# I just had a rectal... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 5, 2000, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527 "2000-01-05T19:42:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Thin_Skin)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/1 "2000-01-05T19:42:00Z")
Polyp removed. Just kidding. I had a rectal exam. I love it. The small talk before hand. The pause. The way the doctor pulls his glove on. The initial “Does this hurt,” followed by the inevitable “How about THIS.” Afterwards, he touches a bit of feces to a little test card and immediately throws it away. No cheese and wine however… ---
**Author:** ![dlv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dlv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dlv)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/2 "2000-01-05T19:43:00Z")
mazal tov. ---
**Author:** ![Gazelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/3 "2000-01-05T19:45:00Z")
Asphincterseswhut? ---
**Author:** ![Mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/4 "2000-01-05T19:45:00Z")
I hate to tell you this, MTS, but that wasn’t a doctor. ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/5 "2000-01-05T19:48:00Z")
> [@](#): > > mazal tov Holy Shit. That was the funniest thing I’ve read all day. 🙂 🙂 * * * -Jesus Saves He passes to Mike Modano. THEY SCORE!!! ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/6 "2000-01-05T19:54:00Z")
And the Dallas Doper meeting is considered a rousing success. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/7 "2000-01-05T20:05:00Z")
Quote from some comic whose name I can’t recall: “When your doctor gives you a rectal exam, are BOTH his hands supposed to be on your shoulders?” ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/8 "2000-01-05T20:07:00Z")
Did you give him your number? If so, do you think he’ll call? 🙂 🙂 * * * Everybody got to elevate from the norm - Rush ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Thin_Skin)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/9 "2000-01-05T20:21:00Z")
Well, I guess it just shows how naive I am. I didn’t even consider the mind-in-gutter aspect of this post when I made it. I was simply reacting the the pimple-popping, cheese and wine thread. :::Sigh::: It all comes from make fun of others… “mazel tov” was quite funny however… I am now preparing for responses that will most likely have numerous references to my you-know-what. But just you wait. On a normal sort of visit to your doctor he’ll look at your chart, pause, and say “It’s time.” Rest assured he’s not talking about lunch. ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/10 "2000-01-05T20:28:00Z")
Oh boy, now I can talk about someone else’s butt, talking about Satan’s was getting kind of old. How can I ever thank you Mr. ThinSkin ? Oh Byz., where are you ? * * * Ayesha - Lioness * * * There are two solutions to every problem : the wrong one, and mine (Thomas A. Edison) ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/11 "2000-01-05T20:43:00Z")
How do you know it was his finger? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/12 "2000-01-05T21:45:00Z")
whew. i thought it was another felch thread. * * * so you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts. what’s so amazing about really deep thoughts? Tori Amos ---
**Author:** ![kellibelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e480ec/32.png) [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/13 "2000-01-06T00:24:00Z")
Did they doctor look like…Heatherlee? Aw c’mon! You were all thinking it!! * * * Who so ever quoteth bullshiteth to thine kellibelli shalt kisseth her big fat lily white asseth. This is from the Book of Hippocracy, chapter 4-69. See, I cited a quote, therefore, it is true. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/14 "2000-01-06T00:40:00Z")
Mr Thin Skin : Well, I guess it just shows how naive I am. I didn’t even consider the mind-in-gutter aspect of this post when I made it. I was simply reacting the the pimple-popping, cheese and wine thread. Look at the post again, and think of any other way we could have taking that. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/15 "2000-01-06T00:41:00Z")
Greathouse, ‘holy shit’ is reserved for when RevTim gets it done. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/16 "2000-01-06T04:40:00Z")
> [@](#): > > And the Dallas Doper meeting is considered a rousing success. Jeez, I know the attendence wasn’t all I’d hoped for but it WAS more fun than a rectal exam. Do you have to rub it in like that? * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![N\_oR\_jVIaL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce7236/32.png) [@N\_oR\_jVIaL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N_oR_jVIaL)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/17 "2000-01-06T05:20:00Z")
## “But just you wait. On a normal sort of visit to your doctor he’ll look at your chart, pause, and say “It’s time.” Rest assured he’s not talking about lunch.” I just hope that he doesn’t screw in a Moodglow light bulb and start humming Strangers in the Night. ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/18 "2000-01-06T05:25:00Z")
Try having a gynocological exam…you get one finger in your anus and one in your vagina…talk about uncomfortable…gads you men have it easy! (they say it’s to check for unusual lumps in the lining) Bet you men wouldn’t appreciate that now would you? ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/19 "2000-01-06T05:46:00Z")
Uh, is there a third alternative? I mean, somewhere completely aside from pimple popping and rubber gloves in non-public orifices? Actually after all this I don’t even want to think about manicures and cuticle clipping. (Though to be precise I guess the next logical “I just had…” would refer to a pedicure. _Don’t_ tell me!) In information overload, Veb ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527/20 "2000-01-06T05:50:00Z")
They should make a movie. Dr. Coldfinger. * * * Stop telling God what to do. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-had-a-rectal/12527.md?page=2)