# I learned so much about sex today (sorry, kinda long) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 12, 2004, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-learned-so-much-about-sex-today-sorry-kinda-long/274311 "2004-11-12T01:34:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Tabby\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tabby\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabby_Cat)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-learned-so-much-about-sex-today-sorry-kinda-long/274311/61 "2004-11-15T23:36:15Z")
> [@SusanStoHelit](#): > > (Bolding mine) > > To jealous/abusive guys, PDAs _are_ part of a “show for the public.” It doesn’t have to be Rated-R to be posessive. When I was with Mr Clingy, I always felt like asking him why he didn’t just lift his leg and piss on my shoes, as that is the more common way to mark territory. Well, in relation to the OP, I don’t think that was the kind of show he was asking about… _however_, you’ve struck a creepy kinda nerve in me now. Am I a clingy Nice Guy / emotional blackmailer? Gasp. :eek: I never thought about that before. Well. Hmm. ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2004, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-learned-so-much-about-sex-today-sorry-kinda-long/274311/62 "2004-11-15T23:39:33Z")
> [@](#): > > They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be “friends”, in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a “date”. This part sounds like the person is talking out of their ass. Too fast or too slow? How is a guy supposed to know, especially if he has never had experience having feelings for a girl/asking her out before? “Oooh, sorry, I’ve only known you for a week you creepy stalker.” “Oooh, sorry, you shouldn’t have waited three month to ask me out, you unassertive weakling.” It’s not like we get a fucking manual that gives us a window of time. And as for the nice guy thing, I resent that it was even brought up in this thread. I personally have never compromised who I am as a person in order to win someone’s favor. I probably could have if I really felt like it, and then I might actually have a girlfriend right now. But personally I feel it’s more important to be who I am than to try to be someone else just to win a girl’s favor. If she doesn’t accept me for me, then why the hell would I want anything to do with her? ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-learned-so-much-about-sex-today-sorry-kinda-long/274311/63 "2004-11-16T00:36:48Z")
> [@Soapbox](#): > > This part sounds like the person is talking out of their ass. Too fast or too slow? How is a guy supposed to know, especially if he has never had experience having feelings for a girl/asking her out before? You could _gasp_ ask her. This happens to me all the time, and I appreciate it. Try it sometime (don’t forget to smile, relax, and speak clearly): “I know we’ve only just met, so would it be too soon to ask you to coffee?” If she is at all interested in you (and not insane) this will indicate to her that: 1) you are concerned about her comfort, 2) you are assertive and confident 3) you are interested in her (which is always nice) If you are a bit shy, ask her on a low-pressure date (anything involving more than just you and her- like a Bad Movie night with your friends). > [@Soapbox](#): > > I personally have never compromised who I am as a person in order to win someone’s favor… If she doesn’t accept me for me, then why the hell would I want anything to do with her? I think you missed the whole point of the Nice Guy label. What you’ve described is exactly the opposite of a Nice Guy. From your other posts, you sound like a genuinely good guy with high standards and a healthy ego. I’m sure you’ll be a dynamo in the dating world once you actually get out there 😉😃 ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-learned-so-much-about-sex-today-sorry-kinda-long/274311/64 "2004-11-16T00:47:57Z")
> [@SusanStoHelit](#): > > PS: for those of you who don’t follow the online comic _something positive_, here is a great take on [nice guys](http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp02142004.shtml) Great minds must think alike - I was just thinking of searching the archives for that particular strip and linking it ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-learned-so-much-about-sex-today-sorry-kinda-long/274311/65 "2004-11-16T00:53:20Z")
> [@Tabby](#): > > Am I a clingy Nice Guy / emotional blackmailer? There is no way for me to tell online (obviously I wasn’t even very good at it IRL :smack: ), but the very fact that you listened to your girlfriend when she told you to quit it instead of rationalizing your behavior away and dismissing her concern tells me you are probably okay. Another clue is that you are worried about maybe being a Nice Guy- I know it seems counterintuitive, but an actual Nice Guy would just be offended and take this as proof that all women are heartless bitches who can’t appreciate his specialness. ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-learned-so-much-about-sex-today-sorry-kinda-long/274311/66 "2004-11-16T01:01:26Z")
As you all can see, I’m a bit new here. Does the Nice Guy debate deserve its own thread? In which category (Great Debates?) ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-learned-so-much-about-sex-today-sorry-kinda-long/274311/67 "2004-11-16T03:19:31Z")
> [@SusanStoHelit](#): > > As you all can see, I’m a bit new here. Does the Nice Guy debate deserve its own thread? In which category (Great Debates?) I’d say yes, assuming you want to continue it. Either here if you want it to be more lighthearted, or in Great Debates if you want a more serious look at the Nice Guy label and what it actually means. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-learned-so-much-about-sex-today-sorry-kinda-long/274311/68 "2004-11-16T20:48:41Z")
> [@badbadrubberpiggy](#): > > I’d say yes, assuming you want to continue it. Either here if you want it to be more lighthearted, or in Great Debates if you want a more serious look at the Nice Guy label and what it actually means. I’m thinking The PIt would be both more appropriate and more fun. ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-learned-so-much-about-sex-today-sorry-kinda-long/274311/69 "2004-11-16T21:36:08Z")
I’ve started a thread in the [Pit](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=5502736#post5502736). I would say be gentle, but I know y’all too well. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sensualips](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7c8e57/32.png) [@Sensualips](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sensualips)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-learned-so-much-about-sex-today-sorry-kinda-long/274311/70 "2004-11-18T11:34:13Z")
> [@Soapbox Monkey](#): > > First, I just want to say how nice it is to have people like you in this thread who understand my way of thinking and can, as in the case of this post, find a better way of wording things than I could, especially speaking from some experience. > > Secondly, would you care to elaborate on why the first guy was crap so that I can hopefully make note of what to avoid? See this thread: [Losing virginity](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=283520) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-learned-so-much-about-sex-today-sorry-kinda-long/274311.md?page=3)