# I Let My Child Do "X" Because I Couldn't **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 24, 2009, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870 "2009-06-24T20:38:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/21 "2009-06-25T13:12:47Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > I think a lot of parents of our generation feel the same way about not making kids clear their plates or eat gross food. I know I had to tell my father we do not make our son clear his plate. [The American Dietetic Association says kids should not be taught to “clean their plates”](http://www.eatright.org/cps/rde/xchg/ada/hs.xsl/home_11026_ENU_HTML.htm). ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/22 "2009-06-25T13:37:23Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > Leave the closet at night… I hope this is missing a word. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/23 "2009-06-25T13:55:46Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > I let 9YO **mudgirl** have pets that I, personally, do not like. > When I was a kid, _no animal_ my mother did not approve of lived in our house. We were not allowed to have cats, gerbils, guinea pigs, hamsters, mice or rats, because _she_ didn’t “like” them. > > Well, you know what? My kid has three snakes and a tarantula. I don’t like them, but the deal is, _I_ don’t take care of them. Of course, she also has two dwarf hamsters, and we have two cats, but I like them and don’t mind taking care of them. Same…except NO animal…not animals she didn’t like. So we now have 2 cats and dwarf hamster and an aquarium. The biggest, though, is that when I was a kid my parents loathed to spend money on me. I didn’t get braces until I was 21 and could pay for them myself (though I should have had them at 11) because of this. I received little in the amount of toys, couldn’t go to events etc. Because of this I tend to spoil children. Not just my own but their friends as well. My daughter has a couple friends whose mom is a single mother and struggling and I will be damned if I won’t buy them a concert ticket that we go to. I hated that feeling when I was a kid…to realize that friends parents didn’t give a damn about me and would take their kids to something leaving me behind or take me along to free events and let me starve/die of thirst while they sat there and ate. It made me cynical of the worth of the human race at a young age and I wil lbe damned if I let some kid get that impression off of me. ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/24 "2009-06-25T14:08:59Z")
The most important things I do in response to how I was parented. Most of it involves respecting her as a person, treating her like she has value and giving her lots and lots of affection, when she wants it. I let my kid get dirty. I mean, dirty nails, dirty feet, dirty face. She likes it and it washes off. Now, my brother and I were basically allowed to have any animal we could catch/drag home/convince her to buy. I just moved to the country and I am following that rule. We have dogs, cats, fish, frogs, turtles, chickens, snails, turkeys and goats. She loves them all and I really believe allowing children to be around animals teaches them many wonderful things. Hey, who am I to tell my kid that possibly her turtle doesn’t like watching TV? I also pretty much always stop at the coin-operated candy/toy dispensers and let her get stuff. My mother never did. Heck, I even get me stuff sometimes. I guess the biggest thing I do, is let my daughter be herself and let her know that she is just fine. When she was born, she got suctioned out and had a pointy head and was also pretty hairy. I would tell her she was my hairy little pointy headed monkey and that we were going to travel around in the circus. My mother was horrified by that for quite a while. Later, she said to me “I used to be so offended by that, but then I realized that you didn’t care what/how your daughter was, you were going to be right there with her all the way.” I said “Yup.” She finally got it. Appreciating who she is is very important to me. She isn’t perfect and can annoy me at times, but I make sure she knows it is temporary and not pathological. Just so you know, what my mother said to me most often as a child was that I was a “lazy, selfish, inconsiderate bitch.” How I describe my child? Strong, fearless, willful, curious, funny, silly and gorgeous little wackadoo. A tad different. I just want to add this. I felt so horrible so often as a child. I desperately wanted a little girl so that I could have the opportunity to raise her without the mental and physical abuse. I wanted one child, so she didn’t have to compete with a sibling and possibly lose every time. When I found out I was having a girl, I completely lost it. There is one thing greater than being a Mom. It is being a mother to your hearts desire. Excuse me, I’m having stickers stuck to my face by my daughter. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/25 "2009-06-25T14:21:08Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > I let 9YO **mudgirl** have pets that I, personally, do not like. > When I was a kid, _no animal_ my mother did not approve of lived in our house. We were not allowed to have cats, gerbils, guinea pigs, hamsters, mice or rats, because _she_ didn’t “like” them. > > Well, you know what? My kid has three snakes and a tarantula. I don’t like them, but the deal is, _I_ don’t take care of them. Of course, she also has two dwarf hamsters, and we have two cats, but I like them and don’t mind taking care of them. I can understand the animal phobias some people have. If someone in the family is freaked out about a particular critter, it’s not fair to force them to live with it. I have always had reptiles and my son is a snake collector, but there’s no way in hell I would have allowed a tarantula in our house when he was little. ---
**Author:** ![Arglefraster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3bc359/32.png) [@Arglefraster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arglefraster)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/26 "2009-06-25T17:11:29Z")
I plan to allow my kids to bring home animals as well. I had pets growing up, but they always came from the pet store. I was always bringing home frogs and turtles and such, but I was never allowed to keep them. Also, my kids will be allowed to eat sugary cereal/snacks and Doritos and such from time to time. My parents were both health nuts. An orange was considered dessert in our family. I won’t let my kids gorge themselves on junk, but they can have a handfull of cheetos with their wholesome dinner, and ice cream with chocolate syrup and Cool-Whip afterwards. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/27 "2009-06-25T20:12:09Z")
> [@Auntbeast](#): > > I guess the biggest thing I do, is let my daughter be herself and let her know that she is just fine. When she was born, she got suctioned out and had a pointy head and was also pretty hairy. I would tell her she was my hairy little pointy headed monkey and that we were going to travel around in the circus. My mother was horrified by that for quite a while. Later, she said to me “I used to be so offended by that, but then I realized that you didn’t care what/how your daughter was, you were going to be right there with her all the way.” I said “Yup.” She finally got it. Appreciating who she is is very important to me. She isn’t perfect and can annoy me at times, but I make sure she knows it is temporary and not pathological. > > Just so you know, what my mother said to me most often as a child was that I was a “lazy, selfish, inconsiderate bitch.” > > How I describe my child? Strong, fearless, willful, curious, funny, silly and gorgeous little wackadoo. > > A tad different. > > I just want to add this. I felt so horrible so often as a child. I desperately wanted a little girl so that I could have the opportunity to raise her without the mental and physical abuse. I wanted one child, so she didn’t have to compete with a sibling and possibly lose every time. When I found out I was having a girl, I completely lost it. There is one thing greater than being a Mom. It is being a mother to your hearts desire. Excuse me, I’m having stickers stuck to my face by my daughter. Excuse me, I …I have something in my eye.🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/28 "2009-06-25T20:46:26Z")
> [@GESancMan](#): > > No kids yet, but… > > My mother was way too preoccupied with my appearance. As a teenager in the '80s, I wanted to grow my hair long and wear Iron Maiden or Ozzy t-shirts and jeans with huge holes in them… no go. Mom was too worried about what others would think. > > My kids will look however they want. If other people don’t like it, fuck 'em. Agreed. I still hold it against my mom that she wouldn’t let me wear Doc Martens to prom, and I’m 31. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/29 "2009-06-25T21:41:15Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > I can understand the animal phobias some people have. If someone in the family is freaked out about a particular critter, it’s not fair to force them to live with it. I have always had reptiles and my son is a snake collector, but there’s no way in hell I would have allowed a tarantula in our house when he was little. I probably didn’t express myself very well in my first post. It’s wasn’t just about animals my mother was phobic about, it was _anything_ she didn’t like. We weren’t allowed to listen to records or the radio outside of the rec room in the basement because _she_ didn’t like music. We weren’t allowed to have our hair cut because _she_ didn’t like short hair on girls. We weren’t allowed to wear jeans because _she_ didn’t think jeans were feminine enough. Things _she_ didn’t like, no one else was supposed to like them either. This is not to say I don’t sometimes pull rank at home, because I certainly do (hey, there have to be _some_ benefits to being The Mom), but I accept that my children are not me, they are different than me, and that’s OK. I just want them to know that. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/30 "2009-06-25T21:45:19Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > I probably didn’t express myself very well in my first post. It’s wasn’t just about animals my mother was phobic about, it was _anything_ she didn’t like. We weren’t allowed to listen to records or the radio outside of the rec room in the basement because _she_ didn’t like music. We weren’t allowed to have our hair cut because _she_ didn’t like short hair on girls. We weren’t allowed to wear jeans because _she_ didn’t think jeans were feminine enough. Things _she_ didn’t like, no one else was supposed to like them either. This is not to say I don’t sometimes pull rank at home, because I certainly do (hey, there have to be _some_ benefits to being The Mom), but I accept that my children are not me, they are different than me, and that’s OK. I just want them to know that. Gotchya. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![tygre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@tygre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tygre)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/31 "2009-06-25T22:01:30Z")
I haven’t yet, because of their age, but if my kids need braces, by Og, they will have them, cost be damned. My parents didn’t get them for me and I am finishing up Invisalign now at 34. With my folks, it was a combo of “we can’t afford them” (which was more that they didn’t budget for crap) and “dentists are all scammers”. I also talk to their teachers and intervene if my kids get punished for something that isn’t their fault. I don’t make the kids just suck it up. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/32 "2009-06-25T22:45:02Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > Have pets. > > Walk away from food on their plate if they are full… If you let your kid have a dog the problem of having food on the plate doesn’t come up. Don’t like your liver, feed it to the dog under the table. 🙂 Mom sees empty plate, she’s happy, kid doesn’t have to eat liver, he’s happy, dog gets liver, dog VERY happy ---
**Author:** ![Baby\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@Baby\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baby_Driver)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/33 "2009-06-26T04:12:51Z")
> [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](#): > > Off topic but my mom picked my clothes for me for way too long. I think I was 15 when I looked down and realized I was wearing wide-wale corderoy flares and a matching cowboy shirt with fake mother of pearl buttons. The scales fell from my eyes and I think I might have screamed. Totally clueless until then. I was skinny as a rail’s rail till I hit puberty (late). My mother bought me leggings & turtlenecks to wear till 8th grade. This was 1999. She wasn’t cruel, just oblivious. Because I was so thin, the leggings _billowed_. I finally screwed up the courage to ask for jeans and tank tops when a third grader pointed out that she and I were wearing the same turtleneck, replete with purple teddy bears and pink hearts. I grew up very sheltered, though I’m not sure how much of it was deliberate on my parents’ part and how much their immersion in the Christian community kept them naive about things. I was fifteen years old when I learned what a blow job was. I have good parents and I love them well, but when it’s my turn I will try to be a little more in tune with reality. ---
**Author:** ![Baby\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@Baby\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baby_Driver)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/34 "2009-06-26T04:27:22Z")
> [@BlinkingDuck](#): > > I hated that feeling when I was a kid…to realize that friends parents didn’t give a damn about me and would take their kids to something leaving me behind or take me along to free events and let me starve/die of thirst while they sat there and ate. It made me cynical of the worth of the human race at a young age and I wil lbe damned if I let some kid get that impression off of me. :eek: Who does this??? I mean, family-exclusive events are well and good, but how can you invite your child’s friend to something and not \*feed \*them when everyone else is eating? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/35 "2009-06-26T13:41:37Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > As for the gross foods: the fact that there’s not a selection of liver in the grocery store anymore says it all. Hey now, some of us like liver. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/36 "2009-06-26T14:14:45Z")
> [@Baby\_Driver](#): > > :eek: > > Who does this??? I mean, family-exclusive events are well and good, but how can you invite your child’s friend to something and not \*feed \*them when everyone else is eating? Agreed…but it was EVERY DAMN one of em that would take me. Heck, some wouldn’t take me along to free events and, now, I assume it was because they didn’t want to feel guilty. This, along with others, made me a VERY cynical young person. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870/37 "2009-06-26T14:31:52Z")
I like to take my kids places to do fun things, silly things, camping, whatever. My dad was a Dr. and always busy. I was more of a latchkey kid and I lived in a small, low-stimuli town. I will bring my kids up in a place with access to every kind of thing available. Plus, my parents divorced when I was 11, I’m not doing that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-let-my-child-do-x-because-i-couldnt/500870.md?page=1)