# I May Have to Slit Scooby-Do's Throat . . . **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 15, 2004, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373 "2004-10-15T13:56:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/41 "2004-10-15T22:59:45Z")
> [@Futile Gesture](#): > > Zoiks! Like, truly he was the son of dog. Judas: And I would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you nosy kids and your darn Messiah! > [@js\_africanus](#): > > Too busy helping Thelma look for her glasses. To be precise, she’s helping Thelma “look for her glasses.” If you know what I mean. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/42 "2004-10-15T23:07:22Z")
Actually, the giant inflatable rat has potential. Think about it, **Eve**! Depending on its height relative to Scooby Doo’s, you might be able to set it up in a rather, shall we say, “interesting” position. The rest I leave to your imagination. CJ (Hang it, where’s an evil smiley when I want one?) ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2004, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/43 "2004-10-15T23:07:54Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > About the same amount of time you spend looking at your own _yard!_ Not that much time, then. A sighted person certainly _could_ have a malicious motive in putting something ugly on his roof that the neighbors have o look at, but he doesn’t. That was my only point. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/44 "2004-10-16T01:58:16Z")
Eve, I am afraid you would expire within minutes of coming across the city line into Dundalk. Not only does the neighbourhood around us have such monstrosities, but lights and glowing pumpkins and black and orange garlands galore. One house has 14 of such inflatable thingies. Two archways and assorted jack-o-lanterns, ghosties and ghoulies. FOURTEEN. And you know how small the yards are in Dundawk, hon. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/45 "2004-10-16T06:22:55Z")
Wait, is this the one with Brandi Sue Condileeza? Jeepers!!! ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/46 "2004-10-16T07:43:49Z")
These giant inflatable eyesores deserve vandalism all across the country. They’re foul and deplorable. If you don’t feel comfortable sending Inflat-O-Scooby to his ultimate reward on your own, Eve, why not quietly hire someone to do it for you? A few strategically placed cuts will prevent Inflat-O-Scooby from inflating any longer, or, someone could simply cut the power cord (after it’s unplugged) on the fan motor. Have it done during the day when you’re across the river in the city. Shouldn’t cost more than $20, if you know someone whose sense of mischief is stronger than their thirst for cash or their sense of personal property. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jellyblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@jellyblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellyblue)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/47 "2004-10-16T09:01:00Z")
You have a drug addict and a physically abusive ex-con in your building and _Scooby_ bothers you?! Daphne: “Permission to lick your Mary Janes, Velma?” ---
**Author:** ![DaphneBlack](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daphneblack/32/5389_2.png) [@DaphneBlack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaphneBlack)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/48 "2004-10-16T16:26:59Z")
I’m not sure I’m comfortable with the direction this thread is taking… 😉 I’d do the dirty work for you, **Eve** , if I wasn’t several thousand miles away. Poetic justice, it’d be. Cheers, Daphne ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/49 "2004-10-16T19:44:27Z")
> [@TeaElle](#): > > If you don’t feel comfortable sending Inflat-O-Scooby to his ultimate reward on your own, Eve, why not quietly hire someone to do it for you? Now I’m picturing a _Strangers on a (Commuter) Train_ scenario. I find someone from another town on my train, and I’ll agree to stab his neighbor’s giant inflatable witch if he takes care of Scooby-Do. Or _Double Indemnity_ . . . I could get Fred MacMurray to throw Scooby onto the NJ Transit train tracks . . . By the way, Scoob is now inflated, and it turns out he is the small, “tasteful” 3-foot-tall version rather than the monstrous 8-foot-tall one. Just the right size for drop-kicking . . . ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/50 "2004-10-16T19:54:54Z")
Post notices offering a reward for the return of it. Someone’s bound to steal it to try to claim the reward. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/51 "2004-10-16T19:57:08Z")
Paint a large penis on it, and then call the authorities to complain. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2004, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/52 "2004-10-16T19:58:37Z")
Steal one off of another lawn, and then report your neighbours to the police. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/53 "2004-10-17T02:46:31Z")
I can hear the Kallikacks screaming at each other _two floors down_. He seems to be getting the better of it, though she’s doing a lot of high-calibre whimpering. I wonder if he’ll wind up beating her to death, or she’ll shoot him in his sleep? I just hope they don’t torch the house to cover the evidence. _Ye gods and little fishes!_ Why do people _stay_ together if they hate each other so much? They’re not even married! Inflatible Scooby may be the only survivor. ---
**Author:** ![jellyblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@jellyblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellyblue)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/54 "2004-10-17T04:53:48Z")
> [@DaphneBlack](#): > > I’m not sure I’m comfortable with the direction this thread is taking… 😉 Aw, c’mon, **Daphne** , you know you wanna… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/55 "2004-10-17T20:13:57Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > To be precise, she’s helping Thelma “look for her glasses.” > > If you know what I mean. I am quite confident that I don’t. Thank you very much. Humph. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2004, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/56 "2004-10-17T20:28:42Z")
I find a stiletto to the nether regions is undetectable. :eek: :eek: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/57 "2004-10-18T00:37:04Z")
“If the neighbors get a court order against your Christmas light display, you might be a redneck!” – Jeff Foxworthy ---
**Author:** ![supervenusfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@supervenusfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supervenusfreak)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/58 "2004-10-18T01:22:16Z")
I have a question. Why are these two trying to attract trick-or-treaters? ---
**Author:** ![Pyrrhonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/919ad9/32.png) [@Pyrrhonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyrrhonist)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/59 "2004-10-18T14:24:56Z")
Puncture the Scooby late one night and leave them a reimbursement with a poem I shived the Scooby on the lawn By the light of the moon Because it was there! Because it was there! Inanimate, obnoxious, monstrous I couldn’t let it remain A beacon to gaudiness So it died it sooth my senses I caused you loss, no argument Pangs of penitence Must be reckoned I’ll not be guilty without Honorable restitution to cleanse The deeds of my own doing Forgiven, your aesthetical transgression On grounds it never returns Scooby will die a thousands deaths If his shadows befalls this land again But where lightening strikes twice Guilt does not ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373/60 "2004-10-18T14:49:35Z")
> [@DaphneBlack](#): > > I’m not sure I’m comfortable with the direction this thread is taking… 😉 I know what you mean. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-may-have-to-slit-scooby-dos-throat/269373.md?page=4)