# I know my baby is adorable...please stop asking how old or threatening to kidnap him **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 20, 2014, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178 "2014-11-20T17:25:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/21 "2014-11-20T19:09:14Z")
> [@Bozuit](#): > > That’s because it’s a baby. Healthy human babies are the most beautiful things in the world. Which is not to say I threaten to kidnap them. ---
**Author:** ![Turpentine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Turpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turpentine)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/22 "2014-11-20T19:19:51Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Healthy human babies are the most beautiful things in the world. Which is not to say I threaten to kidnap them. They’re pretty beautiful if you like things that look like larvae. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/23 "2014-11-20T19:26:44Z")
> [@Turpentine](#): > > They’re pretty beautiful if you like things that look like larvae. My children do not look like larvae. The good thing about people who hate babies is that the attitude is self-limiting. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/24 "2014-11-20T19:27:28Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Seriously, it’s a baby. They all look alike. > > That is literally the only question I can think of to ask about a baby. “How are its grade in school?” “What are its hobbies?” The baby doesn’t have hobbies or grades. It does nothing else but shit itself, so what else is there to ask? You just ask how old it is and call it cute or something (even though it looks like Ernest Borgnine). It’s so this. I can’t ask who they’re dating, how they like they’re new job or if they’ll be vacationing in Aspen this year, so throwing out a cliche is about all I’ve got to show I’m even interested in the little booger. If you could teach it a few tricks, maybe that’ll change folks’ repertoire. And I’d offer to kidnap one too. The younger they are, the better they taste in stew. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/25 "2014-11-20T19:44:50Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Any parents of adorable babies have similar problems? Just count your blessings that they are only threatening to kidnap your baby. Two of my three children were actually kidnapped. The boy we found murdered on the side of a country road a few weeks later and the girl is still missing 2 years later. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/26 "2014-11-20T19:46:43Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Just count your blessings that they are only threatening to kidnap your baby. Two of my three children were actually kidnapped. The boy we found murdered on the side of a country road a few weeks later and the girl is still missing 2 years later. Are you serious? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/27 "2014-11-20T20:02:50Z")
Good heavens. I don’t even want any of my own and I have occasionally said things like “Do you want to go home with me, cutie?” just to hear the kid go “NO!” and giggle. And I ask all the time how old kids are. Parents love to talk about their kids! Plus it gives an opening for further conversation: “How old is he now?” “13 months.” “Oh, is he walking? He must be keeping you on the run!” I can’t even say nice things to kids now because someone might get offended. But if I don’t say anything I’m a childhater. Fine. Next time I’ll just drop kick the little bastards. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/28 "2014-11-20T20:08:23Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Healthy human babies are the most beautiful things in the world. Which is not to say I threaten to kidnap them. I don’t know. When she was first born my daughter looked a lot like me. Poor thing. Luckily she now looks like her mother. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/29 "2014-11-20T20:12:59Z")
When I meet someone with a newborn, I usually ask how many hours straight the kid sleeps. Basically, a polite, innocuous question to engage in conversation. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/30 "2014-11-20T20:18:54Z")
I have a story. When my baby Asa was 10 months old and just opening up to the world, we took him to a yoga retreat (Omega, Woodstock NY). EVERYONE wanted to see the baby. Everyone wanted to be involved with him at meals. The guests that weekend were Wayne Dyer, Ilanya van Zant, and Bishop Desmond Tutu. So, at one point, Asa needed a break. We dove into the back tables of a dark restaurant. The baby was settling down… and Wayne Dyer and party approached our table. Wayne said a few nice things about our baby. And I dissed Wayne Dyer like you wouldn’t believe. What did I know about Wayne Dyer? (He has since come to prominence in the “New Age” theater.) But did I care enough, about him just as any person, to be polite? I lambasted him with “The baby needs some alone time,” blah blah blah. As he turned away, confused, I saw that Tutu was behind him. He veered away too. It’s not, I guess, a big deal really. But I could be telling a different story about my son and spiritual leaders of the world today. On the other hand, you can barely help it as a new mother, but I hope this helps you cope. Cheers, and yay for babies~and bishops! ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/31 "2014-11-20T20:20:05Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Seriously, it’s a baby. They all look alike. > > That is literally the only question I can think of to ask about a baby. “How are its grade in school?” “What are its hobbies?” The baby doesn’t have hobbies or grades. It does nothing else but shit itself, so what else is there to ask? You just ask how old it is and call it cute or something (even though it looks like Ernest Borgnine). Thank you. Perfect. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/32 "2014-11-20T20:26:09Z")
You don’t know how old your baby is? How… odd. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/33 "2014-11-20T20:31:30Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > That is literally the only question I can think of to ask about a baby. “How are its grade in school?” “What are its hobbies?” The baby doesn’t have hobbies or grades. It does nothing else but shit itself, so what else is there to ask? You just ask how old it is and call it cute or something (even though it looks like Ernest Borgnine). Yes, this. And some of the people who ask are making conversation for no particular reason other than basic human interaction, so, eh, tell them whatever you want. I think some people actually want to know. Having a baby made me realize that I had been absolutely crap at guessing how old babies were, so maybe they really do want some edification. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/34 "2014-11-20T20:32:11Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > When I meet someone with a newborn, I usually ask how many hours straight the kid sleeps. Basically, a polite, innocuous question to engage in conversation. I dunno. Probably some people would take that as a criticism of their sleep-training regime. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/35 "2014-11-20T20:33:26Z")
msmith537: > [@](#): > > Any parents of adorable babies have similar problems? Would you believe…cannibalism? “He’s so cute, I could just eat him up!” I’ll never understand that one. I mean, I eat things that were cute in their lifetime, but I probably couldn’t if I really thought about their cuteness (a la Lisa Simpson in “Lisa the Vegetarian”). (I’ve never been bothered by the “how old” question, though.) ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/36 "2014-11-20T20:44:12Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > And I’d offer to kidnap one too. The younger they are, the better they taste in stew. ^ See. The cannibals _always_ come out of the woodwork. ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/37 "2014-11-20T20:46:26Z")
A point worth noting is that human babies are highly altricial - they survive only by gaining continuous careful attention from more competent humans. It’s therefore hardly surprising that evolution has selected for a nurturing reaction from adults who encounter a baby. Some of what the OP finds troubling is clearly over the top, but much of it is completely normal (indeed, desirable / essential) human behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/38 "2014-11-20T20:49:59Z")
I find this rant to be a thinly veiled stealth brag so I offer the appropriate response: Oh, that sure must be one super cute baby. Pix please! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/39 "2014-11-20T21:01:38Z")
Yea my wife said she got sick of similar threats with our son, so she told people who said they were gonna kidnap our son see that creep over there there? That is his father! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/40 "2014-11-20T21:02:58Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Are you serious? Are you? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178.md?page=3)