# I need a reality check here. Dad was wrong for this right? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 24, 2023, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530 "2023-05-24T17:46:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![sciurophobic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cab0a1/32.png) [@sciurophobic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciurophobic)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2023, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/21 "2023-05-24T19:43:02Z")
The best part is the dismissive wave she gives him a the end. “Go outside!” ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2023, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/22 "2023-05-24T19:46:50Z")
I don’t want to watch the video; it would feel like joining in being annoying. Going by the description: yes, that’s wrong; and not only does it have nothing to do with anybody’s gender, it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with potential eventual sexual creeps. That child, as the situation’s described, is being taught that she has no control over her body; that’s part of the problem, yes, and that’s a problem not only for sexual reasons but for other reasons. But what seems to me to be even worse is that she’s learning that people are quite willing to make her miserable while claiming to express affection – and that it’s supposed to be right and proper to make people miserable and claim that this is expressing love. And this also can screw up a whole lot of one’s life, not limited to one’s eventual sexual relationships. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2023, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/23 "2023-05-24T19:58:27Z")
I feel like I gave an accurate description of the video. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2023, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/24 "2023-05-24T20:01:05Z")
Having gone through counseling for the things my father did to me as a child, this is borderline child abuse. My father thought it was funny to terrorize me at bedtime. Didn’t find out this is a form of child abuse till I was in my 40’s. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2023, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/25 "2023-05-24T20:08:23Z")
You did fine. My “yikes indeed” was meant to be a bit sarcastic. Nothing to “yikes” about. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2023, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/26 "2023-05-24T20:37:44Z")
Tempest in a teapot. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2023, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/27 "2023-05-24T20:40:51Z")
My Dad and Grandpa always thought it was funny to tickle me and my siblings. I always absolutely hated it. For that reason I have never tickled my own son. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2023, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/28 "2023-05-24T20:43:49Z")
I don’t think there’s much of a “tempest” here. Just pretty calm, reasonable objections to why that behavior might be worth reassessing. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2023, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/29 "2023-05-24T21:33:51Z")
Sorry, poor phrase to use, there is no tempest here. I’m just saying the matter is trivial. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2023, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/30 "2023-05-24T21:36:45Z")
Sure until she gets molested and doesn’t tell her father because her father taught her boundaries don’t matter. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2023, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/31 "2023-05-24T21:37:11Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > It sounded like the OP was looking for general opinion that did not require watching an actual video. I thought it was a broader question than that. So yikes indeed. ⁢ It’s not inaccurate. But it does focus on what you didn’t like about it. And it’s pretty normal for someone someone who doesn’t like something to focus on the negative parts. So, without seeing the video, it was hard to tell if there was further context that might make it seem better. * * * I do agree with your broader point. But, due to your question, I did try to watch the video looking for any nuances that might lead to a different opinion. What I did notice is that he doesn’t just keep kissing her, so much as kiss her in different places. He’s not deliberately defying her wishes,. And she doesn’t seem to get any more upset as he goes. But the biggest thing is that I can’t tell from her tone of voice if she legitimately doesn’t like it or is teasing/playing with dad. There’s no obvious yelling or crying or similar. If these people think the kid is just playing, then I can see why they don’t see any issue with it. Personally, I’d be wary of such an assumption, and want to err on the side of letting the kid know they can set boundaries on physical affection and that I will respect those boundaries. But I do get it more after having seen the video than I did with your description. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2023, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/32 "2023-05-24T21:41:41Z")
If she was teasing she would have been giggling. She seems clearly annoyed to me. ---
**Author:** ![echoreply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/echoreply/32/3641_2.png) [@echoreply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/echoreply)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2023, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/33 "2023-05-24T22:59:00Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > I’m just saying the matter is trivial This is bullying, straight-up, no caveats. The Dad is doing something that brings him pleasure, despite the fact it disturbs the other person involved. Anybody who has ever been bullied should be able to sympathize with how that girl feels. Parents have lots of necessary opportunities to force their kids to do things the kids don’t want to do, don’t add another one during the time that is supposed to be fun and affection. When it’s not fun for both people, then it needs to stop. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2023, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/34 "2023-05-25T00:14:40Z")
> [@echoreply](#): > > This is bullying, straight-up, no caveats. Maybe, but I can understand the point of view that @BigT mentioned: > [@BigT](#): > > But the biggest thing is that I can’t tell from her tone of voice if she legitimately doesn’t like it or is teasing/playing with dad. I think it’s most likely that she genuinely doesn’t like it and wishes he would stop, but I can’t tell for certain. That’s why I said > [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I’d have to know more about the larger context of how these two relate to one another in general, and how the few-seconds interaction shown here fits into that context. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2023, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/35 "2023-05-25T05:24:08Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Sure until she gets molested and doesn’t tell her father because her father taught her boundaries don’t matter. ⁢ I understand it to be more about teaching a kid they can opt out before it gets that far. I mean, you can teach a kid to tell you if someone touches certain no-no areas. But it would be better to catch the predator out while they’re still grooming the kid. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2023, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/36 "2023-05-25T12:32:14Z")
When my daughter was 4 or 5 we were leaving a mall, walking to the car. She was feeling grownup and didn’t want to hold my hand. I didn’t think that was safe, so I grabbed her hand. She pulled her hand away and said “stranger danger” loud enough for others to hear. Scary situation. We had a long talk in the car about it. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2023, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/37 "2023-05-25T13:23:54Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Sure until she gets molested and doesn’t tell her father because her father taught her boundaries don’t matter. And there’s the tempest. 15 seconds of video, people you don’t know anything about and will never see again. Anything else you think happens is all in your imagination. > [@echoreply](#): > > This is bullying, straight-up, no caveats. That’s not bullying. If you think it is then you’ve never been bullied and you are minimizing bullying for those who have suffered it. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2023, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/38 "2023-05-25T13:45:11Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > When my daughter was 4 or 5 we were leaving a mall, walking to the car. She was feeling grownup and didn’t want to hold my hand. I didn’t think that was safe, so I grabbed her hand. > > She pulled her hand away and said “stranger danger” loud enough for others to hear. Scary situation. We had a long talk in the car about it. Is that “how” she became your daughter? Or was she your daughter all along? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2023, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/39 "2023-05-25T13:51:09Z")
Having seen the video, it looks like he was annoying her on purpose. Part of the joy of having children is being able to get on heir nerves from time to time 😃 She does not seem particularly distressed by it and is very vocal and assertive, which is good! ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2023, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530/40 "2023-05-25T13:55:25Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > When my daughter was 4 or 5 we were leaving a mall, walking to the car. She was feeling grownup and didn’t want to hold my hand. I didn’t think that was safe, so I grabbed her hand. > > She pulled her hand away and said “stranger danger” loud enough for others to hear. Scary situation. We had a long talk in the car about it. When my daughter was the same age, she developed a terror of the sound of loudly flushing toilets. I was on a long car trip with her once, and we stopped at a rest stop. I took her in the family restroom and told her to sit in the little waiting area by the sink while I peed. She started to cry, and I was trying to reassure her from the stall. I told her to cover her ears, because I was getting ready to flush–and she bolted from the bathroom, screaming and sobbing, while I frantically ran after her, zipping my pants. It wasn’t a great moment. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-a-reality-check-here-dad-was-wrong-for-this-right/984530.md?page=3)