# I know! How about I get a little FUCKING FATTER! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 14, 2003, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196 "2003-05-14T13:47:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Qazzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/aeb1de/32.png) [@Qazzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qazzz)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/1 "2003-05-14T13:47:12Z")
As I was settling into my office chair for a day of pretending to work and reading Straight Dope, I touched my stomach through my shirt. Holy fuck it’s huge! No wonder nobody loves me and I might as well die. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/2 "2003-05-14T13:55:23Z")
I don’t know why, but this reduced me to howling laughter. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![malaka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@malaka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malaka)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/3 "2003-05-14T13:58:12Z")
Cue fat supporters…now. ---
**Author:** ![mallocks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f4b2a3/32.png) [@mallocks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mallocks)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/4 "2003-05-14T14:09:41Z")
hmm, fairly odd post. Which reminds me… [hijack] How’s this for bizarre. I’m doing one of the annoying jobs senior pupils have to do at my school, with this other guy. Then this girl comes up to him and gives him a potato, which he solemnly pockets. Proof for me that this universe is worth it after all. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Anahita](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9a28c/32.png) [@Anahita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anahita)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/5 "2003-05-14T14:11:08Z")
Seriously, **Qazz** , this whole self-pity thing is getting tired. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/6 "2003-05-14T14:13:01Z")
You think you’ve got problems? A friend of mine was following me into my house and PINCHED MY FAT ROLL! I should just crawl under the deck and wait for the raccoons to devour my pathetic self. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/7 "2003-05-14T14:22:23Z")
That’s _nothing._ I’m sitting here with no shirt on and I can see all my … _rolls._ They cascade off me like a lipid Niagara. I think I’ll just crucify myself on this home cross I bought. Mmmm, nails. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/8 "2003-05-14T14:26:22Z")
Why oH why didn’t **Qazzz** take the blue pill? :'Three Stooges Hat on: SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! :Three Stooges hat off: SNAP OUT OF IT MAN! ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/9 "2003-05-14T14:29:53Z")
seriously though Qazzz, the offer for the LJ code STILL STANDS! Anytime, just let me know. ---
**Author:** ![djf750](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ea666f/32.png) [@djf750](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/djf750)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/10 "2003-05-14T14:30:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Anahita \* > \*\*Seriously, **Qazz** , this whole self-pity thing is getting tired. \*\* I’m curious , were you arrested in the Bronx and you forgot to remove the baton? The guy is funny. If you don’t like his posts, DON’T READ EM! ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/11 "2003-05-14T14:34:45Z")
I’m 38 weeks pregnant. I haven’t been able to seen my own cooter for months and I have one pair of shoes that still fit me. I think I win. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/12 "2003-05-14T14:36:32Z")
No, you don’t have to lose weight until your belly exerts enough force against your shirt that buttons begin to fly. In which case, if said button puts out an eye, you need to lose weight before the lawsuit ('cause if the shirt don’t fit, you must acquit). ---
**Author:** ![Qazzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/aeb1de/32.png) [@Qazzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qazzz)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/13 "2003-05-14T14:38:06Z")
Thanks djf750. And seriously, Anahita, learn how to spell my nickname. ---
**Author:** ![Anahita](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9a28c/32.png) [@Anahita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anahita)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/14 "2003-05-14T14:44:14Z")
Belladonna 1 QazzZ 0 ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/15 "2003-05-14T14:47:42Z")
Joan Rivers once asked a flight attendant where her seat was. The attendant told her “Three inches below where it was last year.” Bwahahahaha!!! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/16 "2003-05-14T15:10:50Z")
I’d pay to see Joan Rivers insulted like that. HA! Seriously, **Qazzz** , the self-pity, “pwoor widdle ol’ me” is wearing thin. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/17 "2003-05-14T15:14:50Z")
Fat, hell—how about gravity? My face is sliding off my skull like John Travolta at the end of _The Devil’s Rain_! ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/18 "2003-05-14T15:17:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*I think I’ll just crucify myself on this home cross I bought. Mmmm, nails. \*\* That never works, man. You can never drive in that last nail by yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/19 "2003-05-14T15:22:28Z")
Eve’s right. Gravity is the cruelest enemy. It won’t be long before I can tuck my boobs into my jeans. And if my niece calls me “Auntie Pug Neck” one more time, I swear… ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196/20 "2003-05-14T16:08:10Z")
Is anyone else creeped out by the use of the 😃 smiley immediately following the phrase “nobody loves me and I might as well die”? Me, I thought it was a tad scary. But that might just be because I’m a total loser with no friends. 😃 😃 😃 [sub]See? Freaky.[/sub] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-how-about-i-get-a-little-fucking-fatter/175196.md?page=2)