# I LOVE my prenuptial agreement! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 5, 2012, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814 "2012-10-05T15:22:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/101 "2012-10-06T15:11:52Z")
I’m a little upset by those who consider this ‘vile’. What I see is a couple choosing to marry for a child. Wife recognizes she’s capable of, providing for her family, and acquiring the required assets for a secure future for them. Hubby feels he’ll be a rock star and it will all be moot. She’s willing to give up any claim to his future earnings, (fabulous though they may be!), in exchange for the security of knowing she cannot be blindsided by having to split with him, the very assets she may require to be able to secure college for the child/retirement for herself. Things her husband cannot/will not provide for. There is nothing vile in that. He is not being victimized in any way. She has carried the lion’s share of keeping the family, and acquiring these assets. She was wise to protect her and her child’s futures. It’s not like he’s going onto the street, he appears to have both a place to go, and an asset he could sell. The alternative is for her to have to pay out large, to him, negatively impacting possibly her child’s future at college and her own retirement. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/102 "2012-10-06T15:17:28Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > I recall after paying for his father’s funeral my husband said he would pay me back. She told him not to do so as it was my obligation as his wife. Wait, your M-I-L expected you to pay for the funeral when HER HUSBAND died? ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/103 "2012-10-06T16:13:23Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > I’m a little upset by those who consider this ‘vile’. > > What I see is a couple choosing to marry for a child. Wife recognizes she’s capable of, providing for her family, and acquiring the required assets for a secure future for them. Hubby feels he’ll be a rock star and it will all be moot. She’s willing to give up any claim to his future earnings, (fabulous though they may be!), in exchange for the security of knowing she cannot be blindsided by having to split with him, the very assets she may require to be able to secure college for the child/retirement for herself. Things her husband cannot/will not provide for. > > There is nothing vile in that. He is not being victimized in any way. She has carried the lion’s share of keeping the family, and acquiring these assets. She was wise to protect her and her child’s futures. It’s not like he’s going onto the street, he appears to have both a place to go, and an asset he could sell. > > The alternative is for her to have to pay out large, to him, negatively impacting possibly her child’s future at college and her own retirement. Totally agree. It’s bizarre to me that people still think she’s the bad guy in this. Even after reading about how her husband has been so emotionally abusive to their daughter that she’s started cutting herself, he’s still the “poor guy” who has been taken care of for 16 years and will walk away with half ownership of a house. I wonder what these people think she should do? Should she give him half of her house so he has half of two houses? Should she sell the house her child lives in so her ex can come into a windfall that he didn’t earn? I mean really, what do they think she should do for the “poor guy”? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/104 "2012-10-06T16:25:33Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Lazy, stupid people often become much less lazy and stupid once they see large possible sums of money and nice lifestyle in danger and them getting squat instead. I see you also know my cousin… ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/105 "2012-10-06T16:28:49Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > …One of my favorite posts I’ve EVER read on this board was a pretty simple one and sadly I can’t remember who posted it. I’m pretty sure it was in this forum and the OP was really sparse so I doubt I could search for it. The OP simply let us know their divorce was being finalized and he said he was feeling like this: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzXNdLVZs3k](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzXNdLVZs3k) > > I laughed so hard and felt AWESOME for him. I’d never heard that song or seen that video so it painted (with one link) a perfect picture of bliss. I didn’t need to know his story (yes, a guy! and IIRC nobody was crying that if he as a woman it would be DIFFERENT) because that video told me it all… I missed the thread you are referring to. I want to thank you for this post though. I missed the original post, we don’t know the poster, I don’t know the whole background…but this video that I have never seen before \*\*tells \*\*\*\*the \*\*\*\*whole \*\*\*story \*of a thousand words. Awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/106 "2012-10-06T16:58:16Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > Totally agree. It’s bizarre to me that people still think she’s the bad guy in this. Even after reading about how her husband has been so emotionally abusive to their daughter that she’s started cutting herself, he’s still the “poor guy” who has been taken care of for 16 years and will walk away with half ownership of a house. > > I wonder what these people think she should do? Should she give him half of her house so he has half of two houses? Should she sell the house her child lives in so her ex can come into a windfall that he didn’t earn? I mean really, what do they think she should do for the “poor guy”? 😕 I think that some people either 1. Like to be contrary or 2. Like to root for the underdog, no matter what the situation. I emailed my attorney last night mentioning that clause in the prenup and also my (some of your) concerns that the prenup might be invalidated. Her response was Slam dunk. No problem. (\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_) did a great job on the premarital. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/107 "2012-10-06T17:00:08Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > The alternative is for her to have to pay out large, to him, negatively impacting possibly her child’s future at college and her own retirement. Thank you and this has me wondering if I need to give him half our daughter’s 529 account. I’d better ask. Sigh… ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/108 "2012-10-06T17:08:28Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > I remember a recent thread where you were wondering if/how you should give one of your employees a few bereavment days for their husband dying. Many people were WTF?/Jesus Christ! that it was a question you would even have to ask. Most of the rest were solidly on the side of you basically being heartless/socially clueless/Scrouge McDuck. > > Based on THAT thread you might want to reconsider that what YOU think is fair/normal and how other people will react in real life might not be as calibrated to reality as you think it is. Yeah, that thread ended up coming back and biting me in the ass. I let myself be swayed and paid her the time. Exactly one month later, her step father passed. (As often happens with the elderly when a spouse dies). She said she needed the time off, flew in and out to the funeral in one day, proceeded to fly to a friends house in Boston for four days and wanted to be paid the entire week yet again. No way. I was done. The guy didn’t raise her and never even lived in the same state. I felt like I was being played before, I knew it then. I love the folks on this message board but we all need to realize that dopers don’t know the situation and should use any advice as input into a situation that only you know about. ---
**Author:** ![gms453](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@gms453](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gms453)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/109 "2012-10-06T17:53:06Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > He has always been like this. I have no problem putting the details in the middle of the thread. > > We married because I was pregnant and he was a very nice guy that wanted to be part of his daughter’s life on a day to day basis. He has worked sporadically throughout the marriage but never contributed much. I pay the bills, health insurance, the cars, our daughter’s private school, etc etc. He picks up groceries once in a while. > > We split up for a time but he couldn’t make it on his own and I allowed him to move back in the spare bedroom and gave him another bedroom for his music/game room. > > I was planning on allowing him to stay until our daughter graduated high school in five years because, to be honest, he and I had very little contact. We never vacationed together or even went out to dinner together. I really can’t stand the man and he caused me a great deal of anxiety when around him. > > A great deal of anxiety when around him. I repeat that line because this is where I screwed up BIG TIME. > > While I had little contact with him, my daughter was with him each day after school. For the past year or so she has been despondent, depressed and I discovered she has been cutting/self injuring herself. > > She has had a therapy “team” for about six months now. I met with her team last week and was told that her biggest stressor was her father. He does not physically abuse her, thank god, but he has been mentally and emotionally abusing her for years. And I never saw it because I wasn’t around to see it. It feels like I threw her to the lions to fight off each and every day. You can’t imagine the guilt. > > They recommend I limit contact and went so far as to tell me they will testify if necessary. > > He can live in a dumpster for all I care. So, if you knew from the gitgo he was a bum, why did you allow him to impregnate you? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/110 "2012-10-06T17:58:59Z")
> [@gms453](#): > > So, if you knew from the gitgo he was a bum, why did you allow him to impregnate you? Ha- yes! Why, goddammit, why?? Please flagellate yourself with a whip as soon as possible. And, you know, it’s not too late to put the baby up for adoption! And there’s always the option of post-post-postnatal abortion! Step to it! ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/111 "2012-10-06T18:28:06Z")
Good on you for protecting yourself, **Foxy**. You made some mistakes, but came through when it counted. Best of luck to you and your daughter! ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/112 "2012-10-06T19:23:59Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > I’m a little upset by those who consider this ‘vile’. > > What I see is a couple choosing to marry for a child. Wife recognizes she’s capable of, providing for her family, and acquiring the required assets for a secure future for them. Hubby feels he’ll be a rock star and it will all be moot. She’s willing to give up any claim to his future earnings, (fabulous though they may be!), in exchange for the security of knowing she cannot be blindsided by having to split with him, the very assets she may require to be able to secure college for the child/retirement for herself. Things her husband cannot/will not provide for. > > There is nothing vile in that. He is not being victimized in any way. She has carried the lion’s share of keeping the family, and acquiring these assets. She was wise to protect her and her child’s futures. It’s not like he’s going onto the street, he appears to have both a place to go, and an asset he could sell. > > The alternative is for her to have to pay out large, to him, negatively impacting possibly her child’s future at college and her own retirement. I agree with your assessment. I do not think what she’s doing is vile. That said, this world is not fair and doesn’t give a fig about right and wrong - my concern is that she’s counting her chickens before they’ve hatched. It’s my hope that things workout the way she envisions it. Hopefully Foxy posts a followup thread where she finishes her court stuff and everything went as she thought it would. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/113 "2012-10-06T19:52:38Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > I emailed my attorney last night mentioning that clause in the prenup and also my (some of your) concerns that the prenup might be invalidated. Her response was > > Slam dunk. No problem. (\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_) did a great job on the premarital. I hope for your sake that you are misrepresenting your attorney rather than that your attorney is misrepresenting you. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/114 "2012-10-06T19:53:38Z")
People are welcome to express their opinions about an OP, even if negative, and many people in this thread have availed themselves of this freedom. This post, however, goes too far: > [@Tad](#): > > You’re seriously annoying. That you’re gloating about your prenup outcome and lawyer is one thing (which says very little in your favour), it is another thing entirely to gloat about what a loser your ex-husband is to a bunch of people online. From what I can see, you’re both weird and not worth knowing. What a waste of time to have read as far as the post I responded to here. I won’t be reading anymore and I don’t know why anyone else should. Seriously, stop talking. **Tad–** , it is one thing to say that someone’s actions are vile, but calling the person “seriously annoying … weird and not worth knowing” is going over the line into personal insults. Please make an effort to stay on the right side of that line. No warning issued. **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/115 "2012-10-06T20:30:20Z")
The great variance of opinions as to what is and what is not fair in a separation is all the more reason why people should get pre-nups and plan their financial futures accordingly, rather than go through life under the misapprehension that one’s spouse’s idea of what is fair will match one’s own, only to have one’s financial stability significantly harmed upon separation. I’m not saying that a prenup should take a couple in one direction or another, but rather that a prenup should help the couple knowingly pick a direction together. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/116 "2012-10-06T20:48:47Z")
NM ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/117 "2012-10-06T20:58:59Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > Yeah, that thread ended up coming back and biting me in the ass. I let myself be swayed and paid her the time. Exactly one month later, her step father passed. (As often happens with the elderly when a spouse dies). She said she needed the time off, flew in and out to the funeral in one day, proceeded to fly to a friends house in Boston for four days and wanted to be paid the entire week yet again. > > No way. I was done. The guy didn’t raise her and never even lived in the same state. **I felt like I was being played before, I knew it then.** > > I love the folks on this message board but we all need to realize that dopers don’t know the situation and should use any advice as input into a situation that only you know about. (Bolding mine.) Wow. I hope you fired her forthwith. Clearly her later bad behavior proves that she never deserved more than a day off for her husband’s death. Let me know if you are hiring. I promise to check my work email from the graveside. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/118 "2012-10-06T21:52:16Z")
> [@Erdosain](#): > > (Bolding mine.) Wow. I hope you fired her forthwith. Clearly her later bad behavior proves that she never deserved more than a day off for her husband’s death. Let me know if you are hiring. I promise to check my work email from the graveside. +1 I hadn’t realized Foxy40 thought that asking for time off after the death of a spouse means she has been played. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/119 "2012-10-06T22:12:12Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![gms453](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@gms453](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gms453)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/120 "2012-10-06T22:57:33Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Ha- yes! Why, goddammit, why?? Please flagellate yourself with a whip as soon as possible. And, you know, it’s not too late to put the baby up for adoption! And there’s always the option of post-post-postnatal abortion! Step to it! Why such a hysterical response to such a simple, straight forward question? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814.md?page=7)