# I Messed Up My Farmer's Tan **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 1, 2005, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129 "2005-08-01T13:44:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/181 "2005-08-04T18:46:41Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Ok, I am intrigued. **Bumba** why are you trying to find Eddie Arnold records? This is the kinda stuff that needs explanation. You cannot just make a statement like that in the MMP. We’re nosy! We want details. It’s very simple really,Wifey and I watched **Ray** Monday night, and so Wjfey has been going around singing Ray Charles songs.\*, well, last night we was singing something and said “You know, Eddie Arnold did that one better”, or something like that. So then she naturally had to go look for some Eddie Arnold recordings on that Inner-webby thingamajig. She found one she really wanted, but the reviews were bad. Seems there aren’t a lot of good recordings of Eddie Arnold stuff out there. QED. Now for the TMI portion of our program: In my college days I once had to help a girlfriend retrieve a tampon that had lost it’s string. An interesting experience, to say the least. - Wifey and I are the bane of our childrens’ existance, 'cause between the two of us, we know at least some of every song and ditty known to man, and are apt to break into song anywhere, at any time. Can you imagine the horror on a teenagers face when they’re sitting in a restaurant and we start singing _Indian Love Call_? ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/182 "2005-08-04T19:09:37Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > But I’m bringing the award back now (sorry about the slight dents) as a consolation prize, because I think the TMI award for now goes to: **Wintermute**!!! ::Gasps in (faked) surprise, runs to stage:: Oh, wow! Wow. I really can’t believe this! I don’t have a speech prepared, so I know I’m going to forget somebody. First, I’d like to give a shout out to the Big Guy upstairs; you keep it real, Bubba, yo, but don’t walk so hard on my ceiling. Next I’d like to thank the academy and all the little people who made this possible. You like me, you really, really like me! ::Cries, blows kisses. Music swells, **Winnie** tries to exit stage right, but is redirected to exit stage left:: And now, here’s my bid to keep the crown for the rest of the week: > [@Ashes](#): > > Cardboard please. Plastic makes me wary of pinching. I can live with the occasional pinch; one just has to be careful . Plus I have a high threshold for pain. But like **taxi78cab** said, cardboard is too stiff, and if your fingers are wet, forget it. They just get slippery you can’t get any traction to get them closed. Kotex made curved plastic ones for a while and I loved those, so of course they don’t make them anymore. But they were so easy to use no matter where you were. Even in those club\* bathrooms where the stalls are so narrow you have to back in to close the door (presuming they have doors) and you can barely get your knees apart to wipe, you could use these. They were great. \*Minor rant: why are bar bathrooms so terrible? They serve you liquids and then expect you to pee in an upright coffin. I’m drunk, damn it, my co-ordination is shot! I need a big, comfy bathroom! Ok, TMI bit over. Too bad about the dress code, **Donkey** ; I do love a man in a kilt. ---
**Author:** ![taxi78cab](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47c2d/32.png) [@taxi78cab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taxi78cab)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/183 "2005-08-04T19:55:36Z")
Well, my Teddy’s coming home with me tonight because they haven’t gotten the FIP test results back yet. He still has a fever, but at least he’s eating for the vet. (He’s down to about 7 1/2 lbs from 10 back in March. He’s totally just skin and bones.) So no idea yet whether he’s going to make it or not. ☹ Thanks again everyone for your wishes/prayers/thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/184 "2005-08-04T19:59:07Z")
The mental image of what **Winnie** was describing doing in a club bathroom may very well haunt me all the days of my life. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![susan\_foster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@susan\_foster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan_foster)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/185 "2005-08-04T20:13:33Z")
> [@gardentraveler](#): > > I notice no short-skirt alert today. That’s quite disorienting. And **CD** , weren’t you going to try a sartorial experiment at work this week? Well, since you asked… Short-skirt-alert-level for the day: Yellow - Might be just barely too short for my age, but I don’t exactly have my birthdate printed on my forehead (although there’s a thought), so no one is going to throw me in fashion jail, AFAIK. Gorgeous gams on display. It’s funny - now that I do the alert level, I’m more likely to reach for a skirt in my closet. I love my skirts. **taxi** , I’m so sorry to hear about your kitty not feeling well. Lots of love and hugs to him. I am waiting (not so) patiently to hear the x-ray results from Monday. If I don’t have a message on my answering machine today, I’m calling tomorrow morning to find out what is going on. Not that anything could be done before I go away, but I just want to know. Today was a “answer 20 million different questions day”. One of those days where you start something, get interrupted, and then realize 20 minutes later that you should get back to what you started. And can’t remember the question you were trying to answer with what you had started, and restart - and get interrupted… Maybe I’ll wear a really short skirt tomorrow - get the excitement level up to red, so that the memory stays with you while I’m gone. Susan ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/186 "2005-08-04T20:35:27Z")
I had a dream about **Rue** last night. I remember waking up thinking “Wow, I have to tell **Rue** about this” then I fell back to sleep. While I was getting ready for work, I remembered that I had the dream, but I couldn’t recall what I dreamed. I know it wasn’t scary because I didn’t wake up all sweaty with my pulse racing. I know it wasn’t naughty, because I didn’t wake up all sweaty with my pulse racing. :o All I know is I had a dream and it involved **Rue**. Now, if I could choreograph a dream with **Rue** , it would involve a tropical beach, frozen drinks with little umbrellas, and **Rue** sharing amusing anecdotes and insights. There might be some chocolate involved somewhere, too. I ran over something on my way to work today. I think it was a small deer. It was already dead - but it happened so fast! I caught sight of something lying across my lane, thought _“Oh-no-it’s-a-deer-I’m-gonna-hit-it-aaaaauuuugh”_ and then I ran over it. So when I came home, I had to wash my car - there was some, um, residue along the lower left of my van. ick. And that was my Thursday. No TMI, but then, that’s not my style. I gots class! ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/187 "2005-08-04T21:32:24Z")
So do I apparently, since my TMI didn’t even get a raised eyebrow. Or else you guys have finally figgered out that you can skip my posts entire without missin anything important. BTW, we watched 4 episodes of 24 last night. I’m plumb wore out. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/188 "2005-08-04T21:38:11Z")
**Bumba** , all I can say is EEEWWWWW. And thank you for not going into minute detail. _THAT_ would truly be TMI. ---
**Author:** ![Meaty\_Beaty\_Big\_and\_Bouncy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Meaty\_Beaty\_Big\_and\_Bouncy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meaty_Beaty_Big_and_Bouncy)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/189 "2005-08-04T21:50:28Z")
> [@Bumbazine](#): > > It’s very simple really,Wifey and I watched Ray Monday night, and so Wjfey has been going around singing Ray Charles songs. Thanks for reminding me I got a couple a DVDs to watch about a month ago and haven’t watched 'em yet. _Ray_ and _Meet the Fokker’s_ ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/190 "2005-08-04T22:01:42Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > The mental image of what **Winnie** was describing doing in a club bathroom may very well haunt me all the days of my life. :eek: I’m sorry, **Swampy**. If it makes you feel any better, that’s hardly the worst thing that goes on in those bathrooms. Anyway, I rarely go clubbing anymore, and even when I did, I did everything humanly possible to avoid even going into those bathrooms for any reason. I’m not claustrophobic, but I’m not fond of cramped spaces. Now days, though, I’m far more likely to be sipping my girly mixed drinks at a classy restaurant with big bathrooms. **taxi78cab** , I sure hope your kitty’s ok. I’ll be thinking about him. **Bumba** , I heard a story like that once, but it was a banana. Why she peeled it, I’ll never know. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2005, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/191 "2005-08-04T22:52:57Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Wintermute** > Why are bar bathrooms so terrible? They serve you liquids and then expect you to pee in an upright coffin. I’m drunk, damn it, my co-ordination is shot! I need a big, comfy bathroom! I think they do this to reduce the number of couples (of any gender and gender combination) having sex there, and/or doing interesting substances. That’s also why sometimes they don’t have locking doors- easier for the staff to come in and break parties up. Not that I go to skeevy clubs or anything. I like plastic applicators better, too. Today I have cooked some chickens and a big pot of spicy noodle/veggie/tofu stuff, reorganized my big freezer, and I’m thinking of doing a replay of the potato pie. I might call Attacks Husband later and see if he wants to come over and help make it. It’s hanging around at home day. I might have another chicken with garlic labneh on pita sammich. It’s dinnertime. This post has been brought to you by Lissla The Food-Obsessed. ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/192 "2005-08-05T00:35:01Z")
I’m ba-a-a-a-a–a-c-K! Did y’all miss me? I’m just sure you did! The camping trip was fabulous, but I am exhausted. We played out on the lake from morning till evening. There was plenty of booze (beer, Mikes, rum, tequila) and plenty of food. There was also plenty of coffee. I _needs_ my go juice in the mornings! The lake was gorgeous and smooth as glass which made for perfect water skiing. The sky was blue, the sun was warm and I’m even more golden tan now. We lucked out and were able to have campfires up until midnight last night, when a burn ban was instituted. Yesterday, we came back to our campsite after playing all day and playing rescue ranger to a stranded family and their boat, to discover that the chipmunks had ripped into our UNOPENED bag of peanuts. There were peanut shells everywhere! And…they were nervy little suckers because they kept coming back for more. I’ve been home now for an hour and my dog still won’t leave me alone. He won’t let me out of his sight, sheesh! **Sean,** **Mr. Taters** and I used to go backpacking all the time. Our motto was to pack light, so we only took the freeze dried food and gorp. Sometimes we’d bring a little pint of something or another, but that was pretty much it. Freeze dried food, tent, mats, sleeping bags, campstove, canteens, water purifier and we were set! **taxi,** I’m sorry to hear of your kitty’s health problems. Hugs to you! Well, I need to go wash four days of dirt, grime, and wood smoke out of my hair. There weren’t any shower facilities. The lake was fine for washing the first layer of grime off, but my poor hair and scalp need a good scrubbing. ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/193 "2005-08-05T00:52:52Z")
> [@Bumbazine](#): > > …\* Wifey and I are the bane of our childrens’ existance, 'cause between the two of us, we know at least some of every song and ditty known to man, and are apt to break into song anywhere, at any time. Can you imagine the horror on a teenagers face when they’re sitting in a restaurant and we start singing _Indian Love Call_? This made me laugh out loud - thanks, **Bumba.** Oh, and I, too, did not miss your TMI. And did not miss the details - that was quite enough, thanks. And **Winnie**? **A _BANANA_?** Eeeeeeeeeeew!!! **taxi,** sorry about your kitty. Lots of warm thoughts and prayers headed your way. Keep us updated. \*\*susan, \*\* thank you for the alert. Made it seem much more like a normal MMP day. (Is there such a thing?) And **CD** , I’m quite disappointed in the dress code discovery. Why do they call it a dress code if you’re not allowed to wear a dress? Went to see **Phantom of the Opera** this afternoon - good performance. The cast all had really good voices, I thought, and the staging was really effective for the most part. I’ve seen it once before, but either this version was staged quite differently or I didn’t pay a lot of attention the first time, cuz there were several items that were new to me. _Masquerade_ wasn’t as impressive as I found it the first time. Could have been the angle. Last time we were on the floor in one of the first few rows; this time we were in the loge, which gives you a completely different take on the show. And on preview, I see **Taters** is back! Hi, **Taters**! Sounds like a fun vacation. GT ---
**Author:** ![GillianBoardman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc79bd/32.png) [@GillianBoardman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GillianBoardman)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/194 "2005-08-05T00:55:44Z")
**Rue** , I’m sure I’ll “ **Rue DeDay** ” I doubted you. I won’t do it anymore. Even if I was right, which I was. **taxi** , I’m real sorry about your kitty. **Bookkeeper** , its a sad thing when you have to say goodbye to your books. I tried to keep an inventory one time, but the people who were helping me pack them up said it made it go too slow. Some people have no heart. **Swampbear** , I thought you liked TMI? Or do you only like relationship TMI? Cause I think hygiene related is easier to deal with cause, everybody’s gotta poop, ya know? And they all get pimples, they all have to pee, and we mostly all got hair. And sometimes, most of us all puke, and sometimes we all bleed, although not necessarily from the same places. So that’s the great equalizer, and when people are trying to intimidate me, I just remind myself that we all gotta poop. But when people tell you about their relationships sometimes its hard to look at them later without giggling, and \. Which is why the interweb is good, cause you mostly don’t have worry about those people wondering why you can’t keep a straight face around them. Course, there are dopefests, but I bet theres a lot of giggling going on there anyway so most people won’t notice. But, I like TMI I think it’s friendly. Mostly, usually. Sometimes it’s creepy eeewww. But that’s usually cause of who’s giving it out. Meaning they don’t know you well enough to be that friendly, ya know? But I figure anyone who hangs around here long enough knows what their getting themselves into. Or ought to anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/195 "2005-08-05T02:18:00Z")
**Bumba** your TMI makes no sense. Did she have abnormally stubby fingers or sumpin’? I may not actually want an explanation, but there you go. Also, if I lost a string I would do _anything_ before asking for help. I may revel in the TMI experience here on the boards, but in real life I am completely TMI free. Scrupulously, okay, _neurotically_ TMI free. Hi **taters**! Didja save any tequila for me? What! That _is_ the most important part! **MBB&B AKA Boris** , I have no idea what you mean officer! Why those are hair clips and tobacco papers for traditionlists, and that’s, that’s… uuummmm, a personal humidifier that runs on a lighter’s flame for when you’re camping or the lights go out. Very good for bronchitis, yep. Here’s a free sample of the sandalwood ‘n’ sage incense, for the little woman. **Lissla** , you gotta: 1) somehow get pics of Dancing Boy and 2) gimmee potato pie. If the pie is not found in my refrigerator by 8pm I may have to resort to cooking up that chicken with the pepita simmer sauce I bought at TJ’s. Or eat a handful of chewy sweetarts for dinner, like I did for lunch. And you plastic people are nuts. If cardboard is slippery (which is why og made tp by the way) plastic is a dolphin swimming in astroglide. Sans applicators have their advantages at times, but are not my go-to guys. **Taxi** , I still want to hope Teddy is just a little low on protein, but yeah, it hurts to think about, doesn’t it? My silly betta Indy is over six years old and I can’t stand the thought of the day he’ll be too tired to go on, and he’s just a silly old fish. Give Teddy lots of hugs, I’ll keep good thoughts for you both. And I almost forgot! I checked that airport dress you mentioned. Dearie, don’t you think it might be a little chilly? You might want a sweater whenever you wear it. And pants. Maybe a fleece jacket and uggs too. **Sean** , I think maybe you’re right, I bet **MBB&B** rides a Vespa (which would be my scooter of choice, if I were to scoot). I’ll bet his is periwinkle blue, with a little flowered straw basket on the front. Don’t forget the mittens he wears. His mommy made them to match the scooter. He’s good to his momma that way. Just in case though, don’t tell him we were castin’ aspersions upon his possibly not imaginary ruffian-ness. I hear everybody who rides a motorcycle is a white slaver and I don’t have time in my schedule to be smuggled to China’s seemy underworld and made into the star attraction at a freak show where I will be noticed by a friend on vacation. And from the sounds of all that paperwork, neither do you. **Donkey** , I always thought it stood for A Certain Unique Guy. Try the capris, but get them very slim fit up top or they might make you look hippy. How about gauchos, for some international flair? Also, I thought german men wore shorts that are a bit too short for most americans’ viewing comfort, not capris. Maybe the shorts are for when they’re backpacking in _other_ countries and it’s capris at home? **Winnie** , for a second I was very confused. I thought the coffin you referred to was a urinal and I was thinking there was something you hadn’t told us. Then I remembered about stalls and all was revealed. Small stalls are silly, they don’t stop anybody from fooling around, they just slow you down which makes the line longer. Erm, I meant for tinkling and such, though I suppose it would slow _everything_ down, true. **Bumba** , I didn’t even know Eddie Albert sang, so I thought maybe he’d started in stand-up or sumpin,’ and I was going to say I collected all the Smothers Brothers records ever made which were hard to track down, some of 'em. But then it turns out the guy _sang_ so all my sources (2) are irrelevant. So close yet so far. If it’ll help I also still own records by Blondie, and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, plus the Chipmunk’s Punk Tribute album (we will not dicuss the Duran Duran album which you _know_ was a gift from my goofy little sister). Though my sources were the record shop back when I was twelve and being without a time machine that jumps musical genres, I don’t think that’d help either. So instead I’ll just waste your time and get your hopes up, only to dash them. Sorry. I’ll sing a song from one of my records to make up for it: 'Gonna gitchya, one way ooor another…" Wait! I also own a bazilion records of famous speeches my dad used in his history classes, what about those? The oddest thing happened yesterday. Or rather this morning around three. I was going to bed when I remembered my laundry! I’d forgotten the last load in the machine on monday and I hadn’t set it to dry after washing, either. Man, were my clothes going to be smelly. Only they weren’t! Instead they were a bit wrinkly but almost completely dry. I checked the machine, nope, not set to dry. It had just been that hot! **Draelin** , I think your xanax was of the slightly wimpy variety, like I had. Two of them do make you a good bit sleepy, so watch out! And I know why you’re jumpy, it’s the ciggies! Get rid of those things, the Draelin in my head doesn’t smoke, and we can’t have the fantasy life I’ve made up be contradicted by silly old facts. Plus, I hear cigarrettes aren’t good for you. But don’t tell that to anyone, it may be a secret still. **Bookeeper** , it _is_ possible to get rid of books. Learning how is a very painful process and not recommended for any except the most strong willed or truly depraved. The strong willed may wish to start small, by throwing out Jack Chick tracts and progress to selling trashy romance novels at the used book store. After many years you may get to where I am now, passing along books that revealed themselves to be horribly written junk, to people you don’t like. Throwing away actual good literature will cause instant death to all people posessing a soul and/or ounce of sense and is not recommended under any circumstances. Not to brag, but rumor has it I once had a dining area over there under the book depository. Uh oh, sweetarts for lunch has just made my bood sugar dive to the bottom of the Mariannas trench. But just this once. At 7:30. Hopefully for no more than 20 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/196 "2005-08-05T03:06:45Z")
Driving Husband has recently gotten a Vespa. Have I mentioned that? He bought it from one of my co-workers. It’s bright blue. Driving Husband is about six feet tall, dresses all in industrial goth black (army boots and pants, Russian martial arts tshirt) and scoots around on a little blue Vespa. It’s adorable. **Ashes** , you are welcome to the pie, but you have to come get it. I’ve also baked something which may or may not be good. It’s a cake with cornmeal and ground almonds, and I’ve soaked it in honey-butter-maple syrup stuff. I just sort of put ingredients in a bowl and mixed. It may be terrible. I really should use recipes when I bake. It’s 1000 degrees today, but I haven’t really baked since June. I needed to bake. I can’t not bake. ::twitch:: ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/197 "2005-08-05T03:15:53Z")
**Ashes,** my dear, I’m afraid I didn’t save any of the tequila. It was my neighbor’s tequila anyway. I was drinking Sailor Jerry’s Spiced Rum mixed with Seven-UP and OJ. I know it sounds very strange, but it tastes like an orange creamsicle. After the Sailor Jerry’s was gone, we were gonna open up the Captain Morgan’s, but decided not to. During the day, Mike’s Hard Lemonade was the beverage of choice. We ate well. The first night was ground sirloin cheeseburgers with tater salad. The second night we ate steak and potato salad and hot dogs and hamburgers and macaroni salad. The third night we ate grilled chicken breasts and tater salad and macaroni salad and hamburgers. Up until today I cooked breakfast for everyone and made bacon and scrambled eggs. Along with the coffee, just gotta have the coffee. The pictures we took have turned out beautifully, perhaps later I’ll get a chance to post some to my photo hosting site and provide the link here. It is just absolutely stunning up at that lake. Well, I need to wash the beach towels now. ---
**Author:** ![dangergene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@dangergene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangergene)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/198 "2005-08-05T03:28:47Z")
**Taxi** , hugs and stuff, and be strong for kitty. I’ve got DVDs to watch too, woowoo! I watched _House of Bamboo_ last night, that was very cool and noir and… cool. And I’m hoping to watch _Once Upon a Time in Mexico_ tonight (I’m SOOOOO looking forward to _The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl_), but I’m mildly pissed, cos it’s a damn RCE disc, which means it won’t play in the old multi-code player in the toyroom (so called cos it’s full of toys, mostly Star Wars and Microman. Yes, I am a dork, why do you ask?), which means I need to watch it in the loungeroom and potentially mess with Dangerwifey’s viewing of _Superstar_. _Superstar_ is the local chinese-language version of _Singapore Idol_, which is the local Singapore version of _American Idol_. The wierdest thing being, that they rebranded _Superstar_ so it’s not an _Idol_ show, it’s… different… Even stranger, they finished Singapore Idol almost a year ago (our winner was Taufik, he’s a nice guy methinks), and now they’re planning a ‘drama’ series starring the final five Idols instead of… oh… maybe ‘actors’! I have no idea what the drama is actually about, cos all the ads are arty and stupid and convey NO message whatsoever! I’m sure I won’t be watching it, but Dangerwife probably will, cos it premiers on National Day (next tuesday) straight after the parade, and she ALWAYS watches the parade. I don’t, cos I usually laugh at stuff like a condescending foreigner, and that’s not nice (it’s downright rude, in fact, naughty me!). So I just excuse myself and read a book or something while the rest of the Dangerfamilia sits glued to the teevee watching parachutists and soldiers and people in glitterati-style dresses dancing to patriotic music about durians and samsui women and stuff and then Fann Wong and Zoe Tay dance the quick-step, and then Tay Ping Hui will say, ‘yes Andrea, I’m realy impressed with the quality of this years parade’. It’s all deeply artistic, and should be a blast, cos this year is 40years of Singapore independance from those damn english! But still… I tend to condescend, but such is my nature as a condescending foreigner. I missed ya **Taters** (pssst! Where’d she go?). Oh. That’s where. Ok… wow! much cool! I wish I could go camping, but we have tigers and elephantses and mosquitos and crocodillos and stuff! Yipe! You sleep in the jungle and you wake up all eaten and dead! I ain’t doing that! I mean, I’m not scared a nuttin’, but that just gives me the willies! I’d much rather be back in Oz sleeping with the dingos and the death-adders and the spirits of the Quinkins! What the heck (hell) is this ‘interweb’ thing? Didn’t we agree it’s the _webbernet_? You can barbecue AND surf for porn at the same time! Hooooooo-weeee! I don’t have a TMI of the genito-sexual nature, but I do have a TMI of the armpit nature: back when they sliced me from gut to gizzard to cut out all the bad stuff, they decided to leave the wound open and, yes, **gaping**. This was apparently so the wound would heal cleanly, instead of reinfecting inside a sewed-up pocket o’flesh (ewwwwww). It also meant my armpit (which is neither gut, nor gizzard, and but the gut to gizzard thing sounds more poetic than ‘my armpit’, although, I could say ‘left axilla’, which is what the doctors were all saying, and I would nod knowingly and say, “ah yes, the left axilla. ouch, it hurts a lot, can you do something about this fever?” and they would nod knowingly and we’d all nod a lot). Anyways, yes, left axilla, armpit, whatever, the **gaping** (and I mean **GAPING**! I have photos somewhere if you need proof, but they’re of a very adult nature, as in, not good for people of a nervous disposition, given to ill-humours, or just plain weak) needed daily cleaning. So one time, Dangerwifey had to do the cleaning. ‘eek’ she said. ‘ouch’, says I, twixt teeth a-gritted. And ‘splootch’ says the blood and… other stuff that’s still being cleaned from my healing wound. There’s nothing worse than pulling sopping red gauze from a suppurating wound. how’s THAT for TMI? (even if it rambles) (just a little). _snerk_ **Gillian** used **Unca Rue’s** almost full name _snerk_ in a pun! (but how the hell you’d use ‘Merriweather’ in a pun, I don’t know!) ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/199 "2005-08-05T04:10:31Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Hee! I had another adjective all together for the **U** in **ACUG**. It has to do with boy parts. I’ll let y’all figure it out. Ok, I’ve got: Urethra - not a boy part Uncut - nope, he’s cut Uncircumsized - see above (not urethra) Unshaven - we’ve discussed that 'Ung - I’m not telling 😉 I got nothin. Tonight, I installed a new stick of ram in the **donkey** computer. Up to ::math:: 768 megs, up from 384. I like the new speed. Especially since the old ram was a lot slower speed and everything too. I also tried putting crystal light powder on vanilla ice cream (just a bit, though). Results were surprisingly tasty. Tomorrow’s take a kid to work day. I’m taking **Closetedbrother** with me. It’ll be awesome and supercool and fun. I think. Sorry everyone to disappoint you with the skirts and kilts. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129/200 "2005-08-05T12:34:51Z")
**Taters** is back! YAY! We missed you. We even discussed not even having a MMP because you weren’t going to be here! I know we didn’t really, but what harm’s making her think so gonna do? We forged ahead though cause we know you would want it that way. **Bumba** I did indeed notice your TMI but **Winnie’s** oogied me more. Blame her. **GB** I am indeed an afficianado of TMI. TMI that oogies _me_ is quality TMI. I’m sure **Winnie** is proud that she could produce TMI of the quality that would oogie me. Poop, pee and puke are pretty standard MMP topics. Pooping and peeing usually being relegated to animals. Puke can be an animal or a kid topic. This week has been particularly TMI even by MMP standards though. I think everyone would agree with that. **dangergene** (or is that Nephew **dangergene**?) that was some mighty fine TMI there. Pits are a definite new addition. **donkey** it was items 2 and 3 that I was thinking about. BTW, I am of the uncircumsized variety, just to add in some TMI of my own this morning. Now for other news. I am wearing shorts today. Not just underwear, which I am wearing but khaki shorts. And I’m at work. It’s a leisurely day at work with me doing some odds and ends of stuff so I’m being all casual today. Since it’s Friday I figure I can get away with it. My shirt is a blue polo style shirt that has little gray sharks all over it. It’s a very muted blue and gray so it’s tasteful yet whimsical. ACBG is envious of this shirt, specially because it was the only one of its kind in the store when I bought it and it’s cool. Speaking of ACBG, I am ACBGless this weekend. He left early this morning to go meet his brothers in Biloxi. They’re going to the casino this weekend. He spent last night at my house, so that was nice. I even lent him a couple silk shirts to wear so he’ll look cool in the casino. I also made sure he packed shorts to wear. I mean, what’s the point of being all nice and tanned (I’ve been working on making that happen) if you don’t show it off right? The silk shirts and shorts will show his tanness off well. Of course, part of the reason I’m wearing shorts is to show off my lovely tanness. I am also seriously considering taking the afternoon off. The weather here is wunnerful! Not the hot and humid from hell it has been. This afternoon will be around 90, low humidity (for here anyways) and partly cloudy, so it sounds like the perfect weather for some quality pool floating while quaffing libations time. Plus, much as I miss my critter when he’s away, I like the idea of being by myself at the pool sometimes. -swampbear (the tanned) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-messed-up-my-farmers-tan/315129.md?page=11)