# I just took off my shirt to eat a sandwich. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 4, 2003, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337 "2003-04-04T00:44:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Treviathan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@Treviathan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treviathan)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/1 "2003-04-04T00:44:28Z")
Why? Because my sandwich is massive. It is enormous. It is _godlike_. My sandwich towers over other sandwiches. If it had legs, it would kick sand in the face of the other ninety-gram weaklings. My sandwich is the British Empire of sandwiches. The sun will never set on _this_ sandwich. If I were having vegetable soup as well, the sandwich would colonize it, installing a pro-sandwich government and enslaving the soggy carrots. It is an alpha sandwich. It is voluptuous. The slices of smoked chicken spill over the sides like Angelina Jolie in a B cup. Noah could carve the ark out of the pickles and sail endlessly on the vast seas of mayonnaise, carrying two of every bean sprout. My sandwich has its own postal code. It has a standing army. It has a seat on the UN. It may not have weapons of mass destruction, but it does have provolone of mass deliciousness. I fear this sandwich. I fear what it could do to my precious shirt. I want to wear this shirt out later. Now I feel oddly vulnerable, half-naked, in the presence of such an imposing sandwich. I can feel its eyes on me, leering. It knows what it wants. It knows how to get it. I have crossed the line. I have tampered with ingredients that human beings were not meant to tamper with. Like the doomed Dr. Frankenstein, I have given life to a monster, albeit one made with tangy italian dressing instead of rotting flesh. But I will not back down. This sandwich is not going to get the better of me. I shall prevail, God willing. Have at thee, sandwich! AARRGGGKRRGLLLLGFFFMFFRAARARGGGGGGGARMMMMFFFFFFFFFAAAAARRRLFFRGGGGGGG!!! (burp) šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/2 "2003-04-04T00:55:44Z")
Today you are a man, Treviathan. ---
**Author:** ![Khadro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@Khadro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadro)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/3 "2003-04-04T00:56:59Z")
Hey, cool sandwich. It sounds pretty big. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/4 "2003-04-04T00:59:38Z")
Actually, I was kinda hoping Trev was a girl. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/5 "2003-04-04T01:01:18Z")
Sounds nummy. I used to take my glasses off to eat watermelon. Such was my enthusiasm. Now I just wear contact lenses. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/6 "2003-04-04T01:30:48Z")
You should eat a muffuletta. ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/7 "2003-04-04T01:46:20Z")
> [@](#): > > You should eat a muffuletta. Sleazy remarks like that are completely uncalled for! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/8 "2003-04-04T01:53:38Z")
Not sleazy at all! Just a bit messy. Good news! Trader Joeā€™s carrys muffuletta salad, so I donā€™t have to make it myself. (And the nearby Italian market doesnā€™t hurt for the rest of the ingredients. šŸ™‚ ) ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/9 "2003-04-04T02:09:41Z")
1. Whatā€™s a muffuletta? 2. Gimme some. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/10 "2003-04-04T02:23:56Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. Whatā€™s a muffuletta? Here ya go: [Muffuletta recipe](http://myweb.cableone.net/howle/page/muffuletta.htm) I prefer them hot, because the flavours blend nicely. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/11 "2003-04-04T02:33:57Z")
Wow! I make an olive dip that has almost the same ingredients (plus sundried tomatoes) and the rest of the sandwich is pretty much what I consider to be the basis of a decent sub anyway. Iā€™ve put some odd combinations into sammiches, but it never occurred to me to use my olive dip as a condiment! Lunch tomorrow is gonna be awesome. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/12 "2003-04-04T02:50:00Z")
**Treviathan** , that sandwich sure sounds good. It would sound a lot better with a description other than itā€™s size (i.e. whatā€™s in it, did you make it yourself or buy it, if bought, where from, if not, can you make me one?) ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/13 "2003-04-04T04:00:44Z")
Iā€™m another who was hoping **Treviathan** was a girl. ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/14 "2003-04-04T04:58:19Z")
Are you going to eat the rest of that? ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/15 "2003-04-04T05:24:04Z")
I read the OP when I was sober and hungry. Iā€™ve read it again now that Iā€™m half drunk and full. It stands up. Bravo, **Treviathan** , a true triumph of shirtless sandwich prose! If you could just stop there and not do another descriptive post about getting the crumbs out of your chest hair, itā€™d be greatly appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![unclviny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e274bd/32.png) [@unclviny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unclviny)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/16 "2003-04-04T06:11:55Z")
On reading the thread title, I assumed that the OP was in Louisiana having his first po-boy experience, after my first time, I needed a hose to clean up me and my truck (I ate on the tailgate), but now I MUST stop there if at all possible (a gas station in Bayou Vista, I think itā€™s a Chevron, itā€™s on 90). Unclviny ---
**Author:** ![Siegfried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Siegfried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siegfried)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/17 "2003-04-04T07:24:37Z")
Welp, Iā€™m hungry now. ---
**Author:** ![The\_MacDairmuid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_MacDairmuid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_MacDairmuid)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/18 "2003-04-04T07:31:03Z")
**Treviathan** , that was not a sandwich you just had. That was a **Dagwood**! And congratulations. Welcome to the club. ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/19 "2003-04-04T07:46:07Z")
It was from Primanti Brothers, right? If not, tis but a finger food. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337/20 "2003-04-04T08:17:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Treviathan \* > **It is voluptuous. The slices of smoked chicken spill over the sides like Angelina Jolie in a B cup.** The first sentence reminds me of a remark my friend Sean made a couple weeks ago when we were all out to eat after Fellowshipā€¦ > [@](#): > > ā€œDo you think Iā€™m _voluptuous_?ā€ No, we certainly donā€™tā€¦ especially if he was using a very feminine voice to ask us that question! (he was also pretending to be gayā€¦ Iā€™m sure his girlfriend was very impressedā€¦ NOT!) The second sentence? Iā€™m sure **Spoz** will be very happy to hear thatā€¦ now, what sort of sandwich was that again? šŸ˜‰ Seriously though, it sounds like quite the sandwich. F\_X [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-took-off-my-shirt-to-eat-a-sandwich/166337.md?page=2)