# I love her but....would you risk getting her herpes? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 19, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206 "2006-07-19T18:27:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![kenwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f1d935/32.png) [@kenwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenwood)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/1 "2006-07-19T18:27:51Z")
I met a girl who finally told me that she has herpes - oral and genital. I take steroids for arthritis, there by suppressing my immune system. I really like her, but… I may just catch it too. WOULD YOU SLEEP WITH HER??? I hate risks and she hates condoms…she uses valtrex. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/2 "2006-07-19T18:31:25Z")
If I thought we were going to spend our lives together, I wouldn’t be bothered by it. If this was just some girl I met, then I wouldn’t do it. It’s not too big a deal, but it’s a bigger negative than sex is positive. So if she isn’t important enough to me, I would refrain. ---
**Author:** ![kenwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f1d935/32.png) [@kenwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenwood)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/3 "2006-07-19T18:51:50Z")
> [@Bear\_Nenno](#): > > If I thought we were going to spend our lives together, I wouldn’t be bothered by it. If this was just some girl I met, then I wouldn’t do it. It’s not too big a deal, but it’s a bigger negative than sex is positive. So if she isn’t important enough to me, I would refrain. She seems so perfect for me, but… even if we marry she may die first. I would be left with herpes alone. Most relationships are not forever, but herpes is. Frankly, I don’t know what to do, I know she will not just be a friend. ---
**Author:** ![diggleblop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@diggleblop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/diggleblop)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/4 "2006-07-19T18:53:25Z")
Is this thread a joke? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/5 "2006-07-19T18:54:18Z")
> [@kenwood](#): > > I met a girl who finally told me that she has herpes - oral and genital. I take steroids for arthritis, there by suppressing my immune system. I really like her, but… I may just catch it too. WOULD YOU SLEEP WITH HER??? I hate risks and she hates condoms…she uses valtrex. What’s the deal with the condom thing? Does she refuse to wear them? ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/6 "2006-07-19T19:10:24Z")
Here’s your choice: The girl you love who tells you she has it, and the stranger in a bar who doesn’t say one way or another. Couple things to consider: –Herpes isn’t generally life-threatening –A huge percent of the population has Herpes without knowing it –Do you get cold sores? You have at least a mild case of Herpes already. If you don’t know for a fact whether you do or not, you’re being incredibly unfair to this woman –Does she dislike condoms in general or latex in particular? There are alternatives, like lambskin and polyurethane –Are you otherwise inundated with perky, willing, disease-free virgins whose idea of a dream date is getting deflowered by you? Didn’t think so. Herpes raises the stakes, understandably, but it shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/7 "2006-07-19T19:19:25Z")
> [@kenwood](#): > > WOULD YOU SLEEP WITH HER??? No thanks. I’m in a relationship right now. If things change, I’ll get in touch with ya. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/8 "2006-07-19T19:21:40Z")
> [@kenwood](#): > > She seems so perfect for me, but… even if we marry she may die first. Wow. That’s some case of herpes. > [@kenwood](#): > > I would be left with herpes alone. Most relationships are not forever, but herpes is. Welcome to her world. Left…with herpes…alone…FOREVER! ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/9 "2006-07-19T19:23:25Z")
She may die first? Does she have terminal herpes, or some other disease? Or are you just stating that maybe she’ll get hit by a car in 5 years and then you’ll be left with herpes and no wife. … If the latter, I think herpes would be the least of your concerns. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/10 "2006-07-19T19:38:14Z")
Approximately 25% of the adult population has herpes. So if you’ve slept with three or more people in your lifetime, there’s a better than even chance that you’ve already slept with someone with herpes (assuming that the folks you slept with have the same risk as the general population). You may well already have it yourself. And it’s not fatal in adults. Really, it’s not nearly as big a deal as most folks think. ---
**Author:** ![kenwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f1d935/32.png) [@kenwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenwood)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/11 "2006-07-19T19:44:20Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > What’s the deal with the condom thing? Does she refuse to wear them? She hates the feel of condoms and feels that she knows when she is contagious, plus her zovirex is supposed to help. ---
**Author:** ![FormerMarineGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/65b543/32.png) [@FormerMarineGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FormerMarineGuy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/12 "2006-07-19T19:50:37Z")
> [@Bear\_Nenno](#): > > She may die first? Does she have terminal herpes, or some other disease? Or are you just stating that maybe she’ll get hit by a car in 5 years and then you’ll be left with herpes and no wife. This would make a good movie subject, the woman with the killer case of herpes. Do I hear an Outbreak Part 3? Hell, have sex with her. I am assuming you already did and are just looking for someone to make you feel better. Hell, it might be the best sex ever. On a more serious note, can’t you try to minimize the risk and not have sex when she is having an outbreak? From what I have read, a woman knows she is close to having an outbreak from feelings in her stomach and other side-effects. This still does not eliminate the fact you could get herpes, but…you seem to understand the risk. ---
**Author:** ![kenwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f1d935/32.png) [@kenwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenwood)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/13 "2006-07-19T19:52:26Z")
> [@kenwood](#): > > She hates the feel of condoms and feels that she knows when she is contagious, plus her zovirex is supposed to help. I meant that no relationship is forever, I would hate to happen to live longer or break up (after getting it myself) I have other health issues - I need one more like a hole in the head, but damn she is so fantastic, I think I love her! I hate this… I want to risk it but no, I have a suppressed immune system. If I get tested and find that I have an asymptomatic case, (I have it too) Then OK, but if I don’t …well it hurts to lose her! ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/14 "2006-07-19T19:52:50Z")
How have you reached adulthood and _not_ contracted Herpes? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/15 "2006-07-19T19:58:49Z")
Herpes is just a thing. You take precautions. You can have “oral” herpes on your genitals and “genital” herpes on your mouth. If you have no issue commiting to or having sex with someone who’s ever had a cold sore - or if you’ve ever had one yourself - then it’s not fair to be so worked up over it. I’ve done a lot of reading on the subject, and the only difference between Simplex I and Simplex II is where they prefer to hang out and where people are typically infected. Otherwise there is no difference. Further, your partner can spread the virus (called shedding) without any symptoms at all. Doesn’t happen all the time, but it does happen. Further still, condoms will only protect you from getting herpes on your penis. I had a partner who had his herpes outbreaks right above his pelvic bone and got it from a woman who’s outbreaks happened on her upper inner thigh. Simplex II does not limit itself to the penis, testicles, vulva, or vagina - IOW places that might be protected by a condom. ---
**Author:** ![kenwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f1d935/32.png) [@kenwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenwood)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/16 "2006-07-19T19:58:53Z")
> [@kenwood](#): > > I meant that no relationship is forever, I would hate to happen to live longer or break up (after getting it myself) I have other health issues - I need one more like a hole in the head, but damn she is so fantastic, I think I love her! I hate this… I want to risk it but no, I have a suppressed immune system. If I get tested and find that I have an asymptomatic case, (I have it too) Then OK, but if I don’t …well it hurts to lose her! I’m not sure which but I don’t hear of many couples where one has it and the other does not catch it - and I KNOW it is not fatal! I just don’t need anything else to make me crazy - then I would have to warn people too. ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/17 "2006-07-19T20:00:14Z")
Herpes is really not that big a deal. Really. I get cold sores (a form of herpes) 2-3 times a year. It’s annoying and the outbreak lasts a couple of weeks. But it’s not debilitating or life threatening. Get some perspective, you’re talking about herpes like it’s going to kill you or seriously affect your life. It’s not. A herpes outbreak IMO is less life altering than a bad cold or a case of the flu. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/18 "2006-07-19T20:01:59Z")
Forgive me. I just read more closely where you mentioned your supressed immune system. Are you saying that a herpes infection poses a danger to you? Or is it just the ick factor? On preview, my aforementioned partner has it and I never got it. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/19 "2006-07-19T20:02:15Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > How have you reached adulthood and _not_ contracted Herpes? 😕 Hmm. Looking up herpes on wikipedia, I see that it doesn’t look like I have either one, HSV 1 or HSV 2. I’m 30, btw. I get [canker sores](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canker_sore), inside the mouth, but never the kind shown in the picture there. Why is it default that we should have it? Anyway I am probably coming off as shallow here, but I wouldn’t sleep with her, especially since she refuses to wear condoms. If you don’t have it, why go out of your way to catch it? \*But that is only my opinion and certainly you should not follow it if you disagree. \* > [@](#): > > Condoms are the recommended way to prevent transmission of herpes simplex infection, as demonstrated in research. [5][6] However, this is by no means completely effective. The effectiveness of this method is somewhat limited on a public health scale by the limited use of condoms in the community [7]; and on an individual scale because some blisters may not be covered by the condom. > > When one partner has herpes simplex infection and the other does not, the use of valaciclovir, in conjunction with a condom, has been demonstrated to further decrease the chances of transmission to the uninfected partner, and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved this as a new indication for the drug in August 2003. That’s from wiki. Also, you may be moved out of GQ as there really isn’t a GQ here, more of an IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/20 "2006-07-19T20:06:10Z")
> [@FormerMarineGuy](#): > > Do I hear an Outbreak Part 3? There was a _ **2** _??? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206.md?page=2)