# I knew it!! It wasn't a massive seismic event; it was gay people. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 5, 2005, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233 "2005-01-05T18:06:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233/81 "2005-01-07T18:18:56Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > Therefore, I request—no, _demand_ that the gays of my country “get it on” in overdrive until cataclysmic natural disasters cleanse the world of hardline religious fundamentalism. Western civilization depends on it, damnit! Time is of the essense! We’re doin’ the best we can, Cap’m! We canna take much more of this! Not without more lube, anyway! ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233/82 "2005-01-07T18:29:25Z")
_Scotty, give me Santorum Factor 9!!_ ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233/83 "2005-01-08T05:53:31Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > It’s the Tokyo Butterfly effect. One guy sucks a cock in Sweden and it sets off a massive underwater earthquake. Shit, if he’s THAT good _I’d_ switch! ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233/84 "2005-01-08T06:03:28Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Shit, if he’s THAT good _I’d_ switch! We’ve replaced **Dropzone** ’s usual cocksucker with Homo’s Instant Crystals. Let’s see if he notices. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233/85 "2005-01-08T07:06:12Z")
Honey, is that you? Hmm, when did you get your hair cut so short? A moustache? When did you grow a moustache? HOW did you grow a moustache? No, tell me later . . . Did you feel something? No, it was a disturbance in the Force and felt like 150,000 people dying. Okay, maybe it wouldn’t be as much fun as it seemed at first. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Merhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Merhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merhouse)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233/86 "2005-01-08T18:05:05Z")
> [@Rune](#): > > I tell you, nobody ever blames us fucking Danes of anything. Blotty unfair! It’s like they don’t know we exists or something. You do know we exist don’t you? I do exists don’t I? Victor Borge gave you lifetime immunity 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233/87 "2005-01-08T18:21:01Z")
Remember when the Gays bombed Pearl Harbor? ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233/88 "2005-01-08T18:23:42Z")
> [@](#): > > “A woman for duty, a boy for pleasure, a melon, for ecstasy.” That lends a whole new meaning to the statement, “Who wants fruit salad? I just made it!” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233/89 "2005-01-08T18:32:27Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > That lends a whole new meaning to the statement, “Who wants fruit salad? I just made it!” :eek: …Not to mention “melon balls”!! ::: G, D, & R ::: ---
**Author:** ![Detritus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@Detritus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Detritus)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2005, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233/90 "2005-01-09T02:24:10Z")
Forget the damn earthquakes, Stuart. Do you know what the queers are doing to the _soil?!?_ :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2005, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233/91 "2005-01-09T02:29:18Z")
> [@Detritus](#): > > Forget the damn earthquakes, Stuart. > Do you know what the queers are doing to the _soil?!?_ :eek: Watering it, applying fertilizer and weed killer, and having nicely manicured lawns? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2005, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233/92 "2005-01-09T04:21:42Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > They were there on Christmas Eve, hollering from across the street that Christmas is a pagan holiday. ::puzzled look :: They’re trying to make us actual pagans’ heads hurt! ---
**Author:** ![Detritus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@Detritus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Detritus)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2005, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233/93 "2005-01-09T05:53:36Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Watering it, applying fertilizer and weed killer, and having nicely manicured lawns? It was actually a quote from _Stuart_ by **Dead Milkmen**. One of my favorite Milkmen songs (up there with _If You Love Someone Set Them On Fire_ and _Instant Club Hit_ ). HIlarious. Here’s the end–all this is in an increasingly hysterical rant… > [@](#): > > …A few days after that, I open up the mail and there’s a pamphlet in there, from Pueblo, Colorado. And it’s addressed to Bill Jr. And it’s entitled, “Do you know what the queers are doing to our soil?” > > Now Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large U.S. city with a big underground homosexual population - Des Moines, Iowa, perfect example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart. You can’t build on it, you can’t grow anything in it. The government says it’s due to poor farming. But I know what’s really going on, Stuart. I know it’s the queers. They’re in it with the aliens. They’re building landing strips for gay Martians. I swear to God. > > You know what Stuart, I like you. You’re not like the other people, here > in the trailer park. Full song lyrics can be found [here.](http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/deadmilkmen/stuart.html) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-knew-it-it-wasnt-a-massive-seismic-event-it-was-gay-people/283233.md?page=4)