# I need a mans point of view about casual sex **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 15, 2015, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037 "2015-03-15T10:31:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bay\_Area\_Bae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@Bay\_Area\_Bae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bay_Area_Bae)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/1 "2015-03-15T10:31:37Z")
So after weeks of conversing and subtle hints back and forth at work, we finally got the nerve to talk about the sexual attraction between us and long story short both found that we were not looking for a relationship and agreed to a “no strings attached” casual relationship. Here’s where I need your help because I have never experienced anything like this…so we meet up and blame it on the anticipation/ build up of the actual event, it was literaly a no warm up, head to the main event, type deal. That was not surprising to me. The fact that he finished in record time, not a surprise either. It happens, no biggie. But it dawned on me almost immediatly, the guy never kissed me. Let me start by answering the obvious…I have all my teeth and brush regularly, lol. We can rule out hygiene. I’m not answering any calls from Playboy but I’ve never had issues getting a man’s attention from time to time. So, I decided to see if it was going to be different the second time…it wasn’t. Sex was bettter but still no kissing. Does “no strings” mean no intimacy to some? To me, the foreplay is what makes sex, good sex. Doesn’t mean that I want to be your girlfriend :smack: I’m assuming this could be what he’s thinking. Any thoughts?? ---
**Author:** ![Steken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Steken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steken)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/2 "2015-03-15T10:35:35Z")
May I ask if you ever tried to initiate a kiss? For all I know, he could be thinking the same as you (“no kissing, how weird, I wonder why” etc.). ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/3 "2015-03-15T10:47:23Z")
Sounds to me like an individual quirk. Definitely isn’t consistent with NSA relationships I know of. ---
**Author:** ![Bay\_Area\_Bae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@Bay\_Area\_Bae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bay_Area_Bae)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/4 "2015-03-15T10:47:38Z")
So after weeks of conversing and subtle hints back and forth at work, we finally got the nerve to talk about the sexual attraction between us and long story short both found that we were not looking for a relationship and agreed to a “no strings attached” casual relationship. Here’s where I need your help because I have never experienced anything like this…so we meet up and blame it on the anticipation/ build up of the actual event, it was literaly a no warm up, head to the main event, type deal. That was not surprising to me. The fact that he finished in record time, not a surprise either. It happens, no biggie. But it dawned on me almost immediatly, the guy never kissed me. Let me start by answering the obvious…I have all my teeth and brush regularly, lol. We can rule out hygiene. I’m not answering any calls from Playboy but I’ve never had issues getting a man’s attention from time to time. So, I decided to see if it was going to be different the second time…it wasn’t. Sex was bettter but still no kissing. Does “no strings” mean no intimacy to some? To me, the foreplay is what makes sex, good sex. Doesn’t mean that I want to be your girlfriend :smack: I’m assuming this could be what he’s thinking. Any thoughts?? ---
**Author:** ![Bay\_Area\_Bae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@Bay\_Area\_Bae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bay_Area_Bae)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/5 "2015-03-15T10:54:14Z")
I actually did but he responded with a quick peck and switched positions. ---
**Author:** ![Bay\_Area\_Bae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@Bay\_Area\_Bae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bay_Area_Bae)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/6 "2015-03-15T10:55:35Z")
> [@Steken](#): > > May I ask if you ever tried to initiate a kiss? > > For all I know, he could be thinking the same as you (“no kissing, how weird, I wonder why” etc.). I actually did but he responded with a quick peck and switched positions. ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/7 "2015-03-15T10:59:16Z")
Reported for duplicate thread ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/8 "2015-03-15T11:15:23Z")
Man here, one who hasn’t actually ever tried a “no strings” relationship. I see the whole relationship as a big evolving thing with lots of parts that influence each other, and I’m not sure which ones get dropped to make it “no strings”. I like foreplay and kissing and I like discovering how the other person wakes up and enjoys morning coffee (or doesn’t). I think one difference between many men and many women may be – sorry, this is kind of unfeeling and mechanical, but then that’s the problem – one difference may be that penetration with ejaculation comes closer to defining “sex” for many men than it does for many women. This isn’t a hard and fast rule (no pun intended), I just think it’s somewhat likelier. In any case it certainly could be a difference between one particular man and one particular woman. What happens when you try to kiss him? If you didn’t try, could he be posting a similar thread someplace else? ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/9 "2015-03-15T11:17:37Z")
Man here, one who hasn’t actually ever tried a “no strings” relationship. I see the whole relationship as a big evolving thing with lots of parts that influence each other, and I’m not sure which ones get dropped to make it “no strings”. I like foreplay and kissing and I like discovering how the other person wakes up and enjoys morning coffee (or doesn’t). I think one difference between many men and many women may be – sorry, this is kind of unfeeling and mechanical, but then that’s the problem – one difference may be that penetration with ejaculation comes closer to defining “sex” for many men than it does for many women. This isn’t a hard and fast rule (no pun intended), I just think it’s somewhat likelier. In any case it certainly could be a difference between one particular man and one particular woman. What happens when you try to kiss him? If you didn’t try, could he be posting a similar thread someplace else? (just realized there were duplicate threads. I posted in the other and copied it here when I realized.) ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/10 "2015-03-15T11:18:25Z")
Some women I’ve been with aren’t big on kissing in casual sex, but it’s definitely not the norm. I certainly like to kiss - even with casual sex. Of course it might depend on the vibe or whatever, but you might want to say something like “hey I kinda need a little warming up - I promise I won’t ask you to marry me if you put your tongue in my mouth” If he doesn’t get the hint - you know you are a woman (and apparently get attention)? There is an almost infinite supply of men that will kiss you, make you cum, and treat you decently. Is he orally attentive in other areas? Any chance he might be concerned about dental problem HE might have? I’ve been with a woman before who had a missing tooth (not visible) or something and was embarassed about it. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/11 "2015-03-15T14:07:03Z")
It’s a matter of personal preference. Some people find kissing to be a more significant and/or intimate act than sex. I’ll admit it’s not an attitude I follow - I can’t imagine having sex with somebody I wouldn’t be willing to kiss. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/12 "2015-03-15T14:16:44Z")
Honestly, if you are expecting anything, albeit kissing, then there are “strings attached.” I don’t mean to be less than friendly when I say this, but _wham, bam, thank you mam_ rendezvous only work in a one night stand arrangement where they are over and forgotten. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/13 "2015-03-15T14:36:13Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Honestly, if you are expecting anything, albeit kissing, then there are “strings attached.” […] Good point. What’s the definition of “strings”. Are you going to talk? Is somebody going to see the other person’s home? Can I use your bathroom? Want a glass of wine? I take it as an agreement that nobody’s getting their heart set on anything and there’s no expectations about the nature of the future relationship, and an implicit suggestion that any future relationship won’t be deep. It’s the opposite of “nothing’s off the table”. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/14 "2015-03-15T14:37:38Z")
Your friend is having sex wrong. [Here’s a thread I started a while back ago that is relevant to your situation.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=621552) ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/15 "2015-03-15T14:48:38Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Honestly, if you are expecting anything, albeit kissing, then there are “strings attached.” I don’t mean to be less than friendly when I say this, but _wham, bam, thank you mam_ rendezvous only work in a one night stand arrangement where they are over and forgotten. This is silly. NSA doesn’t mean you can have a total disregard for your partner’s needs. It’s a quid pro quo : The guy gets her off she gets him off. And if a little foreplay in necessary to facilitate that, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect that from your partner. That’s the reasonable expectation. If you have some sort of hang up about foreplay, then I think it becomes incumbent on you to say something. Because you’re the one that’s outside of the norm. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/16 "2015-03-15T15:09:52Z")
He’s a shitty lay. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/17 "2015-03-15T15:10:18Z")
Welcome to the Straight Dope Message Board, **Bay Area Bae**. I’ve merged your duplicate threads for you. Please try to only start one thread on the same topic in the future, and feel free to let a mod know if you have any issues. Enjoy your stay! ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/18 "2015-03-15T15:10:56Z")
to some people kissing is intimate and not part of casual sex. i’ve heard that some people who were swingers had rules not to kiss so as not to risk developing any emotional feelings to the persons. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/19 "2015-03-15T15:14:17Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > This is silly. NSA doesn’t mean you can have a total disregard for your partner’s needs. It’s a quid pro quo : The guy gets her off she gets him off. And if a little foreplay in necessary to facilitate that, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect that from your partner. > > That’s the reasonable expectation. If you have some sort of hang up about foreplay, then I think it becomes incumbent on you to say something. Because you’re the one that’s outside of the norm. As long as you’re speaking from experience, please continue. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037/20 "2015-03-15T18:02:24Z")
I don’t see the point of this kind of sex without kissing and intimacy. On the other hand, like many of the men posting here, I’ve never had or sought a no strings sexual encounter. Even porn isn’t like this. The woman’s enjoyment is highly important in a good sexual encounter. She isn’t always going to have an orgasm, and that isn’t always caused by the man involved, but doing sex right requires attention to the desires of the partner. I’m going to go with he is a lousy lay and completely selfish. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-mans-point-of-view-about-casual-sex/715037.md?page=2)