# I love her but....would you risk getting her herpes? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 19, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206 "2006-07-19T18:27:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/41 "2006-07-19T23:55:18Z")
In 2006, if your partner is willing to go bareback with you, you should: 1. Both be like… 11… and virgins. 2. Be dating exclusively for a year and engaged. 3. Be married, and not to other people 4. Both be suicidal I like the idea of getting YOURSELF tested though! Kudos to that poster! Not like it’s unlikely you got it! ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/42 "2006-07-20T00:13:04Z")
[QUOTE=kenwood] She hates the feel of condoms and feels that she knows when she is contagious, plus her zovirex is supposed to help. [/QUOTE] Maybe I just have a terribly insensitive lady area, but a guy wearing a condom doesn’t feel all that different than a guy not wearing a condom. Not down there, at least. I mean, maybe it isn’t as warm or something. . . but yeah, no real difference? ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/43 "2006-07-20T00:26:46Z")
[QUOTE=FormerMarineGuy] This would make a good movie subject, the woman with the killer case of herpes. Do I hear an Outbreak Part 3? [/QUOTE] Well, it isn’t exactly _killer_ herpes, but there’s always [Intimate Agony](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085732/). ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/44 "2006-07-20T00:58:37Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Hmm. Looking up herpes on wikipedia, I see that it doesn’t look like I have either one, HSV 1 or HSV 2. I’m 30, btw. I get [canker sores](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canker_sore), inside the mouth, but never the kind shown in the picture there. Why is it default that we should have it?. [/QUOTE] Around 30% or so adults have HSV2 (or at least the antibodies). Up to 90% of adults have HSV1 (or again, at least the antibodies). And, there’s little difference between the two. From **freckafree** ’s excellent cite " Even this difference is not absolute _either type can reside in either or both parts of the body and infect oral and/or genital areas_. Unfortunately, many people aren’t aware of this, which contributes both to the spread of type 1 and to the _misperception that the two types are fundamentally different._ \* “People don’t understand that you can have type 1 genitally or orally, that the two types are essentially the same virus,'\* says Marshall Clover, manager of the National Herpes Hotline.” One type is associated with stigma, the other is “'just a cold sore”- our society has a euphemism for it so we don’t even have to acknowledge that it’s herpes.‘’" So, it’s\* very very\* likely that any older adult has either or both. Usually you contract HSV1 1st, and the antibodies from it give you \*some \*protection from HSV2. So, yes, I did mean "How have you reached adulthood and not contracted Herpes? " It’s _almost_ like saying you’ve never had the flu. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/45 "2006-07-20T01:01:42Z")
[QUOTE=DrDeth] Around 30% or so adults have HSV2 (or at least the antibodies). Up to 90% of adults have HSV1 (or again, at least the antibodies). And, there’s little difference between the two. From **freckafree** ’s excellent cite " Even this difference is not absolute _either type can reside in either or both parts of the body and infect oral and/or genital areas_. Unfortunately, many people aren’t aware of this, which contributes both to the spread of type 1 and to the _misperception that the two types are fundamentally different._ \* “People don’t understand that you can have type 1 genitally or orally, that the two types are essentially the same virus,'\* says Marshall Clover, manager of the National Herpes Hotline.” One type is associated with stigma, the other is “'just a cold sore”- our society has a euphemism for it so we don’t even have to acknowledge that it’s herpes.‘’" So, it’s\* very very\* likely that any older adult has either or both. Usually you contract HSV1 1st, and the antibodies from it give you \*some \*protection from HSV2. So, yes, I did mean "How have you reached adulthood and not contracted Herpes? " It’s _almost_ like saying you’ve never had the flu. [/QUOTE] So…you can have it without ever having a single symptom? ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/46 "2006-07-20T01:36:00Z")
From [here](http://www.medicinenet.com/genital_herpes_in_women/page2.htm) > [@Medicinenet](#): > > Genital herpes has received a great deal of publicity in recent years. It is believed that 60% of sexually active adults carry the herpes virus. Part of the reason for the continued high infection rate is that most women infected with the herpes virus do not know that they are infected, because they have few or no symptoms. I still think the OP should do what is typically recommended: Get tested for everything. If you come back negative (except for the herpes, of course) have sex with condoms. If you’re still together in six months, you can stop using the condoms. But dumping a woman you claim to love over herpes is just ignorant. ---
**Author:** ![Stainz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stainz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stainz)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/47 "2006-07-20T01:45:51Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] So…you can have it without ever having a single symptom? [/QUOTE] Oh absolutely - it is quite common for it to be asymptomatic. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/48 "2006-07-20T01:47:32Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] So…you can have it without ever having a single symptom? [/QUOTE] In some cases the symptoms can be too minor to notice and borderline invisible; you’d have to check yourself frequently and know what you’re looking for. Of the huge percentages of people said to have herpes, many if not most of them probably have no idea that they have it and are contagious. ---
**Author:** ![Stainz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stainz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stainz)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/49 "2006-07-20T01:48:52Z")
As for the OP, it doesn’t sound like you love her at all. If you did, you would be with her at any cost, armed with as much knowledge as possible. It also doesn’t sound like she loves you either - if she did, she would want you to be as safe as possible and she wouldn’t put up one single objection to condoms. I do think she should get points for her honesty though- many women wouldn’t tell you, due to the fear of rejection and being judged. (Keep in mind that condoms are not 100% failsafe, in part due to the fact that the sores can be located in an area that can be touching or rubbing your groin but not covered by a condom). I have also read that the virus’s cells(?) are smaller than the pores of the condom, so they can easily “get through”, but I have no idea if that is true. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/50 "2006-07-20T01:58:00Z")
[QUOTE=kenwood] \*\*I love her but [/QUOTE] Um, I normally don’t correct spelling, but there are 2 "d"s in butt. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![peri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/67e7ee/32.png) [@peri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peri)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/51 "2006-07-20T02:29:08Z")
[QUOTE=vetbridge] Um, I normally don’t correct spelling, but there are 2 "d"s in butt. 😛 [/QUOTE] Tee hee ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/52 "2006-07-20T03:52:20Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] So…you can have it without ever having a single symptom? [/QUOTE] Well, it’s likely you (not “you”, nessesarily, but the generic “you”) had some mild symptoms when you had a cold or flu, but it was just a mildly itchy spot, and the flu symptoms covered up the other symptoms of Herpes. It is possible, yes, that you have the antibodies and never any symptoms, but that’s rare. Having it and not knowing it- much more common than you think. See that 90% figure and that 60% figure from **niblet\_head** (nice cite, dude) ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/53 "2006-07-20T04:22:33Z")
[QUOTE=vetbridge] Um, I normally don’t correct spelling, but there are 2 "d"s in butt. 😛 [/QUOTE] …did I get whooshed, or do you have a cold? ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/54 "2006-07-20T12:06:50Z")
I am taking exception to the “if you ever want to be a father” bit. Yes, there is risk to a baby as it passes through the birth canal. The solution? A C-section. Since women are volunarily scheduling their births so they can make their luncheon date, I don’t see how that is a huge issue. Also, Valtrex is safe for pregnant women and is given to women in their last month of pregnancy to reduce the chance of outbreak. Like any thing else, being prepared, being honest and you know, having a clue helps a lot. It doesn’t sound like you or your loved on has that. Won’t wear condoms? egads. Just wait until she is pregnant and on a bright yellow piece of paper that is the first page of her medical records is a sheet of paper in big letters that says she’s infected. If you think an itchy spot or two is reason enough to deny your love, or if you think that is the worst thing that could happen to you, come to my world, it’s called earth. I guess you have never gotten a blowjob from someone who has ever had cold sores. For the record? I’d rather have it genitally than orally. I will say that my husband had a problem with it, educated himself and got over it. It was not a deal breaker for him. Then again, him falling into a drug addiction, causing us to almost lose our house AND ALL THE OTHER STRESSES OF ADULT LIFE make it seem like a small issue. ---
**Author:** ![velveeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/13edae/32.png) [@velveeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velveeta)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/55 "2006-07-20T14:06:10Z")
[QUOTE=Dag Otto] Welcome to her world. Left…with herpes…alone…FOREVER! [/QUOTE] Lifetime movie of the week. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/56 "2006-07-20T14:13:37Z")
I’m only wading in to point out that it seems like several posters in this discussion, who think this shouldn’t be a big deal to KEN, are forgetting that he has a supressed immune system. It’s true that herpes won’t kill you, but it’s also true that a serious outbreak can be very painful at worst and unattractive at best. I don’t know that the various viral-suppressive drugs currently prescribed for herpes would work as well for someone with a compromised immune system. Also, the medications KEN is already on might not allow him to take the standard viral-suppressive drugs. IMO it is not unreasonable for KEN to be concerned about how a second chronic medical condition might impact or interact with the chronic medical condition he already has. I too might think twice about sleeping with someone with HPV if I throught: (a) I would be at a significantly higher risk of contracting it than the average bear; (b) I would be likely to have worse than average/more frequent than average outbreaks if I did contract it; and/or © I might not be able to treat it, or treat it effectively, the way other people can. Maybe that shows a lack of love or affection for the lady in question, but it seems to me that KEN must take whatever steps he thinks are necessary to safeguard his health – especially since the lady doesn’t seem willing to help him do so by having protected sex. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/57 "2006-07-20T14:15:15Z")
H **S** V, not H[P\*\*V, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/58 "2006-07-20T14:16:55Z")
Shoot. Try again: H **S** V, not H **P** V, of course. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/59 "2006-07-20T14:26:54Z")
[QUOTE=Auntbeast] I will say that my husband had a problem with it, educated himself and got over it. It was not a deal breaker for him. Then again, him falling into a drug addiction, causing us to almost lose our house AND ALL THE OTHER STRESSES OF ADULT LIFE make it seem like a small issue. [/QUOTE] My husband didn’t have a problem with it, since he’d had it himself since he was eighteen. And somehow had never suffered from a lack of female companionship in the years until he met me. 😃 But a huge cliche movie slow clap standing ovation to the rest of your statement. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206/60 "2006-07-20T14:28:09Z")
[QUOTE=DrDeth] Well, it’s likely you (not “you”, nessesarily, but the generic “you”) had some mild symptoms when you had a cold or flu, but it was just a mildly itchy spot, and the flu symptoms covered up the other symptoms of Herpes. It is possible, yes, that you have the antibodies and never any symptoms, but that’s rare. Having it and not knowing it- much more common than you think. See that 90% figure and that 60% figure from **niblet\_head** (nice cite, dude) [/QUOTE] Ok. Perhaps. But having never had even the least symptoms - I don’t get the flu, and colds all have exactly the same symptoms for me since childhood - I would still not sleep with a person like the woman the OP is discussing. Doesn’t want to wear condoms is the biggest part of it, of course, but why take chances? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-her-but-would-you-risk-getting-her-herpes/365206.md?page=4)