# I know my baby is adorable...please stop asking how old or threatening to kidnap him **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 20, 2014, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178 "2014-11-20T17:25:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/81 "2014-11-21T23:40:03Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > That was not a joke. Once there was this old lady at the grocery store who said, “Oh your baby is so cute I could just eat him right up.” And then she did. Which although was very sad it did save me a lot of money because babies are expensive. Huh. I always get the “Oh, your baby is so cute I’d like to cut him up for medical experiments” line. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2014, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/82 "2014-11-22T00:08:51Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Just count your blessings that they are only threatening to kidnap your baby. Two of my three children were actually kidnapped. The boy we found murdered on the side of a country road a few weeks later and the girl is still missing 2 years later. > [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > That was not a joke. Once there was this old lady at the grocery store who said, “Oh your baby is so cute I could just eat him right up.” And then she did. Which although was very sad it did save me a lot of money because babies are expensive. Even joking, these posts are out of line for this thread. Don’t post in this topic if you can’t resist doing this. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2014, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/83 "2014-11-22T01:21:13Z")
Sorry, I thought when the OP said this: > [@](#): > > “He’s sooo adorable!! I could just snatch him up!!” and then this: > [@](#): > > I know you mean well, but please stop threatening to kidnap my baby that this was a joke thread. I did not realize that some people think that when other people make cutesy little comments about their baby they literally think they are going to kidnap their children. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2014, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/84 "2014-11-22T03:20:11Z")
congrats on having a kid. ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2014, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/85 "2014-11-22T03:34:16Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Sorry, I thought when the OP said this: > > and then this: > > that this was a joke thread. I did not realize that some people think that when other people make cutesy little comments about their baby they literally think they are going to kidnap their children. Quoted for Truth, if one was in fear that someone was about to actually kidnap their child, I really doubt that posting to a message board would be the first, or even an appropriate response. ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2014, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/86 "2014-11-22T03:37:06Z")
> [@Omega\_Glory](#): > > This isn’t true, either. So, don’t make assumptions about the blue eyed parents with the brown eyed baby (not that you would. Just tying things back into the the topic) I have many friends who have adopted children. That, and other reasons, is why I try never to make assumptions about parentage. As Lady Louisa Moncrieffe said, “Never comment on a likeness.” Although that doesn’t apply in the OPs case. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2014, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/87 "2014-11-22T03:43:10Z")
I have to agree with **Drunky Smurf** on this one. The OP did exactly what **Drunky** did and got no harshness from a mod. ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2014, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/88 "2014-11-22T03:45:18Z")
It would never occur to me that asking the age of a kid is somehow wrong. That’s about the only thing I do ask - cause usually I don’t really care - and am just being polite. I’ve never thought there was anything wrong with asking the age of someone - say less than 30 or so. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2014, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/89 "2014-11-22T03:51:30Z")
> [@Pai325](#): > > I have many friends who have adopted children. That, and other reasons, is why I try never to make assumptions about parentage. As Lady Louisa Moncrieffe said, “Never comment on a likeness.” Although that doesn’t apply in the OPs case. My SIL is adopted. Cashier: Oh, she’s cute. Does she look like her father? MIL: I have no idea. ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2014, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/90 "2014-11-22T21:08:59Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > The question I dread: breast feeding shaming. No, I don’t mean the en vogue telling people to not breast feed in public and resultant outcry. I’m talking about people saying things like “don’t you know that **Hitler** was formula fed!?!?” She was born 5 pounds 3 fucking ounces and she is formula fed because that’s the only way she will remain alive. > The internet is crazy about this, but I can trust you guys, right? > > Right? Absolutely. I have a not-quite-newborn (10 months). I don’t mind people exclaiming over her cuteness, and asking how old she is, and all that. I don’t at all. In fact, I kind of like it. But the formula/breast thing? I had no idea that there was a whole army of people out there who have appointed themselves as the Committee for the Defense of Babies or something like that. I’m sick of them. For one thing, it’s NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2014, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/91 "2014-11-22T21:15:06Z")
Sorry, I did something stupid with the keyboard and my post got cut off. Here it is in its entirety: I’m sick of them. For one thing, it’s NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS what our baby is eating. Or drinking. Or what the delivery mechanism is. Our child is clearly not malnourished. Whatever we’re doing, we’re doing fine. For another, the breast milk thing is wildly overblown. It’s borderline woo. And (assuming we were to actually answer their rude questions) how do they know that there’s not a medical reason why my wife doesn’t/can’t breastfeed? Or that our daughter came early and was tiny and needed supplemental feeding (which is actually true)? I’m sick of it. Otherwise, if someone wants to proclaim a desire to eat my baby, or expresses a desire to take her home with them, or if someone asks how old she is, I’m fine with it. Sometimes it’s actually fun. Even when they marvel at just how much she looks like her mother, and not like me, that’s fine too (it’s true – she is completely obviously her mother’s daughter). ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2014, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/92 "2014-11-22T23:44:09Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > Why are people such misanthropes? People talk to each other about things. ‘‘How old is your baby?’’ is about as innocuous as it gets. _One of the things Ford had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in ‘It’s a nice day’, ‘You’re very tall’, or ‘You seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you alright?’ At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months’ consideration and observation, he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical, and decided he quite liked human beings after all, but he always remained desperately worried about the terrible number of things they didn’t know about._ [INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT][INDENT]–Douglas Adams, _The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy_[/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT] > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > It does nothing else but shit itself, so what else is there to ask? You just ask how old it is and call it cute or something (even though it looks like Ernest Borgnine). What the fuck did Ernest Borgnine ever do to you and Ethel Merman to deserve this comparison? I mean, I’m pretty sure he felt bad about _Convoy_ and _The Black Hole_ but the man had debts to pay and, well, it was the 'Seventies, and cheap knockoffs of _Smokey and the Bandit_ and _Star Wars_ were the hottest properties an aging ex-almost-A-lister could get. Lay off my man Borgnine and compare the wrigling little grubs to someone more deserving like, I don’t know, Tara Reid. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2014, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/93 "2014-11-22T23:56:27Z")
> [@Saintly\_Loser](#): > > For another, the breast milk thing is wildly overblown. It’s borderline woo. Borderline? 🙂 In regards to the OP…I ask how old babies are because I’m curious. I ask how old older kids are, too…it’s a point of interest. Certainly no offense meant. ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2014, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/94 "2014-11-23T06:17:44Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > As proud parents of an adorable newborn, I’m finding that he seems to get a lot of unwanted attention. For example: > > “He’s sooo adorable!! I could just snatch him up!!” > “Oooo! I could just take him home with me!” > “He would make a welcome addition to my collection.” > > I know you mean well, but please stop threatening to kidnap my baby. > > “He’s so cute! How old is he?” > > He’s 42 same as me. He’s my twin brother who suffers from Benjamin Button Syndrome. That’s actually his wife, not mine. They met in the middle when they were like 25. Well I hope he does grow up to be a smart-ass like his dad. > > “AYYY!! Little Bambino! Howa old?!!” > > Thanks weird senile old Italian guy who hangs out in front of Dunkin Donuts every weekend. He’s about a week older than when you met him last Sunday and two weeks older than when you met him the Sunday before that. As I keep telling you, I don’t know. He’s baby age. I didn’t ask his mom. Yes, I hope he does grow up-a to be a smart-ass like-a his dad. > “Are you his dad?” > > No. It’s more of a Hodor relationship. He’s the brains and heir to the family fortune and I’m just some retard who carts him around all day. > > Any parents of adorable babies have similar problems? Don’t worry, it’ll pass. All too quickly. We were in a Duane Reade and I was tending to our twin girls in their stroller while my wife was getting something. Suddenly this booming female two pack a day voice said “oh my god, they’re so beautiful!”. I kind of sighed and turned around to thank her and she probably saw the dawning recognition on my face and helped me out. “You might remember me, I’m [Patricia Neal](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patricia_Neal)”. ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2014, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/95 "2014-11-23T06:56:16Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > I have to agree with **Drunky Smurf** on this one. The OP did exactly what **Drunky** did and got no harshness from a mod. Uh, no. The OP mentioned Benjamin Button Syndrome and Hodor; he was _clearly_ joking. DS spoke in detail about something horrible that _actually happens to people_. It certainly got my heart racing, and I’m very thankful he was just “joking”. But, as it has been said, not cool. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2014, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/96 "2014-11-23T12:32:28Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > Uh, no. The OP mentioned Benjamin Button Syndrome and Hodor; he was _clearly_ joking. DS spoke in detail about something horrible that _actually happens to people_. It certainly got my heart racing, and I’m very thankful he was just “joking”. But, as it has been said, not cool. It’s called progeria, and I’ll bet this person and his family don’t think it’s funny. > **[Real-Life ‘Benjamin Button’ Dies At Age 17](https://www.ibtimes.com/who-sam-berns-real-life-benjamin-button-dies-age-17-after-living-rare-aging-disease-1536012)** > > Sam Berns' case has helped doctors develop a treatment to prolong the lives of children with progeria. I thought Drunky’s post was spot on. Plenty of comedy is based on horrible things that really happen or have happened to people. Look at Bill Cosby’s “Spanish Fly” routine from his 1969 album “It’s True, It’s True.” Okay, bad example… ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2014, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/97 "2014-11-23T14:57:40Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > This has to be one of the Top 10 lamest rants I’ve ever read here. You hate it when people say extremely nice, and extremely normal things about your baby? +1 > [@Gus\_Gusterson](#): > > Second, contrary to what you may have been taught in your third grade science class, a brown-eyed parent can indeed have blue-eyed offspring. It’s unusual but it happens. My wife has blue eyes and there was a 12.5% chance that our child would have blue eyes. We beat the odds twice. See below. > [@tapu](#): > > I have a story. Great story, good lesson! > [@Chronos](#): > > Nitpick: Given that you have brown eyes and your wife has blue, if it’s possible at all, then the odds would be 50%. Right! Before you had any kids, the odds depend on the allele frequencies of two different genes, brown vs. blue (B vs. b) and green vs. blue (G vs g). Of the 8 combinations, only one produces blue eyes. Two produce green eyes. But once you had that blue-eyed baby, you know the odds are 50%. > [@Saintly\_Loser](#): > > For one thing, it’s NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS what our baby is eating. No kidding! > [@](#): > > For another, the breast milk thing is wildly overblown. It’s borderline woo. No doubt it’s overblown, but my understanding is that some immune system information is passed in breast milk, and also, cows’ milk can increase the odds of certain allergies. That is, despite all the woo, there is also some good science. If I’m wrong, hopefully someone will fight my ignorance. (And none of which disputes your point.) ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/98 "2014-11-24T15:51:55Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > DS spoke in detail about something horrible that _actually happens to people_. It certainly got my heart racing, and I’m very thankful he was just “joking”. But, as it has been said, not cool. The internet must be a very scary place for you. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/99 "2014-11-24T16:26:19Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > For some reason I can’t fathom, people are obsessed with how much the goddam baby weighed at birth. “Ooooooh, 7 pounds 3 ounces! That’s fucking fascinating!” > > I guess once you get past the “The baby was born with no major complications” discussion you have to scrape the barrel to find something else to say. But her fucking birthweight? That’s a topic? I suppose the Mom could always say, “Yup! Blew her out in 15 minutes too, like 7 pounds of bad chili the day after Cinco de Mayo. She has No Idea just how close her name came to being Quesadilla…” :eek: Hey, get back here…! I thought it was TMI Day…! ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/100 "2014-11-24T16:45:09Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > This one of those topics where there’s never ever going to be one correct set of behaviors that pleases everyone. I’ll say whatever I feel is appropriate, and if you don’t like it, you can ask me to change, or just tell me to fuck off and have nothing more to do with me. I’m not going to lose any sleep attempting to please all parties. Seconded. As a guy, the set of appropriate responses to someone showing me their newborn is already pretty small. With bland pleasantries taken off the table, we’re essentially done. Seriously, the only thing I have left is something like “Oh, that’s great” followed by an awkward silence. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178.md?page=6)