# I love you? Bite my ass! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 4, 2000, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569 "2000-05-04T16:29:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2000, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/1 "2000-05-04T16:29:44Z")
Fucking hacker fuckers can fuck their fucking selves. If anyone sent me an e-mail, sorry, but the entire fucking system of BMG exploded thanks to the “Love Bug.” Grr… * * * Yer pal, Satan _I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR: Three weeks, four days, 14 hours, 29 minutes and 27 seconds. 1024 cigarettes not smoked, saving $128.02. Life saved: 3 days, 13 hours, 20 minutes._ ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2000, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/2 "2000-05-04T16:37:33Z")
“Spyder.” That’s the handle of the pustule who wrote the fucking thing. “Spyder.” It’s better than “Coolio,” I suppose. But no punishment is enough. I can’t even think of enough bad words. ---
**Author:** ![ReservoirDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8edcca/32.png) [@ReservoirDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReservoirDog)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2000, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/3 "2000-05-04T17:12:02Z")
Luckily, I haven’t seen it here yet, but our office over in South Bend got screwed by it. I hope the asshole that wrote this thing gets gang raped by a pack of Filipino Mountain Gorillas. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2000, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/4 "2000-05-04T17:14:55Z")
Our mail server is down right now. The word about the virus got to us about 20 minutes too late. I’d like to invite this “spyder” guy over for a few minutes… ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2000, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/5 "2000-05-04T17:46:16Z")
Sometimes when I think about life it’s just a bitch then you marry a bitch and then you die. RIGHT!? ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2000, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/6 "2000-05-04T17:53:59Z")
Bite my crank, Masterson. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2000, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/7 "2000-05-04T18:19:58Z")
. . . And here I logged onto this thread because I thought it was a transcription of the night Satan proposed to Drain Bead . . . ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2000, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/8 "2000-05-04T19:25:07Z")
…and I thought he’d gotten back together with Heatherlee! ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2000, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/9 "2000-05-04T21:58:50Z")
According to the news, this little bug affected the British Parliament and Ford. . . They’re gonna get him. My money’s on the Brits. – Sylence ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2000, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/10 "2000-05-04T22:06:07Z")
Power to the cyber-Luddites! ---
**Author:** ![douglips](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@douglips](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/douglips)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2000, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/11 "2000-05-04T22:20:38Z")
I dunno - First, you gotta ask yourself “Am I the type of guy to whom people would send an ‘ILOVEYOU’ note?” Then, if you’re lucky, you notice the thing is a vbscript. Then you ask yourself “Is my friend the accountant really able to program a VBScript?” Then, since it’s a script, you open it and see all kinds of troll-like language, and cool subroutine names like ‘SpreadToEmail’ and ‘deleteFiles’. Then you don’t run it, because you realize it’s a trap. Then your friend comes over and says “What’s this [click-click]?” How fast can you hit the power switch on your computer? ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2000, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/12 "2000-05-05T02:56:59Z")
I have the perfect defense against viruses like this. I have no friends, so I’m not on anyone’s mailing list. Hence: no emails with viruses. (collective “aww” expected here) ---
**Author:** ![milroyj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@milroyj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/milroyj)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2000, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/13 "2000-05-05T03:21:42Z")
I gotta agree with douglips on this one. Why would anyone open an email, and then open an attachment (i.e. possibly executable file) from someone they don’t know? Idiots. Anyone who got caught up in this “I LOVE U” thing deserves what they got for being stupid. ---
**Author:** ![SingleDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@SingleDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SingleDad)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2000, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/14 "2000-05-05T03:33:06Z")
The “I Love You” virus would not have been a problem if those fucking arrogant lackwit fuckwads at Microsoft didn’t build in the “feature” that script attachments auto-fucking-matically run when you open an e-mail. ---
**Author:** ![Boogarrheal\_Catastrophe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Boogarrheal\_Catastrophe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogarrheal_Catastrophe)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2000, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/15 "2000-05-05T06:27:14Z")
> [@](#): > > Fucking hacker fuckers can fuck their fucking selves. Maybe, but can the achieve orgasm? ---
**Author:** ![Boogarrheal\_Catastrophe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Boogarrheal\_Catastrophe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogarrheal_Catastrophe)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2000, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/16 "2000-05-05T06:28:30Z")
> [@](#): > > Fucking hacker fuckers can fuck their fucking selves. Maybe, but can THEY achieve orgasm? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2000, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/17 "2000-05-05T11:27:26Z")
I’ve heard only females can achieve multiple orgasms, Boog. ---
**Author:** ![Boogarrheal\_Catastrophe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Boogarrheal\_Catastrophe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogarrheal_Catastrophe)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2000, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/18 "2000-05-05T11:38:59Z")
Now I’m REALLY sleepy. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2000, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/19 "2000-05-05T14:39:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > I gotta agree with douglips on this one. Why would anyone open an email, and then open an attachment (i.e. possibly executable file) from someone they don’t know? Idiots. Anyone who got caught up in this “I LOVE U” thing deserves what they got for being stupid. > \*\* I didn’t open a file from someone I didn’t know–it came from someone I do know and in fact from someone with whom I work. I don’t consider myself to be an idiot or stupid and I bet many of the other people who got caught don’t consider themselves idiots or stupid, either. So fuck off, you self righteous asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2000, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569/20 "2000-05-05T17:23:50Z")
OK, this is generally a bad thing. But after ten thousand stupid, urban legend-esque emails warning me about this virus and that virus and the other virus (“Whatever you do, for the love of God, don’t open [fill in the blank]!!!”) that were all absolute bullshit, it’s mildly gratifying in a twisted way that there’s an actual real one out there somewhere on the planet. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-love-you-bite-my-ass/18569.md?page=2)