# I must exploit my ugliness to conquer the world! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 25, 2005, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-must-exploit-my-ugliness-to-conquer-the-world/286624 "2005-01-25T18:35:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-must-exploit-my-ugliness-to-conquer-the-world/286624/161 "2005-02-01T05:14:37Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > Not evil enough. I want baby bunnies. Is it too late to suggest letting the kittens eat the bunnies first? I envision a sort of kitten haggis. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-must-exploit-my-ugliness-to-conquer-the-world/286624/162 "2005-02-01T12:35:42Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > So, is it you I have to talk to about the recruitment posters, or what? 🙂 Take a number, pal. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-must-exploit-my-ugliness-to-conquer-the-world/286624/163 "2005-02-01T15:43:47Z")
Okay, so now I’ve spent some time under the table, and guess what? Seems like the dogs aren’t my biggest worry - - it’s being blinded by the damnably pointy codpieces!!! Also, my Dark Lady, I regret to inform you that there’s a lot of… uh… “padding” going on down there. As for that person wearing the girdle _and you know who you are_ You’re not fooling anyone. Especially not me, now. Ew. Anyways, I’ve had a lot of quiet time so I’ve been trying to write our Evil Theme. I’ve come up with the first four lines, but I’m sure others could do better… All hail our fell Lady Eats\_Babies Whose visage causes warts and rabies She brings pain and suff’ring to the masses with her Minions of the large hairy asses… ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-must-exploit-my-ugliness-to-conquer-the-world/286624/164 "2005-02-01T18:26:00Z")
Sorry for coming late to the party… I just had to post these lyrics to a funny song called Ugly Girl that I think describes a lot of what **Eats\_Crayons** said in the OP. It’s about someone who runs into her ex at the supermarket… and he’s shacked up with an **ugly girl**. [http://www-scf.usc.edu/~osmosis/lyrics/uglyGirl.html](http://www-scf.usc.edu/~osmosis/lyrics/uglyGirl.html) \*Does she tell you what you want to hear and I bet that she can grow a beard I’d feel better thinking you were queer it’s not fair I can’t compare to an ugly girl ha ha ha ha ha the jokes on me I feel jealous and I feel mean is she so nice that it makes up for her face? there’s no way… Do you have to keep your eyes closed do you have to keep the lights down low oh I bet you wish you had a blindfold can’t you see you’re leaving me for an ugly girl…\* ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-must-exploit-my-ugliness-to-conquer-the-world/286624/165 "2005-02-01T18:56:42Z")
> [@neuroman](#): > > Sorry for coming late to the party… I just had to post these lyrics to a funny song called Ugly Girl that I think describes a lot of what **Eats\_Crayons** said in the OP. > > \*Does she tell you what you want to hear > and I bet that she can grow a beard > I’d feel better thinking you were queer > \* Well that doesn’t make any sense. My ex-girlfiend IS queer. I don’t know if Chlamydia tells her what she wants to hear or not. By the looks of her, I suspect it’s usually: “Wuuuuuuuh… Brrrraaaaaaainns… Aaaauuuuuu…” I may have a bag over my face, but at least I’m articulate. (Typing skills notwithstanding.) ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-must-exploit-my-ugliness-to-conquer-the-world/286624/166 "2005-02-02T13:21:59Z")
Hello? Your Wickedness? Anyone? Aw… This is what I get for sleeping under the table - they’re probably all out invading Aukland or something! ☹ ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2005, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-must-exploit-my-ugliness-to-conquer-the-world/286624/167 "2005-02-02T17:34:47Z")
> [@She With The Bag Over Her Head](#): > > My ex-girlfiend IS queer. I move that the term “ex-girlfiend” (and of course the analogous “ex-boyfiend”) enter common usage at the SDMB, much like “cow-orker”. 😃 Now then, about this paper bag - should we draw a devil’s face on it? Or maybe some kind of monster? Must figure out what would have the most shock value in the context of world domination. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-must-exploit-my-ugliness-to-conquer-the-world/286624.md?page=8)