# I need an honest opinion..\[child support law\] **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 19, 2011, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-honest-opinion-child-support-law/568171 "2011-01-19T04:08:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![hmiller23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/fbc32d/32.png) [@hmiller23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hmiller23)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-honest-opinion-child-support-law/568171/1 "2011-01-19T04:08:45Z")
Hi, I was wondering if a NJ or NY have any type of common law child support? I have been dating a guy for some time and I have found out through a mutual friend that he was denied a us passport because of back child support. She said it had something to do with with living with some woman for many years and she had a child that was not his. Supposedly it is not his child but was awarded child support because they lived together. Has anyone ever heard of such a thing? And to top it off he has not told me about this. To give him some credit he did just recently found out that he owes child support. Is there a way to research a child support order? I just wish he would tell me that he has a kid biological or not… And I am nervous because he was not the one who told me. I just wonder if I should break up with him over this because he still has not told me… I feel that I have the right to know and there is no trust between us. Thanks ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-honest-opinion-child-support-law/568171/2 "2011-01-19T04:12:25Z")
Questions about legal advice (and other advice) are more suited to IMHO than GQ; I’ll move this there. I have also edited the title. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Fubaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@Fubaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fubaya)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-honest-opinion-child-support-law/568171/3 "2011-01-19T05:45:27Z")
I don’t know the laws in either state but usually if two people are married, the man is assumed to be the father of the child unless proven otherwise. NY and NJ do not have common law marriage so it seems the only way he would have to pay child support is if he were legally married to her, or if he signed the birth certificate knowing he wasn’t the father (which would be fraud). If he has been acting like the father and paying support, even if it was found out that he isn’t the father now, he would probably still be stuck being responsible unless the real father were willing to step up. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-honest-opinion-child-support-law/568171/4 "2011-01-19T07:24:10Z")
The situation as you describe it sounds very fishy. Have you asked him about this? Why is it any of your business? Child support is not really connected to marriage. In most places, it doesn’t matter if the couple were married. What matters is the parenthood of the child. As Fubaya notes, if at some point the guy accepted responsibility for that child and was supporting it, the odds are he is stuck even it some later test reveals he is not the biological father. ---
**Author:** ![spanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@spanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spanna)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-honest-opinion-child-support-law/568171/5 "2011-01-19T08:44:56Z")
> **[Child support in the United States](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_support_in_the_United_States#Paternity_Fraud_and_Child_Support_of_Not-adopted_Non-biological_children)** > > In the United States, child support is the ongoing obligation for a periodic payment made by an "obligor" (or paying parent or payer) to an "obligee" (or receiving party or recipient) for the financial care and support of children of a relationship or a (possibly terminated) marriage. The laws governing this kind of obligation vary dramatically state-by-state and tribe-by-tribe among Native Americans. Each individual state and federally recognized tribe is responsible for developing its own gui... > [@](#): > > In many cases, even if paternity fraud was proven through DNA testing, the man presumed to be father is still liable for child support. In most jurisdictions the courts have declared the male who acts as the child’s father to be the father through the equitable operation of an estoppel. Once the child has been declared to be a son or daughter and has lived with the man for a period of time, the court may cloak the putative father with all of the obligations of parenthood, freeing the biological father from any obligations, even if the biological father gains custody of the child (as was the case for a man from Michigan who was forced to pay child support for a child that was not his directly to child’s biological father [124]). Seems it could be true ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-honest-opinion-child-support-law/568171/6 "2011-01-19T14:03:56Z")
If he signed the Declaration of Paternity/Recognition of Paternity, he is legally the father. Note: a DOP/ROP is not the same as a birth certificate. If he did not sign a DOP/ROP and did not appear for a paternity hearing, the courts could declare him father by default. In many states, once a person is legally declared father, it becomes his responsibility to prove he isn’t, which can be difficult. Usually, he would have to obtain a court order demanding genetic testing and then ask the court to vacate the paternity. It is very rare for someone to pay child support for a child that isn’t his. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-honest-opinion-child-support-law/568171/7 "2011-01-19T14:47:54Z")
> [@hmiller23](#): > > I just wonder if I should break up with him over this because he still has not told me.. I feel that I have the right to know and\*\* there is no trust between us\*\*. Thanks Since you have already decided you do not trust him, breaking up sounds like a reasonable thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![hmiller23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/fbc32d/32.png) [@hmiller23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hmiller23)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-honest-opinion-child-support-law/568171/8 "2011-01-19T16:19:08Z")
Thank you for the responses. I was just wondering if it was possible to have to pay for a child that is not yours. I have never heard of such a law till yesterday. But I do believe in child support. If he was ordered to pay he needs to step up and pay it. I am a widow and I have 2 daughters who are in their teens and I support them on my own without being on welfare. I just don’t want the girls to be hurt again. But I feel that he should tell me about this. ---
**Author:** ![hmiller23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/fbc32d/32.png) [@hmiller23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hmiller23)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-honest-opinion-child-support-law/568171/9 "2011-01-19T16:36:33Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > The situation as you describe it sounds very fishy. Have you asked him about this? Why is it any of your business? > > Child support is not really connected to marriage. In most places, it doesn’t matter if the couple were married. What matters is the parenthood of the child. As Fubaya notes, if at some point the guy accepted responsibility for that child and was supporting it, the odds are he is stuck even it some later test reveals he is not the biological father. I think that it is my business when you you are committed to someone. He lives in another state and like I said I found out through one of his employees who thought I already knew about this. If I talk about it to him I don’t want to compromise her job. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-honest-opinion-child-support-law/568171/10 "2011-01-19T16:40:39Z")
> [@hmiller23](#): > > Supposedly it is not his child but was awarded child support because they lived together. Has anyone ever heard of such a thing? And to top it off he has not told me about this. To give him some credit he did just recently found out that he owes child support. Is there a way to research a child support order? You can look up the status online but you will need the case ID, his SSN and DOB. You could probably look up the order itself by going to the court. The entire story is very odd. He would have had the right to a paternity test. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2011, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-an-honest-opinion-child-support-law/568171/11 "2011-01-19T19:03:50Z")
If he lived in the home with the mother and child for some period of time and if he performed all the functions of a father and the child was unaware that the guy was not his father, he can be deemed to be the father and can be made to pay child support, actual paternity not withstanding.