Tell you you always say a prayer before practice. A Buddhist prayer. It’s the only one that works. Invite her to join in and give her a Buddhist Jack Chick leaflet. If they don’t exist, time to create one.
You’re Chancellor Palpatine, aren’t you? Your impressionable young Jedi students are being taught the dark side, aren’t they? I’ve already reported you to Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson.
Good thing I don’t teach Tae Kwon Do. Otherwise:
Me: Because it’s not possible for me to practice. One of those little fuckers broke my rib with a bo staff on Monday, and I’ve got to wait a week before I can even swing my goddamned nunchucks. (Just to see the look on her face.)
Me: Gee lady, what was your first clue? My advertisement on the front door saying “Lern 2 Kill Peeps Without Weapons (Of course if they have weapons, you’re probably screwed)”?
Yick. I’ve been targeted myself for the religious makeover, but that incident of witnessing occurred at a child’s birthday party and the kid’s mom thankfully steered the horrified church lady (she was horrified at me for not being a Christian) away from the festivities.
Help me out here…“Here’s your sign”?
Bill Engvall routine. “Stupid people ought to be made to wear a sign so you know who they are.”
Like asking someone who is fishing around through their car window with a coathanger “Locked your keys in the car?” “Nope. Just washed it and now I’m hanging it up to dry. Here’s your sign.”
I wonder if this lady would have been satisfied with “We have a period of silence before every class that people can use to pray if they wish” or if nothing less than a mini-sermon delivered in a room with a total lack of heathens would do.
Aaaah - got it. Thanks, silenus! Read the Wiki link and ignorance fought. 
Since Holy water is one of the attributes of the Whore of Babylon, I expect a “yes” answer would send a True Believer scurrying for the hills even faster than Clothahump’s response. After all, a vehicle so “blessed” would obviously be demon-possessed, and it would only be a matter of time before it devoured the TB’s soul.
Snappy Answers for Stupid Christians Dept:
A) “Because Jesus taught Love and Turning The Other Cheek…and from the kamas on the wall, you can probably guess that this isn’t exactly what we’re all about here…”
B) “Jesus & God Almighty… Jesus & God Almighty. Nope, they aren’t paid up-to-date at This Dojo. Unless…would you be settling up their bills as well?”
C) “We instead practice a special move to knock Evil Spirits out of the heads of those possessed by them. Let me demonstrate…”
flat-palm strike to the center of her forehead
“Get thee outta my dang Dojo, Satan!!!”
D) “Sorry, but we lent our last Christ Warrior to FOX and they never gave her back.”
Probably bad karma. Teaching children Tae Kwan Do postpones the day when they can walk in the pure light of Shotokan karate, as The Buddha intended.
You never told us you were running an evil Tae Kwan Do studio. Will you teach me the five point palm-exploding heart technique?
Wouldn’t that be heart-exploding palm techniques?
I feel obligated to point out, at this time, that Jesus is probably a kung-fu sensei.
sits in a corner and cries for her religion
A slight slide slip on the topic – when I used to train in Aikido, my atheist friends who visited the dojo were sure that I had been snatched by a cult, since we bowed to the picture of O Sensei at the front of the room.
Besides, Taekwondo is totally inconsistent with the old “turn the other cheek” philosophy–she should’ve taken 'em to an Aikido dojo. Silly Christians!
ROTFLMAOAPMP!!!
Man, am I ever redecorating the school!!
Or maybe not. The one person I know to be Christian in the school is my partner. And she’ll kick my butt.
But, oh what a wonderful visual image that was, Jim. Thank you!
Chuck Norris can kick Jesus’ ass!
“Only two days a week. It takes a while to hose the lamb’s blood off the practice floor so we don’t do it every day.”