# I mean really, would you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 3, 2001, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575 "2001-03-03T00:56:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/21 "2001-03-04T16:37:33Z")
So you are channel surfing at three am and see this… \ Did you know that at some point in their lives, most men will experience erectile disfunction? When it does it’s good to know that there’s " Ronco’s Boner in a Can". Can we get a volunteer from the audience? You Sir, what’s your name? “Keith” Have you ever had a problem getting it up? “No” Many men are embarassed to admit to erectile disfunction. “But…” Here, drink this. “Okay… yummmm… what is that, chocolate?” Yes, Boner in a Can comes in three wonderful flavours, vanilla, chocolate, and beer. “Can I try the beer flavour?” Sure, here you go… “That’s really good. Hey, I think I’m getting a boner here”. Yes you are, I can actually see it getting larger right before my eyes. See folks, it’s just that easy. Just one can and you are on your way to having a boner that will be the envy of all your friends and a delight to your partner. You’ll be able to keep it up for hours on end and your partner will think she’s married to a porn star. Marathon sex will become a reality. You do have a partner don’t you? “Yes, but she’s away for a few days…” A few days? _Ron looks panicky_ “Yeah, she went to visit her sister, Ron… how long does this last?” \ How much do you think a product like this is worth? $199.00, $149.99, $99.99? Would you believe that through this special T.V. offer you can get a three month supply of Boner in a can for three easy payments of $19.99? \ And if you order now I’ll even throw in a set of steak knives, free! \ “Screw the steak knives Ron, what am I going to do about this?” Here’s some naked pictures of Bea Arthur… does that help? “No, for the love of God make it stop” \ But that’s not all, for the first 1000 callers we’ll throw in the bestselling book, “The Joys of Masturbation” and some porno videos but you must order now. \ Just dial 1-800-big-dick, that’s 1-800-224-3425, operators are standing by… "Ron… there’s no blood left in my head, I can’ blink either. You said this was safe when I took the job… " _Keith collapses on the stage_ Is the tape still running? It’s a good thing we’re not live. This is the fourth take already. Get this guy to a hospital and make sure he gets his cheque and his lifetime supply of Boner in a Can, okay? ---
**Author:** ![fenrir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/43a26b/32.png) [@fenrir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fenrir)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/22 "2001-03-04T22:03:41Z")
I’d like to do one for crabs.Maybe have a guy dressed up like the Gortons fisherman hand me the medicine. ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/23 "2001-03-04T22:08:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by todaystomsawyer \* > \*\*Hell, for the right amount of money, I’d have sex with a flaming goat in the middle of a football field during the halftime show at the Super Bowl. > \*\* For enough money I would wear a **t-shirt** with a **picture** of myself having sex with a flaming goat in the middle of a football field during the halftime show at the Super Bowl. ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/24 "2001-03-05T05:37:02Z")
I’d act in any sort of commercial ad. However there are only a select few products I’d personally endorse. For that it would have to be something I use myself (and none of the above apply). To spell it out, it’s the difference between being an anonymous pitchman and coming out and saying, “Hi, I’m JBirdman 12, and I drink Budweiser beer because it’s cheap but not too cheap.” ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/25 "2001-03-05T08:21:52Z")
I’d like to do an Herbal Essences commercial. I bet I can fake a female orgasm better than most females on the Board. ---
**Author:** ![Pergau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7c8e57/32.png) [@Pergau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pergau)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/26 "2001-03-05T10:29:11Z")
For enough money, I’d take those products. I’d need help with swallowing some of them though. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/27 "2001-03-05T15:09:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pergau \* > I’d need help with swallowing some of them though. Good lord Pergau! You don’t take tampons orally! 😃 jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![Gundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Gundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundy)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2001, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/28 "2001-03-05T17:17:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\* > Good lord Pergau! You don’t take tampons orally! 😃 > > jarbaby \*\* What?! Why didn’t you tell me _before_ I ruined five pairs of jeans? And tampons are so…_binding_. I’ve been backed up for weeks! For what it’s worth, those plastic applicators go down much easier than the cardboard. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/29 "2001-03-06T00:54:20Z")
Hi. **manhattan** here for Playtex brand tampons. Ladies, you know that a lot of men are squeamish about going into the store and buying tampons for you. But do you know why? Because they’re yuppie-trash sissy non-men, that’s why! A _real_ man knows that Playtex brand tampons are far and away the best product ever invented for cleaning carburetor intakes and some other hard-to-reach parts of your car or motorcycle. They ought to sell the damn things at Pep boys! But since they don’t, if your man refuses to stroll right up to the counter at your local drug store and proudly ask for Playtex brand tampons, than he is a euro-weenie who drives a car with a fuel injector. Like a Porsche. And you _know_ what they say about men who have to drive a Porsche, don’t you? Or worse yet, your man takes his car to a _mechanic_. I don’t even want to think about what they say about _that_. Clearly, this is not the man for a woman like you. You can do better. Dump him right away, and find yourself a man who cleans his own carb and who prefers Playtex brand tampons. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/30 "2001-03-06T02:50:50Z")
I see TVeblen and I are the only ones with principles here. I will not prostitute myself to Madison Avenue for **any** amount of money. I am, however, available for “public-service announcements” reminding lusty teenagers of the importance of using protection when having sex. I can play the washed-up male prostitute that stares into the camera with a haggard look and says in funereal tones “my penis is but a shadow of its former glory, black, shrivelled and limp. If you want to keep yours pink, healthy and happy, wear one of these!” Then I hold up a condom featuring a picture of Curly from the 3 Stooges. ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/31 "2001-03-06T03:30:40Z")
Sure, I got no problem with doing them, for a fee of course. \*\* 1. Incontinence products like Poise or Depends?\*\* Saw the “Oops I crapped my pants” commercial on SNL, I could do that. **2. Viagra or an herbal remedy for the same results?** It’s just acting. **3. Tampon or maxi-pad commercial?** Had to go to store and buy these for former girlfriend, slightly embarassing, but hey, they knew they weren’t for me. **4. Yeast infection ad?** Again, it’s just acting. “Guys the sooner this thing clears up the sooner the playground gets reopened.” **5. Herpes medication advert?** Hey, sucka’s gotta know, and I’m just the one to tell em. Where do I sign up? ---
**Author:** ![Nefarious\_Chipmunk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nefarious_chipmunk/32/1045_2.png) [@Nefarious\_Chipmunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nefarious_Chipmunk)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/32 "2001-03-06T06:07:32Z")
I would do all of these for the standard pay actors get for these commercials, which is A LOT. I would kill for a gig selling tampons. It is actually kind of funny because just last night someone asked me if I would be willing to do a tampons ad and I told them “Hell YA! Do you know how much those people get payed!” With that kind of money, college tuition would be an issue of the past. There is but one thing that I could never bring myslef to do. I could never be one of those “older friends” on shows like Barney or Blues Clue’s. Those shows require more stupid acting then I am capable of doing. I could, oddly enough, do Sesame Street though. ---
**Author:** ![Tommy\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Tommy\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tommy_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/33 "2001-03-06T14:09:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TVeblen \* > **The folks leaping and gamboling about to “_I feeeeel GOOD_” in Senekot ads make me paranoid about walking near bathroom doors. I keep expecting a giddy, newly relieved person to spring out and either trample me or tell me all about it.** Amen to that, sister! Just another reason **Veb’s** my favorite mod. I count myself lucky that my happiness doesn’t rely on whether or not I’ve been able to go or not. I’ve noticed that James Brown has been looking lighter. I guess that the added weight of the soul he sold to **Satan** made him look heavier. I mean, how else could he sleep at night knowing his greatest hit is being used to push laxative. To the OP 1. Incontinence products like Poise or Depends? Sure 2. Viagra or an herbal remedy for the same results? Sure 3. Tampon or maxi-pad commercial? Sure, if they want a guy. 4. Yeast infection ad? Sure, same as 3. 5. Herpes medication advert? Sure As far as compensation goes, I’d do it for whatever they wanted to give me. I’m not greedy. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/34 "2001-03-06T22:46:35Z")
(hehehe) Quote from **manhattan** : “…find yourself a man who cleans his own carb…” I’m adding this to my list of masturbation euphemisms (hey, a dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste!) ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/35 "2001-03-06T23:36:46Z")
Yeesh. Another attempt to appear more manly, extinguished and crushed like a cigarette butt under the stiletto of a woman. Maybe I should switch teams. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2001, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/36 "2001-03-07T03:28:51Z")
But, **manhattan** , you should be proud. Adding to the list of masturbation euphemisms (henceforth known as **ME’s** )is quite an accomplishment at this point. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2001, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/37 "2001-03-07T10:32:40Z")
Who cares about the money? It’s a matter of how much the commercial sucks, and most of them do. A lot. For that matter, so do the shows. I’d be more likely to do a print ad than a tv ad. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2001, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/38 "2001-03-07T11:59:38Z")
> [@](#): > > One days work and you’re set for at least six months of living! I’ll walk around with tampons sticking out of my EARS for that kind of lifestyle. Heck, I’ll walk around the same way. It would be most effective on me now, since I’ve had the hysterectomy and all… I think that I’d do any of the commercials, though I’d do a Diflucan commercial for less money. I’d say that Diflucan is a godsend, if only I weren’t an atheist. It’s MUCH nicer to just take one pill, rather than apply cream for a week. Oh, and guys…you can get yeast infections too. So there. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Pergau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7c8e57/32.png) [@Pergau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pergau)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2001, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/39 "2001-03-07T13:36:58Z")
utre ---
**Author:** ![Pergau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7c8e57/32.png) [@Pergau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pergau)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2001, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-mean-really-would-you/56575/40 "2001-03-07T13:38:25Z")
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