# I lost my dad on Friday, Aug 26 **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 27, 2011, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247 "2011-08-27T00:11:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Maiira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Maiira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maiira)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/41 "2011-08-28T05:45:02Z")
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s always hard when someone goes from being strong and independent to lying in a hospital bed with no transition in between. You’ll be on my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/42 "2011-08-28T22:10:27Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/43 "2011-08-29T01:07:52Z")
I’m so sorry. Actions do speak louder than words so he showed you what he couldn’t say. They say it takes four seasons to start getting over the loss of a loved one. You all will be remembering him as the holidays roll around…and at some point, you’ll find yourself filing something away as a “good memory” instead of a heart pang. I hope your way there will be lined with many good ones. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/44 "2011-08-29T01:40:44Z")
I am soooooooo sorry! ☹ I lost my mom out of nowhere in February; I can relate. > [@aceplace57](#): > > I wish there were more good memories and I’m still struggling to believe he’s not home now sitting in that recliner and crocheting. I find it inconceivable that he’s not on a trip somewhere and will be returning. I’m sure you probably already know this, but this is totally normal. Even 6 months after her death, there is still some tiny little part in the back of my brain that thinks that I’m eventually going to wake up from this really awful dream. Everything you feel in these next few months is gonna be normal, and don’t let anyone tell you different. Prepare yourself for people’s reactions - I was very surprised when people were telling me that I needed to get counseling to “move on” about 6 weeks after Mom died. Most people have no patience for grief - until someone has been there themselves, they really can’t grasp it. Some of your friends will most likely bail - other people who you never really expected to be there for you will be, though. (YMMV of course - I’m drawing off of my own experiences and those of others I’ve known who have lost a parent.) Whatever you do, don’t be afraid to see a doctor if necessary. If you need something to sleep, or something for your nerves, do it! This is probably the only time in your life your doctor is going to give you a script for something like that without giving you too much shit about it. FWIW, your dad sort of _is_ on a trip somewhere, and someday he will return to take you home when it’s time for you to go, so you’re not too terribly far off the mark. 🙂 _hugs_ Take really good care of yourself! PM me if you ever need to vent. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/45 "2011-08-29T01:47:39Z")
My most sincere condolences and wishes for peace to you and your family, **aceplace57**. **PandaBear77** ’s post gives some good advice. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/46 "2011-08-29T01:48:06Z")
I’m sorry, **aceplace57**. You have my deepest condolences. My mom died suddenly in July (she was 78) so I can relate too. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/47 "2011-08-29T01:55:55Z")
Sudden deaths, well deaths in general, tend to put us into a state of shock that takes a while to come out of. In a way, my father’s sudden death was harder to really understand than my husband’s, simply because I wasn’t used to seeing my dad all day every day, so I could kind of believe he was really alive just not around. The feeling does pass, though. It may take a week or months or even longer. Don’t try to rush yourself. Just allow yourself to grieve and take it easy. Best wishes. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/48 "2011-08-29T02:42:46Z")
I am so, so very sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/49 "2011-08-29T07:19:28Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > Truth is, he’s been falling asleep in his deer stand for years. 🙂 He’d never admit it. Ah yes, my mother used to claim she got “distracted” in front of the TV (best translation I can come up with), until that day when we offered to record her snores and play them back to her. If your snores can be heard through two closed doors, one of them armored, you aren’t just “distracted”. My condolences to you and yours. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/50 "2011-08-29T14:21:41Z")
So sorry to hear this, **ace**. ☹ I need to call my grandma tonight! ---
**Author:** ![KinkiNipponTourist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e9bcb4/32.png) [@KinkiNipponTourist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KinkiNipponTourist)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/51 "2011-08-29T14:27:40Z")
Aww, Ace, I’m so sorry. We can never really prepare for it, can we? Please take care. KNT ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/52 "2011-08-29T17:11:17Z")
My deepest sympathies. Losing your father means you finally have to grow up. You’ll catch yourself, “Oh, I’ll just ask Dad…” My daddy died in 2008. We know he’s with Momma now, and that gives us some comfort. But you still have this HOLE in your life, and it’s hard to learn to live with it. May your memories always bring you a smile. SHARE your stories of your dad with your kids. Keep him alive that way. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/53 "2011-08-30T15:38:09Z")
The memorial service was very well planned. The church couldn’t have been nicer and the members provided a meal. I was impressed that the service included an Air Force flag ceremony and they did the multiple gun salute. They gave the folded flag and three brass cartridges to my mom. Dad’s 23 years of service always meant a lot to him. Thanks again for everyones kind comments. It’ll take awhile but I know life gets better. The memorial service dinner helped a lot. We shared a lot of good memories and even a few laughs. My dad was well liked and quite the character. It was nice sharing stories about him with family and friends. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2011, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/54 "2011-09-03T06:36:56Z")
Still have you in my thoughts, **ace**. Thanks for sharing your feelings about him with us! [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/5fX1fx1ZFb4/hqdefault.jpg "Wild Blue Yonder - United States Air Force Official Song") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fX1fx1ZFb4) Much love, Quasi and Dondra ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2011, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/55 "2011-09-03T16:18:31Z")
As for the issue of speaking ill of the dead, I think it’s healthy to remember those we’ve loved as being who they really were, in both the good and the bad ways. When I die, I definitely hope those that loved me remember more of the good than the bad, but the bad is part of who I was too. None of us makes it through life without making mistakes. That doesn’t change the good times and the love. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/56 "2011-09-03T16:24:52Z")
I’m so sorry for you loss, **aceplace57**. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/57 "2011-09-03T16:39:07Z")
**lavenderviolet** , I know this is a trite phrase on message boards, but that was well said! Quasi ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2011, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247/58 "2011-09-03T20:05:45Z")
Thanks Quasi. 😉 It’s strange how I’ll go most of the day ok. Then something triggers a memory and I’ll get down for awhile. Then I’ll get busy again and I’m ok. I guess that’ll last for awhile. It’s all part of adjusting to life and moving forward. > [@Quasimodem](#): > > Still have you in my thoughts, **ace**. Thanks for sharing your feelings about him with us! > > [http://youtu.be/5fX1fx1ZFb4](http://youtu.be/5fX1fx1ZFb4) > > Much love, > > Quasi and Dondra [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-lost-my-dad-on-friday-aug-26/594247.md?page=2)