# "I just wish you'd asked me first." Irrational? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 28, 2013, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-wish-youd-asked-me-first-irrational/648649 "2013-01-28T20:47:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-wish-youd-asked-me-first-irrational/648649/41 "2013-01-29T17:19:23Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > They might not need to be taught a lesson, they might just need to be asked not to do that anymore. If he’s a reasonable guy, he’ll understand. I guess I’ve become cynical on this point - in the past, when I used to try the method you suggest, things would seem okay at first, and then the mistake would get made again, in short order. I don’t know if the people in question were just blithely ignoring my request to be consulted, or purposefully relying on my willingness to relent with no more than a mild admonishment for their troubles. So now, it’s just “No.” ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-wish-youd-asked-me-first-irrational/648649/42 "2013-01-29T19:13:28Z")
Rachellelogram, it’s a new relationship, but remember we teach people how to treat us. You said something I can’t find now about how you let things go without saying anything. Some things aren’t worth it, yes, but don’t make a habit of repressing your feelings or at some point you’ll blow. This doesn’t mean you have to be a bitch, but calmly assertive like you were in this situation. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-wish-youd-asked-me-first-irrational/648649/43 "2013-01-29T19:46:36Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > I guess I’ve become cynical on this point - in the past, when I used to try the method you suggest, things would seem okay at first, and then the mistake would get made again, in short order. Oh believe me, I’ve had the same experience. But still if I had a reasonable boyfriend I’d give him one chance to just be asked, since it really doesn’t sound like it was a big deal at all. I always have to set and vigorously defend limits with my nutjob bf and I’m so tired of it. I’d love to be able to just ask something and not teach lessons. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-wish-youd-asked-me-first-irrational/648649/44 "2013-01-29T20:20:36Z")
Blackberry! You’re a cool chick. Don’t put up with too much crap, you deserve better than that! ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-wish-youd-asked-me-first-irrational/648649/45 "2013-01-29T20:26:13Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > Thanks for the advice. For what it’s worth, here’s the situation. If your answer changes based on the facts here, by all means let me know: > > We’ve been doing 2v2 arena games in WoW for about a month now. We’re not doing badly, we have a fairly strong comp (plate healer/plate dps) and win more than we lose. We’ve only ever done the bare minimum of games to cap our conquest points every week, though. I’m the healer, and this is an alt character I haven’t played seriously in a couple years (and I’ve never PVPd with this class at all). > > Now, out of nowhere, he told me today that he had talked his rogue friend into doing 3v3 arenas with us next week. I was surprised, because we’ve never discussed doing 3v3s with anybody. And, while I don’t mind PVP, I don’t spend much time on it at all. And I don’t think I’m going to be very good at 3s (because I have shit gear, shit skill, and the more people you add to a team, the more clusterfucky it becomes). The only reason I’m really doing arenas on this character is because he’s my boyfriend and I know he won’t judge me harshly when I fuck up. The only mention I’ve \*ever \*made of doing arenas with more than 2 people (a couple weeks back, maybe?) is that I really, really suck at focusing on that many targets at once. > > But still, if he’d asked me if I wanted to do 3s with him and his friend, I would have said yes–provided that his friend was made aware of my relative lack of PVP skill because it’s my alt (I’m trying to play a paladin but I have priest instincts). So, because I would have said yes anyway, I kinda didn’t see the point of rocking the boat. Also, we’re probably going to do 3v3 in lieu of 2v2, so it’s not like I’m \*necessarily \*going to spend “more” time doing arenas than I’ve been spending on them already. We might even get them done faster, if we turn out to be good. But more likely I’m going to suck hardcore and maybe not have a good time. > > Anyway, long story short: I’m really cranky today for unrelated reasons, and wanted to make sure I wasn’t blowing this out of proportion. But in the past, I’ve been guilty of trying to be the “cool” girlfriend all the time, and thus choosing not to bring up stuff that bothers me. I wasn’t sure if this was a cross worth dying on. And I absolutely would not have been “duh, yes” if he’d asked me about this. I’d have considered it for a while, and wanted to make sure his friend was ok in the (likely) event of my failure to be pro. It’s all right stewardess, I speak jive. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-wish-youd-asked-me-first-irrational/648649/46 "2013-01-29T20:27:08Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > It’s all right stewardess, I speak jive. Ok, that slayed me. I scared the dog off the bed laughing out loud. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-wish-youd-asked-me-first-irrational/648649/47 "2013-01-29T20:35:10Z")
Yeah, I’d definitely check with my gf before committing to a threesome. Sounds like fun, though! ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-wish-youd-asked-me-first-irrational/648649/48 "2013-01-29T20:35:21Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > Blackberry! You’re a cool chick. Don’t put up with too much crap, you deserve better than that! Thanks 🙂 Actually I wasn’t putting up with it anymore but, sigh, now his beloved dog is dying and he needs me. He’s not playing up how sad he is either, he LOVES that dog. If Hitler called me crying like he did the other day I’d probably comfort him too. Not to hijack. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-just-wish-youd-asked-me-first-irrational/648649.md?page=2)