# I just got dumped by Mr. Right... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 17, 2001, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109 "2001-09-17T05:57:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/41 "2001-09-19T17:30:00Z")
I’m going to offer another view of a break up. I have been the breaker-upper in a couple of relationships that were getting serious. Having gone through the experience of hurting another person deeply, I know without a doubt that I would rather be the person being dumped. I was dating someone a few years ago when we started to talk about living together or getting married, etc. I loved him deeply and had a great time when we were together. Something changes when you start looking at someone as a husband instead of a boyfriend. There is this whole new facet of the relationship. Unfortunately, no matter how much you love someone, sometimes this new facet won’t work. Marriage is a huge step with huge changes. I loved John and I loved spending time with him, but I am certain that marriage to him would not have worked. There were things that I could easily deal with in our relationship but I know without a doubt they were things that would cause problems if we were married. I think that I saved us both a lot of heartbreak by ending things when I did. It was horribly depressing to be the “bad guy” and to try to explain things to him. It hurt deeply to see how badly he was hurting because of my decision. Sometimes I miss him, a lot! I also ended my last relationship once he tried to move forward and get more serious. He is an extremely nice person but no matter how hard I tried, I just could not feel anything about him beyond friendship. God knows that I tried, he is kind, very attentive, financially set for life (old family wealth), ambitious, great to my kids, etc., but I just didn’t love him. Again, I think I did the right thing by ending things. It would have been terribly unfair of me to continue a relationship that he felt was moving forward while I was struggling just to find some type of love for him. In spite of the comments made in this thread, maybe he really isn’t such a jerk. Maybe he was just getting out of a situation that he knew would hurt you worse had it continued. Oh, and don’t dismiss his claim that he is going through a confusing period. I don’t think there are many things more confusing than to break up with someone you care about. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/42 "2001-09-19T17:46:07Z")
I meant to reply days ago, but never quite got around to it. Somehow something always came up. Anyway. I had something similar, sort of. I was dumped by Ms Right a month before I was going to propose. My reaction to it still surprises me at how cold I was- when it happened, I then spent the rest of the evening cleaning house. Throwing out pictures, gifts, deleting numbers from speeddial, wiping hundreds of emails, changing locks, turning off voicemail and never answering the phone, and so on. On the recommendation of some dopers, that night I went out and bought Singin’ in the Rain and Sliding Doors, and a huge container of ice cream (just to complete the whole breakup image). I think the thing that angered me the most was when my plastic spoon broke in the ice cream, and the jagged edge cut my finger. Dripping blood in the ice cream and ruining some of it frustrated me more than the ending of the relationship. Sort of odd. I don’t know if she ever tried to get back in touch with me- I set up rules with my email programs to automatically delete any emails from her, and I’ve since moved to a new apartment. It’s strange in that I don’t miss her, that it was such a clean break- I guess the really curious thing is that it feels as if the past year+ never really happened. ---
**Author:** ![Tokiwoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@Tokiwoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tokiwoki)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/43 "2001-09-19T20:17:23Z")
Thanks **Shayna** and **Diane**. I’ve talked with him lately and we’ve decided we’re going to try to talk every so often. We were good friends before all of this happened and I would hate to lose that. I’m beginning to understand that he needs some space. I probably do too. Anybody need a date? 😉 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lno \* > \*\* > I think the thing that angered me the most was when my plastic spoon broke in the ice cream, and the jagged edge cut my finger. Dripping blood in the ice cream and ruining some of it frustrated me more than the ending of the relationship. > > Sort of odd. > > \*\* I can understand that. The smallest little things will set me off. I cried yesterday because I couldn’t find something I was looking for. I was thinking ‘what am I doing?’ ---
**Author:** ![pezpunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@pezpunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pezpunk)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/44 "2001-09-19T20:53:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tokiwoki \* > Anybody need a date? 😉 single guys, I wouldn’t pass up this opportunity if I were you. Her pic used to be on the people pages and DAMN shes a cutie. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Narile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/45 "2001-09-19T21:37:12Z")
> [@](#): > > Anybody need a date? 😉 I don’t know about neeeeed, but you in the SF Bay area and are into Science Fiction? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Zappo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b3f665/32.png) [@Zappo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zappo)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/46 "2001-09-20T00:26:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Narile \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > Anybody need a date? 😉 > > I don’t know about neeeeed, but you in the SF Bay area and are into Science Fiction? 😛 \*\* Heyheyhey, I was here first! Get in line **Narile**! Whatcha say, **Toki**? \ Baltimore? Moonlight on ze harbair? Deenair ovairlooking ze watair? Dancing on ze plaza to ze sounds of ze night? Shust zay ze waird, cheri. 😃 \ If you say yes, I promise I won’t use cheesy accents or smilies. Zappo ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/47 "2001-09-20T01:04:57Z")
Psssst, guys, [her picture](http://www.geocities.com/sdpeoplepages/tokiwoki.html)’s back up on The People Pages [sub](though the boyfriend/ex-boyfriend’s still in it - sorry).[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/48 "2001-09-20T01:06:13Z")
Nah, **Toki** , forget San Francisco and Baltimore! You wanna come to Nashville! What’s SF and Baltimore got that Nashville doesn’t have? Why, in Nashville we’ve got country music, shopping malls, uh, country music, the world’s largest Church of Christ, country music, and the Grand Ole Opry. Did I mention country music? Aww, the hell with it. Anyways, if you come here, I promise not to expose you to country music. (Not counting the homeless wannabe’s playing on the street corners.) ---
**Author:** ![Tokiwoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@Tokiwoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tokiwoki)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/49 "2001-09-20T01:15:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > \*\*Nah, **Toki** , forget San Francisco and Baltimore! You wanna come to Nashville! What’s SF and Baltimore got that Nashville doesn’t have? Why, in Nashville we’ve got country music, shopping malls, uh, country music, the world’s largest Church of Christ, country music, and the Grand Ole Opry. Did I mention country music? > > Aww, the hell with it. Anyways, if you come here, I promise not to expose you to country music. (Not counting the homeless wannabe’s playing on the street corners.) \*\* Geeze, I hate country music, but you make Nashville sound so appealing. And homeless wannabe’s playing on street corners? Now that’s romantic. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/50 "2001-09-20T03:34:49Z")
> [@](#): > > Geeze, I hate country music, but you make Nashville sound so appealing. And homeless wannabe’s playing on street corners? Now that’s romantic. 🙂 Psst! **Toki** , I’ll let you in on a little secret, I hate country music too! (Boy, did I ever pick the wrong place to live!) Anyways, Nashvegas ain’t so bad once you learn all the places that haven’t been infested by country music, and if you’re **really** bored you can always check out the places where _ **Deliverance** _ isn’t just a movie, but a way of life! ---
**Author:** ![Tokiwoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@Tokiwoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tokiwoki)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/51 "2001-09-20T03:46:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > \*\* > Psst! **Toki** , I’ll let you in on a little secret, I hate country music too! (Boy, did I ever pick the wrong place to live!) Anyways, Nashvegas ain’t so bad once you learn all the places that haven’t been infested by country music, and if you’re **really** bored you can always check out the places where _ **Deliverance** _ isn’t just a movie, but a way of life! \*\* Now that’s an interesting date. I’ve always thought the typical ‘dinner and a movie’ date was way overrated anyway. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/52 "2001-09-20T04:28:35Z")
::furiously scribbling out “dinner & movie” on list of things to do if **Toki** ever comes to visit:: Uh, yeah, I agree. You like Japanese food? We’ve got several good places in town and some of the help even speaks English! Then we could crank up some Nine Inch Nails and go driving past all the country stars homes _real_ slow. 😃 (I wouldn’t recommend doing that around the country bars as its liable to get you shot!) ---
**Author:** ![Tokiwoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@Tokiwoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tokiwoki)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/53 "2001-09-20T04:45:43Z")
NIN? Bad ass. That’s what I’ve been listening to lately to make me feel better. It’s my MAD music. Grrr. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2001, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/54 "2001-09-20T05:04:50Z")
'Tain’t _nuthin’_ better than NIN when ya get brutally dumped, lemme tell ya! So, whaddya say you come by sometime and I’ll sing _Closer_ for ya? [sub]Actually, I won’t sing it as I’ve got a horrible singing voice IMHO, but we can give it a listen ;)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Speleophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Speleophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speleophile)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2001, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/55 "2001-09-21T01:55:06Z")
So I just clicked on the photo link - damn it’s hell getting old! (referring to me, of course) Tokiwoki, if you’re half as intelligent and together as you sound in these posts, and half as nice as you look in that photo, I doubt you’ll be alone very long! Regarding Shayna’s comment, I was once _somewhat_ in the jerk boyfriend’s position. I was in a relationship with a woman for two years and finally broke it off because, well mostly because I was **dumb** , but the immediate reasons in my mind were… 1. I’d been in a crappy marriage fairly recently before 2. I didn’t want any kids 3. Hi Opal! …and marriage just didn’t seem to have a point for me. Mind you, this woman was intelligent, attractive, funny, had lots of common interests with me, was just unbeliveable hot in bed, and just an all around joy to be with. ☹ Not too long after I broke up, I came to my senses and tried very hard to get this woman back, but to no avail. But I think the critical difference, if there is one, is that at least I wasn’t doing the whiny “I don’t know what I want” routine. I think that’s a big red flag you might want to stay away from. If anyone claims that my old relationship had a communication problem, I’ve no defense. I’ve forgiven (myself) but never forgotten. Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted to get. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2001, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/56 "2001-09-21T04:31:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Narile \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > Nah, I look really good in those pictures. I might just find my scissors instead. 🙂 > > NoNo…that is what scanners and paint programs are for. That way, you can not only edit him out, but replace him with more appropriate images…I’m sure that you can find pictures of Cthulu, Lampreys, Slugs, Worms, Insects and the like to replace him with. ;\> \*\* Try this pic: [http://www.walnet.org/stanley\_woods/slugz/slugz-003.2.html](http://www.walnet.org/stanley_woods/slugz/slugz-003.2.html) ---
**Author:** ![Narile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2001, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/57 "2001-09-21T07:16:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Anthracite \* > Try this pic: > > [http://www.walnet.org/stanley\_woods/slugz/slugz-003.2.html](http://www.walnet.org/stanley_woods/slugz/slugz-003.2.html) \*\* Excellent start, I’d say. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e8c25b/32.png) [@Lok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lok)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2001, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109/58 "2001-09-21T10:08:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Narile \* > \*\*Excellent start, I’d say. 🙂 \*\* I don’t know. On the People Pages he is holding her. How will she feel about being held by a another slug? She is probably more interested in trying something different by now. Like a real man. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-by-mr-right/82109.md?page=2)