# I know my baby is adorable...please stop asking how old or threatening to kidnap him **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 20, 2014, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178 "2014-11-20T17:25:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/101 "2014-11-24T16:49:14Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > All the same, no crazy aunt, I did not immediately fall in love like you did and a blood covered squirming… thing… was not immediately cute. ^ How I feel about babies. At the time of birth? Ew, ick, too many bodily fluids and gore. Cleaned up they’re not too bad, but between the pooping and the peeing and the spitting up and stuff they don’t stay clean all that long. > [@](#): > > The question I dread: breast feeding shaming. No, I don’t mean the en vogue telling people to not breast feed in public and resultant outcry. I’m talking about people saying things like “don’t you know that **Hitler** was formula fed!?!?” She was born 5 pounds 3 fucking ounces and she is formula fed because that’s the only way she will remain alive. Yes, more people should mind their own business. > [@Pai325](#): > > Almost all of my daughter’s friends were blonde until they turned ten or so. However the girls all seemed to go blonde again about five years later. That’s called “hair coloring”. Or “bleach”. > [@Zsofia](#): > > Ours does always smell that bad. (He’s a really spitty baby. He smells good after a bath, but if he’s had a really bad day and we ran out of clothes to change him in he smells like a pet store with really lazy employees.) Yes, what is it with the “Oooo, babies smell GOOD!” thing? Babies smell like people and whatever they’ve recently eaten/spit up. A clean baby smells like a clean person, which is somewhere between OK and good, but a not-recently-bathed baby smells… funky. Or like old food. Or dirt if they’ve been in dirt. Or whatever. I also think modern folk, particularly first time parents, are a bit too obsessive about the cleanliness thing. Sure, keep them aware from sick/contagious people, if they got a medical issue that’s something to be concerned about, but honestly, a little dirt isn’t going to kill the kid and might even be good for the immune system. They smell better clean, and might feel better clean, and of course you have to clean the diaper bits but a grubby kid is OK. They wash off just fine. > [@Saintly\_Loser](#): > > But the formula/breast thing? I had no idea that there was a whole army of people out there who have appointed themselves as the Committee for the Defense of Babies or something like that. > > I’m sick of them. For one thing, it’s NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS Oh, yeah - I don’t even have kids and those people annoy me, it can only be worse for parents. > [@Saintly\_Loser](#): > > I’m sick of them. For one thing, it’s NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS what our baby is eating. Or drinking. Or what the delivery mechanism is. Our child is clearly not malnourished. Whatever we’re doing, we’re doing fine. > > For another, the breast milk thing is wildly overblown. It’s borderline woo. Um… yes and no. It’s best in the sense that freshly picked from your backyard garden vegetables and fruit are best - yes, in a sense that’s true but in the real world it’s not and never has been the only option. Frozen or stored in the fridge for a week vegetables are still good, too, and perfectly healthy. Canned vegetables are better than no vegetables. There’s a continuum and you don’t have to nail yourself to one end of it to have a healthy kid. > [@](#): > > And (assuming we were to actually answer their rude questions) how do they know that there’s not a medical reason why my wife doesn’t/can’t breastfeed? Or that our daughter came early and was tiny and needed supplemental feeding (which is actually true)? They don’t know - and they don’t care, and if you did reveal a condition they’d just get all judgmental about that. Back in the 1990’s I worked at an inner city health clinic. We had a number of women with HIV, and back then it was much more of a death sentence than it is now. Women with HIV who had delivered babies that were NOT infected were told _do not breastfeed_ because doing so might infect the kids. So the women, who were battling a terminal disease, formula fed their babies. And judgmental assholes would give them shit for it, and if the woman unwisely revealed why she was breastfeeding well, _people like that shouldn’t have kids!_ Why wasn’t Public Aid putting the baby in foster care? Decades later and it still pisses me off how judgmental assholes were cruel to dying women. Oh, and the father who was raising three kids, one an infant, because their mother was in a persistent vegetative state? On several occasions people seriously told him he should turn them over to a female relative. Because, I guess, men weren’t competent to raise their own kids. :rolleyes: Needless to say, baby was formula fed - he got grief over that “Don’t you know breast is best?” “Yeah, well, mom’s in a coma so that’s not gonna happen.” > [@](#): > > No doubt it’s overblown, but my understanding is that some immune system information is passed in breast milk, and also, cows’ milk can increase the odds of certain allergies. That is, despite all the woo, there is also some good science. If I’m wrong, hopefully someone will fight my ignorance. (And none of which disputes your point.) As I said - yes, in a sense “breast is best” in the same way that a fully ripe fruit just plucked off a tree 10 seconds ago is “best”, but in the real world most of us don’t have that luxury. Breast is also “best” for the poor in theory because it’s low cost (it’s not free - mom will be eating more while she’s lactating) and cheapest. But people seem to have forgotten that before we had reliable formula _babies died_ on a regular basis. Or were permanently stunted. Nature is a brutal mother and doesn’t always provide. In the old days if a women couldn’t provide adequate milk her baby often simply died. If the baby had a medical problem making feeding difficult the baby died. If the mother was absent the baby died. Wet nurses were available to the wealthy, and in some cases a female relative that happened to be nursing might take over an infant a mother couldn’t care for, but a LOT of babies died in the old days. Compared to that, formula is a _godsend_. Even better, we have different kinds of formula these days. Fortunately, people are in general resilient. You don’t need a perfect diet to be healthy and have a good life. Better to live on adequate formula that to chase after an ideal that in a particular case is unobtainable. Even if there isn’t a medical problem the bitter truth is that many jobs are not compatible with a mother nursing her baby. It’s the woman’s/family’s business whether to give priority to the woman’s employment (because financial resources are also important) or to nursing a baby. Bottom line - people should mind their own business. Whether or not a woman nurses or uses formula or even both should be seen as a private decision of the woman/family/doctor and the lay public should just STFU. ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/102 "2014-11-24T17:11:41Z")
> [@Calatin](#): > > The internet must be a very scary place for you. _shrug_ You can be a jerk all you want; it’s not going to change the fact that it was an insensitive and unnecessary “joke”. Now, to contribute to the OP, unlike yourself and DS, I’ll submit that while I do think he was stealth-bragging, he should probably know by now that the minute you have a baby, you yourself become completely obsolete. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/103 "2014-11-24T17:26:31Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Bottom line - people should mind their own business. Whether or not a woman nurses or uses formula or even both should be seen as a private decision of the woman/family/doctor and the lay public should just STFU. Hear, hear! 🙂 Nicely said, **Broomstick**. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/104 "2014-11-24T17:45:51Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > Uh, no. The OP mentioned Benjamin Button Syndrome and Hodor; he was _clearly_ joking. DS spoke in detail about something horrible that _actually happens to people_. It certainly got my heart racing, and I’m very thankful he was just “joking”. But, as it has been said, not cool. > [@Calatin](#): > > The internet must be a very scary place for you. We must never, ever joke about stuff that actually happens to people, lest the eggshell thin veneer of bravery we put on surfing the Internet crack and let loose a wail of tears. ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/105 "2014-11-24T18:05:27Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > We must never, ever joke about stuff that actually happens to people, lest the eggshell thin veneer of bravery we put on surfing the Internet crack and let loose a wail of tears. Bravo. Are you finished? If you’d like to take me to the Pit for thinking it was an unnecessary joke, then I’ll see you there. Otherwise I’m sure we’d all appreciate it if people stopped it with the hijacking. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/106 "2014-11-24T18:12:23Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > Bravo. Are you finished? If you’d like to take me to the Pit for thinking it was an unnecessary joke, then I’ll see you there. Otherwise I’m sure we’d all appreciate it if people stopped it with the hijacking. That’s what I said to DB Cooper too, but do you think he listened? ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/107 "2014-11-24T18:13:12Z")
So parents, what if we just sort of ignore the baby and address you without asking anything about it? Is that OK, or offensive? ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/108 "2014-11-24T18:14:35Z")
> [@Renee](#): > > So parents, what if we just sort of ignore the baby and address you without asking anything about it? Is that OK, or offensive? I myself subscribe to old fashioned etiquette where I do not speak to a baby unless it has first said something to me. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/109 "2014-11-24T19:27:15Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > We must never, ever joke about stuff that actually happens to people, lest the eggshell thin veneer of bravery we put on surfing the Internet crack and let loose a wail of tears. You can joke about real life situations. What you can’t do is write something that is perfectly believable and expect people to know it is a joke. And if you make it horrific, you’re going to disturb people. Not to mention the complete tone-deafness to the audience the “joke” shows. You try joking about dead babies around new parents having light-hearted chats about their babies. You can joke about anything, that’s true. But there’s a method, a time, and a place. **Drunky** had none of that. Now what snarky reply will I get that completely misses the point of everything I said? ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/110 "2014-11-24T19:32:54Z")
> [@GrandWino](#): > > That’s what I said to DB Cooper too, but do you think he listened? Don’t joke about real hijackings. Uncool dude! ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/111 "2014-11-24T19:39:00Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > It’s called progeria, and I’ll bet this person and his family don’t think it’s funny. Well, they’re the same; just replace “aging backwards” with “aging fowards,” and “aging” with “something analogous with aging.” > [@Learjeff](#): > > No doubt it’s overblown, but my understanding is that some immune system information is passed in breast milk, and also, cows’ milk can increase the odds of certain allergies. That is, despite all the woo, there is also some good science. If I’m wrong, hopefully someone will fight my ignorance. (And none of which disputes your point.) I’m no expert, but aren’t allergies more likely to stem from total abstinence of something compared to frequent childhood exposure? That’s why I smear my kid with a paste made of shrimp, peanut butter, and gluten 3x daily. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/112 "2014-11-24T19:43:11Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > You can joke about real life situations. What you can’t do is write something that is perfectly believable and expect people to know it is a joke. And if you make it horrific, you’re going to disturb people. Oh, I think you can when the joke’s so blindingly obvious. > [@BigT](#): > > Not to mention the complete tone-deafness to the audience the “joke” shows. You try joking about dead babies around new parents having light-hearted chats about their babies. Did the OP lose a baby, or was it eaten up by strangers? I mean, c’mon, plenty of us are parents here ourselves. > [@BigT](#): > > You can joke about anything, that’s true. But there’s a method, a time, and a place. **Drunky** had none of that. > > Now what snarky reply will I get that completely misses the point of everything I said? No snark, just lighten up. Irreverent/dark humor used to be the status quo around here. All the sudden everybody’s all hand-wringy? Yeesh. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/113 "2014-11-24T20:30:00Z")
Beyond this post, let’s stop the hijack about if you think or don’t think **DrunkySmurf** ’s post was okay or not. Start a thread in ATMB if you want to know my reasoning behind the note or in the Pit if you wish to let it fly among each other about it or continue talking about it otherwise. Let’s get back to the OP, though. ---
**Author:** ![CGav8r](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@CGav8r](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CGav8r)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/114 "2014-11-24T21:13:23Z")
I’m sure a thread devoted to breast feeding vs. formula would be interesting, and scorchingly passionate on both sides. Having lived through 12 years ago with my second child, I personally say “Too soon.” ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/115 "2014-11-24T21:14:58Z")
There have been many such threads on this board. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2014, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/116 "2014-11-25T15:14:40Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Yes, what is it with the “Oooo, babies smell GOOD!” thing? Babies smell like people and whatever they’ve recently eaten/spit up. A clean baby smells like a clean person, which is somewhere between OK and good, but a not-recently-bathed baby smells… funky. Or like old food. Or dirt if they’ve been in dirt. Or whatever. A clean baby has been washed in “baby” versions of shampoo and soap and they have a baby fresh smell that adults who use other scents don’t have. The top of a clean baby head is wonderful to sniff. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2014, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/117 "2014-11-25T16:13:33Z")
I’ve sniffed the heads of clean babies. I just don’t get the love. Maybe if the kid is biologically yours…? No, I hear rhapsodies from women sniffing completely unrelated babies. Either it’s the shampoo/soap scents and not the baby, or there’s a cultural thing going on here, or at least contributing. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2014, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/118 "2014-11-25T16:48:07Z")
Look, it could have been worse. the creepy stranger could have given the little baby a car to play with. [1 877 kars 4 kids k-a-r-s kars for kids 1-877 kars 4 kids donate your car today…! 1 877 kars 4 kids k-a-r-s kars for kids 1-877 kars 4 kids donate your car today…! 1 877 kars 4 kids k-a-r-s kars for kids 1-877 kars 4 kids donate your car today…!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybJ6fS7ruuo) ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2014, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/119 "2014-11-25T16:57:57Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I’ve sniffed the heads of clean babies. I just don’t get the love. > > Maybe if the kid is biologically yours…? No, I hear rhapsodies from women sniffing completely unrelated babies. > > Either it’s the shampoo/soap scents and not the baby, or there’s a cultural thing going on here, or at least contributing. Apparently, there is some scientific basis for the love of baby smell. [http://journal.frontiersin.org/Journal/10.3389/fpsyg.2013.00597/abstract](http://journal.frontiersin.org/Journal/10.3389/fpsyg.2013.00597/abstract) > [@](#): > > Studies in non-human mammals have identified olfactory signals as prime mediators of mother-infant bonding and they have been linked with maternal attitudes and behavior in our own species as well. However, although the neuronal network processing infant cues has been studied for visual and auditory signals; to date, no such information exists for chemosensory signals. We contrasted the cerebral activity underlying the processing of infant odor properties in 15 women newly given birth for the first time and 15 women not given birth while smelling the body odor of unfamiliar 2 day-old newborn infants. Maternal status-dependent activity was demonstrated in the thalamus when exposed to the body odor of a newly born infant. Subsequent regions of interest analyses indicated that dopaminergic neostriatal areas are active in maternal-dependent responses. Taken together, these data suggests that body odors from 2 day-old newborns elicit activation in reward-related cerebral areas in women, regardless of their maternal status. These tentative data suggests that certain body odors might act as a catalyst for bonding mechanisms and highlights the need for future research on odor-dependent mother-infant bonding using parametric designs controlling for biological saliency and general odor perception effects. It’s not just women - I loved new baby smell too (I’m a guy). I can best describe it as a sort of intoxication. ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2014, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178/120 "2014-11-25T18:05:53Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > As I said - yes, in a sense “breast is best” in the same way that a fully ripe fruit just plucked off a tree 10 seconds ago is “best”, but in the real world most of us don’t have that luxury. Breast is also “best” for the poor in theory because it’s low cost (it’s not free - mom will be eating more while she’s lactating) and cheapest. Yes. Ideal world, all that. Formula is bad when promoted to poor women without access to good water. Breast milk has some benefits even in the developed world. But it’s a huge hassle for women who work (by choice or otherwise) outside the home. Formula is liberating for those women. And children aren’t suffering from it in the developed world. But to hear some of the La Leche League types talk, I might as well be putting bourbon in my daughter’s bottle. Or the unbelievably annoying “lactation consultants” who harassed us (well, mostly my wife) in the hospital. I eventually took it upon myself to bar them from her hospital room. Or the pediatrician we had to stop seeing because she was such a fascist about breastfeeding, going so far as to tell my wife that if she wanted to be a good mother, she would have to quit her job if her job didn’t make it possible to breastfeed every few hours. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-my-baby-is-adorable-please-stop-asking-how-old-or-threatening-to-kidnap-him/705178.md?page=7)