# I mailed big-bucks Christmas gift cards to 2 pals. I never got acknowledgements. Do I say something? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 6, 2013, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213 "2013-01-06T00:38:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/1 "2013-01-06T00:38:08Z")
This year I included some Amazon gift cards (of $100 and $200 value) in the Christmas cards I mailed to a few of my best friends. This was very unlike me since I am not one to give Christmas gifts to non-family members. Most of my pals acknowledged the gifts with a thank you email, note, or phone call. Two of them did not. I am worried that these two never got the cards, or that they did not realize that there was a gift card included with the Christmas card and accidentally tossed it out. Is it rude and/or too early to ask my friends if they got their gift cards? If not, how do I do it without seeming like I’m fishing for a thank you, or worse, trying to shame them for not thanking me already? I am very reluctant to do nothing at all, because I’d hate to see the gift money go to a thief or get tossed in the trash because I was too polite to ask them about it. Thanks all, in advance. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/2 "2013-01-06T00:49:15Z")
I would ABSOLUTELY fire off a quick “hey did you get…” message to these people. It may very well be they didn’t get the cards, or didn’t realise a gift card was included. You need to know this, and so do they! And if these people got those (very generous) gifts and simply didn’t respond…well that is beyond rude. But there is absolutely no downside to a friendly, neutral heads-up, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/3 "2013-01-06T00:58:52Z")
Thanks for your comment **chiroptera.** Please keep them coming folks! BTW, I noticed that I screwed up the wording in the second-to-last sentence of my original post. Sorry. It should read: _I am very reluctant to do nothing at all because I’d hate to see the gift money go to a thief or get tossed in the trash because I was too polite **not** to ask them about it._ ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/4 "2013-01-06T01:11:55Z")
Or maybe I got the sentence right the first time! It’s been a long day, and I can’t think (or write) straight. Anyway, you know what I meant to say. ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/5 "2013-01-06T01:17:32Z")
I think the original wording in the OP was correct. In any case - If they are the type of people who may be slow with thank you cards, I’d just wait until the next time you talk and mention it then. If they are usually very conscientious about this sort of thing, then I’d send a short email just asking for confirmation that they received it. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/6 "2013-01-06T01:43:54Z")
It’s uncomfortable to ask, but you should ask anyway. Thieves are aware that holiday envelopes may contain cash or gift cards. If there’s a pattern of missing mail in an area, the USPS would like to know about it. ---
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/7 "2013-01-06T01:50:49Z")
Can you get replacement cards if they were lost or stolen or are you SOL? ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/8 "2013-01-06T02:39:17Z")
> [@Jake\_Jones](#): > > Can you get replacement cards if they were lost or stolen or are you SOL? If they were lost or tossed, they can be replaced. They were print-it-yourself cards, and the redemption codes are still in my inbox. However, if they were stolen, I’m SOL. They’re as good as gone. ---
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/9 "2013-01-06T02:54:48Z")
> [@stuyguy](#): > > If they were lost or tossed, they can be replaced. They were print-it-yourself cards, and the redemption codes are still in my inbox. > > However, if they were stolen, I’m SOL. They’re as good as gone. Seems like you could check the card status with Amazon first. If it were me, I would just be wary of a very awkward conversation where you find out your recipients did not get the card. If you have no recourse for a stolen card, what then? I mean, what do you say or do? ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/10 "2013-01-06T05:10:08Z")
> [@Jake\_Jones](#): > > If it were me, I would just be wary of a very awkward conversation where you find out your recipients did not get the card. If you have no recourse for a stolen card, what then? I mean, what do you say or do? Why? It’s not like stuyguy messed up somehow. They’re all adults; I can’t imagine what’s awkward about “Hey, did you get that gift I sent?” If someone assumes ulterior motives beyond wanting to know if the gift arrived safely, 1\> that’s on them, and 2\> frankly, they should be turning in their grown-up card. If it got lost/stolen/whatever, you can commiserate about Shit Happening, but it’s not the end of the world. And if they got the card but didn’t see the gift, I would bet they’d be grateful to find out. ---
**Author:** ![ed\_anger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbce88/32.png) [@ed\_anger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ed_anger)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/11 "2013-01-06T05:14:06Z")
Just defriend them, it’s easier. i keed i keed sure, ask them. send an email saying “Hey, just wanted to make sure you got your gift cards (wink wink).” ---
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/12 "2013-01-06T06:00:32Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > Why? It’s not like stuyguy messed up somehow. They’re all adults; I can’t imagine what’s awkward about “Hey, did you get that gift I sent?” If someone assumes ulterior motives beyond wanting to know if the gift arrived safely, 1\> that’s on them, and 2\> frankly, they should be turning in their grown-up card. > > If it got lost/stolen/whatever, you can commiserate about Shit Happening, but it’s not the end of the world. And if they got the card but didn’t see the gift, I would bet they’d be grateful to find out. It’s not about ulterior motives, it just seems like it would lead to an awkward conversation. “Hey Kaio, it’s Jake. Happy New Year! What’s new? Did you buy something cool for yourself at Amazon with that gift card I sent?” “Gift card? No, I didn’t get anything from you. Did you email it to me?” “No, I put in your Christmas card.” “Sorry, I never got a card from you, either.” “Seriously? That sucks. I sent it a week before Christmas.” “That does suck. I never got it.” And then what? It’s just awkward if you have no recourse in replacing the card. Not for anyone’s bad behavior or assuming ulterior motives, it just is. That’s why I suggested checking with Amazon first. If the card hasn’t been redeemed, by all means, ask your friend about it. If it has been, maybe they can confirm whether or not it was used by the recipient. If they can’t do that, all you know is that someone used the card and it can’t be replaced. In that case either the person used the card themselves and will feel bad for you “reminding” them that they never acknowledged your gift or the card was stolen and they will feel bad that you spent money on them for a gift they never received. I’m just having a hard time seeing the upside of inquiring about the gift under those circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/13 "2013-01-06T06:08:15Z")
Somehow, in the many times I’ve had this same conversation with my mom, no awkwardness ensued. And that includes the year the box with the entirety of my holiday gifts vanished off the face of the earth. The post office lost it, had no idea where it was, and it was never found. Actually, another box got lost last summer… she told me to look out for it, after more than enough time I told her it still hadn’t arrived, and we both basically shrugged and said “Well, that sucks.” ---
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/14 "2013-01-06T06:46:52Z")
I guess we’re both just fortunate that the forum we’re posting to is not “Conclusions I Have Drawn Based On Factual Analysis” ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/15 "2013-01-06T07:02:09Z")
I have no idea what you’re trying to say by that. ---
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/16 "2013-01-06T07:06:29Z")
That the post office has thieves working for them. Or gremlins. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/17 "2013-01-06T16:39:17Z")
One of my husband’s sons always sends Christmas cards to family, with cash in them. This year, everyone got their card a few days before Christmas. My husband’s card didn’t arrive until January 3. The envelope had no postmark – no postal markings at all – just a stamp. So your cards could still be making their way to the recipients. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/18 "2013-01-06T17:16:03Z")
I think you should definitely mention it. I am going to do the same myself, and my situation is far more awkward. I spent some time at a holiday cottage that belongs to a friend. After we stayed there, another friend was set to arrive as we left. On facebook she asked us to hang around for a drink before we left, so we did. She was very awkward about it at the time, and declared loudly in front of her friends she had said no such thing on facebook. I had left her and her husband a gift under the christmas tree (which we had also decorated and left for them). I know that she must’ve found it, as there were no other gifts under the tree and she must’ve removed the tree after she left the house. It was a home made gift, but very nice, personal, thoughtfully wrapped and with a card. We also left them a welcome package with wine, cheese, grapes and the like. Haven’t heard form her. In this case, I just think she is very rude. I’m going to ask her on facebook, purely because I’m annoyed, she is rude and I’m a meanie. Ha. So, you should definitely go for it. Either your friends need to know there is a missing gift, or they need to be taught manners. Speak up. ---
**Author:** ![Sevencl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sevencl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevencl)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/19 "2013-01-06T17:25:43Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > I think you should definitely mention it. I am going to do the same myself, and my situation is far more awkward. > > I spent some time at a holiday cottage that belongs to a friend. After we stayed there, another friend was set to arrive as we left. On facebook she asked us to hang around for a drink before we left, so we did. She was very awkward about it at the time, and declared loudly in front of her friends she had said no such thing on facebook. I had left her and her husband a gift under the christmas tree (which we had also decorated and left for them). I know that she must’ve found it, as there were no other gifts under the tree and she must’ve removed the tree after she left the house. It was a home made gift, but very nice, personal, thoughtfully wrapped and with a card. We also left them a welcome package with wine, cheese, grapes and the like. Haven’t heard form her. > In this case, I just think she is very rude. I’m going to ask her on facebook, purely because I’m annoyed, she is rude and I’m a meanie. Ha. > > So, you should definitely go for it. Either your friends need to know there is a missing gift, or they need to be taught manners. Speak up. Ouch. Will you update with how that goes? I’m curious as to what anyone’s excuse could possibly be for that kind of behaviour. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213/20 "2013-01-06T17:43:17Z")
> [@Sevencl](#): > > Ouch. Will you update with how that goes? I’m curious as to what anyone’s excuse could possibly be for that kind of behaviour. Heh, me too. This thread motivated me to actually do something. I just posted on her wall saying: “Heya, looks like you had a good time in Wales! [there were pics] Did you find the prezzies I left under the tree for you?” So there OP, now it’s your turn 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mailed-big-bucks-christmas-gift-cards-to-2-pals-i-never-got-acknowledgements-do-i-say-something/646213.md?page=2)