# I just got DUMPED...\*cries\* **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 16, 2001, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-cries/87681 "2001-10-16T07:25:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![bobjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5a626/32.png) [@bobjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobjones)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-cries/87681/21 "2001-10-16T16:38:54Z")
Futile Gesture : somehow she managed to work that angle in too, it was really kind of impressive. ---
**Author:** ![pezpunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@pezpunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pezpunk)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-cries/87681/22 "2001-10-16T16:45:57Z")
I will say **Broken Doll** that as you know I think you rock and are a beautiful girl. Don’t let one person sour your dating experience. Giving up on dating would deprive some very lucky girls/guys of getting to know you and that would suck. Take care. ---
**Author:** ![ModernRonin2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@ModernRonin2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ModernRonin2)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-cries/87681/23 "2001-10-16T17:59:30Z")
I hate it when they say, “I still wanna be friends.” Oh thank, you’ve just **shot me in the heart** and now you want to be friends. Thanks a lot. Tell you what, why don’t you just tear my eyes out and then suggest we go to a movie, hm? Sigh. Sorry to hear it, **Doll**. -Ben ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-cries/87681/24 "2001-10-16T18:48:20Z")
I guess I’m a little confused as to why breaking up in person is considered to be so goddamn wonderful. Because it gives the dumped an opportunity to break down and cry right in front of the dumper? So the both of you can enjoy that feeling of maximum uncomfortableness TOGETHER? It’s shitty news no matter what the method of delivery. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-cries/87681/25 "2001-10-16T19:04:35Z")
By not breaking up in person, you, the dumper, are protecting yourself from having to experience the dumpee’s reaction. Therefore, it is a cowardly way to behave. Also, by calling, you are catching the dumpee completely unaware. You are catching them by surprise and putting them at a disadvantage, and you, the dumper, do not deserve any advantages. Hard as it is to dump someone, it is far harder to be the recipient of rejection. IME, after the Great E-dumping of 1996, I was so embarassed whenever I would see the dumpee around campus that I would have to hide in the shrubbery. That’s no way to live. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-cries/87681/26 "2001-10-16T19:14:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hello Again \* > \*\*By not breaking up in person, you, the dumper, are protecting yourself from having to experience the dumpee’s reaction. Therefore, it is a cowardly way to behave. > \*\* Oh, of course. Protecting myself from pain is SUCH a STUPID way to behave. It’s a lot more MANLY to experience as MUCH pain as possible. TWIST that knife right into my gut. You’ve convinced me! ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-cries/87681/27 "2001-10-16T21:14:02Z")
It has nothing to do with manliness. Chicks can do the dumping too, you know. When you are dumping, you should be more sensitive to the dumpee’s pain than your own, and do what you can to minimize it. I’m sorry, but that is my opinion. This is because the Dumper has control over events, the Dumper get the feeling of relief of making a descision and acting on it, the Dumper has come to grips with the end of the relationship while the dumpee has not. Sometimes doing the right thing is quite unpleasant. (I’m assuming, BTW, in my scenario that you are ending a semi-serious relationship, or a casual one of long standing. If you’ve only known the dumpee a few weeks, phone away.) Dumping in person gives the dumpee a feeling of closure and a sense that the dumper respected them. Other dumping methods give the feeling that the Dumper simply can’t be bothered. If an in-person dumping is simply not possible, I feel a well-thought out letter is second best. In my book, dumping by phone (voice, fax, and yes, email) is simply low. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-cries/87681/28 "2001-10-16T21:26:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hello Again \* > \*\*If an in-person dumping is simply not possible, I feel a well-thought out letter is second best. In my book, dumping by phone (voice, fax, and yes, email) is simply low. \*\* I wonder, as time goes on and children who are born who will never know what it’s like to not have e-mail, if dumping by letter and dumping by e-mail would be of equal status. ---
**Author:** ![cantatrice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/45deac/32.png) [@cantatrice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cantatrice)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-cries/87681/29 "2001-10-16T21:35:44Z")
Hey, if you want to talk about tacky, my husband of 21 years dumped me over the email, ON MOTHERS DAY!!! “Fundamental Spritual differences”, yeah right. Can you say midlife crisis, boys and girls? The good news is that there is life afterwards. Sure, sometimes you just want to pull a blanket over your head and sob. That’s OK. But as much as you can, throw yourself into the things you love to do (for me, that’s music and my kids), and do some wild and crazy things that you never did before. I’m not going to say that it’s a good thing, but if you take care of yourself, you will learn a lot of things about yourself that you never knew before. Use the experience to become wiser, more spiritual, and stronger. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-cries/87681/30 "2001-10-16T22:08:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cantatrice \* > **"Fundamental Spritual differences", yeah right. Can you say midlife crisis, boys and girls?** Gee. I’m just flirting with lesbians and looking into buying a motorcycle for mine. ---
**Author:** ![Broken\_Doll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbce88/32.png) [@Broken\_Doll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broken_Doll)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-cries/87681/31 "2001-10-17T04:59:57Z")
Aww, thanks everyone. I’m starting to feel alright now. I’m one of those extremely rare commitment-phobic women, and I’m adjusting to being single [yet again] pretty well. In fact, I’m kinda happy now. So thanks for the advice everyone, and thanks to all of the guys who flirted with me, even if I _am_ a lesbian, heh. I still appreciate it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-dumped-cries/87681.md?page=1)