# I just learned that one of my coworkers speaks Klingon. Help me make fun of him. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 4, 2003, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553 "2003-04-04T21:05:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorkusmalorkusmafia/32/7266_2.png) [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/1 "2003-04-04T21:05:24Z")
When I found out I couldn’t stop laughing (to his face) and now of course I want to go the route of evil and make fun of him. He has a little poster that he made with some Klingon motto on it that he wrote. I asked him what it was and he said “blah blah blah” (that’s his Klingon language) which means “Live long and prosper” or some such hokey in Klingon. I couldn’t tell you exactly what it meant because by then I was laughing too hard. I then see that his choice of reading materials consisted of a Klingon dictionary complete with cassettes and something called “Conversational Klingon.” I often wondered what he was doing muttering to himself during the day. Now I know. Damn was that funny. Before anyone tries to call me an insensitive prig, I am trying to get all the laughter out so by the time I actually see him again, I won’t laugh at him to his face again. But damn, that was the funniest thing I saw all day. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/2 "2003-04-04T21:21:01Z")
Ask to see his lightsaber. Ask if he knows Yoda. Say “Are you one of them Jedi?” in an awed voice. Yes, I know it’s the wrong “Star”, but the StarDorks tend to get offended if you mix them up. ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/3 "2003-04-04T21:22:46Z")
“Hur hur hur. You speak Klingon. Hur hur hur.” ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/4 "2003-04-04T21:23:56Z")
Tell him he has no honor. Or, the next time he says something in any conversation, regardless of language, say to the group, “What the Klingon has said is unimportant, and we don’t hear his words.” Or, call him **Aesiron** , that’ll fix him! 😃 Say to him, “Growl for me Worf. For old time’s sake.” “You Klingon bastard! You killed my son!” ---
**Author:** ![IDemandBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a88e57/32.png) [@IDemandBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IDemandBeer)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/5 "2003-04-04T21:26:06Z")
“You’re jealous of Kirk 'cause he gets all the ladies, aren’t you?” “Were you the red-shirt guy, got pissed at being killed all the time, and defected to the Klingon Empire for revenge?” “You know what color Uhura’s panties were, don’t you?” For a start. 🙂 –IDB ---
**Author:** ![ThatGuyWithPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@ThatGuyWithPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThatGuyWithPants)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/6 "2003-04-04T21:33:35Z")
You’ve GOT to go buy one of those Klingon battle sword thingies and challange him to a duel. You know what I’m talkin about. Go [here.](http://home.t-online.de/home/paul.yeo/manual_3.htm) dont worry about the laughing. I woulda done the saaaame thing 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorkusmalorkusmafia/32/7266_2.png) [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/7 "2003-04-04T21:37:24Z")
Kantaloopi, that is about what I did already. I guess it wouldn’t be as funny if he didn’t look to be in his mid-50’s. ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/8 "2003-04-04T21:43:13Z")
No need to make fun of him. He’s already humiliated himself enough by learning Klingon in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/9 "2003-04-04T21:58:10Z")
Next time you see him, tell him “Hab SoSlI’ Quch!” (roughly phonetic: khab shoshlih khooch --make it as harsh and guttural as you can, and kinda gag on the “kh” sounds). It means “Your mother has a smooth forehead!” Yes, I looked it up. Even I’m not that much of a geek. Really, I never learned to read Noldorian script… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorkusmalorkusmafia/32/7266_2.png) [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/10 "2003-04-04T21:59:38Z")
Everyone get Balance. He is one of “them” too. 😉 Knowing that “Noldorian” is a script is about the same. Damn that made me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![robgruver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@robgruver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robgruver)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/11 "2003-04-04T22:10:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ThatGuyWithPants \* > \*\*You’ve GOT to go buy one of those Klingon battle sword thingies and challange him to a duel. You know what I’m talkin about. Go [here.](http://home.t-online.de/home/paul.yeo/manual_3.htm) > \*\* Its called a bat’leH. /me goes and hides as everyone laughs at him. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/12 "2003-04-04T22:11:30Z")
Has no one mentioned _p’taQ_ yet? C’mon, people… it’s the quintessential Klingon insult! _Ha’DIbaH_ works too. Or if you want to insult him in English, just call him a Rommie. Anyone with any common sense and taste would be honored to be called a Romulan but since he likes the Klingons, it’s obvious he doesn’t. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingDragonFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@FlyingDragonFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingDragonFan)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/13 "2003-04-04T22:39:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ThatGuyWithPants \* > You’ve GOT to go buy one of those Klingon battle sword thingies and challange him to a duel. You know what I’m talkin about. Go [here.](http://home.t-online.de/home/paul.yeo/manual_3.htm) This is by far the weirdest thing I’ve seen at least today. A website giving instructions on how to fight like a Klingon, with accompanying full make-up photos, in German no less. What a mad, mad, mad world we live in. Isn’t it great? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/14 "2003-04-04T23:49:00Z")
**Dorkusmalorkusmafia** , As soon as I read your OP, I remembered that you can [Google](http://www.google.com/intl/xx-klingon/) in Klingon. I don’t know the lingo, so I don’t know how useful this is… looks fun, though.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Spudo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Spudo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spudo)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/15 "2003-04-04T23:58:41Z")
Next time you’re in a group of people with him just ask “Hey, can you speak Klingon?” ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/16 "2003-04-05T00:00:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tabithina \* > \*\ ***Dorkusmalorkusmafia** , > As soon as I read your OP, I remembered that you can [Google](http://www.google.com/intl/xx-klingon/) in Klingon. I don’t know the lingo, so I don’t know how useful this is… looks fun, though.🙂 \*\* It works just like in English. Just the labels are different. ---
**Author:** ![ThatGuyWithPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@ThatGuyWithPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThatGuyWithPants)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/17 "2003-04-05T02:21:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FlyingDragonFan \* > \*\*This is by far the weirdest thing I’ve seen at least today. A website giving instructions on how to fight like a Klingon, with accompanying full make-up photos, in German no less. What a mad, mad, mad world we live in. Isn’t it great? 😃 \*\* Yes indeed. I find it ironic that if this co-worker were to come across this german bat’leH user (kudos to **robgruver** for enlightening us on the name 😛 ), even though they are an ocean apart, they could speak the true romantic lanugage: Klingon. > [@](#): > > Ja! Sie sprechen Klingon, wie ich! Läßt wildes leidenschaftliches Geschlecht haben! Ist das ein bat’leH in Ihren Hosen, oder sind Sie glücklich, mich zu sehen? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/18 "2003-04-05T02:35:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gotpasswords \* > \*\*It works just like in English. Just the labels are different. \*\* I know…but it’s _still_ fun. They also have [Bork!Bork!Bork!](http://www.google.com/intl/xx-bork/), [Hacker](http://www.google.com/intl/xx-hacker/), [Elmer Fudd](http://www.google.com/intl/xx-elmer/), and [Pig Latin](http://www.google.com/intl/xx-piglatin/), among others. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/19 "2003-04-05T02:51:44Z")
Actually, the sad thing about this Klingon-speaking clown is that he taught himself to speak an artificial language that has no native-speaking constituency. He could have taught himself Spanish so that he could improve his employment opportunities and converse with Central American immigrants. He could have taught himself French, which would allow him to travel through a great swath of Africa, the Middle East, and Canada. He could have taught himself Japanese so he could read Basho in the original or Italian so he could enjoy opera without having to focus on the English supertitles over the stage. There are so many cultures and literary heritages he could have unlocked by learning a real language. Instead, he learned a language that is accessible only to professional linguists and socially dysfunctional geeks. Sad. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2003, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553/20 "2003-04-05T03:53:51Z")
[Comic Book Guy] Is there a Klingon word for loneliness? (flips through pocket Klingon dictionary) Ah yes. Gul’DACHK!\* [/Comic Book Buy] - I guessed at the spelling, since I don’t speak geek. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-learned-that-one-of-my-coworkers-speaks-klingon-help-me-make-fun-of-him/166553.md?page=2)