# I just had a Little Debbie Swiss Roll for the first time in my life
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [December 31, 2012, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630 "2012-12-31T03:04:47Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Stealth\_Potato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stealth_Potato)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/1 "2012-12-31T03:04:47Z")
Well, to be more accurate, five or six of them.
For whatever reason, my life has been light on mass-manufactured snack cakes. I seldom buy anything that needs all four digits of the year in its best-by date. I have only the vaguest idea what Ho-Hos and Ding-Dongs are, unless they are absurd sexual euphemisms. I have never eaten a Twinkie, and, now, perhaps never will. It was this realization of disaster, together with the whispered recommendation of friends and acquaintances, that caused me to pick up a box of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls by way of an impulse purchase at the grocery store tonight. They seemed ill at ease between several packages of tofu dogs and a bag of avocados. If it is possible for box of snack cakes to look guilty, this one did so.
Then I got them home and opened the box. There followed an indistinct time in which something occurred after the fashion of a moral hiatus. When I was putting my pants back on I saw that the box was half-empty.
_Where have these things been all my life??_
I think this is what people mean when they talk about a religious experience. These cakes merit praise in their every substance: deliciously adequate chocolate cake, neither too heavy nor too dry, coupled with fluffy and sweet creamy filling in a tubular roll that yields the half-fancied experience of giving a blowjob to the chocolate fairy, but all enrobed in a tidy chocolate coating that makes it possible to eat without looking as though that’s exactly what you’ve done.
Half the box still remains, but I don’t think it will survive the night.
[I’m not sure if this belongs more in Cafe Society or here, but I figure the mundane pointlessosity is sufficiently high. :D]
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### Author:  [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/2 "2012-12-31T04:19:43Z")
Meh, wait til you try them when you’re _not_ high.
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### Author:  [@Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pine_Fresh_Scent)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/3 "2012-12-31T06:29:25Z")
[del]Meth[/del] Little Debbie Swiss Rolls: Not even once.
Had them every day for dessert in high school. I would use the thick white paper insert to slice them into pieces to prolong the experience. Good times.
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### Author:  [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/4 "2012-12-31T06:34:18Z")
> [@Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](#):
>
> [del]Meth[/del] Little Debbie Swiss Rolls: Not even once.
> Had them every day for lunch in high school. I would use the thick white paper insert to slice them into pieces to prolong the experience. Good times.
I peeled off the chocolate coating, ate that, _then_ sliced them with the white paper thing while at school. If I was at home, I would just inhale as many as I could before someone realized what I was doing.
Nowadays, I don’t buy them (or any of the other Little Debbie type stuff, which is all basically the same) because I’ll eat the entire box in a day or two.\*
But, to this day, I’ve never eaten a Twinkie, amongst all the junk food my mom kept in the house, Twinkies were never around. Now, they don’t even look appealing.
\*Once or twice a year I’ll give in and buy a box of Swiss Rolls or Pinwheels or Double Stuff Oreos or Double Stuff E.L. Fudge cookies or something along those lines and say “The hell with real food for the next few days”.
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### Author:  [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/5 "2012-12-31T07:12:47Z")
Oh Og, what you’ve got to try is their seasonal (only around Christmas time) Cherry Cordials. They are truly the ambrosia of the gods. I swear, it’s a good thing they don’t produce them during the rest of the year or I’d need a forklift to get around. Yummmmmmy!
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### Author:  [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/6 "2012-12-31T07:19:25Z")
Welcome to the ranks of the damned, **Stealth Potato**!
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### Author:  [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/7 "2012-12-31T07:26:52Z")
I’ve never had a Little Debbie Swiss Roll, but I have had the similar treats available here in Canada.
Mmmm … Jos Louis and Lune Moons (as we English called them), always be available.
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### Author:  [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunzio_Tavulari)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/8 "2012-12-31T07:51:20Z")
Do not EVER get the temptation to buy the swiss rolls at Aldi because they are cheaper. They do not taste like any known substance and they dissolve upon contact with saliva.
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### Author:  [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/9 "2012-12-31T13:24:09Z")
> [@Stealth\_Potato](#):
>
> …a box of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls …
>
> I think this is what people mean when they talk about a religious experience. These cakes merit praise in their every substance: deliciously adequate chocolate cake, neither too heavy nor too dry, coupled with fluffy and sweet creamy filling in a tubular roll
As I read this far I was thinking the Little Debbie marketing department would be printing your review on the side of every box.
> [@](#):
>
> that yields the half-fancied experience of giving a blowjob to the chocolate fairy,
Then I read this. 😛
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### Author:  [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/10 "2012-12-31T16:56:09Z")
the Little Debbie roll is but the beginning of a force in life that will forever continue.
For thou hast not yet tasteth the Hostess Cup Cake.
A thing of sublime beauty that doth shine and openeth the gates of the heavens.
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### Author:  [@Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fluffy_PickleSniffer)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/11 "2012-12-31T17:01:33Z")
Mmmm… stick a box of those Little Debbie Swiss Rolls in the freezer. Heavenly. I can total a box in a day once frozen. No wonder I need to lose weight.
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### Author:  [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/12 "2012-12-31T17:04:13Z")
I’ve eaten plenty of Ding Dongs, Hostess Cupcakes, and Twinkies in my time, but never a Little Debbie Swiss Roll. I liked these snacks when I was a kid, but tapered off when I was a teenager. After Hostess went bankrupt I bought a package of not-Hostess Twinkie analogues. They tasted _exactly_ as I remember the last Twinkies I ate years ago. No need to get any more. (Although it just occurred to me that they might be good dunked in coffee.)
Maybe I’ll try a Little Debbie Swiss Roll. But I’m not going to go out of my way to.
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### Author:  [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/13 "2012-12-31T17:41:08Z")
Eschewing these odious Spawns of Satan was one of the keys to my losing 60+ pounds the last 2 years. The horrible aftertaste they leave in your mouth helps in that regard, however.
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### Author:  [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/14 "2012-12-31T17:53:56Z")
Now you need to move on to the Star Crunches. Chocolate covered caramel rice crispie crack. Mmm…
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### Author:  [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/15 "2012-12-31T17:54:36Z")
> [@Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](#):
>
> [del]Meth[/del] Little Debbie Swiss Rolls: Not even once.
Hahaaaa! That is cracking me up.
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### Author:  [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/16 "2012-12-31T17:59:13Z")
I don’t tend to bring that sort of thing into the house. But when my kids were four and five, I decided that they needed the experience - so brought home over the course of a year both Twinkies and Swiss Rolls (Ding Dongs were my favorite, but were hard to find before hostess went bankrupt). The kids thought they’d died and gone to heaven (and I thought 'these aren’t nearly as good as I remember). Once in a while now I bring that stuff in for a treat for the kids, its rare.
I went to a frou frou restaurant once where I had the best ding dong ever. It was real cake with a sweetened marscarpone in the middle covered with chocolate ganache. But it looked, and was very reminiscent of a Ding Dong…as if some CIA trained chef was reliving his childhood.
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### Author:  [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/17 "2012-12-31T18:12:18Z")
The only Little Debbie that I regularly eat is the oatmeal creme pie.
But as a little kid, they were always what was up for an after school snack. I’d set myself up with one of those babies and a glass of milk and watch He-Man and the Thundercats until it was time to do my homework. Good times, good times.
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### Author:  [@SerafinaPekala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SerafinaPekala)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/18 "2012-12-31T18:30:02Z")
> [@John\_DiFool](#):
>
> Eschewing these odious Spawns of Satan was one of the keys to my losing 60+ pounds the last 2 years. The horrible aftertaste they leave in your mouth helps in that regard, however.
These things cause brain tumors, right along with cell phones! 😮 I succumbed to those Hostess Snoballs (came in a pkg with one pink and one white) when I was a kid and havent been right since.
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### Author:  [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/19 "2012-12-31T18:55:49Z")
> [@faithfool](#):
>
> Oh Og, what you’ve got to try is their seasonal (only around Christmas time) Cherry Cordials. They are truly the ambrosia of the gods. I swear, it’s a good thing they don’t produce them during the rest of the year or I’d need a forklift to get around. Yummmmmmy!
And here I thought I was an experienced Little Debbie fan. I’m going to be looking for those. The Little Debbie web page tells me the closest store is 44.68 miles. Sigh.
My wife buys the Little Debbie Christmas tree cakes. They are so delicious I can’t stop myself once they are in the house. Unfortunately they leave a coating of something in my mouth, I’m hoping it’s lard and not some kind of petroleum product, that can only be relieved by another Christmas tree cake.
I haven’t seen anyone mention Nutty Bars. I could eat those all day long.
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### Author:  [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)
#### Post date: [December 31, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-little-debbie-swiss-roll-for-the-first-time-in-my-life/645630/20 "2012-12-31T19:04:02Z")
I can buy a package of Little Debbie’s Swiss Rolls, eat 'em and be happy. However, I cannot buy a BOX of Little Debbie’s Swiss Rolls because I immediately consider the box to be a single serving. As long as they are in the house I cannot stand it. They sit there in the refrigerator taunting me. They are chocolatey, creamy evil.
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