# I love crazy emails at work. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 4, 2017, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-crazy-emails-at-work/790490 "2017-07-04T08:10:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malden\_Capell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malden_capell/32/5274_2.png) [@Malden\_Capell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malden_Capell)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-crazy-emails-at-work/790490/1 "2017-07-04T08:10:23Z")
So I currently work in a central government office in the UK (won’t specify), and I logged on this morning to find this gem of an email. I am tempted to create a D&D story based on it. What do you think? > [@](#): > > Mage Avva: - I can not eat and pray for you! > > Tell Pope Francis and Queen Elizabeth - Their Souls are waiting for the Blood Enemies. Blood Enemies prepared Suicide of Soul for propaganda of war between God and the Devil. > > Propaganda of war in the sky is a network for catching morons. > > Pope Benedict listened to me and threw the throne of the chief moron. > > The Queen can simultaneously turn to God and the Devil with the World. She will see my truth. > > I can help the Queen save her Soul. > > I can help in the acquisition of the Amulet of the Mirage of Magic and the Magic Stone - the Dolmen. > > Dolmen will not allow you to be killed during a one-time petition to God and the Devil and translate your petition into the language of the Spirit World. > > Amulet of the Mirage Mage - will make your Soul invisible to your Blood Enemies. The amulet works like temperature. The temperature makes ice invisible. The amulet works like a Desert Storm. Storm hides traces of Caravan. The amulet works like a wave of the sea. The wave washes the traces of the traveler and the guard dogs - are powerless in their search. > > Install Piggybacks to raise funds to save the Soul of the Queen. > > Please reply to: _email redacted_ > > Avva is the High Magician of the Brotherhood of the Grotto, the Guardian of the Mysteries of the Holy Grail. > > 3.07.2017. Any other good ones? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-crazy-emails-at-work/790490/2 "2017-07-04T09:55:09Z")
That’s stunning! :eek: Best I have to offer is the time the boss sent the team an email about a team meeting to be held the next week, and he said the topic would be “Emu Farming.” The company designs and builds flight trainers and maintenance trainers for the military, so we rarely have anything to do with emus. But at the end of our team meeting, he did go over some slides about emu farming. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-crazy-emails-at-work/790490/3 "2017-07-04T10:22:13Z")
I get a lot of this sort of thing: > [@](#): > > **Subject: outweigh we preferred In** > > Lady an mr here must neat sold > > Dinner our ask talent her age hardly > Its sometimes her behaviour are contented > > Had you him humoured jointure ask expenses learning An course regard to up he hardly May musical arrival beloved luckily adapted him > > Reached who the mrs joy offices pleased > Tolerably we as extremity exquisite do commanded > > Newspaper or in tolerably education enjoyment Ham pretty our people moment put excuse narrow > > Comparison up insipidity especially discovered me of decisively in surrounded Alone visit use these smart rooms ham > > Introduced melancholy estimating motionless on up as do In am think on style child of Admitted add peculiar get joy doubtful > > Perhaps six prudent several her had offence > > Whence or esteem easily he on > Blessing welcomed ladyship she met humoured sir breeding her Blessing appetite domestic did mrs judgment rendered entirely Humanity declared vicinity continue supplied no an ET: Although that’s just nonsense, rather than actual crazy. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-crazy-emails-at-work/790490/4 "2017-07-04T11:25:00Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > That’s stunning! :eek: > > Best I have to offer is the time the boss sent the team an email about a team meeting to be held the next week, and he said the topic would be “Emu Farming.” The company designs and builds flight trainers and maintenance trainers for the military, so we rarely have anything to do with emus. But at the end of our team meeting, he did go over some slides about emu farming. 😃 At one company I worked for, the boss three layers up was an EST-hole who would periodically hold department meetings. They had to be held in the lunch room so when one came up, I and a new guy who had not yet attended one walked in together. I picked a chair that was in front of a column, carefully adjusted its distance from the column, sat in it, then leaned back against the column. “What are you doing?” “What does it look like?” “Looks like you’re getting ready for a nap.” “Got it in one.” Twenty minutes of actual meeting content and forty-five minutes on the _Joy of EST_™ later when we were leaving, he said, “Now I see why.” ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-crazy-emails-at-work/790490/5 "2017-07-04T13:50:15Z")
I got a text at work, “hey, we’ve been kind of slow, can I leave 30 minutes early?” The sender was 20 yards away, but my door was shut (I rarely close my door). I replied, “sure! I’m not busy, and I’ll cover for you if anything happens”. My phone chimed 3 minutes later. I assumed it would be a “thanks” text, but no; it was a long narrative about plans for the upcoming weekend, including some pretty personal TMI stuff. I opened my door and she was standing there, very red faced. ---
**Author:** ![Annoying\_Buzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Annoying\_Buzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annoying_Buzz)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-crazy-emails-at-work/790490/6 "2017-07-05T07:56:20Z")
I was in a meeting, once, with one of the designers in another wing of our company, and that was apparently enough to get me added to his mailing list. Every month, a message shows up in my inbox titled “Tonight is a full moon…” What follows is completely random. Last month, it was a breathless account of how trees are tapped for syrup. Two months ago, it was about hot water bottles. Last November, it was the art of John Wayne Gacy. The month before that was about ping-pong. ---
**Author:** ![Malden\_Capell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malden_capell/32/5274_2.png) [@Malden\_Capell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malden_Capell)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-crazy-emails-at-work/790490/7 "2017-07-05T12:50:40Z")
He’s back! > [@](#): > > Why did you dress yourself in the armor of the Knight of the Power of God? > > God sent me to take away from you - War, Faith and Hope. > War, Faith and Hope tools of the blind. > > God leaves you Love, gives Peace and the Power of Magic. > The power of magic occurs when you simultaneously turn to God and the Devil with the World. > > The closed Magical ritual of one-stage conversion to God and the Devil is called Uniwar. The ritual is described in the Blue Book - the Bible for the elect to pray for Peace in Heaven. > > For an effective and safe conversion to God and the Devil, you need the Magic Dolmen and Ritual Shoes. > > God said to revive the Tower of Babel or the Altar of the World. The tower is a dolmen at the height of the magical number 40. The tower is needed for those who do not have the Magic Stone and Sandals of Perseus. > > I ask you to print this letter and distribute the text to your relatives. > > I ask you to render great financial assistance for the needs of ordinary people for the needs of the revival of the Altar of Peace. > > The Altar of the World clears from all the Sins of the slaves, forgotten and not led. > > July 1, 2017 I appealed to the Montenegrin authorities with a request to promote the Will of God - to restore the Altar of Peace or the Tower of Babylon. > > Send your donations in the water of the Bank Cards to: 243020, Russia, Bryansk region, Novozybkov, Volna Revolutsii 19 - A, apartment No. 31. > > Polevoy Peter Dmitrievich. > > We will receive your Card and we will inform you the address for sending the pin-code of the card. > > Avva - Mage Keeper of the Secrets of the Treasury and the Holy Grail; Person 7 Surah of the Koran. > > God and the Devil In The World are with us. AC. > > July 5, 2017. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-crazy-emails-at-work/790490/8 "2017-07-05T13:02:23Z")
…And what the OP didn’t mention is that Avva is his company’s director of HR. The worst I ever got was a rambling paranoid screed that must have been close to a hundred pages long. Just for a sampling, the writer recounts how he had said something like “and they’re using chemicals absorbed through the mouth, the nose, and the vagina”, and then only two days later, he saw some celebrity using the word “vagina”, which was proof that THEY were monitoring everything he said and were taunting him. Folks in my department also often got things from crackpots who figured they could revolutionize physics, ranging from Timecube-level incoherency to “might fool the rubes” to beautiful mathematics that has no connection to anything. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-crazy-emails-at-work/790490/9 "2017-07-05T13:25:22Z")
Crazy emails? Crackpots? Sure. About 15 years ago a FOIA request was emailed to everyone in our little corner of the federal government. The email/FOIA request was for real, but it was at the behest of [a conspiracy-theory nut named Barbara Schwarz](http://home.snafu.de/tilman/Barbara_Schwarz_8.8.2006.html). I don’t have the original FOIA request anymore, but here’s a reference I found to a similar FOIA request she sent to another federal agency: > [@the internet](#): > > Name of Petitioner: Barbara Schwarz > > Date of Filing: November 2, 1999 > > Case Number: VFA-0536 > > On November 2, 1999, Barbara Schwarz filed an Appeal from determinations issued by the Department of Energy Headquarters Freedom of Information and Privacy Group (DOE/FOI) and by the Department of Energy’s Office of Inspector General (DOE/IG). These determinations responded to a request for information filed under the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA), 5 U.S.C. 552, as implemented by the Department of Energy (DOE) in 10 C.F.R. Part 1004. > > The FOIA generally requires that documents held by the federal government be released to the public upon request. 5 U.S.C. 552(a)(6)(A). However, Congress has provided nine exemptions to the FOIA setting forth the types of information agencies are not required to release. 5 U.S.C. 552(a)(6)(B). Under the DOE’s regulations, a document exempt from disclosure under the FOIA shall nonetheless be released to the public whenever the DOE determines that disclosure is not contrary to federal law and in the public interest. 10 C.F.R. 1004.1. > > I. Background In a request dated June 18, 1999, Ms. Schwarz requested from the DOE records on the following individuals or subjects: > > 1. As to that the Germans are behind the nuclear weapons and other weapons of nations that are hostile to the United States, > > 2. As to that the Germans are behind terror acts and wars against the United States or against other countries which the United States want to protect, > > 3. As to a civilian submarine in the Great Salt Lake, that protects it’s [sic] residents from all kind of pollution and germs with the result that people stay young and have currently at least double the lifespan than people not living in this village, > > 4. As to L. Ron Hubbard and proposed energy programs and environmental programs and nuclear counterintelligence programs proposed by him, > > 5. As to Claude, Elizabeth, Phillip, Mark C., Harvey L., Edwin, Willard, Olivia Rathbun (de Rothschild) and proposed energy programs, environmental programs and nuclear counterintelligence programs proposed by them, > > 6. As to myself, Barbara Schwarz or misspelled version Schwartz, > > 7. As to if Mark C. Rathbun (de Rothschild)[,] members of his family, their attorneys or any Independent or Special Counsel inquired records pertaining to myself from the Dept. of Energy. The only other crazy emails we get are when someone in a single office spams our entire federal organization about some event that is only of interest to their local office, resulting in a flurry of people elsewhere in the country using reply-to-all to tell everyone else to stop using reply-to-all; I’ve seen those skirmishes go on for _days._ ---
**Author:** ![Malden\_Capell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malden_capell/32/5274_2.png) [@Malden\_Capell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malden_Capell)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-crazy-emails-at-work/790490/10 "2017-07-05T14:01:31Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > Crazy emails? Crackpots? Sure. > > About 15 years ago a FOIA request was emailed to everyone in our little corner of the federal government. The email/FOIA request was for real, but it was at the behest of [a conspiracy-theory nut named Barbara Schwarz](http://home.snafu.de/tilman/Barbara_Schwarz_8.8.2006.html). I don’t have the original FOIA request anymore, but here’s a reference I found to a similar FOIA request she sent to another federal agency: > > The only other crazy emails we get are when someone in a single office spams our entire federal organization about some event that is only of interest to their local office, resulting in a flurry of people elsewhere in the country using reply-to-all to tell everyone else to stop using reply-to-all; I’ve seen those skirmishes go on for _days._ The beauty of it is that when the Department replies saying no, we have no records for any of that, you crazy person, dear old Barbara concludes ‘Ha! Your denial PROVES there’s something fishy going on!’