# I need a funny name to use on my supermarket discount card **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 11, 2000, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853 "2000-04-11T04:52:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/21 "2000-04-11T20:44:00Z")
I have two favorites, depending on the effect I want: If you don’t care if they know it’s a fake name, use Garfield W. Falsename. If you want them to do a doubletake, use Throckmorton Grunthummer Wingergonger. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/22 "2000-04-11T21:55:00Z")
My current favorite gag name: Hugh Janus. ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/23 "2000-04-11T23:07:00Z")
Don’t forget: Jack Kingoff Jack Meoff Mike Rotch Ivana Humpalot Ivana Tinkle Stu Pidass (my personal favorite, I have that set as my “real name” on IRC.) ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/24 "2000-04-11T23:50:00Z")
Johnny LA: > [@](#): > > …you know how restaurants always ask for a name? I make one up, much to the amusement of my co-workers. Nothing “funny”; just “Otto”, “Fritz”, “Mario”, “Max”… Whatever comes to me. Hallelujah, holy shit, I thought I was the only one who did that! And my girlfriend thinks I’m weird when I do it. Knowing that “I’m not the only one,” is one o’ the best things about this board. * * * Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. ---
**Author:** ![MadPoet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@MadPoet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPoet)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2000, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/25 "2000-04-11T23:56:00Z")
I would have suggested the name that anyone with an accent so bad that I can’t even understand their name gets. Awatajer Khayyaam. * * * [http://www.madpoet.com](http://www.madpoet.com) I am human, and I need to be loved Just like anybody else does ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/26 "2000-04-12T00:37:00Z")
Seymour Klitz ---
**Author:** ![A\_girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@A\_girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_girl)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/27 "2000-04-12T00:56:00Z")
How about Al Bertsons or Stater Bros or Vonz Von Vons? I didn’t see this asked, but I just skimmed… why are you changing names and not supermarkets? A girl ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/28 "2000-04-12T11:54:00Z")
How bout this one…Ova Shanker(it’s a real name to boot). Of course you might want to get technical and call it Ovum Chancre or something like that… AcK!! ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/29 "2000-04-12T12:25:00Z")
I don’t know if this counts, but my mother had a friend in College named Jo Osttendorf. Together with Jo’s boyfriend, the three of them paraded around campus declairing themselves: “Osttendorf, Glick and Schwarz, the team that killed Vaudville!” (Osttendorf was the only non-fictional name) My mother, never known as graceful, would then break into a “dance” and the three of them would freeze-pose. To this day she recounts songs that can be credited to Osttendorf, Glick and Schwarz. She can remember songs she composed in college, but can’t remember what time I was born. Feh. I hpoe this all gives you further insight into why I am the way I am… * * * A little persistance goes a long way. Announcing: “I go on guilt trips a couple of time a year. Mom books them for me.” A custom made Wally .sig! ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2000, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/30 "2000-04-13T05:43:00Z")
Speaking of whacky college name hijinks… This sounds like a UL, but my mother swears it’s true because she was in the wedding party. A friend of hers introduced himself to a woman using an fake name. They hit it off, and somehow he never got around to telling her his real name and somehow she never found out about it from another of his friends. He eventually proposed and she said yes. On their wedding day, the presiding clergy turned to her and asked do you take this man and gave his real name. She had no idea who he was talking about and the wedding had to stop for several minutes while he proved his real name and convinced her to marry him anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Delta-9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@Delta-9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delta-9)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2000, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/31 "2000-04-13T05:50:00Z")
Have to add my personal favorite: Wilma Pudfit * * * The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. [Delta-9 Home Page](http://www.delta9studio.com) ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2000, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/32 "2000-04-13T05:51:00Z")
Here’s a few more: Ben Dover Sakkar Cox ---
**Author:** ![SaxFace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@SaxFace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaxFace)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/33 "2000-04-12T18:07:00Z")
This thread really cracked me up. My favorite trick to play is while making dinner reservations. My own last name is a baffling ordeal, so I just reserve a table under the name “Gray”. The punchline is when they ask me how to spell it. ---
**Author:** ![dwtno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@dwtno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwtno)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/34 "2000-04-12T19:07:00Z")
I know ralphredan has made his choice, but I have to chime in after the fact anyway. Whenever I have to give a name (and I’d rather not) I look to the one, the only, Julius M. Try these: Rufus T. Firefly Otis P. Driftwood Hugo Z. Hackenbush J. Cheever Loophole Wolf J. Flywheel And if you want that military flavor, go for: Captain Jeffrey Spalding ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/35 "2000-04-12T21:06:00Z")
**dwtno:** What have you got against _Horse Feathers?_ ---
**Author:** ![dwtno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@dwtno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwtno)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/36 "2000-04-12T21:16:00Z")
You’re right, Uke. I hereby ammend my list to include Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/37 "2000-04-12T21:37:00Z")
dwtno- Captain Jeffrey Spalding I think that’s from a Marx Brothers’ movie song. Starts “My name is Captain Spalding/The African Explorer/Dont’ call me schnorrer/…” and goes on mixing English snobbery with Yiddish. * * * Here I sit so patiently, waitin to find out what price You have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice." DYLAN ---
**Author:** ![dwtno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@dwtno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwtno)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/38 "2000-04-12T21:48:00Z")
Close. “Hurray For Captain Spaulding” is from _Animal Crackers_ and Groucho used the music as his personal theme song for many years (it’s the music heard during _You Bet Your Life_). “Hurray for Captain Spaulding, the African Explorer. ‘Did someone call me schnorer?’ Hurray, hurray, hurray!” ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/39 "2000-04-12T21:54:00Z")
Oh my, I’m too late. Yes, it was a different Spalding: Hooray For Captain Spaulding - Written by: Bert Kalmar and Harry Ruby Well, end of digression, back to the funny names. * * * Helpin’ my baby toddle along ---
**Author:** ![DougC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2000, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853/40 "2000-04-12T22:13:00Z")
- - - The best way to make goofy dinner reservations is to make the reservation for “Parcheesi, party of four” and then arrive carrying the game under your arm. I heard this onna radio a couple days back and I love it. - MC [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-funny-name-to-use-on-my-supermarket-discount-card/15853.md?page=1)