# I just finsihed reading Left Behind **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 31, 2003, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380 "2003-03-31T04:51:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/21 "2003-04-01T01:49:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by genie \* > \*\*I think they’re planning 14 volumes, aren’t they? Should have stuck with 7. \*\* I think the plans now call for 666 by the time you add in LEFT BEHIND FOR KIDS, LEFT BEHIND FOR PUPPIES, and LEFT BEHIND FOR THE FRENCH. I have nothing to add to the 4 digit crap factor of these books (I read the first one and scanned a few others), but had two slightly related comments. 1- In his amazingly objective book [The End of Days: Fundamentalism and the Struggle for the Temple Mount](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0195152050/qid=1049161413/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-6825694-2445716?v=glance&s=books), Israeli journalist Gershom Gorenberg is extremely tolerant of the Fundies of the three major theistic faiths and their reverence for Jerusalem and it’s significance in the end times. With one exception: he skewers the factual inaccuracies of the LEFT BEHIND series in the second chapter. Among other things, LaHaye/Jenkins (LaHaye writes about 5% of the books, btw, Jenkins the other 95%, though they split the proceeds evenly since it was LaHaye’s idea) claim that Galilee no longer exist (news to Gorenberg, who lives in…you guessed it… Galilee) and mentions the river barges that traffic up and down the length of the Jordan (none exist that run the whole length; the river is unnavigable in several stretches). 2- If you want to get the taste of cheese and bile out of your throat, try reading [Good Omens](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0441003257/qid=1049161779/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-6825694-2445716?v=glance&s=books) by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. It’s a send-up of millennialism described as “The Apocalypse as told by Monty Python”, but it’s actually much funnier than that description would imply. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/22 "2003-04-01T02:19:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by riserius1 \* > Lemme give you a few hints on how to enjoy the “LeftBehind” experience. > > **1.Do Not Actually Read The Books.** Instead listen to them on Books-On-Tape or Books-On-CD. The prose is awkward at times, but it becomes much less so when read out loud. How do you rate _Left Behind: The Movie_? The DVD has a “making of” section and everything. (Though it’s a little grating to hear the announcerette pronouncing it “Crish-chun”, and having the temerity to claim that _Left Behind: The Movie_ was the biggest Crish-chun movie production ever. Come on, the budget was only 15 million bucks! _The Greatest Story Ever Told_ had a budget of 17 million dollars, and that was back in the 1960s, when 17 million dollars was still worth something!) > [@](#): > > **3.Its not fiction, its sci-fi/fantasy!** If you try thinking of this series as a “could it really happen that way” scenario, you will be almost forced to give up on it. The situation is shaky at best and the authors do nothing to make it seem at all realistic. Then again, they **are** basing this book on the events described in Revelation, which reads like a bad acid trip in and of itself. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/23 "2003-04-01T02:58:08Z")
Ok, what I want to know is, if the Rapture comes and takes my husband, but I am Left Behind, can I collect on our life insurance policy? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/24 "2003-04-01T03:01:13Z")
\*\*And while I’m off on an intangical hijacking rant \*\* If the Rapture came and say a whole lot of people were sucked up into heaven, don’t you think the people Left Behind would notice that their morning traffic commute was a hellova lot quicker? I mean, _c’mon_. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/25 "2003-04-01T03:04:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Already in Use \* > \*\*I probably should read one of them, just so I can write a parody and call it Left Buttock. \*\* oooooooooooooh. I \*smell \* a success story and a book banning by the Far Right. Do it! ---
**Author:** ![lorinada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b5e925/32.png) [@lorinada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorinada)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/26 "2003-04-01T03:48:42Z")
I only borrowed the books so I can’t give a specific example of the bad writing. I can only tell you that I had a hell of a lot of trouble keeping up with who was actually saying what because there would be several quotes in a row, sometimes even between three or more people, yet there were wasn’ty any “Buck said” or “Rayford said” or “replied Hattie” indicators interspersed. Sometimes I would think I had finally figured it out and then a female character would refer to their wife! And I’d have to start all over again. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/27 "2003-04-01T03:54:08Z")
That’s why I’m a firm believer that all dialog should be written in Play format. ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/28 "2003-04-01T05:20:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by riserius1 \* > \*\*Just out of curiosity, can anyone cite me a specific example of this “bad writing” that everyone seems to agree these books are filled with? Also, can you cite me an example of someone whose writing you champion as “good” or “excellent”(just so I have a point of reference)? \*\* My copy is back at the library, but I seem to recall that as Buck was approaching the confrontation with the Antichrist at the end of the book, it said something like “The sense of evil almost overwhelmed him. He felt paralyzed by the sense of infinite blackness.” Also, most of the dialogue sounds really stilted. Some authors have a knack for capturing the little details and the general tone of real live human conversation. Others, like Mr. Jenkins here, don’t. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_Who](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c2a13f/32.png) [@The\_Man\_Who](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_Who)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/29 "2003-04-01T05:26:50Z")
There’s already a parody of the Left Behind books. I’ve read it. I haven’t read the originals. The parody isn’t that good. ---
**Author:** ![Fibber\_McGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a6a055/32.png) [@Fibber\_McGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibber_McGee)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/30 "2003-04-01T05:39:38Z")
I’m not surprised the parody you read was no good. Something generally has to be good to begin with for a parody of it to really work. If its bad, the parody isn’t really necessary, now is it? ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/31 "2003-04-01T05:42:33Z")
\<\\> Most policies will not pay for acts of war or acts of god. Sorry. Your best chance would be faking a suicide. But with no body, that would take seven years to pay off. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/32 "2003-04-01T11:24:17Z")
Idle thought: I seem to recall that an “Act of God” is defined in English law as “something which no reasonable person could have foreseen.” Now, lots and lots of people actually _do_ “foresee” the Rapture, and even make plans for it … so, given that definition, I find myself drawn to two alternative conclusions: either a) the Rapture is not an Act of God, or b) the people who believe in it are not “reasonable” people. As I say, just an idle thought. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/33 "2003-04-01T12:20:38Z")
further beat me to the punch- James BeauSeigneur’s CHRIST CLONE TRILOGY is worlds better than LEFT BEHIND- alas, you won’t find them in the WalMart religious books section or the average Christian bookstore. I recommend ordering them thru the Net. I used to be preTrib Rapturist when I first took my Christian faith seriously at age 13 - I now lean to lateTribRapturebutitdoesn’tbothermeasIdoubtweareintheEndTimes _L_. So I still read a lot of the material just to see if there are any new points (occasionally but not often). If one MUST watch such movies, forget the Left Behind ones & find the 1970’s A THIEF IN THE NIGHT series (1- ATITN, 2- A DISTANT THUNDER, 3- IMAGE OF THE BEAST, 4- THE PRODIGAL PLANET). Grade B-shlock but with a primal intensity which can bypass disbelief (sort of like a Fundy CARNIVAL OF SOULS or BLAIR WITCH PROJECT _L_). Tho an even better cinematic treatment is THE RAPTURE with Mimi Rogers & David Duchovny. _honest-to-goodness shivers!_ However, there is no AntiChrist stuff. It pretty much equates the Rapture with The End of the World & Last Judgement Stay farrrrrrrrrrr away from the first OMEGA CODE, tho I actually sorta enjoyed MEGIDDO-OMEGA CODE II (not a sequel but a remake- much like EVIL DEAD II to the first ED) Back to novels- early treatments I suggest for the sheer novelty are Sydney Watson’s 1910 novels IN THE TWINKLING OF AN EYE and THE MARK OF THE BEAST, which are quaint, and Ernest Angeley’s 1950’s RAPTURED, which is laughably horrid! ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/34 "2003-04-01T14:59:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Yllaria \* > \*\*\<\\> > > Most policies will not pay for acts of war or acts of god. Sorry. Your best chance would be faking a suicide. But with no body, that would take seven years to pay off. \*\* But the insurance adjusters “left behind” (most of them I presume!) probably wouldn’t believe it was an Act of God. I can see her lawyer (I presume there’d be plenty of them left behind as well) making the argument that if the insurance company’s exceutives did believe that this was in fact the rapture that they wouldn’t have been left behind. It would probably go all the way to the Supreme Court (yup, still nine justices there). ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/35 "2003-04-01T15:29:26Z")
…and you’re still here? Just kidding. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/36 "2003-04-01T17:34:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lorinada \* > \*\*I only borrowed the books so I can’t give a specific example of the bad writing. I can only tell you that I had a hell of a lot of trouble keeping up with who was actually saying what because there would be several quotes in a row, sometimes even between three or more people, yet there were wasn’ty any “Buck said” or “Rayford said” or “replied Hattie” indicators interspersed. Sometimes I would think I had finally figured it out and then a female character would refer to their wife! And I’d have to start all over again. \*\* That’s partially because the writers (at least in the first one, I didn’t read the rest) have no ear for dialogue at all. Also, every character, regardless of age, gender, socio-economic backgroud, occupation, education level, ethnicity, etc. (all of the other things that generally influence a person’s tone and vocabulary) has exactly the same voice. And that ovice is that of a midwestern American who is watching his tongue (reading the people fake swear is unintentionally hilarious.) ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/37 "2003-04-01T17:59:33Z")
The first one could have been cut by at least 30%, and the rest by about 60%. I think the shameless padding is what detracts from the rest of the book. Stephen King is no literary stylist either, but at least his books move along. Left Behind is interminable. The next is due out in about a week (April 8, IIRC). I thought this one was supposed to cover the actual re-appearance of Christ (probably on page 714 of an 800 page book). I hope they can’t make that boring. Although I enjoyed the scene where one of the heroes barfed on the Anti-Christ. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/38 "2003-04-01T18:31:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Yllaria \* > \*\*\<\\> > > Most policies will not pay for acts of war or acts of god. Sorry. Your best chance would be faking a suicide. But with no body, that would take seven years to pay off. \*\* Hmmm … I just thought of something. Under current law in most States, a person has to have been missing for **seven years** to be considered legally dead, right? And the pre-tribulation Rapture is supposed to start a **seven-year** countdown to the End of the World at Armageddon, right? Did the law specify a 7 year waiting period specifically **because** of the belief that the people who were Left Behind [TM] after the Rapture shouldn’t have to do all the paperwork for millions of “dead” people? That, 7 years later, they wouldn’t have to **worry** about paperwork with that whole Armageddon thing going on? ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/39 "2003-04-01T18:48:33Z")
I’ve read each and every one of the books - and yep I’ll buy the latest one this month. It’s like being addicted to a bad soap opera. I really wish they’d quit writing this crap, yet I’m unable to resist reading on… It’s a conspiracy, I tell ya! Basically written like a bad screenplay - you can practically read “Freeze Frame - Fade To Black” at the end of each book. My DH has read the Christ Clone books and likes them much more. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380/40 "2003-04-01T19:50:56Z")
Isn’t the whole “Rapture” thingy 19th century belief? I know it’s not Catholic! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-finsihed-reading-left-behind/165380.md?page=3)