# I need an Easter joke **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 2, 2007, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469 "2007-04-02T20:36:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2007, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/21 "2007-04-03T13:45:44Z")
So Jesus walks into a hotel, puts 3 spikes down on the desk and says, “Can you put me up for the night?” Q:Why can’t Jesus eat M&Ms? A:They fall through the holes in his hands? Q:Why did they cross Jesus’ feet one over another when nailing him up? A:The Jews only wanted to use 3 nails. You know - I wonder why my Catholic family and my Lutheran in-laws never invite me over for Easter dinner anymore? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2007, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/22 "2007-04-03T14:36:51Z")
A favorite in my mom’s family … What’s invisible and smells like carrots? A bunny fart! ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2007, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/23 "2007-04-03T17:24:42Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] The Pope calls together all the cardinals for an important meeting at the Vatican. “I have some good news and some bad news,” said his holiness. “The good news is … Jesus Christ has returned to earth. In fact, I spoke to him on the phone this morning.” (The crowd goes wild.) “Wait,” said the pope. “The bad news is … he was calling from Salt Lake City.” [/QUOTE] This was my favorite so far 🙂 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2007, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/24 "2007-04-03T17:37:52Z")
[QUOTE=WhatHappenedNext?] Easter has been cancelled this year: They found the body. [/QUOTE] This is one of my all-time fave jokes – made especially funny by the announcement this year that they really think they did find Jesus’ remains. I posted a thread about it a while back. My contribution, since you took my fave: Jesus walks into a hotel with 3 nails and says, “do ya think you could put me up for the night?” ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2007, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/25 "2007-04-03T18:03:07Z")
A variation on a post above: Roman soldier looking up at Jesus says " Would you mind crossing your legs? I only have one nail." 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2007, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/26 "2007-04-03T20:47:48Z")
Why did Mary Magdalene spend so much time with Jesus? Because (spread hands far apart) he was hung like this! ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/27 "2007-04-04T01:59:59Z")
Okay, I have a clean one. I came up with this today, while standing at the photocopier: Q: What does the Easter bunny have on his I-Pod? A: Hip-hop! Thank you, thank you… ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/28 "2007-04-04T02:13:38Z")
We went to the church on Easter morning. The sign said, “He is not here, He is risen.” ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/29 "2007-04-04T04:37:42Z")
[QUOTE=Rigamarole] There’s nothing funny about Easter. [/QUOTE] As Judas once said to Jesus, don’t get hung up about Easter. ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/30 "2007-04-04T04:51:13Z")
Why did the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? He didn’t want anyone to know he’d been screwing chickens. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/31 "2007-04-04T05:04:04Z")
Easter : The day when Jesus rose from the dead to feast on the brains of the living, which we now symbolize with pretty colored eggs. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2007, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/32 "2007-04-04T22:20:22Z")
Knock knock. _Who’s there?_ Ether. _Ether who?_ Ether Bunny. Knock knock! _Who’s there?_ Cargo. _Cargo who?_ Cargo down street and run over Ether Bunny. Knock knock! _Who’s there?_ Boo. _Boo who?_ Don’t cry – Ether Bunny came through surgery all okay! ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/33 "2007-04-09T19:15:51Z")
Thanks guys. Several of these came in handy around the dinner table yesterday. It was just the wife and me and our 3 teens, but things kinda got on the wrong track when I started pouring the passionfruit juice I had bought for the occasion and someone (not me!) observed that it looked more like “the piss of Christ” than his blood. Well, before you know it someone cracked out the vegetable dye to see what other bodily fluids we could approximate, and everyone regaled each other with our most tasteless Easter/religion jokes. My kids said it was the “best Easter ever”, but I think they were just hopped up on chocolate. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469/34 "2007-04-09T19:26:17Z")
True story: My first Easter memory was of an Easter joke my grandfather, Mustang, played. It was probably around 1971/72 so I’d have been 4 or 5. Mustang was a notorious prankster. I was spending the night at his house like we did most weekends and I woke up to hear two shotgun blasts outside the window. Mustang walked into my bedroom a moment later with a rabbit skin and said “I just shot the damnedest rabbit outside… he was dragging along these behind him…” and opened the rabbit skin to reveal some crushed up Easter eggs (a couple that had broken during the dying process). The next bit’s a blur. I remember my own screaming, Mustang being hit repeatedly by my grandmother (Meemaw Mustang) and yelling “I thought he’d be old enough to think it was funny!” Once I found out that I had an Easter basket I really didn’t care either way- they had another year to find another Easter bunny and meanwhile I had eggs and a big stuffed Snoopy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-easter-joke/398469.md?page=1)