# I may actually go insane with anger **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 18, 2012, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848 "2012-08-18T03:04:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 22
**Author:** ![emeraldia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@emeraldia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emeraldia)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/421 "2012-08-23T08:02:37Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > There’s something sublime about a person who has no qualms calling a black person a nigger - provided he’s angry enough at him - but won’t spell it out on a message board without asterisks. A genteel racist, no doubt. It’s an offensive word. I’m not generally comfortable saying or typing it out in public discourse unless I am _venting to a friend_ about a \* black person that manifested enough traits consistent with that particular negative racial stereotype to be applicable\* who did something that made me _extremely angry or frustrated_. 3 elements must be met before I’d use that word. None of them have been met, thus you do not see me use the word. I never said anything about having “no qualms calling a black person a nigger”. I said that when I am expressing extreme anger or frustration about a given person among friends I may very well refer to that person by any and every applicable name in the book I can think of. ---
**Author:** ![emeraldia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@emeraldia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emeraldia)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/422 "2012-08-23T08:37:36Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > Well yes, it is pretty clear that the OP was angry, but that isn’t much of an excuse, particularly considering how unjustified his anger was. Remember, _his dog wasn’t even hit_! It had a frightening near miss, but was fine. A reasonable person would have been relieved to see that his pet was okay rather then flying into a rage at a driver who _avoided_ hitting a dog that was running loose in the street. _He_ believed she tried to hit it. My comments are predicated on what his perceptions and emotional state were at the time he made the post. You don’t believe he had an accurate perception of what happened. This may be true. Personally, I don’t know if it was accurate or not. _If_ what he said is accurate, then his anger and off-color remarks, while unfortunate, were understandable. > [@](#): > > What about the actions described in the OP make him “good”? Even if everything he said was true – and since we’re in the Pit now, I am free to say that I suspect that portions of the post were outright lies – he decided to play vigilante and track down an innocent woman to…well, he didn’t say what he was planning to do to her, but it didn’t sound like he wanted to thank her for managing not to injure his dog. Had **ducati** stayed home with his lucky, unharmed dog and counted his blessings then he could have avoided the entire encounter with the driver’s husband/boyfriend. _If_ one takes him at his word, then a lady tried to run over his dog and then took off. _If_ his perceptions of this were accurate, then I do not fault him for driving after her and confronting her. According to his account, he does this, and she lies by denying it. Her companion approaches him threateningly with a yard implement. OP makes no threats and says nothing racist. He returns home, finds that the camera he installed- at one of the few times it would have done a great deal of good- didn’t have a tape in. Frustrating. The companion of the lady driver comes to his house and makes “terrorist threats”. The police arrive, talk to the lady and her companion and they accuse the OP of threatening them and calling the guy a ni\*\*er. He didn’t though. He’s got it all on tape that he said nothing threatening or racist.. and that her companion did. You suspect that portions of the post were outright lies. Fair enough. But _if_ he is telling the complete and honest truth, and his perceptions were entirely accurate, then he’s the good guy, IMO, and his anger was understandable. If his account is not true, then I think it’s perfectly legitimate to criticize him for his actions and chide him for referring to the guy as a ‘negro’. _Is_ he telling the whole truth? _Are_ his perceptions entirely accurate? I don’t know. I am skeptical of parts of it myself, which is why I predicated my comments on the accuracy of his perceptions and truthfulness of his account. And why I say I’d be interested in seeing the videos. But I don’t know one way or the other, so I’m just giving him the benefit of the doubt. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/423 "2012-08-23T11:36:34Z")
I have never in my life been angry with a person that I thought to trash them via their ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion. If a friend was venting to me and felt that fag, nigger, kike or ANY slur was justified that person would no longer be a friend because I’m not friends with racist/homophobic/ bigoted assholes. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/424 "2012-08-23T11:46:33Z")
And for the record, my husband was raised in rural South Carolina and saw the racism thats been described and rejected it. I was raised in suburban New York, saw different types of racism and rejected it too. Not everyone, in fact most people I know don’t, choose to express themselves using bigoted language. Call someone an asshole, but leave their race or religion out of it. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/425 "2012-08-23T12:29:15Z")
> [@emeraldia](#): > > _He_ believed she tried to hit it. My comments are predicated on what his perceptions and emotional state were at the time he made the post. You don’t believe he had an accurate perception of what happened. This may be true. Personally, I don’t know if it was accurate or not. _If_ what he said is accurate, then his anger and off-color remarks, while unfortunate, were understandable. > _If_ one takes him at his word, then a lady tried to run over his dog and then took off. > . . . > But I don’t know one way or the other, so I’m just giving him the benefit of the doubt. Obviously, reading compression is not one of your skills. If you had actually read the OP, you would see that he didn’t say he believed that the driver tried to hit the dog. Also, he said that the dog wasn’t hit by the tire, so if there was contact, the driver would not have felt it, so taking off would not be in appropriate, especially from a raving lunatic, if one declines to give him the benefit of the doubt. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/426 "2012-08-23T12:32:44Z")
> [@Alan\_Smithee](#): > > “Not the end of the world”??? No shit, Sherlock! We’re chiding him on a message board in a thread alongside “Why is my dog so thin? Fuck you, that’s why” and “No, Mr. NY Times art critic…a dildo up your butt is NOT art.” > > I’d hope that if we thought this really was end-of-the-world serious, we’d at least start a facebook meme! > > Clearly you are the one taking this far too seriously. You’ve admitted he shouldn’t have said it, so you pretty much agree with us. > > That said, this is a very diverse message board and several posters have described somewhat emotionally how those words have hurt them and have the potential to. Telling someone that they shouldn’t be upset about that, _when you’ve acknowledged that it was wrong to say_ is being a major league jerk. We know _you_ don’t care, but why defend something you know is wrong, if not to _make_ it a big deal by adding to the hurt? It’s not your fucking job to police the rest of us and make sure we don’t make too big a deal of things that you don’t happen to care about. > > And the idea that we’re a bunch of PC police in vapors because he used the word “negro” is simply false. He didn’t blurt out the word “negro” as an ersatz curse word, he used it matter-of-factly in describing the event to us later. It is perfectly reasonable for us to infer a certain attitude about race from that, especially in combination with the other behavior he described and the fact that _he was accused of using the word “nigger”_ during the event. > > Finally, the idea that my anger isn’t sincere unless I use every possible invective I can think of is just unbelievably stupid. No one in my family (despite living in Arkansas) uses racial slurs, and I never use them in normal conversation, so it just doesn’t occur to me to use them in anger. The fact that they apparently spring immediately into your mind says something about your environment and your character. It’s not a horrible indictment, but it’s certainly nothing to be proud of. Admit it’s a fault you have and go and sin no more. That’s all anyone expects. Refusing to even consider changing an acknowledged fault is the sign of a jerk, not an enlightened being. You admit it’s wrong, you admit doing it, you know that people are hurt by it (however unreasonable their feelings may seem to _you_) but you think _we’re_ bad guys for not embracing racist slurs as a tool for venting? 😕 The mind boggles. Hmmm. You sound like a large, angry negro. No offense of course. Some of my very best friends are negroes, some of them quite large, but none as angry as you. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/427 "2012-08-23T12:43:40Z")
> [@emeraldia](#): > > I never said anything about having “no qualms calling a black person a nigger”. I said that when I am expressing extreme anger or frustration about a given person among friends I may very well refer to that person by any and every applicable name in the book I can think of. How noble of you not to call them niggers to their faces, but only to your friends. I’m sure the boys at the Klan rallies really admire you for that. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/428 "2012-08-23T13:26:33Z")
Noble Niggers…band name? Its got a _helluva_ beat and an alliterative catchphrase that can’t be topped! ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/429 "2012-08-23T17:36:47Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > Hmmm. You sound like a large, angry negro. No offense of course. Some of my very best friends are negroes, some of them quite large, but none as angry as you. Really? Wow! Never been told that before! ---
**Author:** ![emeraldia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@emeraldia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emeraldia)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/430 "2012-08-23T17:39:23Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > How noble of you not to call them niggers to their faces, but only to your friends. I’m sure the boys at the Klan rallies really admire you for that. Eminem has used the word ni\*\*er when expressing himself in anger. Eminem obviously hates black people. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/431 "2012-08-23T17:48:02Z")
Afraid I’m not that familiar with Eminem’s music, but if it’s part of his art, or whatever, then that’s his problem to deal with. On the other hand, if he is off with his lilly white buddies in the back room telling stories about how some nigger pissed him off - like you do - then yeah, I’d have no problem with that statement. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/432 "2012-08-23T19:32:06Z")
> [@emeraldia](#): > > Eminem has used the word ni\*\*er when expressing himself in anger. Eminem obviously hates black people. [And he apologized for this youthful indiscretion](http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1480946/eminem-sorry-dissing-black-women.jhtml), as I found out in 30 seconds of Googling. Note that it’s a classic non-apology apology, in which he attacks his critics in the same metaphorical breath, but getting past that poor form, he recognizes that it was a dumb thing to do. So yeah, if you want to be someone Eminem considers dumb, keep on truckin. ---
**Author:** ![Truman\_Burbank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@Truman\_Burbank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truman_Burbank)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/433 "2012-08-23T19:49:40Z")
> [@emeraldia](#): > > Eminem has used the word ni\*\*er when expressing himself in anger. Eminem obviously hates black people. I’ve used Eminem as my moral compass for years! ---
**Author:** ![emeraldia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@emeraldia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emeraldia)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/434 "2012-08-23T19:51:17Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > Afraid I’m not that familiar with Eminem’s music, but if it’s part of his art, or whatever, then that’s his problem to deal with. On the other hand, if he is off with his lilly white buddies in the back room telling stories about how some nigger pissed him off - like you do - then yeah, I’d have no problem with that statement. You jump to a lot of conclusions. But they’re your problem to deal with. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/435 "2012-08-23T19:53:21Z")
Sure. I’ll deal with mine, and you deal with yours. That is if no niggers get in your way. ---
**Author:** ![emeraldia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@emeraldia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emeraldia)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/436 "2012-08-23T20:36:25Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > So yeah, if you want to be someone Eminem considers dumb, keep on truckin. I said that someone making offensive statements in the midst of venting about something in anger is, _unfortunate_, but _understandable_. Further, I said that it is not necessarily indicative of some deep-seeded hatred for a certain sex, a certain race, a certain religion, a certain sexual orientation, etc. Women call other women c_nts, blacks call other blacks n_ggers (pejoratively), gays call other gays fa\*\*ots, etc. It’s not an attack on a whole race, but an individual of that race. I never said using offensive language while venting was a “smart” thing to do. But I disagree with the significance and the specific meaning that some assign to it. > [@Truman\_Burbank](#): > > I’ve used Eminem as my moral compass for years! Never said he was a ‘role model’ (no pun intended.) I’ve explained what I meant, and now I will leave you to your straw men. I wouldn’t willfully deprive you of the satisfaction you get from beating them up, but you don’t need me here to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Truman\_Burbank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@Truman\_Burbank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truman_Burbank)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/437 "2012-08-23T22:39:42Z")
Never said he was a ‘role model’ (no pun intended.) I’ve explained what I meant, and now I will leave you to your straw men. I wouldn’t willfully deprive you of the satisfaction you get from beating them up, but you don’t need me here to do it. Dude, you’re the one who brought him to the party! You shouldn’t just ditch him now, that would be rude! ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2012, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/438 "2012-08-24T00:51:25Z")
> [@emeraldia](#): > > _He_ believed she tried to hit it. Perhaps he did believe this, but that’s not what he said in the OP. He said “I’m not sure she didn’t do it on purpose”, which indicates that he merely suspected that she _might_ have attempted (and failed!) to hit the dog. Nothing in the OP gives me cause to believe that this was even a reasonable suspicion, it seems to be just part of his paranoid worldview. > [@](#): > > My comments are predicated on what his perceptions and emotional state were at the time he made the post. You don’t believe he had an accurate perception of what happened. This may be true. Personally, I don’t know if it was accurate or not. _If_ what he said is accurate, then his anger and off-color remarks, while unfortunate, were understandable. You didn’t only say his behavior was understandable though, you said he was the “good guy” in this situation. If all that’s required to be the “good guy” is that the person’s actions seem justified to them based on their own perceptions and emotions – no matter how irrational or excessive – then _everyone_ in this story was the “good guy”. As for being understandable, well, if we grant that **ducati** suffers from the delusional belief that strangers are deliberately trying to harm him, and additionally that he is unable to control his anger, foresee the potential consequences of his actions, or make rational decisions, then sure, it’s understandable that he’d decide to play neighborhood vigilante over quite literally nothing. But people aren’t criticizing **ducati** here because his behavior defies all explanation, but rather because the obvious explanation for the behavior described is that he’s a dangerous psycho. Even if we consider only the act of posting the OP, **ducati** ’s behavior was neither good nor rational. He claimed to have been falsely accused of using racial slurs in the same post that he used an (at best) outdated term for African-Americans to refer to his accuser and a couple of obscene, sexist slurs to refer to the female driver. Did he not foresee that this was likely to both cause offense and make his readers wonder whether the accusations were really false? I mean, if you want people to believe that you’re innocent of doing X, it’s pretty dumb to skirt very close to doing X _while telling them the story_! If we assume that he is in fact a stupid bigot then his behavior makes sense, but again, that’s why this thread has turned against him. ---
**Author:** ![emeraldia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@emeraldia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emeraldia)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2012, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/439 "2012-08-24T06:04:17Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > ..If all that’s required to be the “good guy” is that the person’s actions seem justified to them based on their own perceptions and emotions – no matter how irrational or excessive – then _everyone_ in this story was the “good guy”. For him to be the “good guy”, in my mind, his perceptions can’t be irrational or excessive (at least on the important parts.) If the driver did not try to hit the dog, and the driver actually drove off because the OPer came out of his house screaming, then his actions in chasing her down (as well as coming out of his house screaming) were not reasonable or good. The “good guy” label definitely depends on the _accuracy_ of his perceptions and honesty of his version of events. > [@](#): > > Even if we consider only the act of posting the OP, **ducati** ’s behavior was neither good nor rational. This is true, but I don’t expect someone’s actions (or posts) to be rational (or good) when done in an extreme state of anger. > [@](#): > > Did he not foresee that this was likely to both cause offense and make his readers wonder whether the accusations were really false? I mean, if you want people to believe that you’re innocent of doing X, it’s pretty dumb to skirt very close to doing X _while telling them the story_! If we assume that he is in fact a stupid bigot then his behavior makes sense, but again, that’s why this thread has turned against him. As long as it turns against him not _solely_ because he used offensive language in his venting, then I think that’s OK. I only came to his ‘defense’ (in a way), because I thought his critics were missing the forest for the trees. Your criticism of him appears to be of the ‘forest’ variety in that you disbelieve fundamental parts of his account. If you believe that he really did call “LAN” a ni\*\*er or that “LAN” never really made terrorist threats then I think it’s fair to ‘call him out’ on it. I say this because (_if_ he’s telling the truth) it’s within his power to defend himself by simply linking to the videos. _If_ he posts the videos and it completely backs up his account, then I still say he is the ‘good guy’ and his ‘colorful language’, while unfortunate, is understandable and you should cut him some slack. But until he does post them, I will assume he either doesn’t really care to defend himself or he _is_ lying. In neither case would I feel any further obligation to defend him on anything. ---
**Author:** ![gamerunknown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6bbea6/32.png) [@gamerunknown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gamerunknown)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2012, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848/440 "2012-08-24T11:02:55Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Call someone an asshole, but leave their race or religion out of it. Well, that’s mighty Christian of you. Oh and the whole fa\*\*ot thing is why I cringe when I see Jewish posters typing “G\*d” or “G\_d”, as if “God” were a curse word. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848.md?page=21) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-actually-go-insane-with-anger/631848.md?page=23)