# I lied! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 18, 2000, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811 "2000-08-18T01:53:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/1 "2000-08-18T01:53:00Z")
I said I wouldn’t have a post-party until I reached a count of 1,000. However, I really feel like a boost, so I’m throwing a half-a-thou party anyway. There’s a wide selection of finger (and other appendage) foods on the sideboard. It’s that thousand-yard table over there, laden with all delictibles known to mankind (and a few that haven’t been discovered – _yet_). The equally long (and laden) table on the other side of the party hall is loaded with a wide selection of scented oils, implements de massage, and other adult toys. The bar is fully-stocked, but the barkeep, a Cthulhoid creature wearing a badge that says “Bob”, has been instructed to card anyone asking for a pangalactic gargleblaster. Also, be careful when replying to “What’s your poison?” as Bob is very literal-minded. There are plenty of rooms along the main hall, should anyone desire a modicum of intimate privacy. _The bear reclines at the head table, where await several scantily-clad, beauteous women. They bear grapes and wine, and appear eager to serve the guest of honor._ Have fun and enjoy! ~~Baloo ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/2 "2000-08-18T02:02:15Z")
Liar!!! 😉 Happy 500th Baloo! Now, let’s see here… I’ll have some of this and, umm, some of that and…WHAT’S THAT??? Eeewww, you sicko! ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/3 "2000-08-18T02:03:30Z")
Sweet Jesus, Baloo, what indulgences! Happy Half-a-Thou! ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/4 "2000-08-18T02:26:40Z")
Hey Bob _flashes card_ Hit me with a pangalactic gargleblaster. _ducks_ Ooookay… let’s try that again… Bob, can I please have - to drink - a pangalactic gargleblaster? Thank you? Hey Baloo, you going to share those scantily-clad ladies? Oh wait a sec… Audrey’s here. Alright! She’s way more my style. Care to dance m’dear? ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/5 "2000-08-18T02:37:01Z")
Hi dpr! How have you been? Sure, let’s dance! Um, I’m not scantily clad, though. I’ve still got on my dress from NothingMan’s ball. ::kicks off heels:: Man, those things were killing me! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/6 "2000-08-18T02:43:37Z")
Darling you look beautiful. Know that I look at you I realise you’re simply stunning but to be honest I didn’t notice what you were wearing because I was almost lost in your eyes. _bows, kisses her hand and leads her to the dance floor_ _dpr makes a complicated signal to the orchestra_ _the bassist tries to steal second base_ _dpr sighs and gives up on signals_ Shall we jive, tango or waltz? ---
**Author:** ![Erika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/47e85d/32.png) [@Erika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erika)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/7 "2000-08-18T02:53:06Z")
Happy 500! ::after careful thought and wording, acquires non-lethal beverage from Bob:: ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/8 "2000-08-18T03:21:18Z")
Hey, Baloo, nice shindig. Say, you might want to tell that big protazoa-looking thing of a bartender that a Fuzzy Navel is a drink. I’m really glad I didn’t ask for a Sex on the Beach or a Screaming Orgasm. Come to think of it… _Yo, Barkeep! I want a Flaming Blue Jesus!_ :::watches as the bartender takes out after the Puerto-Rican waiter::: :::then watches as one of the horses doovers crawls off the side of the table::: Um, ya got any Pringles? ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/9 "2000-08-18T03:38:53Z")
Happy half a grand, Baloo! Great party! I’m a bit disappointed that you lied, but that can all be washed away with a few Slow Comfortable Screws. ---
**Author:** ![Revedge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecae2f/32.png) [@Revedge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revedge)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/10 "2000-08-18T07:32:54Z")
I ask the beef what cut would be particularly tasty today. After he goes kills himself, I pull up a nice rack of ribs and a beer. Watching you make a fool out of yourself with the lovely ladies, I take pictures for future blackmailing purposes. 😛 Congrats, you lying bear. Hope to see 1K soon! ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/11 "2000-08-18T07:52:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dpr \* > \*\*Darling you look beautiful. Know that I look at you I realise you’re simply stunning but to be honest I didn’t notice what you were wearing because I was almost lost in your eyes. > > _bows, kisses her hand and leads her to the dance floor_ > > _dpr makes a complicated signal to the orchestra_ > > _the bassist tries to steal second base_ > > _dpr sighs and gives up on signals_ > > Shall we jive, tango or waltz? > > \*\* I think Raphael Furcal the bassist just took out Craig Biggio at second… ::winces:: dpr, dahling, let us waltz. I have always been fond of the waltz. ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2000, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/12 "2000-08-18T14:22:33Z")
hey Baloo - congrats. Nice scantily clad ladies - are they your bare necessities? I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist it - I’ll just go & purloin the bar contents while Bob’s still chasing the waiter Good job people came over from NothingMan’s thread, rather than etgaw1’s! On second thoughts… ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/13 "2000-08-19T04:17:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Revedge \* > **Watching you make a fool out of yourself with the lovely ladies, I take pictures for future blackmailing purposes. 😛** **???** Revedge, in order for pictures to be of any use as blackmail, at least one person in the pic must want the events portrayed therein to remain secret. My life is an open book. Any secrets I have, I’m hoarding for my autobiography. [Motions to the sweet creatures who serve him.] [ul]“Go, my lovelies, entertain the others. I must mingle.”[/ul][Rises to greet the guests and help translate drink orders to Bob.] [ul]“Rysdad, I think the non-motile snacks are a little farther along the buffet. Hurry before the the motile snacks beat you to them. They’ve already invaded the punch bowl. They swim well, don’t you think?”[/ul] ~~Baloo ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/14 "2000-08-21T03:41:29Z")
A waltz it is then. _goes to signal, decides better off it and just says “Strauss please” out loud_ _takes the most beautiful woman in the room in hand and starts gently cavorting on the dance floor_ And he was safe btw. ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lied/29811/15 "2000-08-21T04:11:20Z")
Happy 500th! I’m catching up, and I _will_ have a party at or near 500 (I don’t pay too much attention to my post count). Just giving advance notice so ya’ll’ll have time to buy beer and fire up the grill.