And yet, I know from personal experience that even a medical condition wouldn’t be an ironclad excuse.
“A stroke. Those, like, only happen on one side, right? Ok, so you can carry one cinderblock at a time with your good hand. See? So, when can I expect you out? Those blocks ain’t movin’ themselves!”
I have to blow dry my gerbil. I said that to a boyfriend once and he, quick lad that he is , said “who are you, Richard Gere?”
Seriously though, as others have said, there is no need to say anything but a polite “sorry, I can’t make it”.
Sorry, but 7 out of the 11 voices in my head said we should stay home and clean our guns. Democracy in action. You don’t hate freedom, DO YOU???
Was following a sort of elderly pickup truck last week, and got close enough to read a sticker on the rear of the bed. It was a preemptive strike, so to speak.
“YES, THIS IS MY TRUCK.
NO, I WON’T HELP YOU MOVE”
Darn - was going to get one of those but they’re “out of stock”!
Help move cinderblocks? Sure I’d love to. Lemme check with my Parole Officer and see if it’s okay to drive three states away…
“I’ve got the 24 hour Ebola” (Firesign Theater)
“I’m spending the next week dead for tax purposes” (Douglas Adams)
“I’ll definitely help after you get rid of this body for me. By the way, what do you recommend for getting bloodstains out of the carpeting?”
There’s always astrology. “Sorry, Mercury is in retrograde for the next two weeks.”
(I had a client use that exact excuse for why they wouldn’t have their income tax documents ready until March.)
SURE they are. :rolleyes: Geez, ThinkGeek, if you don’t want to send out a mug, just say so.
I haven’t heard it called that before.
“I decided it would be far more pleasurable to kill myself that day.”
Here’s a partial list of excuses I’ve used in the past:
Dreadfully sorry, but the goldfish just flushed Johnny down the toilet.
Sorry, but I have to go, the cat’s on fire again.
Er… do I know you? … Sorry, but I keep confusing my friends and my symptoms.
No, that’s when the orbits of Earth and Tau Ceti are synchronous and I have to wait for instructions.
Sorry, I have to watch the children. Leave them for an instant and they’ll fry to a crisp. By the way… could I borrow your meat thermometer?
I have an orgy scheduled for that day and I haven’t rented the chicken costume yet.
Sure thing! I’d love… hold on… Johnny, put that down, Sweetheart. Once you pull the pin, Mister Hand Grenade is no longer your friend!
Can’t make it. I’m having my kneecaps rotated that day.
Oh, I would, that that’s the day of the Rocky and Bullwinkel marathon!
I would, but it’s a full moon, and I have to stay home to shave my little sister.
SageGrouse
Way back in grade school some friends of mine made an excuse for why their classmate’s father couldn’t come to school to discuss a problem. He had just gotten a new job at a 24 hour gas station and he was going to be working all 24 hours.
Followed the next time by “I can’t do too much physical exercise, that’s during Ramadan…” [Other date excuses: Solstices, Ides of March, Zarathrusta’s birthday]
Maybe this?
[Hope amusement helps your recovery, Jeff, get well soon!]
“I have to return an overdue book to the library.”
“I promised my wife I’d clean the lint trap on the dryer.”
THIS ^^
And with a rider…“I have to go to a scheduled meeting of the SOSG*…if I miss one more, they’re going to revoke my parole.”
*Sex-offenders Support Group.
