# I just found the worst fantasy novel ever **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 7, 2003, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849 "2003-07-07T20:26:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/21 "2003-07-08T15:07:16Z")
> [@](#): > > these ones wear skin-tight black leather and thigh-high boots and carry riding crops, and spend all of their spare time sexually torturing midgets just for kicks. Well, I mean, who doesn’t in this day an age? Err… ---
**Author:** ![godzillatemple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/49beb7/32.png) [@godzillatemple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/godzillatemple)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/22 "2003-07-08T16:11:01Z")
Ya know, I read the “Magic of Xanth” series as a child and really enjoyed the first three books. Then I read the fourth one. Then the fifth one. Then the sixth one. Then the seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth… I don’t recall when, exactly, but somewhere along the line I came to the inescapable conclusion that Piers Anthony was indeed the Devil incarnate. Basically, he’s an author that creates worlds that are designed specifically to appeal to young children, and then slips in all sorts of sexual innuendos everywhere. Which wouldn’t be all that bad if he could write above a grade school level. Barry ---
**Author:** ![MegaDave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/db5fbb/32.png) [@MegaDave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaDave)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/23 "2003-07-08T16:25:13Z")
I haven’t read the book in the OP, but I have most of the others mentioned in the thread. I personally have a distaste for Terry Goodkind above all others. How this rube can ever get a “novel” published is beyond me. As an aside, I want to comment on Robert Jordan’s “Wheel of Time Series”. I thought the first was a little slow moving, but there were quite a few that had just enough action to keep you interested. I did find that about every other book for a while just seemed to be a builder book to bolster the already complicated storyline. I can’t think of any author I have ever read that has had as many sub plots as Jordan does in the WOT series. I bought IX a few days after it came out, and I still haven’t read it. What has it been, six months now? BTW, although #2 wasn’t that good, I thought Piers Anthony’s “Incarnations of Imortality” was a very well put together series. That is what turned me on to Anthony, and after that I started reading some of the Xanth novels. After about 118 of them I got bored though. Like the Dragonlance novels, that was one series that didn’t know when to die. ---
**Author:** ![Iteki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eada6e/32.png) [@Iteki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iteki)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/24 "2003-07-08T16:28:03Z")
That’s it _exactly_ **godzillatemple**!! I read some of his stuff as a kid (thinking specifically of the Death incarnation book) and loved it, didn’t quite understand everything, but really enjoyed the read. Came back to it as an adult and thought “Good lord this is complete shite!” Some nice ideas, awfully presented with no plot and no writing skills. I also discovered that the stuff I hadn’t really understood was him being a letch. ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/25 "2003-07-08T16:30:55Z")
> [@](#): > > North and south are up and down, as usual, but east and west have been reversed. So it’s set in the Land of Oz? Cool! ---
**Author:** ![MegaDave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/db5fbb/32.png) [@MegaDave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaDave)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/26 "2003-07-08T16:34:29Z")
wow, it has been a while since i read Anthony (either IOI or any of the Xanth series). Maybe I should go back and read them again. How many Dragonlance novels did you guys get through before finally stopping? I think I read all of liek the first 3 trilogies, and a couple of the stand alone minies. ---
**Author:** ![Avalonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/27 "2003-07-08T16:48:00Z")
It’s funny, all the Piers Anthony comments here. As I was reading to OP, I was thinking it was describing a Piers Anthony novel, until he dropped the name of _The Fifth Sorceress_. I was thinking _Ogre, Ogre_ maybe… ugh, ugh. One of the worst fantasy novels I’ve ever read, if not the worst. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MegaDave \* > \*\*How many Dragonlance novels did you guys get through before finally stopping? I think I read all of liek the first 3 trilogies, and a couple of the stand alone minies. \*\* I talked to Tracy Hickman a few years ago (he was the son of one of my college professors, so we saw him now and again), and he said that the only ones he usually recommends are the original series, the Dragonlance Chronicles I believe… even he says that the series went quickly downhill from there. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/28 "2003-07-08T16:53:03Z")
When I first read the OP’s title, I was thinking “Oh, yeah, someone just read the Thomas Covenant series.” Shocker to say, what you pulled out might be worse… ---
**Author:** ![Achren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/898d66/32.png) [@Achren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achren)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/29 "2003-07-08T17:04:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Iteki \* > \*\*That’s it _exactly_ **godzillatemple**!! I read some of his stuff as a kid (thinking specifically of the Death incarnation book) and loved it, didn’t quite understand everything, but really enjoyed the read. Came back to it as an adult and thought “Good lord this is complete shite!” Some nice ideas, awfully presented with no plot and no writing skills. I also discovered that the stuff I hadn’t really understood was him being a letch. \*\* Same thing here. I think my reaction was, “I _liked_ this?” _stunned silence_ At least I had always checked his books out from the library (my parents not being the kind to buy me fantasy books). I have other books I’d rather have on my shelves. ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/30 "2003-07-08T20:12:29Z")
Dur. I admit to really enjoying the _Incarnation_ series. It was interesting and, when I read it, I hadn’t yet started thinking about philosophy, God, the creation of the universe and such, so it was really thought provoking. Then one day a Xanth book was on sale and I said, “Hey, I liked his other books.” God. In. Heaven. It was like Dr. Sues writes D&D. Didn’t read very much of it. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/31 "2003-07-08T20:38:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by godzillatemple \* > \*\*Ya know, I read the “Magic of Xanth” series as a child and really enjoyed the first three books. Then I read the fourth one. Then the fifth one. Then the sixth one. Then the seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth… I don’t recall when, exactly, but somewhere along the line I came to the inescapable conclusion that Piers Anthony was indeed the Devil incarnate. > > Basically, he’s an author that creates worlds that are designed specifically to appeal to young children, and then slips in all sorts of sexual innuendos everywhere. Which wouldn’t be all that bad if he could write above a grade school level. > \*\* Pretty much my feelings on Anthony as well. In college I discovered that many fans of fantasy novels had been through the same cycle with the Xanth books – read one and thought it was pretty enjoyable, read more, and more, and slowly realized how awful they were. It’s like a dirty secret that all fantasy fans share. I guess he must make a lot of money like that, though. And I guess that’s also why I always see so many of his books in secondhand bookstores. ---
**Author:** ![Netbrian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71e660/32.png) [@Netbrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Netbrian)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/32 "2003-07-08T20:46:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hello Again \* > \*\*The worst part is, the second book is coming out this month. _The Gates of Dawn_. Mark your calendars. > > A _trilogy_. How _original_. > > You wouldn’t believe the hype that was laid on the release of TFS. Happily for my faith in humankind – but unhappily for the bottom line of my employer – it tanked. \*\* If it tanked, why on EARTH is he trying to make a SEQUAL? And whom on EARTH would publish it? Also, does anyone have any idea why a book that sounds so universally reviled was announced with fanfare? Were the publishers hoping that the book industry was more like the movie one, and if you promote something enough, it will do well regardless? ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/33 "2003-07-08T20:47:01Z")
I just realized that I saw this “novel” with my very own two eyes. It was at the library in the new fantasy releases a couple of weeks ago. It wasn’t there when I looked around today. Apparently one of the librarians had it taken out back and shot (or so I hope). ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/34 "2003-07-08T21:32:06Z")
I read The Sword of Shannara when it first came out. I owe it a debt of gratitude - it was so derivative, it put me right off long Tolkein clones, saving me weeks out of my life. Also agree on the Gor books - they were satirized in the Suns of Scorpio series as the land of Gah. Did you know “John Norman” wrote a non-fiction book on the same theme, published by DAW? Piers Anthony wrote a porn fantasy book - I can dig up the name if anyone wants. Don’t get excited - I didn’t while reading it. Not even once. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/35 "2003-07-08T21:43:02Z")
[Buck Alice and the Actor Robot](http://www.dcc.unicamp.br/~stolfi/PUB/misc-misc/WorstSciFiNovelEver.html). By Walter Koenig of Star Trek fame. After I read the above article, I had to go out and try to find the book to see if it really was that bad. I did, and it was. I couldn’t finish it. Next to this piece of…er…literature, Piers Anthony looks like Shakespeare. ---
**Author:** ![Avalonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/36 "2003-07-08T22:55:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Voyager \* > \*\*Piers Anthony wrote a porn fantasy book - I can dig up the name if anyone wants. Don’t get excited - I didn’t while reading it. Not even once. \*\* You may bo thinking of [Firefly](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0688097057/qid=1057705019/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-8716721-3697622?v=glance&s=books) which is usually billed as horror rather than fantasy. As a horror fan, I had considered reading it when it came out. However, this sort of thing put me off: > [@](#): > > Using the same Florida setting as his horror novel Shade of the Tree , Anthony here conjures up a nightmarish creature who stalks humans through sexual attraction and leaves them grotesquely sucked dry of their protoplasm. Ohh, yeah, _protoplasm_. Sounds great. :rolleyes: I quickly realized that, as a horror fan, I should never, ever read this book. ---
**Author:** ![Avalonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/37 "2003-07-08T23:08:27Z")
Ah, I also just found Piers’ [Pornucopia](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0972367012/ref=pd_rhf_f_1/002-8716721-3697622?v=glance&s=books&no=*&st=*), which I hadn’t previously known about. Sounds like typical Anthony, female characters who are either evil or sluts (or both!), sex-laden plot, thin characters… more explicit than his others, probably, but I won’t be reading this either. I like erotica, but I generally prefer to read it when its… erotic. Funny thing, that. Some of the reviewers seem surprised that Anthony is willing to write about sex… do they really miss all the sexual references in the Xanth books and the IOI? It always seemed fairly obvious to me. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/38 "2003-07-08T23:16:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Voyager \* > \*\*Piers Anthony wrote a porn fantasy book - I can dig up the name if anyone wants. Don’t get excited - I didn’t while reading it. Not even once. \*\* 3.97 Erect. Not published under his own name. I’m ashamed that I could look that up. Oh for a young fool who will buy my old Piers Anthony novels from me. Any young fool will do, really. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/39 "2003-07-08T23:29:04Z")
**Avalonian** , your links have scarred me for life. :eek: The reader comments are hilarious, though. A sampling: [Firefly](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0688097057/qid=1057705019/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-3827510-2898564?v=glance&s=books) > [@](#): > > Piers Anthony is one of my favorite writers, probably will. Right up there with Mercedes Lackey, Jennifer Roberson, and V.C. Andrews. Those people who gave this book a bad review missed the entire point of the novel. If you read the **Arthur’s** notes (as anyone who reads Xanth should be in the habit of doing) you would have gotten the point. He is bringing into light a topic that often gets swept under the rug even today. I am glad that we live in a country where we can write about whatever we choose to write about. A quick check on Ms. Dunning’s reviews page shows that she most recently reviewed a dressing table (in which the following sentence is found: “I don’t know what other people are doing with thier tables, but I use mine for changing the baby (have used it for 5 months now) and storing her reciveing blankets, extra packs of diapers, burp cloths, extra wipes, etc.”), a 4-stage feeding seat, a book about cooking for a baby/toddler, and a bouncer seat. :eek: SHE’S BRED.:eek: [Pornucopia](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0972367012/ref=pd_rhf_f_1/102-3827510-2898564?v=glance&s=books&no=*&st=*) is even more fun. > [@](#): > > I was attracted to the taboo-violating nature of the basic plot device: Evil scientist removes man’s stubby little penis & gives him a wide range of accessories (with full sensate functioning) to replace it. Man goes on quest to obtain techno-magical item to exchange for his original organ. The theme of “a quest to obtain something magical so the wizard will return what is rightfully yours” is a tired old theme. Applying it to a man’s =PENIS= returns it to novelty! I fail to see the taboo that is being violated. Has this person never read any fantasy or science fiction written in the late 1960s? Soft-core porn ruled the market. > [@](#): > > Yes, there are some very interesting forms of coupling portrayed in this book. I would hesitate to label it erotica, and certainly =NOT= consider it pornography. It’s not a one-handed read. :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: I is askeert. ---
**Author:** ![Avalonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@Avalonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avalonian)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2003, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849/40 "2003-07-08T23:34:15Z")
I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed Ms. Dunning’s review of _Firefly_… though I didn’t research it as you did, **SpazCat**. I just found it interesting (though not very surprising) that she also liked V.C. Andrews, the author who continues to publish from the grave (she’s that good!). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-found-the-worst-fantasy-novel-ever/186849.md?page=3)