# I like my boyfriend's friend **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 4, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-like-my-boyfriends-friend/227473 "2004-02-04T13:50:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2004, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-like-my-boyfriends-friend/227473/21 "2004-02-05T00:22:55Z")
**Qazzz** is male. Kissing someone on the cheek when you’re romantically attached to someone else is not cheating. Sex isn’t love, sex was never love and sex never will be love. The idea that it’s better for **Qazzz** to break up with his boyfriend than it is for him to kiss the bf’s friend is repulsive. ---
**Author:** ![bittersweet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c57346/32.png) [@bittersweet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bittersweet)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2004, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-like-my-boyfriends-friend/227473/22 "2004-02-05T00:55:48Z")
> [@Qazzz](#): > > I like my boyfriend’s friend. I can talk to him and I want to kiss his lips. I like a friend of my boyfriend’s as well. It’s probably a good thing I don’t see him very often, otherwise I would have kissed his lips by now, for sure. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2004, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-like-my-boyfriends-friend/227473/23 "2004-02-05T14:00:10Z")
> [@](#): > > The idea that it’s better for Qazzz to break up with his boyfriend than it is for him to kiss the bf’s friend is repulsive. Tells me you cannot understand the meaning of people who enjoy and find solace in monogomy. To each their own, I do not mean to offend. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2004, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-like-my-boyfriends-friend/227473/24 "2004-02-05T14:20:50Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Kissing someone on the cheek when you’re romantically attached to someone else is not cheating. You’re right. But the op doesn’t say he wants to kiss them on the cheek, it says: “I can talk to him and I want to _kiss his lips._” That’s where it becomes cheating, because this isn’t just a “Oh, I wish we were comfortable enough that a peck on the cheek hello and goodbye would be nice,” this is a “I’m hot for this guy and I want to kiss them because I’m attracted to them.” That’s why it’s cheating. I’ve got a really close friend of mine who kisses everyone on the lips when she sees them. It’s no big deal with her, becuase there’s no sexual intension behind any of it. When there is, the kissing changes and you can tell this isn’t just a “friendly little peck”. I don’t think that’s what **Quazz** is going for here, and that’s why this is dangerous territory. And again, stay away from friends of significant others. It’s bad territory. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2004, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-like-my-boyfriends-friend/227473/25 "2004-02-05T15:05:35Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > Tells me you cannot understand the meaning of people who enjoy and find solace in monogomy. To each their own, I do not mean to offend. Of course I understand this. I have in point of fact been in long-term monogamous relationships and neither I nor the other parties involved would have considered kissing to be cheating. You’re hardly supporting the idea of monogamy by supporting the idea of dumping someone to go after his friend. > [@El Elvis Rojo](#): > > You’re right. But the op doesn’t say he wants to kiss them on the cheek, it says: > > “I can talk to him and I want to kiss his lips.” My comment was not in response to the OP; it was in response to the various people in the thread who said they wouldn’t kiss someone on the cheek because it would feel like cheating. Since it doesn’t appear that **Qazzz** will be responding to any of this I see little point in continuing my own participation. ---
**Author:** ![Optihut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/edb3f5/32.png) [@Optihut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Optihut)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2004, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-like-my-boyfriends-friend/227473/26 "2004-02-06T00:00:16Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > My comment was not in response to the OP; it was in response to the various people in the thread who said they wouldn’t kiss someone on the cheek because it would feel like cheating. Unless I mis-counted, the “various” people consists of exactly one. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2004, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-like-my-boyfriends-friend/227473/27 "2004-02-06T02:48:37Z")
You seem to be calling people who aren’t interested in having physical contact with people other than their SOs dysfunctional, **Otto**. That’s a pretty big brush you’re painting with, there. For the record, I’m not comfortable with any level of physical contact with other people - I don’t hug, I don’t peck on the cheek, I don’t even like shaking hands much. For me to step so far out of my comfort zone to peck a male friend on the cheek is a lot further for me to go than someone who hugs and kisses all the time. I don’t think this makes me dysfunctional. It makes me very non-touchie-feelie. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2004, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-like-my-boyfriends-friend/227473/28 "2004-02-06T17:57:32Z")
I almost lost **Q** because I kissed a boy on vacation (wanted to do more, but a kiss was it, and he’s the one that planted it on me - I just took advantage of the opportunity). I didn’t think it was “cheating” because we’d only been dating a couple of weeks, but he did. Needless to say, we worked it out, and I’m extremely grateful for that. But boy, did he have warm, kissable lips. Mmm… 😃 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Winterwren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Winterwren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winterwren)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-like-my-boyfriends-friend/227473/29 "2004-02-07T15:53:29Z")
> [@Qazzz](#): > > I like my boyfriend’s friend. I can talk to him and I want to kiss his lips. > > But then I would be an evil horrible cheating person. I don’t think you would necessarily be “an evil horrible cheating person,” but there are a number of questions you might want to consider, including: - What are the terms of your relationship with your boyfriend? What does he consider “cheating”? What do you consider “cheating”? - Is your boyfriend’s friend in a relationship? If so, what are the terms of that relationship? If not, how does he feel about relationships in general? - Is a kiss **all** you want? (Be completely honest with yourself here.) - What are the possible repercussions? Yeah, I know, if it’s just one kiss, then those are a lot of serious questions. But for me, the trigger phrase was “I can talk to him” – that sets off a bunch of warning signals. Can you talk to your boyfriend in the same way? If not, what are you getting/looking at or for with the friend? There’s also the question of all the possible repercussions, and whether you’re ready to deal with them. As an example, I’m happily polyamorous, and I have two friends who I have fantasies about being kissed by (specifically _being kissed by_ – as opposed to initiating the kiss). No, it wouldn’t upset my fiance if this were to happen, and I’m pretty sure that both men would enjoy it – EXCEPT that in one case, I’m not sure how his wife would react, and it’s not worth it to me to screw up our friendships if she would be upset; and in the other case, there’s tension in the friend’s relationship as it is, and I won’t knowingly become a complication. In my longwinded way, I think I’m saying it’s probably too complicated to be worth it; keep it as a private fantasy. ---
**Author:** ![Winterwren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Winterwren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winterwren)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-like-my-boyfriends-friend/227473/30 "2004-02-07T16:13:03Z")
> [@El Elvis Rojo](#): > > But in my book, and most other’s that I know, you don’t fool around with a friend’s ex. To dump your boyfriend to date one of his friends is an extreme act of betrayal, and it’s quite possible that the friend will feel the same way and rebuke your advance anyway, leaving you in a worse situation all around. I snipped a lot of thoughtful commentary here, but just wanted to comment here: in my social circles, we often get involved with friends’ exes. My fiance’s best friend is his ex-fiancee, who occasionally dates my ex-husband, and we all hang out happily together, for example. Confuses the heck out of some folks, but it works for us. But if that’s not done in your social circles, then it’s yet another complication to consider – and a whopping big one, at that. And if it is done, is there an unspoken code to consider? How long between breaking up with X do you wait before going out with X’s friend Y? Does it matter whether Y is X’s best friend, bridge-partner, casual hangout buddy? Lots of questions. ---
**Author:** ![occ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8c91f0/32.png) [@occ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/occ)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2004, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-like-my-boyfriends-friend/227473/31 "2004-02-07T18:06:05Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > I so do not get this “kissing is cheating” thing. I especially don’t get the permutations of it like “kissing on the cheek is OK but not on the lips,” except that “I won’t even peck my guy friends on the cheek.” It’s messed up. If you’re straight, do you view pecking your same-sex friends on the cheek to be cheating? If not, why is it cheating with one and not the other? What if you visit a country where it’s customary to greet friends with a kiss on the cheek? Do you offend your friends by refusing to kiss them because it’s cheating? Doesn’t there have to be some sort of sexual intent before it can reasonably be considered cheating? Because one type of kiss is simply a formality of greeting etiquette; another implies a romantic bond. Those that practice monogamy would tend to view such as against the rules of such a relationship. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-like-my-boyfriends-friend/227473.md?page=1)