# I LOVE my prenuptial agreement! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 5, 2012, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814 "2012-10-05T15:22:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2012, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/161 "2012-10-07T12:54:31Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > I get that you and a few others want to grind this particular axe about how the poor, poor men of the world would be shunned for this, but I think that’s a lot of fantasy. Still, this is the 2nd time you’ve brought it up in this thread alone so I thought I’d comment to keep you from having to go for a 3rd try. > > Firstly, do you not see the ration of shit she’s been given here? There might be a few people here who are congratulating her and some more who are telling her they’re glad she’s out of a bad relationship (more neutral) but there are just as many if not more giving her crap so unless you’re reading this through some kind of decoder ring I cannot see I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make here. Unless every post is “YOU HATEFUL SHREW!” it’s some kind of attack on men? > > Next, your gender changing quote is disingenuous because it leaves out the rest of the story she told us as the thread moved on. There is more to the story than what little bit you reversed genders on and I daresay some people (myself included) took that into consideration when reading it. Sticking to that little bit to prove some kind of gender bias is leaving out too much information for your accusation to ring true. > > Lastly, there have been plenty of divorce stories here over the years and there have been threads picked apart about both sexes. There’s always enough nitpickery and let-me-decide-your-character-based-on-a-few-paragraphs nuttery to go around for both sexes here on ye old Straight Dope. As far as I can tell it’s a bountiful gift of crap for both sexes. _applause_ Here’s to the equal opportunity haters! ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2012, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/162 "2012-10-07T13:44:33Z")
> [@astro](#): > > It’s not really the agreement issue, it’s just the sheer crassness of crowing about it. > > Beyond this if the statement read this way I wonder how much “Way to go” back patting would be going on. I think the reason your changed statement would be read differently is that people would assume the wife raised the kids or at least helped around the house. But here we have additional facts that the husband did no such thing. I think your hypothetical thread would go the same as this one if we got those additional facts. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2012, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/163 "2012-10-07T14:17:33Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > Thank you and this has me wondering if I need to give him half our daughter’s 529 account. I’d better ask. Sigh… Uh? Wouldn’t that be your daughter’s (you’re just the caretaker, really)? When did your husband marry your daughter? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2012, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/164 "2012-10-07T14:31:10Z")
I’m glad that you and your husband are finally going to be done with each other. It seems you’ve been on the edge of a breakup for years, and that kind of stress isn’t good for anyone, including your daughter. However, I also wonder about the wisdom of declaring victory this soon in the process. Given your very passionate feelings on alimony, to the point where you broke up with a former lover for no other reason than because he’d have to pay alimony to his ex-wife of 17 years, I wonder how you’d be able to cope if things don’t go as planned. > **[Alimony in 2006?](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=372034)** > > I don’t know if this belongs here because it may or may not turn into a debate. However, here is my story. I am in love with a man who is currently going through a divorce. We had planned to start a life together when he was informed by his... My best advice is, as always, to take the high road whenever possible, both for your daughter’s sake and for your own mental health. If you end up completely whole financially, great. If you don’t, then that’s the price you have to pay to be free of a guy you neither respect nor love. Consider it an investment in your future. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/165 "2012-10-07T20:24:53Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > I’m glad that you and your husband are finally going to be done with each other. It seems you’ve been on the edge of a breakup for years, and that kind of stress isn’t good for anyone, including your daughter. However, I also wonder about the wisdom of declaring victory this soon in the process. Given your very passionate feelings on alimony, to the point where you broke up with a former lover for no other reason than because he’d have to pay alimony to his ex-wife of 17 years, I wonder how you’d be able to cope if things don’t go as planned. > > [Alimony in 2006? - Great Debates - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=372034) > > My best advice is, as always, to take the high road whenever possible, both for your daughter’s sake and for your own mental health. If you end up completely whole financially, great. If you don’t, then that’s the price you have to pay to be free of a guy you neither respect nor love. Consider it an investment in your future. That was over 6 years ago. So I take it this was during a separation? That was heading for divorce? Not for nothing, but I think if FL was that far along to divorce 6 years ago, she should have kept on going and gone through with it. ---
**Author:** ![SubaRhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@SubaRhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SubaRhubarb)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2012, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/166 "2012-10-07T23:01:52Z")
I read this entire thread and came away with this: The op used her loser husband as a babysitter. Husband abused the child so badly, she started self injuring herself. Op is so money centered, she does not notice the abuse for years. Op squeeeees she is awesome for not having to pay babysitter. Did I miss anything? ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/167 "2012-10-08T00:45:36Z")
> [@SubaRhubarb](#): > > I read this entire thread and came away with this: The op used her loser husband as a babysitter. Husband abused the child so badly, she started self injuring herself. Op is so money centered, she does not notice the abuse for years. Op squeeeees she is awesome for not having to pay babysitter. > > Did I miss anything? Parents **babysit** their own children? ---
**Author:** ![SubaRhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@SubaRhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SubaRhubarb)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/168 "2012-10-08T01:56:22Z")
No. That was my point, poorly sarcastically worded. He was parenting. He sucked at at, but he is who she picked to raise her son that stole from her, and her emotionally scarred daughter so she could live her money oriented life. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/169 "2012-10-08T02:10:16Z")
> [@SubaRhubarb](#): > > he is who she picked to raise her son that stole from her… After reading a bit about Foxy40 and her family in both this thread and the one PunditLisa linked above, I am prepared to believe just about anything, but can you elaborate about the thieving son? Not exactly the Cleavers, eh? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/170 "2012-10-08T02:56:34Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > While I had little contact with him, my daughter was with him each day after school. For the past year or so she has been despondent, depressed and I discovered she has been cutting/self injuring herself. > > She has had a therapy “team” for about six months now. I met with her team last week and was told that her biggest stressor was her father. He does not physically abuse her, thank god, but he has been mentally and emotionally abusing her for years. And I never saw it because I wasn’t around to see it. It feels like I threw her to the lions to fight off each and every day. **You can’t imagine the guilt.** (My emphasis.) I guess what stands out to me is that I don’t see concern for the daughter. I’m sure there must be, but it doesn’t come through. I hope you can be forgiving to people who have a hard time seeing the concern. I know that soft of stuff can be hard for many people to talk about, but I would imagine that this would be a different thread if it were the subject of the OP. I can’t really see that many people coming in to jump on you if the OP were about your daughter cutting herself because of her father. Sure, there are a Net full of jerks out there, but I don’t think the sharks would be circling in the water. I donno. I doubt the point of the thread is to gloat, as some have suggested. I can’t imagine anyone who would be happy with their SO at this point, but I know it would be easier for me to identify with you if the subject had been concern about a very real teenager and the very real hell she must be living in. For me, money and the dinners, vacations and distractions it provides just is so meaningless compared to families, that I’d rather gladly pay the fucker off rather than have to devote one more second to someone like that. This comes from someone who has done OK at times and not so well at others. I’m going through a down cycle after twenty some odd years about not having to worry about money. If my wife were as abusive to my kids as this guy, I’ve give her everything to protect my kids, even at the risk of my financial security. I’ve done something similar before. I had to pay off my ex-wife when my wife got pregnant. I had been legally separated for more than five years, but because of Japanese laws, it would be have been a long, drawn out battle to force a divorce. She got money she didn’t “deserve” but I got a divorce, and my kids (from this marriage) got a father. I considered that cheap. I’m not saying this isn’t what the OP believes, it just doesn’t come through. ---
**Author:** ![SubaRhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@SubaRhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SubaRhubarb)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/171 "2012-10-08T13:20:55Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > After reading a bit about Foxy40 and her family in both this thread and the one PunditLisa linked above, I am prepared to believe just about anything, but can you elaborate about the thieving son? > > Not exactly the Cleavers, eh? [I Created A Monster - The BBQ Pit - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=433625) “I created a monster” What a damn sad life. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/172 "2012-10-08T15:12:43Z")
> [@gms453](#): > > No, it didn’t. Nothing in the OP’s narrative even remotely suggested that she “accidentally” got pregnant. And if she had, she could have answered my simple and straightforword question with a simple and straightforword: ‘I didn’t; it was an accident.’ Okay. I didn’t. It was an accident. I was on the pill at the time. I hope this clarifies the issue for you. ---
**Author:** ![core\_dump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@core\_dump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/core_dump)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/173 "2012-10-08T15:15:54Z")
I wouldn’t fret over the prenup being invalidated. With all the cash you could get from signing a deal with TruTV you could pay the guy off and still be set for life. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/174 "2012-10-08T15:23:48Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > After reading a bit about Foxy40 and her family in both this thread and the one PunditLisa linked above, I am prepared to believe just about anything, but can you elaborate about the thieving son? > > Not exactly the Cleavers, eh? When my son was in college several years ago he took my credit cards and had a good old time with them. I have since posted that he paid me back in full, was very contrite about the credit damage and we’ve moved on. When I hear about kids on drugs, underaged drinking, dropping out of school, getting pregnant, I realize this was nothing but a bump in the road that I took way out of proportion. He has graduated. Owns his own business that is making a profit after only six months, takes care of himself and his responsibilities and I am beyond proud of him. Now my goal is to have offspring number two do just as well. We will get over this as well and be better for it. I am certain of it. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/175 "2012-10-08T15:27:40Z")
> [@core\_dump](#): > > I wouldn’t fret over the prenup being invalidated. With all the cash you could get from signing a deal with TruTV you could pay the guy off and still be set for life. I wish. In reality my life is ever so boring and dull. Entertainment for the masses we are not. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/176 "2012-10-08T15:35:09Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > (My emphasis.) I guess what stands out to me is that I don’t see concern for the daughter. I’m sure there must be, but it doesn’t come through. > > I’m not saying this isn’t what the OP believes, it just doesn’t come through. Because this thread isn’t really about her. She is a beautiful, talented, smart and sensitive teenager. I am very happy that under the terms of the contract, she will keep everything I have worked hard to give her. Losing her father to divorce is hard enough, now she won’t have to leave her home, her private school, her various lessons and tutors and everything else that is protected. Am I gloating? Maybe but I feel more relieved than exalted. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/177 "2012-10-08T15:53:40Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > I will be divorcing my husband. We have been married for 16 years and have separated before but this time it is the real deal. Although I knew that we signed a prenuptial agreement, I hadn’t really looked at it since we signed it. > > Up until a hour ago, I thought I would have to pay him off for the equity in the house. However, it is very clear in the agreement that property held by one person and paid directly from that person’s earning not held in a joint account will not be a joint asset. Even if purchased after the marriage. > > I am so happy my lawyer knew what he was doing. We both earned very little back then but I knew my career was taking off and the disparity would some day be great. Unfortunately for him, the years have proven me right. > > If this attorney was still in practice, I would send him a bottle of champagne. I am very proud of you. You did the right thing. You didn’t screw Mr. Foxy out of anything. This whole business of equal ownership in a marriage is arbitrary and foolish, as a general rule, anyway. What one puts into the marriage should be what one takes out (less wear, etc…). When a marriage contract is broken, it is broken. No sense in paying for the cow after it’s done gone! (I know, I know) ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/178 "2012-10-08T16:44:51Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > Up until a hour ago, I thought I would have to pay him off for the equity in the house. However, it is very clear in the agreement that property held by one person and paid directly from that person’s earning not held in a joint account will not be a joint asset. Even if purchased after the marriage. > > I am so happy my lawyer knew what he was doing. We both earned very little back then but I knew my career was taking off and the disparity would some day be great. Unfortunately for him, the years have proven me right. > > If this attorney was still in practice, I would send him a bottle of champagne. Sorry, I haven’t read most of this thread yet, but I find this clause interesting. It could go either way. Imagine this was a home you loved and wanted to live in the rest of your life. Or imagine that you didn’t have the means to go anywhere else and HAD to have this home or else you’d be homeless. Or hell, just imagine that the market was booming and this house could be sold for twice what you paid for it. If that was the case, this same clause would have completely fucked you over as the home would be 100% his. I doubt very much you’d be sending your attorney champagne. More likely, you’d be looking to see whether you could report him to the Bar association. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/179 "2012-10-08T17:11:28Z")
If I had found a house that I loved and wanted to live in the rest of my life, how could it go the other way? Do you mean if it was in his name and he paid for all of it? Then it would be his house now. I would be fine with that. MORE than fine because I would have been living in a house I wasn’t contributing money towards for 10 years. I can just imagine the property I could have purchased and investments I could have made living “rent” free all that time. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814/180 "2012-10-08T17:18:41Z")
Ender, you hypos make no sense at all. For each of your examples, the pre-nup would work nicely for her, for it is what protects her from having to share her assets with him. Re-read the text that you quoted, and note that the house had always been her asset solely, not theirs together and not his solely, and the pre-nup prevents him from getting a share of that asset of hers. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-my-prenuptial-agreement/636814.md?page=10)