# I know the girl who broke up with this guy about a month ago **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 8, 2011, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256 "2011-07-08T01:18:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/1 "2011-07-08T01:18:07Z")
[Man charged with stabbing death of MPS teacher](http://www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/125108829.html) > [@](#): > > Savage told police he stabbed Manzke, whom he had met recently through an online dating service, **because she did not want to see him anymore** , according to a criminal complaint. He stabbed her in the heart, the complaint said. My friend just told him _she_ didn’t want to see him anymore about a month ago. :eek: She’s shaking like a leaf right now. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/2 "2011-07-08T01:45:01Z")
There is nothing rational you can offer her. I think hugs and tea and meaningless comforting murmurs are called for right now. Maybe spike the tea. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/3 "2011-07-08T01:49:52Z")
She’ll be going for the spike, skip the tea! But yeah, there’s not really much you can say, except, “Jesus, Joseph and Mary, you were lucky!” I mean, what else is there? ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/4 "2011-07-08T01:55:49Z")
Years ago, a freind of mine had a date with a photographer who she knew through work. She did not like the guy- apparently he came off as a bit creepy - so she never went out with him again. Not too long after that he was arrested and then later confessed to killing one of his models. Needless to say she was shaken up by this. As far as what I said to her at that time, there really was not that much that I could say except something like “Wow. Good thing you didn’t have a secnd date” ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/5 "2011-07-08T01:59:35Z")
Wow, that’s about a ten minute drive from my house. Did it just hit the news today, I hadn’t heard about it. Admittedly, I haven’t really been paying close attention to the news lately, but as much as I hate Yahoo!, I use it as my search engine at work so every time I open my browser I get a few headlines, I’m surprised I didn’t see it there. I normally click on MPS stuff since I know a handful of MPS teachers (including my aunt). ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/6 "2011-07-08T02:05:35Z")
Yep, just hit today. I shiver every time I think about how close she came to being murdered. When she told him she wasn’t really feeling it and didn’t want to see him anymore, he was NOT happy. He even sent her a text when he started seeing the teacher, so she knew he was seeing this woman. And now she’s dead because she told him exactly what my friend told him. Just shivered again. Lord this is creepy. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/7 "2011-07-08T02:21:28Z")
I don’t know if your friend knew his last name before she met him (or after she met him for that matter), but he had/has two restraining orders for domestic abuse, both from his ex-wife I assume. There was a few other things I saw that would make me think twice about meeting someone, but that would be a deal breaker. Of course, if she didn’t know his last name, she wouldn’t have been able to figure that out anyways. Also, I see he lives, well, lived ridiculously close to a friend of mine in downtown Milwaukee. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/8 "2011-07-08T02:24:46Z")
My sister used to be pretty serious with [this guy](http://www.channel3000.com/news/1990482/detail.html). ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/9 "2011-07-08T02:41:53Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I don’t know if your friend knew his last name before she met him (or after she met him for that matter), but he had/has two restraining orders for domestic abuse, both from his ex-wife I assume. > There was a few other things I saw that would make me think twice about meeting someone, but that would be a deal breaker. > Of course, if she didn’t know his last name, she wouldn’t have been able to figure that out anyways. > > Also, I see he lives, well, lived ridiculously close to a friend of mine in downtown Milwaukee. She actually did a background check on him after their first date and found those. She confronted him about them and he explained them away somehow, plus, they’d both been thrown out of court, so she overlooked them. As you can imagine, she said she will NEVER do anything like that again! > [@Scarlett67](#): > > My sister used to be pretty serious with [this guy](http://www.channel3000.com/news/1990482/detail.html). Holy crap. I can’t even imagine. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/10 "2011-07-08T02:52:19Z")
> [@Shayna](#): > > She actually did a background check on him after their first date and found those. She confronted him about them and he explained them away somehow, plus, they’d both been thrown out of court, so she overlooked them. As you can imagine, she said she will NEVER do anything like that again! Holy crap. I can’t even imagine. Well, you gotta give her credit for A)calling him out on them and B)giving him a chance. Some people really do deserve a second chance, some people really aren’t lying when they say "She got drunk and hit me with a baseball bat and then called the cops and _I_ got arrested and then her mother blah blah blah. Unfortunately, this guy screwed it up for everyone else in her future that might have an iffy, but better safe then sorry. Stick to the guys with clean backgrounds. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/11 "2011-07-08T03:07:18Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Well, you gotta give her credit for A)calling him out on them and B)giving him a chance. Some people really do deserve a second chance, some people really aren’t lying when they say "She got drunk and hit me with a baseball bat and then called the cops and _I_ got arrested and then her mother blah blah blah. Unfortunately, this guy screwed it up for everyone else in her future that might have an iffy, but better safe then sorry. Stick to the guys with clean backgrounds. You’re exactly right. She gave him a chance, but she still got a kind of creepy vibe off of him, so she was hesitant and he always questioned her on it. But in her gut she just knew something wasn’t right, even though he never exhibited any behavior that would have made her guess he’d do something like _this_! Thankfully she eventually trusted her gut and got out after just a couple of months. But I guess getting dumped in such quick succession pushed him over the edge when this girl tried to give him the boot a month later. Holy shit, I still just can’t get over it. BTW, the guy’s a model and I’m told he’s much better looking IRL than that mug shot makes him out to be (I never did meet him - thank goodness!). Still. ::shudder:: ---
**Author:** ![Toucanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Toucanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toucanna)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/12 "2011-07-08T05:59:00Z")
> [@Shayna](#): > > {snip}…she still got a kind of creepy vibe off of him, so she was hesitant and he always questioned her on it. **But in her gut she just knew something wasn’t right** , even though he never exhibited any behavior that would have made her guess he’d do something like _this_! Thankfully **she eventually trusted her gut** and got out after just a couple of months.{snip} (Emphasis is mine) What can really help your friend process this horrible experience is reading _The Gift of Fear_ by Gavin deBecker. She will understand how she doesn’t need to be creeped out, but instead, should recognize and appreciate that her survival instincts kicked in and led her to ending the relationship before she became that man’s victim. I strongly encourage folks to read deBecker’s book because his advice both helps people avoid being victimized and helps those who have been victimized to stop living in fear/guilt. Best wishes to your friend for emotional healing. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/13 "2011-07-08T15:05:27Z")
He’ll come to me eventually. Glad your friend got out physically unscathed. I feel for the victim and her family. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/14 "2011-07-08T21:30:00Z")
The man’s _name_ is “Savage.” Like she couldn’t have seen _that_ coming. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/15 "2011-07-08T21:38:43Z")
That puts my viewings of The Wonder Years in a whole new light. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-the-girl-who-broke-up-with-this-guy-about-a-month-ago/588256/16 "2011-07-09T04:15:22Z")
> [@Toucanna](#): > > (Emphasis is mine) > What can really help your friend process this horrible experience is reading _The Gift of Fear_ by Gavin deBecker. She will understand how she doesn’t need to be creeped out, but instead, should recognize and appreciate that her survival instincts kicked in and led her to ending the relationship before she became that man’s victim. I strongly encourage folks to read deBecker’s book because his advice both helps people avoid being victimized and helps those who have been victimized to stop living in fear/guilt. > > Best wishes to your friend for emotional healing. Thanks, **Toucanna**. I talked to her at length last night and she does appreciate that she paid better attention to her gut instincts this time than she has in the past (no violence ever, but just wrong guys). This incident just cemented in how important that gut instinct really _is_. Thanks for your support for her!