereotypes here. Lots of strippers are just hard working students struggling to get through college. Mebbe you should take your own advice. It was my understanding that lots of strippers were hard working single [parents](https://www.google.com/search?q=i+support+single+moms&rlz=1C1SAVI_enUS598US598&source=lnms&tbm=isch). ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2017, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/29 "2017-09-12T18:32:18Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > To the Pit, I hope. > [@simster](#): > > is that where the strippers hang out? Only if they bring their own pole. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2017, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/30 "2017-09-12T19:02:14Z")
> [@Bill\_Door](#): > > You have to realize that he only did it because he found her more attractive and sexually appealing than you are. I’m sure they didn’t have sex, although she likely gave him a blowjob, but to a stripper that’s no more intimate than a handshake. > [@Fenris](#): > > I think your best bet is a killing spree. Snuff him, then his friends, then the strippers…according to Emily Post there is no time at which kill sprees are inappropriate. Anything close to this will get a warning. It’s threadshitting at best or trolling at worst. If you have problems with the OP or doubt the veracity of the story take it to the Pit or just stay out of the thread. And that’s not just for those two, no one else gets a free shot. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2017, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/31 "2017-09-12T19:03:18Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > To the Pit, I hope. Nope. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2017, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/32 "2017-09-13T00:14:13Z")
Isn’t it obvious? Gather up your friends and head on over to a male strip club! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2017, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/33 "2017-09-13T00:36:57Z")
My dear child, and I’m probably old enough to be your grandpa, The peer pressure at a bachelor party can be intense, and a guy “has to” show he’s not a “wimp.” He didn’t succumb, which I would assume means he had sex with the stripper, which he denies. Accept that as fact, whatever you really believe, slap him for being an asshole (make sure he’s not one to punch you in retaliation first!), say you forgive him, and keep an eye on him. Guys have two heads, and they need to think with the top one, unless they are extraordinarily endowed. (A joke seemed required.) And I understand your need to speak with people you don’t know. I use these randos for the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2017, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/34 "2017-09-13T00:46:05Z")
Well … either this is a deal-breaker, and you might as well divorce him now … or it’s not a deal-breaker, which means you forgive him and move on with your lives … You should know his history with these types of things … is he a rover with a wondering eye, then you shouldn’t have married him … is this just a one-time event, then get over yourself … you do not own him now … the whole idea that he can’t even talk to another woman because of something that happened _before you two were married_ is over the line … what about your history, did you bring your virginity to the marital bed? … if not then shame on you !!! ETA: It may be he never even thought of going to a strip club until you told him not to go … why did you remind him that he had one last chance before he’s forever tied to the ground … ETA2: In stead of slapping him, complain about pubic lice the next few days … ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2017, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/35 "2017-09-13T00:54:10Z")
ETA3: Yeah, let’s clean up the written English … some people are offended at being called a ewe … ---
**Author:** ![sweetemotion0726](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@sweetemotion0726](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sweetemotion0726)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2017, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/36 "2017-09-13T00:56:01Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Your husband has a “friend” with a big mouth. Actually his friends weren’t the ones to tell me ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2017, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/37 "2017-09-13T00:58:00Z")
I’m a woman, married 21 years, and I say let it go. He chose you. Bachelor/bachelorette parties can get a little crazy sometimes. You mentioned you should have said no strippers. If I were your newly wedded husband, that might’ve made me run right to the nearest strip club. Have conversations, don’t give orders and ultimatums. I’m an adult, I assume you and your husband are. Imo, most adults do not like being told what they can and cannot do. Enjoy the early days of your marriage 😊. ---
**Author:** ![sweetemotion0726](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@sweetemotion0726](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sweetemotion0726)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2017, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/38 "2017-09-13T00:59:08Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > Then what happened? Please go into excruciating detail about extremely personal matters that only randos on the internet can solve. I wasn’t looking for someone to solve my issue. Just looking for advice ---
**Author:** ![sweetemotion0726](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@sweetemotion0726](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sweetemotion0726)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2017, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/39 "2017-09-13T01:02:23Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Isn’t it obvious? Gather up your friends and head on over to a male strip club! I thought about this but now we are married and two wrongs don’t make a right Right…? 😝 ---
**Author:** ![sweetemotion0726](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@sweetemotion0726](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sweetemotion0726)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2017, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138/40 "2017-09-13T01:05:07Z")
Yeah my grammar was terrible. I was on my computer without spellcheck or auto correct and my mind was tired. I could care less about how I forgot apostrophes and commas at that point. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-dont-knowwhat-to-do-and-i-feel-lost/796138.md?page=3)