# I killed three threads in a row. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 2000, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656 "2000-12-08T18:20:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2000, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/21 "2000-12-10T13:53:18Z")
out of the fog and darkness emerges steeljaw. shrouded under a hooded sweatshirt jeans and tennis shoes, he cracks his knuckles of death, still dripping with crimson blood from his last kill. he surveys the area, looking for his next victim. What does he find? His own thread. he begins stomping toward the helpless thread with murderous intentions. he sits down at his computer and begins his work; mercilessly destroying the thread from OP to last. the sounds of typing can be heard in the distance, coupled with the shrill screams and intermitent gasps of the victim aaaaaaaaaahhhh, another day, another kill. p.s. I’ll change the sig apostrophe thing now ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/22 "2000-12-11T03:32:31Z")
hi steeljaw, I too was there in September, I too ate knisch, I too strove in vain to kill the thread…but you can’t kill this one! Second page on a Sunday doesn’t count! right, since Struuter didn’t bring food this time, nor her cloak, who wants drinking chocolate, cookies and pizza for late night snacks for the night watch? (I’ve brought snausages for you DW, it’s full moon tonight). ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/23 "2000-12-11T03:36:27Z")
AHHHHHROOOOOOO! fierra, I saw the full moon as I let the dogs out before and I thought of you. 🙂 Now let me have those snausages!!! ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/24 "2000-12-11T03:54:24Z")
Ok, but I warn you - I have a phial of Silver Nitrate here… ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/25 "2000-12-11T05:05:41Z")
Sorry, but I’ve been working on my intolerance of silver by gradually drinking increasing amounts of colloidal silver every day. Of course, that wouldn’t help me against a silver _bullet_. Not that I’m trying to give you any ideas! (damn, I can feel my teeth growing, too) Hey! After letting the dogs out again, I just noticed a rainbow around the moon! (It’s a little overcast here.) Oooooooo…creepy. Maybe it’s a (gulp) thready omen… ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/26 "2000-12-11T05:22:11Z")
“Steeljaw–by Ginsu! Order now, quantities limited.” Hey, I feel your pain. Don’t worry about it. (modest toe shuffle) I just tanked **Chief Scott’s** 3600 post party thread. Yep, a popular, witty poster; hell, a horny sailor pleading for outrageous board sex!–I respond and the thread crashes like a pigeon hit with buckshot. _Sigh_. It’s a gift. Veb ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/27 "2000-12-11T14:33:38Z")
Kill my thread will you? The answer is no. No you won’t. I will kill it. And then, I will eat hordes of peanut and jelly sandwiches in celebration of my victorious conquest. At first this started out as something that I was ashamed of, but now, now it is different. I have acquired a taste for thread blood and that taste is insatiable. I will kill every thread, and every person who gets in my way. So beware, steeljaw is on the loose and his jaws are feeling particularly steely today. Steely _and_ deadly. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/28 "2000-12-11T14:38:48Z")
\ That’s a nice look for you. You look very vicious and very threatening. And I’m not just saying that because we’re friends. I brought some milk to go with your sandwiches. I’ll sit back here and watch you work. Don’t mind me… ---
**Author:** ![lolagranola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ea5d25/32.png) [@lolagranola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lolagranola)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/29 "2000-12-11T16:05:13Z")
I always thought that Jester was the killer of threads. No, it’s steeljaw. I’ve inadvertantly cut down some healthy threads before their time as well. I like to think that my innate wisdom is so profound it leaves people speechless. ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/30 "2000-12-11T18:48:24Z")
Don’t mind me. I just stopped by for some milk, and to see if struuter is cold, with that arctic blast heading for the midwest and all. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/31 "2000-12-11T18:59:40Z")
HEADING TO THE MIDWEST?! Gadzooks, I thought it was already here. DW, it is unbearably cold here. Even though the sun is shining, shining with all its might. And I’m freezing. Curl up with me to keep warm? ---
**Author:** ![quasar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/48db29/32.png) [@quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quasar)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/32 "2000-12-11T20:36:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by steeljaw \* > \*\*If anybody cares, go to page two of MPSIMS and about the middle you will see the three dead threads with my name on 'em. > > Jester, if you’re out there, I think that makes me super ultimate thread killer extraodinaire. > \*\* If killing threads were a federal offense, I would be serving several lifetime sentences by now. Therefore, I object to your self-proclaimed status as “super ultimate thread killer extraodinaire.” I, **quasar, the thread assasin** , am the sole propietor of that lofty title. If you have participated in threads boasting my presence, then you should have surely noted that a ridiculous amount of my posts are of the thread-killer variety. Or maybe my posts are just ridiculous and that’s why they are obviated. :rolleyes: In any case, if you want to kill a thread, this simple tactic will suffice: Mention the word **fart** in your post and then proceed to say something complementary in reference to their divine, ecstasy-inducing nature. Something among the lines of: sensual gaseous emanation or magnificent anal fragrance. Somehow, most of the SDMB population suffers from some sort of “fartphobia,” a behavior-altering chemical imbalance that prompts them to neglect posts containing the word fart, when expressed in a “praise-a-fart” context. In short: **Praise a fart, kill a thread**. This method is guaranteed by the way. Or your money back. 🙂 And yes, I declare this thread officially deceased. 😃 * * * What is a fart? A Magnificent gaseous ejaculation that gallantly escapes from the gravitational seduction of the oppressive anus that holds its ethereal essence captive inside its cavernous interiors. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/33 "2000-12-11T20:50:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by quasar \* > …sensual gaseous emanation or magnificent anal fragrance. > \*\* heeheehee. Sensual? Anal fragrance? heeheehee. ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2000, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/34 "2000-12-11T22:57:14Z")
Damn! Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn! Damn this late post! (I’m just mad because I missed an oppurtunity to cuddle with struuter…) ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/35 "2000-12-12T03:02:17Z")
You can cuddle with me…admittedly, it isn’t as cold here, but I’m really worried about your bad omens and might need a wolf to look after me… Steeljaw…I have some salt water here that will fix that problem, stand still dear… ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/36 "2000-12-12T03:16:08Z")
::wanders back in:: This thread’s still alive? I thought I pulled the plug on it days ago… Huh. ::wanders back out, mumbling about cuddling and anal fragrances:: ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/37 "2000-12-12T13:46:28Z")
For the love of Gode (yes, that’s right, Gode), could we **PLEASE** , in the name of all that is sacred cease this talk about… ```auto FFFFF AAAAA RRRRR TTTTT SSSSS F A A R R T S FFF AAAAA RRRRR T SSSSS F A A R R T S F A A R R T SSSSS ``` ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/38 "2000-12-12T14:51:41Z")
It’s STILL cold. Dire? Dire? steeljaw, I’d give you a little peck on the cheek as a morning greeting, but I think my lips would freeze to you…bbbbrrrrrr. As for flatulation…you won’t see me talking about that. I steer clear of flatulation discussions as a rule. Pretty much just avoid the whole subject of flatulation. So, don’t worry about me… ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/39 "2000-12-12T15:10:44Z")
You’re gonna let a little thing like permanent attachment get between me and you. I thought we had something. Die thread die. Or don’t. Whatever is convenient for you. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656/40 "2000-12-12T15:35:33Z")
I was only thinking of you. How could I presume that you’d want me attached like that? Having me draped on you would certainly detract from your ferocity… You realize you’re doing just fine. What you’re feeling now is a perfectly natural development in emotional strengthening. There are phases in thread killing, you know. The first is guilt, or “Oh my god! I’m a thread killer! Look at the lifeless forms that lie in my wake!” The second is anger, or “Aha! I thirst for the blood of innocent threads! Look at the lifeless forms that lie in my wake! Bwahahaha!” The third is forced indifference (it comes from realizing that you don’t kill as many threads as you thought you did), or “If it dies, it dies. Who cares at this point? Anybody have any fudge?” The fourth is denial, or “I don’t kill that many threads. Other people kill more threads than I do. I just…have a way of speaking for others.” The final stage is acceptance, or “Yes. I’ve killed some lovely, healthy threads. It happens. It’s natural. I can’t blame myself or others. It’s all part of life.” And then you eat the fudge. It is probably the most important part in the healing process. So…you want some fudge? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-killed-three-threads-in-a-row/44656.md?page=3)