# I May Have to Slit Scooby-Do's Throat . . . **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 15, 2004, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373 "2004-10-15T13:56:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/1 "2004-10-15T13:56:23Z")
I’ve told you about the first-floor-back neighbors, the Kallikacks? She’s a short-tempered drug addict; he’s a foul-mouthed, physically abusive ex-con (their daughter has been taken away several times by Child Welfare, which in NJ, means “putting her into a crack house and not feeding her”). Anyway, I have had surprisingly little trouble with the Kallikacks. Till now. _There is an as-yet uninflated 8-foot-tall Scooby-Do holding a jack-o-lantern on the front lawn._ This provides me with an ethical dilemma. Do I: • Say and do nothing, and have my blood pressure rise every time I enter or leave my house and see this horror right next to my front foor? • Confront the violent druggies and find a polite way of asking them to move it around back, somehow without using the phrases “fucking hideous” or “tasteless?” • Find out how much it cost, put that amount into their mailbox and slit Scooby’s throat with a shiv? I’m afraid Scooby is the thin edge of the lawn-ornament wedge. If they are capable of _this_, come Xmas, will I find an 8-foot inflatable Jesus on the front lawn? At least in that case, I can plead Judaism and reenact the Passion Play, with real nails . . . ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/2 "2004-10-15T14:01:43Z")
I’m not sure about this, but isn’t a shiv strictly a stabbing instrument? Is it on their property or is it common property? Can you come up with any good jokes involving _The Passion of the Scoob_? 'Cos that’d crack me up. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/3 "2004-10-15T14:11:38Z")
Do it anonymously (the throat-slitting). Leave behind a razor blade hidden in a Scooby Snack (It will have to be a fake razor blade, of course). If you’re confronted after the fact, point out how dangerous it can be at Halloween to eat the treats before they’ve been examined by a responsible adult. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/4 "2004-10-15T14:33:22Z")
I just e-mailed the question to The Ethicist at the _NY Times Magazine_. The front lawn is common property, and getting commoner by the minute. Thing is, three families use the front entrance—the Kallikacks live out back and use the back entrance. But they are inflicting Scooby on _our front door!_ Where people can _see_ it! And assume _I_ am somehow responsible for—or approving of—such atrocities! ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/5 "2004-10-15T14:40:46Z")
> [@js\_africanus](#): > > Can you come up with any good jokes involving _The Passion of the Scoob_? 'Cos that’d crack me up. Rorrive rhem, ror rhey row rot rut rhey roo. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/6 "2004-10-15T14:43:30Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > The front lawn is common property, and getting commoner by the minute. Thing is, three families use the front entrance—the Kallikacks live out back and use the back entrance. But they are inflicting Scooby on _our front door!_ Where people can _see_ it! And assume _I_ am somehow responsible for—or approving of—such atrocities! You could hang a sign around his neck that says “Scooby says: ‘Read _Platinum Girl_ or Santa won’t give you any presents, bloody Christians!’” ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/7 "2004-10-15T14:56:56Z")
They would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling kids. I know it doesn’t make sense. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/8 "2004-10-15T15:08:34Z")
I see two options. Option one: put a pinhole in one of the Scooby’s seams (the more concealed the better) so the air leaks out of him over a period of hours/days. No one will suspect such insidious foul play. Option two: lump it. The choice is yours. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/9 "2004-10-15T15:12:05Z")
Blow him up! Not with explosives, but with a pump, or your lungs. Do some good for the community! Make the ickly kiddywinkles happy! ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/10 "2004-10-15T15:14:26Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I’ve told you about the first-floor-back neighbors, the Kallikacks? She’s a short-tempered drug addict; he’s a foul-mouthed, physically abusive ex-con (their daughter has been taken away several times by Child Welfare, which in NJ, means “putting her into a crack house and not feeding her”). Isn’t that a sitcom on UPN? ---
**Author:** ![Greywolf73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@Greywolf73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greywolf73)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/11 "2004-10-15T15:15:46Z")
I say put a pinhole somewhere where Scooby’ll develop a slow leak and slowly expire, like **Neuroman** suggested. Don’t leave money in the mailbox though because they might just use it to buy another Scooby or worse, one of those giant singing, dancing spooky light trees that are motion-activitated and will sing to you (or at you) every time you walk past it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Long\_Road](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@The\_Long\_Road](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Long_Road)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/12 "2004-10-15T15:18:04Z")
Use a pellet gun at night to put a hole in it. If you door or window faces the inflatable beast that’s even better and easier. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/13 "2004-10-15T15:24:21Z")
Remember, Scooby Doo is a series with good morals about using your head and being skeptical about what you observe. The ghost was never a ghost, it was someone pretending to be one. So… he’s a Doper at heart in more ways than one. On the other hand… no class. So… if they use the back stairs, move it to the back stairs. Tell them it was in your way. Simple, innit? Hey, Eve, is that '59 Caddy still there? ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/14 "2004-10-15T15:25:04Z")
> [@Robot Arm](#): > > Rorrive rhem, ror rhey row rot rut rhey roo. Zoiks! Like, truly he was the son of dog. 😃 Sorry, it made me laugh. Even if no-one else. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/15 "2004-10-15T15:25:18Z")
Well, y’see, vandalizing someone else’s property—no matter how hideous, and how tempting—is just not something I feel comfortable with. Especially when the someone is a violent ex-con and his equally unstable druggie girlfriend. However . . . If Scooby cost $50? It would be worth putting $50 into their mailbox so I could slip a shiv between Scooby’s shoulderblades. I just know if I have to see that thing every time I walk in or out of my front door, I will have a stroke sooner or later. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/16 "2004-10-15T15:25:28Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Blow him up! Not with explosives, but with a pump, or your lungs. Do some good for the community! Make the ickly kiddywinkles happy! Hooray! If **Eve** blew him up, then on Haloween she could cut a slit in the back and climb inside. With some eyeholes and sense of mischief, she waits for the kiddies to come by and then BOO! the eight-foot Scooby jumps out at them and everybody laughs and laughs and laughs. Can anybody else picture **Eve** wearing an orange-on-black jack’o’lantern sweater-vest on haloween? I know I can! ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/17 "2004-10-15T15:26:38Z")
Carpet knife! Carpet knife! ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/18 "2004-10-15T15:27:39Z")
> [@Futile Gesture](#): > > Zoiks! Like, truly he was the son of dog. You don’t want to get on the cross?! Not even for _two_ Scoobie Snacks? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/19 "2004-10-15T15:33:59Z")
But who would Scooby’s mum be…? :eek: As for the OP, feed it to a local dog. My puppy on a hyper day should shred up one of those things in minutes… ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/20 "2004-10-15T15:35:24Z")
How 'bout this: Refill Scooby with helium instead of regular air. Rig some sort of release mechanism so that the next morning, the first person out the door will release the mechanism so Scooby goes to his just reward in the sky. As they all stand there, watching Scooby being “Raptured” you can have belly laughs at their expense. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373.md?page=2)