# I just got Televangelized. WT-everlovingF?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [August 1, 2012, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115 "2012-08-01T23:04:16Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)
#### Post date: [August 1, 2012, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/1 "2012-08-01T23:04:16Z")
**ring ring ring**
**Didn’t get to the phone in time…**
**voicemail message beep**
**boop boop boop, be boop**
Yes, yes, I want to listen to my damn message. Stupid phone.
"…with our prayer warriors standing by 24/7 to mediate for you with our Lord and Savior - "
**pulls phone away from ear, shakes it, listens again**
“… having financial troubles? Your spouse or children testing your authority? Contact the **blanked because I honestly don’t remember** Faith Center, and talk to our prayer warriors. We are standing by to help God help you.”
**looks suspiciously at phone again**
“Find that God is your ever-present help in time of trouble, your shelter from the storm, _yadda yadda_ Call right now and we will pray with you to overcome your-”
**takes phone to husband to let him listen**
**cracks up while watching husband’s face**
WTF?
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### Author:  [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)
#### Post date: [August 1, 2012, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/2 "2012-08-01T23:53:56Z")
> [@Lasciel](#):
>
> “We are standing by to help God help you.”
God needs all the help he can get.
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### Author:  [@nogravity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogravity)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/3 "2012-08-02T00:25:58Z")
> [@Lasciel](#):
>
> “… having financial troubles? Your spouse or children testing your authority? Contact the **blanked because I honestly don’t remember** Faith Center, and talk to our prayer warriors. We are standing by to help God help you.”
Why so mean, they’re only trying to pray for others. Or, in your case, your answering machine.
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### Author:  [@Patience\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patience_Jones)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/4 "2012-08-02T00:34:40Z")
“Prayer warriors?”
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### Author:  [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/5 "2012-08-02T00:46:53Z")
“I can get an amen! You _will_ give me an amen!”
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### Author:  [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/6 "2012-08-02T01:06:52Z")
Evangelists can be really whacked. Back in the early 80s I would get back to the house around 3 am and kick on the TV because I needed to wind down to sleep. At least 2 or 3 nights a week there was this evangelist wearing a cowboy hat and boots waving his bible around [do they nail it into the palms of their hands, is there a class at seminary school to miraculously suspend their bibles no matter what angle their hands are at?]
The first time I can remember seeing him, he walked in and sat down, and went into some spiel about how God needed a new roof on the building, and that there were at least 10 000 people watching and if everybody sent in just a single dollar that would be $10 000 !!!eleventy!!
Ha, [Dr Gene Scott](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gene_Scott). Damn, Herzog did a [documentary](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mt_4xfqV_DM) on him 😕:eek:
[[funny parody song on youtube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nm6YnmMK99g)]
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### Author:  [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/7 "2012-08-02T01:23:06Z")
I prayed they would contact you.
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### Author:  [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/8 "2012-08-02T01:42:45Z")
"Put your one hand on the telephone, and put your other hand on the place that hurts, and give me a _THANK YOU JAY-SUS_ and you will be healed, _A-MEN!"_
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### Author:  [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/9 "2012-08-02T01:54:35Z")
Thank you for calling _Dial-a-Christ._
If you wish to get right with _ **Jesus!!!** _…Press 1
If you need an _ **Amen!!!** _…Press 2
If you need your sins forgiven…Press 3.
If you need an exorcism or demons cast out, please hold the line and one of our customer service _Prayer Warriors_ will be with you shortly.
_Creed inspired muzac plays_
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### Author:  [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/10 "2012-08-02T02:08:15Z")
> [@aruvqan](#):
>
> [do they nail it into the palms of their hands, is there a class at seminary school to miraculously suspend their bibles no matter what angle their hands are at?]
My mother calls televangelists “Those guys with floppy Bibles” and she says they only know half the Bible. Silly me, I asked her why she said they only know half. Her response was hilarious: “They can only see the half that’s not flopped over.”
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### Author:  [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/11 "2012-08-02T02:51:46Z")
> [@Patience\_Jones](#):
>
> “Prayer warriors?”
More like [God Warrior](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3mDLsyn6ns).
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### Author:  [@Patience\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patience_Jones)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/12 "2012-08-02T03:28:11Z")
:eek:
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### Author:  [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/13 "2012-08-02T04:06:28Z")
> [@Patience\_Jones](#):
>
> “Prayer warriors?”
It’s like Pokemon, but boring to both adults and children.
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### Author:  [@ricksummon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricksummon)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/14 "2012-08-02T04:08:50Z")
> [@Lasciel](#):
>
> “We are standing by to help God help you.”
[Jerry Maguire]
Help God help you! **Help God… HELP YOU!**
[/Jerry Maguire]
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### Author:  [@nogravity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogravity)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/15 "2012-08-02T12:36:18Z")
> [@Lasciel](#):
>
> “…with our prayer warriors standing by 24/7 to mediate for you with our Lord and Savior - "
> Call right now and we will pray with you to overcome your-”
But wait, there’s more. Call within the next 10 minutes and you get 2 prayers, that’s right 2 prayers for the price of one\*.
\*you pay just the shipping and handling
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### Author:  [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/16 "2012-08-02T13:28:47Z")
In collage we played a drinking game. We’d turn on [Robert Tilton](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Tilton) and take a drink every time he 1) spoke in tounges or 2) asked for money. Eventually we had to strike the second rule, because we kept running out of alcohol too quickly.
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### Author:  [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/17 "2012-08-02T14:41:16Z")
The god warriors sure do have a thick Indian accent.
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### Author:  [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/18 "2012-08-02T15:01:45Z")
> [@Patience\_Jones](#):
>
> “Prayer warriors?”
They pray for you in an R. Lee Emory impersonation.
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### Author:  [@Crab\_Rangoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crab_Rangoon)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/19 "2012-08-02T15:35:27Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#):
>
> More like [God Warrior](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3mDLsyn6ns).
What is the Dork Side she keeps going on about? Is there an actual federation of Dorks that I don’t know about?
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### Author:  [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)
#### Post date: [August 2, 2012, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-got-televangelized-wt-everlovingf/630115/20 "2012-08-02T15:36:26Z")
> [@Death\_of\_Rats](#):
>
> They pray for you in an R. Lee Emory impersonation.
Do not impugn the name of the great Gunny!!
PS: It’s R. Lee **Ermey**.
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