# I need bad Christmas songs. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 21, 2006, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327 "2006-11-21T19:26:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/41 "2006-11-22T04:24:06Z")
> [@](#): > > I need bad Christmas songs. Is there any other kind? Oh, all right. “I Believe in Father Christmas” by ELP (Greg Lake really), which he released as a single _every year_ for about a decade. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/42 "2006-11-22T04:39:14Z")
I mentioned these in another thread but: Denis Leary - [Merry Fucking Christmas](http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/2005/12/merry_christmas.html) Weird Al - The Night Santa Went Crazy ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/43 "2006-11-22T04:39:54Z")
> [@](#): > > I need bad Christmas songs. Rockin’ around t.he Christmas tree Jingle Bell Rock Absolutely the worst Christmas songs that have ever been written or ever will be written. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/44 "2006-11-22T04:55:57Z")
There’s no crap like [_Hung For The Holidays_](http://www.amazon.com/Hung-Holidays-William/dp/B0002PUHSI). The “Hung” is not a sexual reference – it’s the surname of William of _American Idol_ notoriety. Give any of the samples on the linked page a listen, and you’ll be adding this masterpiece – er, make that **disasterpiece** – to your collection. Perfect for nudging those last few stragglers out the door at the end of your holiday get-together! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/45 "2006-11-22T05:50:14Z")
Ooh, I’d forgotten about that version of “O Holy Night,” **Batsinma**. It brings a tear to my ear. (Thanks for all your contributions, guys - I’m sending out an email list of the mp3’s I can find of these songs to my friends and family to get them in the holiday spirit. 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![Talon\_Karrde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Talon\_Karrde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talon_Karrde)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/46 "2006-11-22T05:55:30Z")
[QUOTE=jackelope] Wow! I mean WOW! Fifteen seconds into it, you think, “Oh, I get it. I see how bad this is.” And then it tops itself. And then it tops itself again. Again and again, it finds brand-new ways to suck. That song just disproved everything Christmas is supposed to stand for. Ick. In the spirit of the thread: In Athens, Georgia, the alternative weekly used to have local bands donate songs for an annual Christmas album, from which the proceeds would go to local charities. Some bands would do straight-up Christmas songs, and some would have fun with it. A band called Daddy Upright did a song one year, with my favorite title ever: “I Guess I Won’t Be Fucking You This Christmas” [/QUOTE] That performance of “O Holy Night” been posted a number of times and I keep losing the link, so I’m glad to see it posted again. It’s priceless. Plus it makes me feel better about my own singing. It really is almost brilliant the way it manages to keep getting worse and worse (and better and better). Did REM ever do any songs for any of those cds? ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/47 "2006-11-22T06:00:08Z")
I don’t have a link handy, but nobody mentioned **South Park** Christmas stuff yet? ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/48 "2006-11-22T06:23:03Z")
“Christmas Time is Here Again” by the Beatles of one of their Christmas albums. So annoyingly repetitive. ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/49 "2006-11-22T06:51:31Z")
[QUOTE=Oslo Ostragoth] I don’t have a link handy, but nobody mentioned **South Park** Christmas stuff yet? [/QUOTE] I [mentioned it](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7973090&postcount=42) in the other thread, (with link to snippets on Amazon). It’s one of my favorites! These are great! Did William Shatner do a Christmas album? Maybe it was some other actor who had no business trying to sing, but it was deffinately a Christmas song or album. And I _think_ somebody posted it on here a couple of years ago. ---
**Author:** ![H3Knuckles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@H3Knuckles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/H3Knuckles)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/50 "2006-11-22T09:45:16Z")
Amazing! How did _Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey_ escape notice for so long? Granted, I’m not that old, and the song is from the 60’s I imagine, but I **never** heard this song once in my life until I worked in a retail store that played 24/7 Christmas music as soon as a local station provided it. Mein Gott, is that song annoying. “Jiggity-jig Eee-Ah! Ee-Ah! Dominic the Donkey!” ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/51 "2006-11-22T14:31:04Z")
If you want to add some kitschy folk to the mix, there are some gems on _Christmas With The New Christy Minstrels_… an album that, God help me, I actually mostly enjoy. I would most recommend “Sing Along with Santa”… some (approximate) sample lyrics, from the female vocal part: _Ladies, treat your husbands well And do the best you can And if you have no husband, Ask Santa for a man_!! Not to mention a lot of tra la la la la folkiness, as one might expect from a song called “Sing Along with Santa”. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/52 "2006-11-22T14:38:23Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] Twisted Sister just released an [album](http://hifidelity-twistedsister.11345.com/detail.php?item_id=351277) of standard Christmas songs that sound remarkably like most other Twisted Sister songs. “Oh Come All Ye Faithful” sounds like they just redid the lyrics to “We’re Not Gonna Take It”. It’s awful. [/QUOTE] Okay, that’s just weird. “We’re Not Gonna Take It” is playing on the radio right now. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/53 "2006-11-22T14:43:19Z")
From the immortal Ricky Martin… _Ay yi yi It’s Christmas_. Worst song ever recorded. Followed closely by \*The Bell That Couldn’t Jingle \* written by Burt Bacharach. This is the reason why he didn’t write more Christmas music. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/54 "2006-11-22T14:48:30Z")
> [@](#): > > Quote: > Originally Posted by Krokodil > “Walkin’ 'Round in Women’s Underwear,” no idea who recorded it > > Bob Rivers. There’s a long list of other Christmas parodies he’s done at that link. Very interesting. Tom Doyle at WROR in Boston does parody songs, too, and they’ve released a couple of volumes of his “Townie Tunes”. He, too, as a recording of “Walking 'Round in Women’s Underwear”, with completely different lyrics. ---
**Author:** ![Nothing\_Special](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9f8e36/32.png) [@Nothing\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nothing_Special)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/55 "2006-11-22T15:02:00Z")
Two, I believe, have not yet been mentioned, and they are notably bad. First, there is “Hooray for Santa Claus” (Santa pronounced “Santy”) from the unbelievably terrible movie “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians,” parodied by Mystery Science Theater 3000, and available on DVD. Then there is one that I’ll bet no one has ever heard of, “Mixie Pixie,” of which I still possess the original 45 (early 1960’s), and while unbearable at that speed, is fun to listen to at 78. The lyrics go: Mixie Pixie is Santa’s helper, High up in the Milky Way. She makes sure the stars shine brightly, So that Santa Claus can find his way. Even Rudolph needs Mixie Pixie, Just before he leads the sleigh… (and I don’t recall the rest of that verse, but then there’s the chorus) [Chorus] That is why on Christmas Eve, Santa never lost his way! Delivering gifts and wonders to believe, For you to find on Christmas day! And I ask, who the hell was this Mixie Pixie? Why had I never heard of her before, or ever have since? The world is a very strange place. ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/56 "2006-11-22T16:23:25Z")
[QUOTE=Shoshana] Jingle Cats, [_Meowy Christmas._](http://www.amazon.com/Meowy-Christmas-Jingle-Cats/dp/B000001UEP/sr=8-1/qid=1164168006/ref=sr_1_1/102-1926742-3163319?ie=UTF8&s=music) Audio clips available. [/QUOTE] Oooo Ooooo! Barking Dogs! The Jingle Bells barking dogs! Og I hate the barking dogs. Woof woof woof, Woof woof woof, Woof yip woof woof arf woof! Fuckers! Get out of my head! Arrrrghhhh! Did I mention I hate the barking dogs? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![UKCatGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/a88e57/32.png) [@UKCatGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UKCatGirl)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/57 "2006-11-22T16:28:38Z")
“The Chimney Song.” This is another from Bob Rivers. Here are the [lyrics](http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/xmas/thechimneysong.shtml). It’s the tale of Santa getting stuck in a chimney and dying, with a small child singing. As time goes on he begins to smell, the dog trys to get at the body, and so on. But the line that always gets me is towards the end: “I’ve been waiting up for Santa like I did last year, but my brother says, ‘He’s already here.’” ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/58 "2006-11-22T16:38:51Z")
[QUOTE=Talon Karrde] Did REM ever do any songs for any of those cds? [/QUOTE] Not that I recall, or that I can find through Googling. Actually it looks like the paper, [Flagpole](http://flagpole.com), may not even do the annual Christmas album anymore. That’s a shame; they were always fun. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/59 "2006-11-22T16:39:50Z")
No hate for Chris de Burgh? \* A Spaceman Came Travelling \* is oficially the worst Christmas song ever made. ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2006, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/60 "2006-11-22T17:41:32Z")
[QUOTE=Oslo Ostragoth] I don’t have a link handy, but nobody mentioned **South Park** Christmas stuff yet? [/QUOTE] Cartman’s verson of “O Holy Night” is one of the best Christmas songs. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327.md?page=4)