# I messed up. Again. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 22, 2008, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459 "2008-04-22T21:29:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2008, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459/21 "2008-04-23T04:40:00Z")
Yes, sometimes it’s your own fault, and no, sometimes it isn’t. Maybe the secret is figuring out which is which, and not automatically looking for some excuse to get your own self off the hook. ETA: That’s generally speaking, not a slam at the OP. I work in accounting myself, **Lilith**. What you did is not inexcusable; it just wasn’t very politically astute. You’re in a very difficult situation; it sounds like your boss’ inability to lead is affecting you and how you do your job, but you also have to respect the chain of command. Until you find a better job that doesn’t involve the bookkeeper not being able to pay the bills, that is. 🙂 The Golden Boy has nothing to do with this. Tend to your own knitting, and let him tend his. Don’t bother trying to resolve conflict that really isn’t any of your business; no one will ever thank you for that, and you will probably get flak from it sooner or later (and probably from both sides). ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2008, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459/22 "2008-04-23T05:52:38Z")
Sounds like you need a job that challenges you more. But do stay out of other people’s business and don’t act on impulse. I think you do have a good heart. And everyone messes up now and then. Some people just don’t flaunt it as much. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2008, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459/23 "2008-04-23T06:44:36Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] If everyone is being told not to discuss their work with anyone else in the office, something is seriously wrong. Seriously. [/QUOTE] She actually said “jobs,” not “work.” Until she returns to clarify, you might consider that the boss was talking about such topics of discussion as compensation and benefits. All my employers considered those to be inappropriate topics. . ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2008, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459/24 "2008-04-23T14:12:11Z")
[QUOTE=Fritz] Sorry to be preachy, but YOU are 100% responsible for your own success, and YOU are 100% responsible for your own failures. YOU and no one else. [/QUOTE] If that damned Bobby in the mail room had been doing his job, Enron never would have failed. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2008, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459/25 "2008-04-23T14:16:16Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] Yes, sometimes it’s your own fault, and no, sometimes it isn’t. Maybe the secret is figuring out which is which, and not automatically looking for some excuse to get your own self off the hook. [/QUOTE] “…and the wisdom to know the difference.” ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2008, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459/26 "2008-04-23T15:15:42Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal] Really. So, if my goal is to run a marathon, and I train as hard as anyone ever has, and do everything anyone could expect in anticipation of running a marathon, but someone steps on my foot at the start and sprains my ankle, causing me to drop out, that is 100% my fault? Really? [/QUOTE] It’s about life, and life isn’t the 2008 Boston Marathon, where missing that one marathon is the equivalent of failing at life. What is 100% within your control is not whether or not you run that one marathon, but what you do when your ankle is sprained. Do you give up and say “it’s not worth it, trying to run a marathon” or do you train for the next available marathon? People who are successful don’t give up when they fail and don’t spend their lives being mad at the guy who sprained their foot. ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2008, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459/27 "2008-04-23T15:31:52Z")
Sometimes losing a job is a gift in disguise. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2008, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459/28 "2008-04-23T16:44:29Z")
[QUOTE=Cheesesteak] It’s about life, and life isn’t the 2008 Boston Marathon, where missing that one marathon is the equivalent of failing at life. [/QUOTE] He said “failures.” Not “life.” Unless you are arguing for reincarnation here, we only have one life. > [@](#): > > People who are successful don’t give up when they fail But are they still 100% responsible for that failure? Because that’s what he said. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2008, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459/29 "2008-04-23T17:12:18Z")
You still there? We’re all here waiting for you. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2008, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459/30 "2008-04-23T17:18:47Z")
I’m not a fan of that 100% thing either - I like the way Sheldon Kopp put it, in his [Eschatological Laundry List](http://www.angelfire.com/ca2/larrylima2/launlist.html): 32. We must live with the ambiguity of partial freedom, partial power and partial knowledge. 1. All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data. 2. Yet we are responsible for everything we do. ---
**Author:** ![Lillith\_Fair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bb73d2/32.png) [@Lillith\_Fair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lillith_Fair)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2008, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459/31 "2008-04-23T18:39:25Z")
Thanks for the suggestions and support! I wish I could tell you where I work, which would explain some stuff, but I really shouldn’t. I’ve been doing this type of work for 12 years now and each year it gets worse, financially. So the deficit grows and it seems that no one cares. We pass a bare bones budget, we get promises for donations, but you can’t make people pay on those promises. The boss has told me several times since she came that she does not like her job. One of those times I said, “I don’t think God wants us to be unhappy,” instead of trying to convince her that she likes her job. She really does not want to be in charge. That is why we are all trying to jump start the situation. The staff cares very much about the workplace and each other and I feel that as soon as one person leaves it’s going to be the domino effect. It all boils down to how everything makes the boss look. Okay, the Golden Boy hurt my feelings yesterday. But I actually like him and work with him quite well. I have even taken care of his son for 3 days/nights while he and his wife went to a conference. I let him pet my dog! [My daughter is 20–I don’t need any babysitting.] But I do need to get out of there. I am about to take a class in website design on Saturday mornings–just for my own enjoyment. Maybe that will take me somewhere into a different direction. I went on a job interview 1.5 years ago…it didn’t end well. I am not good in the interview situation. I think everyone lies in interviews (bothsides) and I don’t like pretending. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2008, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459/32 "2008-04-23T18:47:47Z")
Glad to hear you’re ok. You should tell GB how you feel. Don’t let him get by with things like that. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2008, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459/33 "2008-04-26T07:44:19Z")
I want everyone ( **Cheesesteak** ) to reread this simply so we’re on the same page for the coming debate: [QUOTE=Fritz] Sorry to be preachy, but YOU are 100% responsible for your own success, and YOU are 100% responsible for your own failures. YOU and no one else. [/QUOTE] It’s possible to turn this into something sensible, but only by twisting it into something **Fritz** never said in this thread. Defending this statement is impossible as it would imply an inhuman control over your immediate circumstances. It is possible to defend a sane version of this general precept, however. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-again/446459.md?page=1)