# I Know Y'all Aren't Stand-Up Comics.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 3, 2012, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802 "2012-12-03T00:37:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/21 "2012-12-03T15:30:24Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > Cecil Adams and Ed Zotti walk into a bar… More like Cecil and Ed walk past a bar -------- hey! It could happen some day! And if God had wanted me to be a stand-up comic, he wouldn’t have invented the stool. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/22 "2012-12-03T15:44:33Z")
He only took tips. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/23 "2012-12-03T15:49:28Z")
A man walked up to me and said he hadn’t had a bite in days… ---
**Author:** ![Indian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/24 "2012-12-03T16:11:04Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > A man walked up to me and said he hadn’t had a bite in days… Yo mama didn’t bite at all.. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/25 "2012-12-03T16:16:39Z")
Why did the chicken cross the road? To join the Dopers on the other side. ---
**Author:** ![Fool\_in\_the\_Rain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@Fool\_in\_the\_Rain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fool_in_the_Rain)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/26 "2012-12-03T16:55:49Z")
That’s what she said ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/27 "2012-12-03T17:52:48Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was stapled to a coyote? ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/28 "2012-12-03T18:48:33Z")
What’s the deal with Ovaltine? ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/29 "2012-12-03T19:18:18Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > Nice to see you, **Quasi**. > > And… thanks for the nice thing you did for me. 😉 Me too, **Quasi!** you’re one of the good ones… Jake ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/30 "2012-12-03T19:33:45Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > A man walked up to me and said he hadn’t had a bite in days… …so I shot him. Good to hear from you Quasi! ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/31 "2012-12-03T19:54:22Z")
Don’t forget to tip your waitress. And please don’t drink and drive. But if you do drink and drive, drive real fucking fast! ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/32 "2012-12-03T20:42:00Z")
Please don’t applaud, just throw money on the stage! Good to see ya again, Quasi! ---
**Author:** ![KermitTheFrig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/47e85d/32.png) [@KermitTheFrig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KermitTheFrig)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/33 "2012-12-04T02:31:11Z")
Try the veal. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/34 "2012-12-04T02:38:30Z")
A baby seal walks into a club… oof. Good to hear from you Quasi. Give our best to Dondra. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/35 "2012-12-04T15:16:27Z")
The Aristocrats. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2012, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/36 "2012-12-06T14:25:15Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > some of us try to be sit down comics. I’ve been told to consider being a shut up comic. mmm ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2012, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/37 "2012-12-06T17:36:30Z")
I told my mon I wanted to be a comedian. She said “Don’t do it, they’ll laugh at you!”. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2012, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/38 "2012-12-06T17:37:43Z")
Quasi! I was just thinking about you yesterday. Thanks for checking in and letting us know how you’re doing. ---
**Author:** ![NineToTheSky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5a626/32.png) [@NineToTheSky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NineToTheSky)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2012, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/39 "2012-12-06T18:46:36Z")
“They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian … They’re not laughing now.” ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2012, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802/40 "2012-12-06T19:41:10Z")
Damn, I get in trouble in meetings for saying funny things when i shouldn’t, and now I can’t think of anything… But I wanted to say “Hey, Quasi! Nice to hear your ‘voice’! So glad you’re both doing well.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-know-yall-arent-stand-up-comics/642802.md?page=1)