# I Just Tooted at Work **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 3, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767 "2011-11-03T18:44:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/61 "2011-11-10T06:36:26Z")
My mom, she usually is guilty of the SBD’s, but occasionally would toot. Her responses were thus: Inside @ home - “There’s a goose hiding in here somewhere” Outside - “Look! Geese!” Inside in public, like at a store - “I didn’t know they let geese in here.” ---
**Author:** ![pyromyte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d26b3c/32.png) [@pyromyte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pyromyte)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/62 "2011-11-10T16:23:01Z")
Yeah, this is surprising. I work at a factory that is mostly (nearly all) male. Farting is like the favorite pastime here. We have a maintenence guy that likes to fart into a machine or electrical panel, then get the attention of another technician and tell him that such-and-such machine is acting up and can he go look at it. Of course the tech, goes over, opens the guarding or panel door, sticks his face in to get a better look, and much laughing is had by all. Another guy likes to wait for a group of business execs or something to come through on a tour. He’ll go right in the midst of them and just cut loose, no one can hear anything because its a noisy factory, but all the operators and other witnesses just enjoy all the uncomfortable reactions. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/63 "2011-11-10T17:47:24Z")
During the “toxic gases” portion of a safety meeting at my workplace, nearly two minutes was spent discussing the gases produced by two of the shop workers. As far as the guys in the office are concerned, I think a great deal of cropdusting takes place…they aren’t very vocal about it. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/64 "2011-11-11T01:23:28Z")
I am so glad where I work isn’t a fart fest. And I’ll repeat again that I’m so glad I have my own office. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/65 "2011-11-11T02:01:23Z")
> [@ShermanAter](#): > > “That’s going to itch when it dries” I love that - I’m going to have to use that next time my husband lets loose a particularly juicy one. > [@Dorabella](#): > > \ > Moose looked serious for a moment then replied, ‘Nah, a woman couldn’t do as well as that.’ He hasn’t met enough women. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/66 "2011-11-11T02:12:05Z")
“I stepped on a duck!” “Someone light a match!” “Hi! Opal!” Give person nearby a dirty look “Geez dude!” “I play the butt trumpet!” “Good to hear from the accounting department.” “I forgot to ask you to pull my finger.” “I think you boys have had enough beans.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2011, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/67 "2011-11-11T03:17:55Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > \ > > “I think you boys have had enough beans.” [Because it makes me laugh every time I watch it.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6dm9rN6oTs) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/68 "2011-11-14T17:08:10Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > I’m just stunned that the OP farts so infrequently that he/she hasn’t done it at work before, and thinks this rare level of farting requires a nutritionist and a diet change! Since my gastric bypass, passing gas is much more frequent, and occasionally too fragrant. I keep a mini-bottle of air freshener handy for those inevitable moments, which my boss teases me about but appreciates (we also use it after the homeless guys walk through). But even before the surgery…gas happens. Follow Miss Manners advice, or just say, “so sorry…excuse me”! Just to clarify, the OP was in the middle of an absolute tsunami of flattus. I seriously did not think my immediate surroundings would ever be the same again, and there had been a couple of days of this. As a rule, I had been able to get to the bathroom in advance of the most formidible episodes of Brownian motion, but on that day I was responsible for things that might have been mistaken for signifiers of the apocalypse in an era defined by omens and portents. In my absence, I believe my coworkers dowsed my chair and other acoutrements with aerosol treatments for such conditions. In other words, this was not some pedestrian fart that could be excused with a wink and a nod. I was inadvertently guilty of offenses against the shared dignity of humanity, and for that, I did greviously repent. Since the OP, it’s been better. There was a smoothie recipe that I had very obviously overindulged in, the consequences of which did not become obvious for a couple of days later. I’ve been able to get by on smaller portions going forward, and am focusing on increasing my aerobic fitness (no, not THAT aerobic fitness, the regular one) and general weight loss. Thank you all for your support during this emotional time. It has really meant a lot to me. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2011, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/69 "2011-11-14T17:50:21Z")
You’re welcome. 🙂 My husband has a recipe for incredible flatulence - it involves carbo-loading and protein-loading and I think there’s chocolate cake in there somewhere. Why, you ask, does he have a recipe for this? I ask myself the same thing some times. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2011, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/70 "2011-11-14T19:51:30Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > Funny, I would have thought the appropriate SDMB advice would be to shout: > > _ **I’m tooting like a motherfucker!!!** _ I burning your toot! 😃 Actually, I agree with the remain quiet folks. Although I would be very, very worried if someone were to come up to me afterwards and tell me what I had for dinner last night. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2011, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/71 "2011-11-14T20:11:20Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > If deferring the blam were even remotely possible, rest assured that I would have done so. > > As it sits, I am working with a nutritionist on a change in diet. If you’re approaching 40, changing your diet won’t help. Farts are part of middle age. Learn to live with it. ---
**Author:** ![gerund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ed655f/32.png) [@gerund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gerund)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2011, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/72 "2011-11-14T21:50:49Z")
> [@divemaster](#): > > Look around and say “Chriiiist! Did a cow shit in here?” \* > > \*somewhat obscure movie reference HAHA. This is the best suggestion. I find hand sanitizer helpful for dealing with the lingering effects of ripping ass. It’s been my experience that it helps mask the odor quite effectively. I recommend it for everyone’s office. Nothing worse than someone coming in there moments after a toot. ---
**Author:** ![brittekland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@brittekland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brittekland)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2011, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/73 "2011-11-15T05:28:35Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > Just to clarify, the OP was\*\* in the middle of an absolute tsunami of flattus.\*\* I seriously did not think my immediate surroundings would ever be the same again, and there had been a couple of days of this. As a rule, I had been able to get to the bathroom in advance of the most **formidible** episodes of **Brownian motion** , but on that day I was responsible for things that might have been mistaken for **signifiers of the apocalypse in an era defined by omens and portents.** In my absence, I believe my coworkers dowsed my chair and other acoutrements with aerosol treatments for such conditions. In other words, this was not some pedestrian fart that could be excused with a wink and a nod. I was **inadvertently guilty of offenses against the shared dignity of humanity** , and for that, I did **greviously repent**. If it wasn’t for “ **flattus** ” I would have thought this might be about something of an earth shattering cosmic calamity. I surely can relate though… one night out to a friend’s band outing I eat a few peanuts and drank some brewskies and the rest of that evening was permanently etched in my brain. ---
**Author:** ![SeaCanary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@SeaCanary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaCanary)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2011, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767/74 "2011-11-15T06:41:53Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > [Because it makes me laugh every time I watch it.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6dm9rN6oTs) 😃 With your snake-oil, herbs and your liniments too, You can do anything that a doctor can do, **Except find a cure for your own goddamn stew,** On the Goodnight trail, On the Loving trail… – ([Recording of](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZL2E0173IY#t=00m56s)) _On the Goodnight Trail, On the Loving Trail_ ('Utah" Phillips) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-tooted-at-work/601767.md?page=3)