# I know it's weird, but I really hate it when people comment on my food. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 21, 2011, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467 "2011-03-21T13:36:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/21 "2011-03-21T20:18:47Z")
I don’t have a problem with comments on my food. What does drive me nuts is comments when I’m holding a book (not even reading it, just holding it in my hand on the way to or from work): **“Ooh…what book are you reading!? Oh really!? Is it any good!? What’s it about!?”** Just please…stop with the gormless comments. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/22 "2011-03-21T20:57:53Z")
Huh. To me, eating in front of friends and acquaintances is practically an invitation to conversation. If somebody says “that looks good” about my food, I take this as a compliment, and to mean that we share a common interest in good food. It wouldn’t have occurred to me that that could be… a problem. If I wanted to be left alone, I’d go somewhere alone. As far as I can tell or recall, everybody whose food _I’ve_ commented upon has similarly welcomed the attention. I reckon people like to receive compliments on, and talk about, their taste, even more so their cooking. > [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > Kind of like if you get a bad haircut. You don’t want people reassuring you: “It looks good! Really!” You just want it to be a non-issue that no one notices. That’s because you know it’s not true. (Well, the other person may really think it looks okay, but you’ve decided it doesn’t.) But if you’ve made something good for yourself, you know it’s good. It’s like having a new haircut, or whatever, that _you like_, and being told you look good! ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/23 "2011-03-21T21:12:03Z")
Oh great, another social anxiety minefield to negotiate. 😛 I can completely appreciate not wanting or enjoying negative comments about your food choices, and the co-worker with boundary issues who wants to snuffle at your plate like a truffle pig is justly deserving of (an at least verbal) punch on the snout, but some of us socially awkward and shy introverts are simply attempting to engage in innocuous social exchange when we say: “That looks good”, or even more daringly: “That looks good, what is it?”. A small but genuine compliment with attached conversation starter is about as simple as it gets and “a key feature in making friends” claims my _Chronically Shy Dummies Guide to Making Friends_, page 27. 🙂 (Things that are OK to compliment co-workers on: lunch they’re preparing in the communal break room, new shoes, obvious new hair-style, prominent jewelery, jackets, ties; not-OK: blouses, shirts, pants, subtle jewelery, hair generally, makeup… too personal and intimate, and likely to come off as weird and creepy). OK, no, I don’t really have a book… but do kinda work off a mental list… for some of us this stuff doesn’t come naturally but it’s either work at it and try to fit in, or just stay at our desks clutching our red staplers and muttering about squirrels… and you know where that leads. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/24 "2011-03-21T21:12:24Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > … > > If I wanted to be left alone, I’d go somewhere alone. > > … Some of us don’t have this option. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/25 "2011-03-21T21:39:40Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > I don’t have a problem with comments on my food. > > What does drive me nuts is comments when I’m holding a book (not even reading it, just holding it in my hand on the way to or from work): **“Ooh…what book are you reading!? Oh really!? Is it any good!? What’s it about!?”** Just please…stop with the gormless comments. I have a co-worker at the moment who thinks it’s the height of hilarity to make fun of the science fiction books I read on my breaks. She thinks I should be reading romance novels if at all - better if I’d just sit and watch the tv that’s on in the cafeteria, I suppose. I don’t think she means it maliciously, but it does get tiring after a while. She has actually mentioned a series of books that she’s started reading at home recently, so maybe being polite about her teasing has had a positive effect. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/26 "2011-03-21T21:45:44Z")
Me too. I don’t really like discussing my food at all. What I really hate is when people suggest things I might like on a menu, or when they ask what I’m getting. I want to say “worry about your own menu” and “you’ll figure out my order when the waiter takes it”. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/27 "2011-03-21T21:54:50Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I don’t think it’s terribly weird; we have all kinds of emotions and emotional behaviour wrapped up with food and eating. I don’t care much about someone commenting positively on my food (but I will kind of mentally wonder why it’s any of their business), but I don’t like negative comments at all. See, this is where I differ from…well, most people, I guess. I don’t really have any emotions wrapped up with food. I eat because I need to, and I obviously enjoy some food more than others, but I have no “relationship” with food any more than I do with taking a shit. Which makes me either lucky or pitiable, I guess, depending on how you look at it. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/28 "2011-03-21T21:54:52Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > That’s because you know it’s not true. (Well, the other person may really think it looks okay, but you’ve decided it doesn’t.) > > But if you’ve made something good for yourself, you know it’s good. It’s like having a new haircut, or whatever, that _you like_, and being told you look good! Except if you have a less-than-rational hang-up. Consider the case of my ears: I looked fine when I had more prominent ears, and I look fine with the more aerodynamic look. So I was ambivalent about how I looked, but I was really self-conscious about the fact that there was this _change_ about my personal self that everybody was pointing out and I didn’t want to have to explain it. Plus, people would assume I got my ears done for cosmetic reasons and would say: “Oh, it looks great!” or worse “It looks so much better.” And that would piss me off or make me feel stupid. “'‘It looks better?’ Was there something _wrong_ with me before? I liked my ears perfectly fine as they were.” I swear there were times I wished I was headless. I will say though, that it really made me re-evaluate some friendships. The people who thought my new ears were “better” didn’t last long in the friend pool. So I can relate to the idea that if you have some kind of hang-up about your food that’s connected to your self-esteem, you don’t want anyone to open that can of worms — good or bad. It may not necessarily be rational, but it’s about feeling as if you’re being evaluated. Some people just don’t want to feel like they’re in the spotlight for some things. > [@Apollyon](#): > > Oh great, another social anxiety minefield to negotiate. If your comments are polite and you’re not doing anything that is _generally_ considered in ill-form in your community/workplace/whatever no need to really worry about it. If someone has an unusual hang up about food (or ears), the whole thing is that it’s an _unusual_ hang up. All you need to do is take the person’s cue, and avoid repeating the bo-bo next time. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/29 "2011-03-21T21:58:12Z")
> [@Jennyrosity](#): > > …but it really bugs me when people comment on what I’m eating. This is more understandable when you get some twonk going “eeeuw, I can’t believe you’re eating that, gross!” or similar remarks… I agree, just the other day I was in Burger King and I went to the garbage and picked out all the half eaten food people had thrown out and everyone was like, “Ew how can you eat that.” Just once I’d like to hear “Wow, what a way to save on the food budget” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/30 "2011-03-21T22:14:23Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > Oh great, another social anxiety minefield to negotiate. 😛 > > I can completely appreciate not wanting or enjoying negative comments about your food choices, and the co-worker with boundary issues who wants to snuffle at your plate like a truffle pig is justly deserving of (an at least verbal) punch on the snout, but some of us socially awkward and shy introverts are simply attempting to engage in innocuous social exchange when we say: “That looks good”, or even more daringly: “That looks good, what is it?”. > > A small but genuine compliment with attached conversation starter is about as simple as it gets and “a key feature in making friends” claims my _Chronically Shy Dummies Guide to Making Friends_, page 27. 🙂 > > (Things that are OK to compliment co-workers on: lunch they’re preparing in the communal break room, new shoes, obvious new hair-style, prominent jewelery, jackets, ties; not-OK: blouses, shirts, pants, subtle jewelery, hair generally, makeup… too personal and intimate, and likely to come off as weird and creepy). > > OK, no, I don’t really have a book… but do kinda work off a mental list… for some of us this stuff doesn’t come naturally but it’s either work at it and try to fit in, or just stay at our desks clutching our red staplers and muttering about squirrels… and you know where that leads. 😛 You know, it actually hadn’t occurred to me that this might be why some people do it. Ok, for that reason I will try and get over my dislike of it - it sucks to be shy. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/31 "2011-03-21T23:03:40Z")
I have the same issue. I hate it when I am at my desk eating and people ask me what my meal is for the day. It drives me fucking crazy but I know that it’s my own bizarre quirk so I suck it up. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/32 "2011-03-22T01:36:12Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > If someone has an unusual hang up about food (or ears), the whole thing is that it’s an _unusual_ hang up. All you need to do is take the person’s cue, and avoid repeating the bo-bo next time. Fair enough, and if I were to, say, compliment someone’s new shoes and be met with: "I’m not short!!! :mad: " then I would seriously reconsider mentioning their 4-inch heels ever again… and just go back to my desk and talk to my Swingline. 😉 > [@Jennyrosity](#): > > You know, it actually hadn’t occurred to me that this might be why some people do it. Ok, for that reason I will try and get over my dislike of it - it sucks to be shy. 🙂 My tongue was a little in cheek when replying earlier, though I am quite shy and introverted – I just truly hadn’t previously considered that some people may object to (polite, positive) comments on their choice of food… but I guess it’s just as matter as **Swallowed My Cellphone** says, of taking a cue from the person and not repeating the error. Note to self: don’t compliment **Jennyrosity** on food, or **Swallowed My Cellphone** on ears… find out if they’re OK with shoes… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/33 "2011-03-22T11:14:08Z")
I don’t have a problem with positive comments. Probably because I never receive any. 🙂 However, negative comments bug the hell out of me, especially if they’re from the same person every day. I work with a person who is a “foodie” (or at least a wannabe one). So beware if she catches you eating American cheese on anything, instead of guyere or some other exotic cheese no one’s ever heard of. And don’t eat ketchup with anything except french fries, including fried chicken, which she won’t in public anyway because she’s black and she’s afraid What White People Will Think (seriously!) And don’t make the mistake of mentioning that you’re eating beef. She doesn’t it eat, but not because it’s unhealthy or because it’s bad for the environment. No, it’s because cows are “cute”. Seriously. But the cuteness rule does not preclude her from eating eggs (what is cuter than a baby chick?) or pork. I also don’t like when tell people tell me that what I’m eating is not enough. Usually these people are fat. They need to shut the hell up. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/34 "2011-03-22T11:55:55Z")
Fried chicken with ketchup? Like, chicken strips or a drumstick? ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/35 "2011-03-22T12:07:24Z")
I’m in the exact same position. I really hate the, “That looks good.” It is a fucking Healthy Choice frozen entree, the same ones you can buy at the grocery store and they’ve been selling them for years. I truly hate and detest small talk like that. I know, is my own quirk, and I have to suck it up at work. But, my coworkers and I are on the phone talking to clients all day long, and I don’t want to talk to anyone during lunch time. Especially bullshit small talk about my lunch or the weather. ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/36 "2011-03-22T14:34:04Z")
I’m pretty regular with my lunch schedule at the office. Unfortunately, so is this weird little dude. We’re often in the galley together fetching our lunches or putting a dish in the microwave. He knows my wife is Korean and I often bring galbi or jap-che or something. The first few times we had a nice enough conversation about kim-chi and other Korean dishes. And I kindof felt sorry for him b/c he’s the social outcast type and I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to make conversation the only way he knows how. But not every freaking time he sees me! “Do you have Korean food today?” “Do you have Korean food today?” “What’s for lunch–Korean food?” Most of the time the answer is no, just regular American food. So one time he comes in and says “Are you eating Korean for lunch?” And I said, “No, but I ate my wife’s pussy this morning, what do you think of that??” The look on his face, the stammering, and the beet red flush–priceless. And he never asks me about my lunch any more. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/37 "2011-03-22T14:58:50Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > Note to self: don’t compliment **Jennyrosity** on food, or **Swallowed My Cellphone** on ears… find out if they’re OK with shoes… 🙂 Meh, I’m fine with the ears now. It’s just that when my ears were still new I felt weird about it. It made me wonder though for people who do get cosmetic surgery on purpose, like a new nose, if you’re supposed to mention it. “Hey, great new nose!” ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/38 "2011-03-22T15:08:59Z")
> [@divemaster](#): > > I’m pretty regular with my lunch schedule at the office. Unfortunately, so is this weird little dude. We’re often in the galley together fetching our lunches or putting a dish in the microwave. > > He knows my wife is Korean and I often bring galbi or jap-che or something. The first few times we had a nice enough conversation about kim-chi and other Korean dishes. And I kindof felt sorry for him b/c he’s the social outcast type and I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to make conversation the only way he knows how. > > But not every freaking time he sees me! “Do you have Korean food today?” “Do you have Korean food today?” “What’s for lunch–Korean food?” Yeah, exactly. I see you every day! I don’t need you to comment on my food everyday! Weirdo. Although if I used the reply you did I can’t imagine. Jaws would hit the floor. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/39 "2011-03-22T15:14:21Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Because you never know if that friendly, positive comment is truly such, or if it’s really just a thinly disguised passive-aggressive swipe. In my family, you had a 50% chance that the comment was truly positive. > > I don’t comment on anyone else’s food choices. Ever. I might ask for a recipe for a dish I tasted that someone else prepared. But comment on what someone else eats or how? No. I find that passive aggressive comments are usually made with a different tone of voice than regular comments. Was this not the case in your family? Part of the usefulness of passive aggressive comments is that the person you are communicating with can tell that that’s what they are. It seems odd to me for people to make it where you can’t tell by either voice or context. If you take them literally, their aggressiveness doesn’t get across. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467/40 "2011-03-22T15:40:27Z")
> [@dalej42](#): > > I’m in the exact same position. I really hate the, “That looks good.” It is a fucking Healthy Choice frozen entree, the same ones you can buy at the grocery store and they’ve been selling them for years. I admit that I don’t really know what to say when someone compliments restaurant food or prepackaged food like that. “Thanks” sounds weird – I didn’t make it, I just bought it. “I agree” or “Yup” sounds seems kind of redundant – presumably I bought it because I agree with the assessment. So what’s the best answer? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-its-weird-but-i-really-hate-it-when-people-comment-on-my-food/575467.md?page=3)